a good parent essay

A Good Parent: Definition and Traits

Qualities of a good parent: essay introduction, good parent: definition, what makes a good parent, qualities of a good parent: essay conclusion.

If you’re looking for the best “qualities of a good parent” essay example, look no further. This sample paper provides a good parent definition and explains what makes a good parent.

The debate around the definition of a good parent has been heated during the last few decades. In the 1960s, the approach to such family-related matters as upbringing children and parenting changed considerably. Psychologists and sociologists suggested that children need an open area for development, fewer restrictions, and less control.

This led to a crisis in the 1970s as children lost their natural respect to parents and became uncontrolled. Such a state of affairs caused further debate regarding the notion of being a good parent and successful parenting strategies. In the following paper, an attempt to give a definition of a good parent will be made.

Overall, a good parent is a parent who is able to offer one’s child love and affection which is important for his or her normal development as a dignified and contented person, and is also successful in teaching one’s child important social skills to help find his or her place in the world; this person is also a good example for the child.

Nowadays, the debate around the meaning of a good parent is heated. Psychologists, sociologists, and the other specialists are in constant research of new techniques that can be used by parents to raise a dignified citizen for society and a deserving person for the family.

The concepts of an ideal parent offered by them are very different, ranging from the person who allows one’s child everything he or she may want, and ending with a tyrant limiting one’s child in every area to raise a strong-willed person.

According to Epstein (2010, p. 46), “the best thing we can do for our children is to give them lots of love and affection.” Despite many differences in their approaches, the majority of specialists will agree that love and affection is a central criterion for becoming a good parent.

Similar comments will be made by children themselves, who will always say that the main thing they need from their parents is their love, attention, and support. As a result, a conclusion can be made that a good parent is a loving parent.

Next, each child should find one’s place in the Universe, which means that it is important for each person in this world to have work, or better, labor of love, which will help him or she provide for oneself and feel needed among the other people.

Parents should educate their children, share their experiences, and help children evaluate the examples of other people to assist them in making their choices in life (Petersen, 2010). Thus, a good parent is a parent who knows how to teach one’s children all the important things which will help them occupy their position in this world.

Finally, parents should be an example for their children in every area (Le Menestrel & Academy for Educational Development, 2003; Epstein, 2010). Of course, this is very difficult because a good parent should be successful in every field, including family life, the professional sphere, and being an exemplary citizen, but without that being a good parent is impossible. Hence, a good parent is a good example of one’s child.

In conclusion, a good parent can be defined as a loving person who surrounds one’s child with warmth and affection, trains the child to help find one’s place in the outer world, and is a good example of a dignified citizen by him- or herself.

Epstein, R. (2010). What Makes a Good Parent?. Scientific American Mind, 21 (5), 46.

Le Menestrel, S., & Academy for Educational Development, W. C. (2003). In the Good Old Summertime: What Do Parents Want for Their Kids? Washington: Academy for Educational Development.

Petersen, T. (2010). What makes a good parent? Nordic Journal Of Applied Ethics / Etikk I Praksis, 4 (1), 23-37.

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Qualities Of A Good Parent Essay | Essay on Characteristics of Good Parent and Essay on Qualities of Good Parent

October 14, 2021 by Prasanna

Qualities Of A Good Parent Essay: A decent parent can be characterized contrastingly relying upon the individual you ask, there isn’t only one straightforward reply. As kids grow up, they normally spend a decent part of consistently with their folks. Everything the parents do and say, the kid ingests it in their mind. Kids will ultimately start to get more established and begin settling on choices all alone.

Parents don’t generally concur with them, however, a decent parent remains close by and upholds them. It is likewise fundamental for Parents to make their youngsters their main goal, kids won’t ever feel dismissed thusly. Regardless of individuals’ various qualities and sentiments, three of the critical characteristics of a decent parent are setting a genuine model, unequivocally cherishing your kid and being accessible for them.

You can also find more  Essay Writing  articles on events, persons, sports, technology and many more.

Essay on Characteristics of Good Parent

There are various things that I think about with regards to nurturing. Parents have various obligations yet there are three characteristics that I believe are vital. Being a decent good example is significant, just as paying attention to your youngsters and restraining them properly. Assuming you need to be a decent parent you need to put your children first.

Parents assume a significant part in the existence of a youngster. Albeit, the development of so many toys and the impact of companions have significantly influenced kids’ conduct of current time, Parents with great attributes can utilize these powers to shape the character and conduct of a kid for the great. I accept that the ideal guardian ought to be an acceptable moral person, great audience and tolerance.

Parents ought to have great moral people since they are good examples of youngsters. It has been realized that kids are the impression of their parent’s attributes. For example, my folks don’t smoke, bet or drink. They express ethics in the entirety of their activities. They showed us how to regard older folks, and be delicate to others’ sentiments constantly. They have been my venerated image for my entire life since they had the option to bring up six kids so well and none of us wandered off-track.

Moreover, being a decent audience is vital. When Parents have the opportunity to pay attention to their kids, the correspondence is open between parties. To outline, my sibling bombed his science subject in school. My folks didn’t pass judgment or chasten him, rather they conversed with him and paid attention to his interests. They discovered that he didn’t comprehend his illustration well as a result of his allocated seat. He was sitting close to a forced-air system, and it annoyed him.

Having persistence has a ton to do with nurturing. In spite of the fact that kid’s conduct goes crazy here and there because of specific issues like the state of mind, Parents apply additional miles of persistence to comfort them with affection and care. For instance, my sister when she was in her rudimentary years, wouldn’t go to class. My mom was in every case behind schedule for work, on account of my sister’s activity. She would consistently attempt to pay off her with something so she would go into class.

How to be a Good Parent?

Initially, a decent parent should content kids’ material necessities, in particular a home, food, garments, etc. This arrangement ought to be satisfied essentially fair and square of least youngsters’ prerequisites or better contingent upon Parents monetary abilities, however not vastly better so that not to satiate and therefore ruin the kid.

Second, great Parents ought to effectively advance kid’s physical and mental turn of events. This incorporates restraining the youngster, adjusting the kid to physical activities and examining, furnishing the kid with as best instruction as could really be expected, and illuminating or prompting the kid on any issue the person experiences during life. The greater part of these exercises suggests investing a ton of energy with youngsters, which is by and large dangerous as grown-ups normally have a ton of activities in their lives even with no nurturing considered. Yet, great Parents ought to consistently secure freedoms to go through with their youngsters however much time as could reasonably be expected.

Additionally, great Parents ought to ensure their kids. It might suggest assurance of youngster’s wellbeing, that is they should attempt to keep the kid from getting sick and deal with the kid in the event that the individual anyway got sick. Parents ought to likewise shield their kids from any risks both inside and outer. An illustration of an inner risk might be plausible of getting snared on cigarettes, liquor, or medications. An outside risk might be any evil expectation from some other individuals, as menaces at school.

Nurturing is a difficult situation that accompanies huge obligations. In this way, it is vital that Parents ought to have extraordinary people, a decent audience and persistence, so they would have superb youngsters.

Short Essay on Qualities of Good Parent

Our folks, maybe, are the main individuals for youngsters during their whole life. They are our first educators; they are an ideal help for us when we deal with any issues. However, who are they, acceptable Parents? Which individual attributes should a decent parent have? In this article, I will attempt to depict some significant characteristics to be such sort of parent.

In any case, I accept that to turn into a decent parent this individual ought to be cautious and be prepared to invest all his free energy in his youngster. A genuine parent is even prepared to reject his own desires and wants to bring appreciates to his kid. Here I generally recollect my mother who was prepared to commit every single moment of her life when I was little. In my youth I visited a ton of exercises like swimming, moving, and painting. As of late, I have acknowledged how long my mom spent on every one of these, in light of the fact that she carried me to these classes, then, at that point, she was sitting tight for me, after that we returned home together. Thus, I think forfeiting is one of the significant provisions of a decent parent.

Also, a decent parent consistently upholds his youngster’s start. I think it is in the youth when a child acknowledges who he needs to be for what’s to come. That is the reason is very imperative to restrict limitations on kid’s leisure activities. My mother had never been against my skating, however, I realize that even presently she isn’t partial to this hobby. Be that as it may, I think she knows how significant this diversion is for me.

To wrap things up is that a decent parent is consistently prepared to shield his youngster from any risk in the world. Youngsters are extremely dynamic, they like investigating this world, however now and again they face some hazardous. Structure my youth I have the memory of when I was assaulted by the snake. I was truly terrified, yet my mother, in spite of the reality she feared winds, fled the snake.

To summarize, to be a decent parent is a dependable arrangement and there is no recipe for an optimal parent. In this article, I have recently focused on some of the potential characteristics of good Parents, which I accept as the most significant.

FAQ’s on Qualities Of A Good Parent Essay

Question 1. What are the good qualities of parents?

Answer: The important qualities of parents are:

• Keeping their children safe
• Teaching them the right moral values
• Loving their children unconditionally
• Having respect for their children’s emotions
• Accepting children for who they are
• Helping children with their studies

Question 2. What are the bad habits of parents?

Answer: The signs of bad parenting are:

• Too much involvement or ignorance for children’s matter
• Not paying attention
• Not teaching discipline and moral values
• Too strict discipline
• Shaming on children
• Not helping with the studies of children

Question 3. Why parenting is important?

Answer: Father and mother assume a significant part in our psychological, physical, social, monetary and vocation advancement. Parents are the most valuable endowment of God for us. They help us in each progression of our life, they prepared us exceptionally hard style for future difficulties.

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What is Positive Parenting? 33 Examples and Benefits

And while most of us strive to be great parents, we may also find ourselves confused and frustrated by the seemingly endless challenges of parenthood.

As both parents of toddlers and teenagers can attest, such challenges are evident across all developmental stages.

But there is good news— numerous research-supported tools and strategies are now available for parents. These resources provide a wealth of information for common parenting challenges (i.e., bedtime issues, picky eating, tantrums, behavior problems, risk-taking, etc.); as well as the various learning lessons that are simply part of growing up (i.e., starting school, being respectful, making friends, being responsible, making good choices, etc.).

With its focus on happiness, resilience and positive youth development ; the field of positive psychology is particularly pertinent to discussions of effective parenting. Thus, whether you are a parent who’s trying to dodge potential problems; or you are already pulling your hair out— you’ve come to the right place.

This article provides a highly comprehensive compilation of evidence-based positive parenting techniques. These ideas and strategies will cover a range of developmental periods, challenges, and situations. More specifically, drawing from a rich and robust collection of research, we will address exactly what positive parenting means; its many benefits; when and how to use it; and its usefulness for specific issues and age-groups.

This article also contains many useful examples, positive parenting tips, activities, programs, videos, books , podcasts – and so much more. By learning from and applying these positive parenting resources; parents will become the kind of parents they’ve always wanted to be: Confident, Optimistic, and even Joyful.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Parenting Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients identify opportunities to implement positive parenting practices and support healthy child development.

This Article Contains:

What is positive parenting, a look at the research, how can it encourage personal development and self growth in a child, how old must the child be, what are the benefits, 12 examples of positive parenting in action, positive parenting styles, a look at positive discipline, positive parenting with toddlers and preschoolers, how to best address sibling rivalry, positive parenting with teenagers, positive parenting through divorce, a take-home message.

Before providing a definition of positive parenting, let’s take a step back and consider what we mean by “parents.” While a great deal of parenting research has focused on the role of mothers; children’s psychosocial well-being is influenced by all individuals involved in their upbringing.

Such caregivers might include biological and adoptive parents, foster parents, single parents, step-parents, older siblings, and other relatives and non-relatives who play a meaningful role in a child’s life. In other words, the term “parent” applies to an array of individuals whose presence impacts the health and well-being of children (Juffer, Bakermans-Kranenburg & van Ijzendoorn, 2008).

Thus, any time the terms “parent” or “caregiver” are used herein; they apply to any individuals who share a consistent relationship with a child, as well as an interest in his/her well-being (Seay, Freysteinson & McFarlane, 2014).

Fortunately, parenting research has moved away from a deficit or risk factor model towards a more positive focus on predictors of positive outcomes (e.g., protective factors ). Positive parenting exemplifies this approach by seeking to promote the parenting behaviors that are most essential for fostering positive youth development (Rodrigo, Almeida, Spiel, & Koops, 2012).

Several researchers have proposed definitions of positive parenting, such as Seay and colleagues (2014), who reviewed 120 pertinent articles. They came up with the following universal definition:

Positive parenting is the continual relationship of a parent(s) and a child or children that includes caring, teaching, leading, communicating, and providing for the needs of a child consistently and unconditionally.

(Seay et al., 2014, p. 207).

The Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe (2006) similarly defined positive parenting as “ … nurturing, empowering, nonviolent… ” and which “ provides recognition and guidance which involves setting of boundaries to enable the full development of the child ’’ (in Rodrigo et al., 2012, p. 4). These definitions, combined with the positive parenting literature, suggest the following about positive parenting:

• It involves Guiding
• It involves Leading
• It involves Teaching
• It is Caring
• It is Empowering
• It is Nurturing
• It is Sensitive to the Child’s Needs
• It is Consistent
• It is Always Non-violent
• It provides Regular Open Communication
• It provides Affection
• It provides Emotional Security
• It provides Emotional Warmth
• It provides Unconditional Love
• It recognizes the Positive
• It respects the Child’s Developmental Stage
• It rewards Accomplishments
• It sets Boundaries
• It shows Empathy for the Child’s Feelings
• It supports the Child’s Best Interests

Along with these qualities, Godfrey (2019) proposes that the underlying assumption of positive parenting is that “… all children are born good, are altruistic and desire to do the right thing …” (positiveparenting.com).

Godfrey further adds that the objective of positive parenting is to teach discipline in a way that builds a child’s self-esteem and supports a mutually respectful parent-child relationship without breaking the child’s spirit (2019). These authors reveal an overall picture of positive parenting as warm, thoughtful and loving— but not permissive.

There is plenty of research supporting the short- and long-term effects of positive parenting on adaptive child outcomes. To begin with, work by the Positive Parenting Research Team ( PPRT ) from the University of Southern Mississippi (Nicholson, 2019) is involved in various studies aimed at examining the impact of positive parenting.

• The following are included among the team’s research topics:
• Relationships between positive parenting and academic success;
• Positive parenting as a predictor of protective behavioral strategies;
• Parenting style and emotional health; maternal hardiness, coping and social support in parents of chronically ill children, etc.

The PPRT ultimately seeks to promote positive parenting behaviors within families.

In their seven-year longitudinal study; Pettit, Bates and Dodge (1997) examined the influence of supportive parenting among parents of pre-kindergartners. Supportive parenting was defined as involving mother‐to‐child warmth, proactive teaching, inductive discipline, and positive involvement. Researchers contrasted this parenting approach with a less supportive, more harsh parenting style.

Supportive parenting was associated with more positive school adjustment and fewer behavior problems when the children were in sixth grade. Moreover, supportive parenting actually mitigated the negative impact of familial risk factors (i.e., socioeconomic disadvantage, family stress, and single parenthood) on children’s subsequent behavioral problems (Pettit et al., 2006).

Researchers at the Gottman Institute also investigated the impact of positive parenting by developing a 5-step ‘emotion coaching’ program designed to build children’s confidence and to promote healthy intellectual and psychosocial growth.

Gottman’s five steps for parents include:

• awareness of emotions;
• connecting with your child;
• listening to your child;
• naming emotions; and
• finding solutions (Gottman, 2019).

Gottman has reported that children of “emotional coaches” benefit from a more a positive developmental trajectory relative to kids without emotional coaches. Moreover, an evaluation of emotional coaching by Bath Spa University found several positive outcomes for families trained in emotional coachings, such as parental reports of a 79% improvement in children’s positive behaviors and well-being (Bath Spa University, 2016).

Overall, research has indicated that positive parenting is related to various aspects of healthy child development (many more examples of evidence supporting the benefits are positive parenting are described further in this article). Such outcomes are neither fleeting nor temporary; and will continue well beyond childhood.

Another way of thinking about the role of positive parenting is in terms of resilience. When children—including those who begin life with significant disadvantages— experience positive and supportive parenting, they are far more likely to thrive.

It is in this way that positive parenting minimizes health and opportunity disparities by armoring children with large stores of emotional resilience (Brooks, 2005; Brooks & Goldstein, 2001). And since we know positive parenting works; what parent wouldn’t want to learn how to use it and thereby give his/her child the best shot at a healthy and happy life?

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These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients with tools to improve parenting styles and support healthy child development.

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There are various mechanisms through which positive parenting promotes a child’s prosocial development.

For example, Eisenberg, Zhou, and Spinrad et al. (2005) suggest that positive parenting impacts children’s temperament by enhancing emotion regulation (e.g., “effortful control” enabling children to focus attention in a way that promotes emotion modulation and expression).

The authors reported a significant link between parental warmth and positive expressivity on children’s long-term emotion regulation. This ability to use effortful control was found to predict reduced externalizing problems years later when children were adolescents (Eisenbert et al., 2005).

Along with emotion regulation, there are many other ways in which positive parenting encourages a child’s positive development and self-growth.

Here are some examples:

• Teaching and leading promote children’s confidence and provides them with the tools needed to make good choices.
• Positive communication promotes children’s social and problem-solving skills while enhancing relationship quality with caregivers and peers.
• Warm and democratic parenting enhances children’s self-esteem and confidence.
• Parental supervision promotes prosocial peer bonding and positive youth outcomes.
• Autonomy-promoting parenting supports creativity, empowerment, and self-determination.
• Supportive and optimistic parenting fosters children’s belief in themselves and the future.
• Providing recognition for desirable behaviors increases children’s self-efficacy and the likelihood of engaging in prosocial, healthy behaviors.
• Providing boundaries and consequences teaches children accountability and responsibility.

Generally speaking, there are many aspects of positive parenting that nurture children’s self-esteem; creativity; belief in the future; ability to get along with others; and sense of mastery over their environment.

Warm, loving and supportive parents feed a child’s inner spirit while empowering him/her with the knowledge and tools necessary to approach life as a fully capable individual.

5 Expert tips no parent should miss – Goalcast

The need for positive parenting begins – well, at the beginning. The attachment literature has consistently indicated that babies under one year of age benefit from positive parenting. More specifically, a secure attachment between infants and mothers is related to numerous positive developmental outcomes (i.e., self-esteem, trust, social competence, etc.; Juffer, Bakermans-Kranenburg & van Ijzendoorn, 2008).

The quality of the mother-child attachment is believed to be a function of parental sensitivity (e.g., mothers who accurately perceive and quickly respond to their babies’ needs; Juffer et al., 2008)— which is certainly a key indicator of positive parenting practices in their earliest form.

Not only is a secure mother-child attachment related to early positive developmental outcomes, but more recent attachment research also indicates long-term increases in social self-efficacy among girls with secure attachments to their fathers (Coleman, 2003).

There are even ways in which positive parenting benefits a child or family as soon as the parents learn of a pregnancy or adoption (i.e., see the subsequent ‘sibling rivalry’ section). Therefore, it cannot be stressed enough: Positive parenting begins as early as possible.

There is empirical evidence for numerous benefits of positive parenting, which cover all developmental stages from infancy to late adolescence. The following table provides a list of many such examples:

The evidence clearly supports a relationship between positive parenting approaches and a large variety of prosocial parent and child outcomes. Therefore, practitioners have developed and implemented a range of programs aimed at promoting positive parenting practices.

Here are some noteworthy examples; including those which target specific risk factors, as well as those with a more preventative focus:

• Parent’s Circle program (Pearson & Anderson, 2001): Recognizing that positive parenting begins EARLY, this program helped parents of infants in the neonatal intensive care unit to enhance their parenting skills in order to better parent their fragile newborns.
• The Home Visiting Program (Ammaniti, Speranza, & Tambelli, et al., 2006): Also focused on babies, this program aimed to increase parental sensitivity in order to improve secure mother-infant attachments. In doing so, psychologists visited high-risk mothers at their homes in order to improve parental sensitivity to their infants’ signals.
• The Early Head Start Home-based Program (Roggman, Boyce, & Cook, 2009): This home-based program also focused on promoting parent-child attachment. Parents in semirural areas received weekly home-based visits from a family educator who taught them positive strategies aimed at promoting healthy parent-child interactions and engagement in children’s activities.
• American Psychological Association’s ACT Raising Safe Kids (RSK) program (Knox, Burkhard, & Cromly, 2013): The goal of this program was to improve parents’ positive parenting knowledge and skills by teaching nonviolent discipline, anger management, social problem‐solving skills, and other techniques intended to protect children from aggression and violence.
• New Beginnings Program (Wolchik, Sandler, Weiss, & Winslow, 2007): This empirically-based 10-session program was designed to teach positive parenting skills to families experiencing divorce or separation. Parents learned how to nurture positive and warm relationships with kids, use effective discipline, and protect their children from divorce-related conflict. The underlying goal of the New Beginnings Program was to promote child resilience during this difficult time.
• Family Bereavement Program (Sandler, Wolchik, Ayers, Tein, & Luecken, 2013): This intervention was aimed at promoting resilience in parents and children experiencing extreme adversity: The death of a parent. This 10-meeting supportive group environment helped bereaved parents learn a number of resilience-promoting parenting skills (i.e., active listening, using effective rules, supporting children’s coping, strengthening family bonds, and using adequate self-care).
• The Positive Parent (Suárez, Rodríguez, & López, 2016): This Spanish online program was aimed at enhancing positive parenting by helping parents to learn about child development and alternative child-rearing techniques; to become more aware, creative and independent in terms of parenting practices; to establish supportive connections with other parents; and to feel more competent and satisfied with their parenting.
• Healthy Families Alaska Programs (Calderaa, Burrellb, & Rodriguez, 2007): The objective of this home visiting program was to promote positive parenting and healthy child development outcomes in Alaska. Paraprofessionals worked with parents to improve positive parenting attitudes, parent-child interactions, child development knowledge, and home environment quality.
• The Strengthening Families Program (Kumpfer & Alvarado, 1998): This primary prevention program has been widely used to teach parents a large array of positive parenting practices. Following family systems and cognitive-behavioral philosophies, the program has taught parenting skills such as engagement in positive interactions with children, positive communication, effective discipline, rewarding positive behaviors, and the use of family meetings to promote organization. The program’s overall goal was to enhance child and family protective factors; to promote children’s resilience, and to improve children’s social and life skills.
• Incredible Years Program (Webster-Stratton& Reid, 2013): This program refers to a widely implemented and evaluated group-based intervention designed to reduce emotional problems and aggression among children, and to improve their social and emotional competence. Parent groups received 12-20 weekly group sessions focused on nurturing relationships, using positive discipline, promoting school readiness and academic skills, reducing conduct problems, and increasing other aspects of children’s healthy psychosocial development. This program has also been used for children with ADHD.
• Evidence-based Positive Parenting Programs Implemented in Spain (Ministers of the Council of Europe, in Rodrigo et al., 2012): In a special issue of Psychosocial Intervention, multiple evaluation studies of positive parenting programs delivered across Spain are presented. Among the programs included are those delivered in groups, at home, and online; each of which is aimed at positive parenting support services. This issue provides an informative resource for understanding which parents most benefited from various types of evidence-based programs aimed at promoting positive parenting among parents attending family support services.
• Triple P Positive Parenting Program (Sanders, 2008): This program, which will be described in more detail in a subsequent post, is a highly comprehensive parenting program with the objective of providing parents of high-risk children with the knowledge, confidence, and skills needed to promote healthy psychological health and adjustment in their children. While these programs are multifaceted, an overarching focus of the Triple P programs is to improve children’s self-regulation.

A reoccurring theme in the positive parenting literature is that a warm, yet firm parenting style is linked to numerous positive youth outcomes. This style is termed ‘authoritative’ and it is conceptualized as a parenting approach that includes a good balance of the following parenting qualities: assertive, but not intrusive; demanding, but responsive; supportive in terms of discipline, but not punitive (Baumrind, 1991).

Along with an authoritative parenting style, a developmental parenting style is also believed to support positive child outcomes (Roggman et al., 2008).

Developmental parenting is a positive parenting style that promotes positive child development by providing affection (i.e., through positive expressions of warmth toward the child); responsiveness (i.e., by attending to a child’s cues); encouragement (i.e., by supporting a child’s capabilities and interests); and teaching (i.e., by using play and conversation to support a child’s cognitive development (Roggman & Innocenti, 2009).

Developmental parenting clearly shares several commonalities with authoritative parenting, and both represent positive parenting approaches.

Overall, by taking a good look at positive parenting strategies that work for raising healthy, happy kids; it is evident that positive parenting styles encourage a child’s autonomy by:

• Supporting exploration and involvement in decision-making
• Paying attention and responding to a child’s needs
• Using effective communication
• Attending to a child’s emotional expression and control
• Rewarding and encouraging positive behaviors
• Providing clear rules and expectations
• Applying consistent consequences for behaviors
• Providing adequate supervision and monitoring
• Acting as a positive role model
• Making positive family experiences a priority

In a nutshell, positive parents support a child’s healthy growth and inner spirit by being loving, supportive, firm, consistent, and involved. Such parents go beyond communicating their expectations, but practice what they preach by being positive role models for their children to emulate.

4 Things you must say to your kids daily – Live on Purpose TV

The term ‘discipline’ often has a negative, purely punitive connotation. However, ‘discipline’ is actually defined as “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character” (Merriam-Webster, 2019).

This definition is instructive, as it reminds us that as parents, we are not disciplinarians, but rather teachers. And as our children’s teachers, our goal is to respectfully show them choices for behaviors and to positively reinforce adaptive behaviors.

Positive discipline again harkens back to authoritative parenting because it should be administered in a way that is firm and loving at the same time. Importantly, positive discipline is never violent, aggressive or critical; it is not punitive.

Relevant: Examples of Positive Punishment & Negative Reinforcement

Physical punishment (i.e., spanking) is ineffective for changing behaviors in the long-term and has a number of detrimental consequences on children (Gershoff, 2013). Indeed, the objective of positive discipline is to “teach and train. Punishment (inflicting pain/purposeful injury) is unnecessary and counter-productive” (Kersey, 2006, p. 1).

Nelsen (2006) describes a sense of belonging as a primary goal of all people; a goal that is not achieved through punishment. In fact, she describes the four negative consequences of punishment on children (e.g., “the four R’s”) as resentment toward parents; revenge that may be plotted in order to get back at parents; rebellion against parents, such as through even more excessive behaviors; and retreat, that may involve becoming sneaky and/or experiencing a loss of self-esteem (Nelsen, 2006).

She provides the following five criteria for positive discipline (which are available on her positive discipline website ):

• Is both kind and firm
• Promotes a child’s sense of belonging and significance
• Works long-term (note: punishment may have an immediate impact, but this is short-lived)
• Teaches valuable social and life skills (i.e., problem-solving, social skills, self-soothing, etc.)
• Helps children develop a sense that they are capable individuals

In her comprehensive and helpful book for parents: Positive Discipline , Nelsen (2006) also describes a number of key aspects of positive discipline, such as being non-violent, respectful, and grounded in developmental principles; teaching children self-respect, empathy, and self-efficacy; and promoting a positive relationship between parent and child.

Stated another way, “ respecting children teaches them that even the smallest, most powerless, most vulnerable person deserves respect, and that is a lesson our world desperately needs to learn ” (LR Knost, lovelivegrow.com).

Since we know that positive discipline does not involve the use of punishment; the next obvious questions become “Just what exactly does it involve?”

This question is undoubtedly urgent for parents who feel like their child is working diligently toward driving them mad. While we will discuss some of the more typical frustrations that parents regularly encounter later in the article, Kersey (2006) provides parents with a wonderful and comprehensive resource in her publication entitled “101 positive principles of discipline.”

Here are her top ten principles:

• Demonstrate Respect Principle : Treat the child in the same respectful way you would like to be treated.
• Make a Big Deal Principle : Use positive reinforcement in meaningful ways for desired behaviors. Reward such behaviors with praise, affection, appreciation, privileges, etc.
• Incompatible Alternative Principle : Provide the child with a behavior to substitute for the undesirable one, such as playing a game rather than watching tv.
• Choice Principle : Provide the child with two choices for positive behaviors so that he/she feels a sense of empowerment. For example, you might say “would you rather take your bath before or after your brush your teeth?”
• When/Then – Abuse it/Lose it Principle : Ensure that rewards are lost when rules are broken. For example, you might say “After you clean your room, you can play outside” (which means that a child who does not clean his/her room, will not get to play outside. Period.)
• Connect Before You Correct Principle : Ensure that the child feels loved and cared for before behavioral problems are attended to.
• Validation Principle : Validate the child’s feelings. For example, you might say “I know you are sad about losing your sleepover tonight and I understand”.
• Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle : Ensure that the child hears the equivalent of “you have a good head on your shoulders” in order to feel capable, empowered and responsible for his/her choices. This is especially important for teenagers.
• Belonging and Significance Principle : Ensure that your child feels important and as if he/she belongs. For example, remind your child that he/she is really good at helping in the kitchen and that the family needs this help in order to have dinner.
• Timer Says it’s Time Principle : Set a timer to help children make transitions. This helps kids to know what’s expected of them and may also involve giving them a choice in terms of the amount of time. For example, you might say “Do you need 15 or 20 minutes to get dressed?” Make sure to let the child know that the time is set.

The reader is encouraged to check-out Kersey’s 101 positive discipline principles, as they contain an enormous amount of useful and effective approaches for parents; along with principles that reflect many everyday examples (e.g., Babysitter Principle; Apology Principle; Have Fun Together Principle; Talk About Them Positively to Others Principle; Whisper Principle; Write a Contract Principle; and so much more).

This section has provided many helpful positive discipline ideas for a myriad of parenting situations and challenges. Positive discipline (which will be expounded on later sections of in the article: i.e., ‘positive parenting with toddlers and preschoolers,’ ‘temper tantrums,’ ‘techniques to use at bedtime,’ etc.) is an effective discipline approach that promotes loving parent-child relationships, as well as producing productive, respectful, and happy children.

The notion of parenting a toddler can frighten even the most tough-minded among us. This probably isn’t helped by terms such as ‘terrible two’s,’ and jokes like “ Having a two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it ” (Jerry Seinfeld, goodreads.com).

Sure, toddlers and preschoolers get a bad rap; but they do sometimes seem like tiny drunken creatures who topple everything in their path. Not to mention their tremendous noise and energy, mood swings, and growing need for independence.

While their lack of coordination and communication skills can be endearing and often hilarious; they are also quite capable of leaving their parents in a frenzied state of frustration. For example, let’s consider the situation below.

The Grocery Store Blow-out

In this relatable example, a dad and his cranky 3-year-old find themselves in a long line at a grocery store. The child decides she’s had enough shopping and proceeds to throw each item out of the cart while emitting a blood-curdling scream.

The father, who may really need to get the shopping done, is likely to shrivel and turn crimson as his fellow shoppers glare and whisper about his “obnoxious child” or “bad parenting.” He, of course, tells her to stop; perhaps by asking her nicely, or trying to reason with her.

When this doesn’t’ work, he might switch his method to commanding, pleading, threatening, negotiating, or anything else he can think of in his desperation. But she is out of control and beyond reason. The father wants an immediate end to the humiliation; but he may not realize that some quick fixes intended to placate his child, will only make his life worse in the long run.

So, what is he to do?

Before going into specific solutions for this situation, it is essential that parents understand this developmental stage. There are reasons for the child’s aggravating behaviors; reasons that are biologically programmed to ensure survival.

For example, kids aged two-to-three are beginning to understand that there are a lot of things that seem scary in the world. As such, they may become anxious about a variety of situations; like strangers, bad dreams, extreme weather, creepy images, doctor and dentist offices, monsters, certain animals, slivers or other minor medical issues, etc.

While these childhood fears make life more difficult for parents (i.e., when a child won’t stay in his/her room at night due to monsters and darkness, or when a child makes an enormous fuss when left with a babysitter), they are actually an indicator of maturity (Durant, 2016).

The child is reacting in a way that supports positive development by fearing and avoiding perceived dangers. While fear of monsters does not reflect a truly dangerous situation, avoidance of individuals who appear mean or aggressive is certainly in the child’s best interest.

Similarly, fear of strangers is an innate protective mechanism that prompts children to stay close to those adults who keep them healthy and safe. And some strangers indeed should be feared. Although a challenge for parents, young children who overestimate dangers with consistent false-positives are employing their survival instincts.

In her book  Positive Discipline (which is free online and includes worksheets for parents), Durant (2016) notes the importance of respecting a child’s fears and not punishing her/him for them, as well as talking to the child in a way that shows empathy and helps him/her to verbalize feelings. Durant proposes that one of the keys of effective discipline is “… to see short-term challenges as opportunities to work toward your long-term goals” (2016, p. 21).

With this objective in mind, any steps a parent takes when dealing with a frightened or misbehaving child should always be taken with consideration of their potential long-term impact. Long-term goals, which Durant describes as “the heart of parenting” may be hard to think about when a child is challenging and a frustrated parent simply wants the behavior to stop.

However, punishing types of behaviors such as yelling, are not likely to be in-line with long-term parenting goals. By visualizing their preschooler as a high school student or even an adult, it can help parents to ensure that their immediate responses are in-line with the kind, peaceful and responsible person they wish to see in 15 years or so. Durant (2016) provides several examples of long-term parenting goals, such as:

• Maintaining a quality relationship with the parent
• Taking responsibility for actions
• Being respectful of others
• Knowing right from wrong
• Making wise decisions
• Being honest, loyal and trustworthy

Related: Examples of Positive Reinforcement in the Classroom

Grocery Store Blow-out Solutions

Long-term parenting goals are highly relevant to the maddening grocery store example. If the dad only thinks about the short-term goal of making his daughter’s behavior stop embarrassing him at the store, he might decide to tell her she can have a candy bar if she is quiet and stops throwing items from the cart.

This way, he might reason, he can finish his shopping quickly and without humiliation. Sure, this might work as far as getting the child to behave on that day— at that moment; BUT here are some likely consequences:

• Next time they go shopping, she will do this again in order to receive the candy reward.
• Pretty much every time they go shopping, she will do the same thing; and the value of the reward is likely to escalate as she gets tired of the candy.
• She will learn that this behavior can get her rewards in all sorts of places beyond the grocery store, thus making her exhausted parents afraid to take her anywhere.

Moreover, the message she receives from the candy tactic will not reinforce the qualities the father likely wants to see in his daughter over time, such as:

• Being respectful of her parents
• Being respectful of others around her
• Being respectful of others’ property
• Being responsible for her behavior
• Being courteous and considerate
• Being helpful
• Having good manners
• Having good social skills

Therefore, the father might instead deal with this situation by calmly telling her that she needs to stop or she will get a time-out. The time-out can take place somewhere in the store that is not reinforcing for her, such as a quiet corner with no people around (e.g., no audience). Or they can go sit in the car.

If the store is especially crowded, the dad might also ask the clerk to place his cart in a safe place and/or save his place in line until he returns (which he/she will likely be inclined to do if it will get the child to be quiet). After a brief time-out, he should give his daughter a hug and let her know the rules for the remainder of the shopping trip, as well as the consequences of not following them.

In some cases, it might be better for the parent to simply leave the store without the groceries and go home. He won’t have completed his shopping, but that will be a small price for having a child who learns a good lesson on how to behave.

Very importantly, however; if he does take her home, this absolutely cannot be done in a way that is rewarding (i.e., she gets to go home and play, watch tv, or anything else she enjoys). She will need a time-out immediately upon arriving home, as well as perhaps the message that dinner won’t be her favorite tonight since the shopping was not done.

This is not meant to be punitive or sarcastic, more of a natural consequence for her to learn from (e.g., “If I act-out at the store, we won’t have my favorite foods in the house”). In fact, even though he may not feel like it, the father needs to speak to his daughter in a kind and loving way.

Regardless of whether the consequence is in the store or at home, the dad absolutely must follow-through consistently. If he doesn’t, he will teach her that sometimes she can misbehave and still get what she wants; this is a pattern of reinforcement that is really difficult to break.

Of course, the father cannot leave the store each time she misbehaves, as he won’t get anything done and he’s also giving her too much control. Thus, he should prepare in advance for future shopping trips by making her aware of the shopping rules, expectations for her behavior, and the consequences if she breaks them.

The father should be specific about such things, as “I expect you to be good at the store” is not clear. Saying something more like “The rules for shopping are that you need to talk in your quiet voice, listen to daddy, sit still in the cart, help daddy give the items to the clerk, etc.” The dad is also encouraged to only take her shopping when she is most likely to behave (i.e., when well-rested, well-fed, not upset about something else, etc.).

He might also give her something to do while shopping, such as by bringing her favorite book or helping to put items in the cart. Giving his daughter choices will also help her feel a sense of control (i.e., “You can either help put the items in the cart or you can help give them to the clerk”).

And, finally, the little girl should be rewarded for her polite shopping behavior with a great deal of praise (i.e., “You were a very good girl at the store today. You really helped Daddy and I enjoyed spending time with you”).

He might also reward her with a special experience (i.e., “You were so helpful at the store, that we saved enough time to go the park later” or “You were such a great helper today; can you also help daddy make dinner?”). Of course, the reward should not consist of food, since that can lead to various other problems.

There are many more positive parenting tips for this and other difficult parenting scenarios throughout this article, as well as numerous helpful learning resources. In the meantime, it is always wise to remember that your toddler or preschooler does not act the way he/she does in order to torture you— it’s not personal.

There are always underlying reasons for these behaviors. Just keep your cool, plan-ahead, think about your long-term goals, and remember that your adorable little monster will only be this age for a brief time.

Related:  Parenting Children with Positive Reinforcement (Examples + Charts)

Siblings, whether biological; adopted; full or half stepsiblings; often pick at each other endlessly. Arguments between siblings are a normal part of life. However, sometimes the degree of animosity between siblings (e.g., sibling rivalry) can get out of control and interfere with the quality of the relationship. Not to mention creating misery for parents. Plus, there are negative long-term consequences of problematic sibling relationships, such as deviant behavior among older children and teens (Moser & Jacob, 2002).

Sibling rivalry is often complicated, as it is affected by a range of family variables, such as family size, parent-child interactions, parental relationships, children’s genders, birth order, and personality—among others. And it starts really early. Sometimes, as soon as a child realizes a baby brother or sister is on the way, emotions begin to run high. Fortunately, parents have a great opportunity to prepare their children from the start.

For example, the parent can foster a healthy sibling relationship by engaging in open communication about becoming a big brother or sister early on. This should be done in a way that is exciting and supports the child’s new role as the older sibling. Parents can support bonding by allowing the child to feel the baby kick or view ultrasound pictures. They can solicit their child’s help in decorating the baby’s room.

For some families, their newborn baby may be premature or have other medical problems that require time in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). In this situation, which can be quite stressful for siblings, parents should talk to the older child about what’s happening. Parents might also provide the child with updates on the baby’s progress, prepare the child for visits to the NICU, have the child draw a picture to leave with the baby, make a scrapbook for the baby, and set aside plenty of time with the older child (Beavis, 2007).

If the new child is going to be adopted, it is also important to encourage a connection. For example, along with explaining how the adoption will work, the child can be involved in the exciting aspects of the process once it is confirmed. In the case of an older child or international adoption, there are special things parents can do as well.

For example, if a child is in an orphanage, the sibling can help pick-out little gifts to send ahead of time (i.e., a stuffed animal, soft blanket or clothing). Having the child draw a picture and/or write a letter to the new sibling is another way to enhance the relationship. Adopting an older child will require particular preparation; as the new sibling will arrive with his/her own fears, traits, memories, and experiences that will certainly come into play.

There are a number of children’s books designed to help parents prepare their children for a new sibling, such as You Were the First (MacLachlan, 2013), My Sister Is a Monster : Funny Story on Big Brother and New Baby Sister How He Sees Her (Green, 2018), and Look-Look : The New Baby (Mayer, 2001).

There are also children’s books that help prepare children for adopted siblings, with some that are even more focused on the type of adoption. Here are a few examples: Seeds of Love : For Brothers and Sisters of International Adoption (Ebejer Petertyl & Chambers, 1997), A Sister for Matthew : A Story About Adoption (Kennedy, 2006), and Emma’s Yucky Brother (Little, 2002).

Along with the above tips, Amy McCready (2019) provides some excellent suggestions for ending sibling rivalry, these include:

• Avoid Labeling Children: by labeling children in ways such as “the social one,” “the great student,” “the athlete,” “the baby” etc., parents intensify comparisons, as well as one child’s belief that he/she does not possess the same positive qualities as the other one (i.e., “if he’s the ‘brainy one,’ I must be the ‘dumb one,’”).
• Arrange for Attention: Make sure each child has plenty of regular intentional attention so that they will be less inclined to fight for it.
• Prepare for Peace: McCready describes several ways to teach conflict resolution skills that help to avoid further issues between siblings.
• Stay out of Squabbles: Unless absolutely necessary (i.e., during a physical fight), it is best to stay out of squabbles. In doing so, the parent is not reinforcing the disagreement, while also enabling the children to work out solutions together.
• Calm the Conflict: If you must intervene, it is best to help the children problem-solve the situation without judgment or taking sides.
• Put them All in the Same Boat: McCready suggests that all children involved in the conflict receive the same consequence, which teaches them that they each will benefit from getting along.

These and other useful tips and resources are available on McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions website . Luckily, by being thoughtful and preparing ahead of time, parents can avoid excessive competition between children and promote meaningful lifelong sibling bonds.

Before discussing positive parenting with teenagers, it is important to remember one key fact: Teens still need and want their parents’ support, affection, and guidance— even if it doesn’t seem like it. Just as with younger kids, parental figures are essential for helping adolescents overcome difficult struggles (Wolin, Desetta & Hefner, 2016).

Indeed, by fostering a sense of mastery and internal locus of control, adults help to empower a teen’s sense of personal responsibility and control over the future (Blaustein & Kinniburgh, 2018). In fact, the presence of nurturing adults who truly listen has been reported among emotionally resilient teens (Wolin et al., 2016).

Positive parenting practices such as quality communication, parental monitoring, and authoritative parenting style also have been found to predict fewer risky behaviors among adolescents (DeVore & Ginsburg, 2005).

As parents of teens know, there are many challenges involved in parenting during this developmental period. Adolescents often find themselves confused about where they fit in the area between adulthood and childhood. They may desire independence, yet lack the maturity and knowledge to execute it safely. They are often frustrated by their bodily changes, acne and mood swings.

Teens may be overwhelmed by school, as well as pressures from parents and peers. Teens may feel bad about themselves and even become anxious or depressed as they try to navigate the various stressors they face.

Many of these difficulties, which certainly need attention from parents, may also make conversations difficult. Parents may feel confused as to how much freedom versus protectiveness is appropriate. The Love and Logic approach (Cline & Faye, 2006) provides some terrific ways for parents to raise responsible, well-adjusted teens.

The authors’ approach for parents involves two fundamental concepts: “Love [which] means giving your teens opportunities to be responsible and empowering them to make their own decisions.” And “Logic [which] means allowing them to live with the natural consequences of their mistakes-and showing empathy for the pain, disappointment, and frustration they’ll experience” (Foster, Cline, & Faye, 2019, hopelbc.com, p. 1).

Just as with young children, the Love and Logic method is a warm and loving way to prepare teens for the future while maintaining a quality relationship with parents.

Another positive parenting approach that is particularly applicable to adolescents is the Teen Triple P Program (Ralph & Sanders, 2004). Triple P (which will be described in a subsequent post) is tailored toward teens and involves teaching parents a variety of skills aimed at increasing their own knowledge and confidence.

The program also promotes various prosocial qualities in teens such as social competence, health, and resourcefulness; such that they will be able to avoid engaging in problem behaviors (e.g., substance use, risky sex, delinquency, Bulimia, etc.). This approach enables parents to replace harsh discipline styles for those that are more nurturing, without being permissive. It aims to minimize parent-teen conflict while providing teens with the tools and ability to make healthy choices (Ralph & Sanders, 2004).

Parents of teens (or future teens) often shudder when considering the dangers and temptations to which their children may be exposed. With a focus specifically on substance use, the Partnership for Drug-free Kids website offers a great deal of information for parents who are either dealing with teen drug use or are doing their best to prevent it.

For example, several suggestions for lowering the probability that a teen will use substances include:

• knowing your teen’s friends;
• being a positive role model in terms of your own coping mechanisms and use of alcohol and medication;
• being aware of your child’s level of risk for substance use;
• providing your teen with substance use information;
• supervising and monitoring your teen;
• setting boundaries;
• communicating openly about substance use; and
• building a supportive and warm relationship with your teen (Partnership for Drug-free Kids; PDK, 2014).

These suggestions are discussed in more detail on the following PDF : Parenting Practices: Help Reduce the Chances Your Child will Develop a Drug or Alcohol Problem (PDK, 2014). By employing these and other positive parenting techniques, you are helping your teenager to become a respectful, well-adjusted and productive member of society.

Divorce has become so common that dealing with it in the best possible way for kids is of vital importance to parents everywhere.

Parental divorce/separation represents a highly stressful experience for children that can have both immediate and long-term negative consequences.

Children of divorce are at increased risk for mental health, emotional, behavioral, and relationship problems (Department of Justice, Government of Canada, 2015).

There is, however, variability in how divorce affects children; with some adverse consequences being temporary, and others continuing well into adulthood. Since we know that divorce does not impact all children equally, the key question becomes: What are the qualities that are most effective for helping children to cope with parental divorce?

There are differences in children’s temperament and other aspects of personality, as well as family demographics, that affect their ability to cope with divorce. But, for present purposes, let’s focus on the aspects of the divorce itself since this is the area parents have the most power to change.

Importantly, the detrimental impact of divorce on kids typically begins well before the actual divorce (Amato, 2000). Thus, it may not be the divorce per se that represents the child risk factor; but rather, the parents’ relationship conflicts and how they are handled. For divorced/divorcing parents, this information is encouraging—as there are things you can do to help your children (and you) remain resilient despite this difficult experience.

Parental Conflict and Alienation

There are several divorce-related qualities that make it more difficult for children to adapt to divorce, such as parental hostility and poor cooperation between parents (Amato, 2000); and interpersonal conflict between parents along with continued litigation (Goodman, Bonds, & Sandler, et al., 2005).

Parents dealing with divorce need to make a special effort not to expose their children to conflicts between parents, legal and money related issues, and general animosity. The latter point merits further discussion, as parents often have a difficult time not badmouthing each other in front of (or even directly to) their kids. It is this act of turning a child against a parent that ultimately serves to turn a child against himself (Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011).

Badmouthing the other divorced parent is an alienation strategy, given its aim to alienate the other parent from the child. Such alienation involves any number of criticisms of the other parent in front of the child. This may even include qualities that aren’t necessarily negative, but which can be depicted as such for the sake of enhancing alienation (Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011).

Baker and Ben-Ami (2011) note that parental alienation tactics hurt children by sending the message that the badmouthed parent does not love the child. Also, the child may feel that, because their badmouthed parent is flawed; that he/she is similarly damaged. When a child receives a message of being unlovable or flawed, this negatively affects his/her self-esteem, mood, relationships, and other areas of life ( Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011 ).

An excellent resource for preventing parental alienation is Divorce Poison : How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing (Warshak, 2010).

Warshak describes how one parent’s criticism of the other may have a highly detrimental impact on the targeted parent’s relationship with his/her child. And such badmouthing absolutely hurts the child. Badmouthed parents who fail to deal with the situation appropriately are at risk of losing the respect of their kids and even contact altogether. Warshak provides effective solutions for bad-mouthed parents to use during difficult situations, such as:

• How to react when you find out about the badmouthing
• What to do if your kids refuse to see you
• How to respond to false accusations
• How to insulate kids from bad-mouthing effects

Reasons that parents attempt to manipulate children, as well as behaviors often exhibited by children who have become alienated from one parent,  are also described (Warshak, 2010). This book, as well as additional resources subsequently listed, provides hope and solutions for parents who are dealing with the pain of divorce.

Importantly, there are ways to support children in emerging from divorce without long-term negative consequences (i.e., by protecting them from parental animosity). It is in this way that parents can “enable their children to maintain love and respect for two parents who no longer love, and may not respect, each other” (Warshak, 2004-2013, warshak.com).

Positive parenting is an effective style of raising kids that is suitable for pretty much all types of parents and children. This article contains a rich and extensive collection of positive parenting research and resources; with the goal of arming caregivers with the tools to prevent or tackle a multitude of potential challenges. And, of course, to foster wellness and healthy development in children.

Here are the article’s key takeaways:

• Parents are never alone. Whatever the problem or degree of frustration, there is a whole community of parents who have faced the same issues. Not to mention a ton of positive parenting experts with effective solutions.
• Positive parenting begins early. Positive parenting truly starts the moment a person realizes he/she is going to become a parent since even the planning that goes into preparing for a child’s arrival will have an impact.
• Positive parenting applies to all developmental periods. With a positive parenting approach, raising toddlers and teenagers need not be terrible nor terrifying. Positive parenting promotes effective, joyful parenting of kids of all ages.
• Positive parents raise their children in a way that empowers them to reach their full potential as resilient and fulfilled individuals. Positive parents are warm, caring, loving and nurturing— and so much more: They are teachers, leaders, and positive role models. They are consistent and clear about expectations. They know what their kids and teens are doing. They encourage and reinforce positive behaviors. They make family experiences a priority. They support their children’s autonomy and individuality. They love their children unconditionally. They engage in regular, open dialogues with their children. They are affectionate, empathetic, and supportive. They understand that their teenagers still need them.
• Positive discipline is an effective, evidence-based approach that is neither punitive nor permissive. Positive discipline is performed in a loving way without anger, threats, yelling, or punishment. It involves clear rules, expectations, and consequences for behavior; and consistent follow-through. It is in alignment with parents’ long-term parenting goals.
• Positive parenting is backed by empirical evidence supporting its many benefits. Positive parenting promotes children’s self-esteem, emotional expression, self-efficacy, sense of belonging, social and decision-making skills, and belief in themselves. Positive parenting fosters secure attachments and quality relationships with parents; school adjustment and achievement; reduced behavior problems, depressive symptoms, and risk behaviors; and positive youth development in general. The outcomes associated with positive parenting are long-term and often permanent.
• Positive parenting is applicable to a vast array of challenges. Positive parenting applies to everyday challenges, as well as more frustrating and even severe issues. Positive parenting has been effectively used for dealing with temper tantrums, bedtime and eating issues, and sibling rivalry; as well as difficulties associated with divorce, ADHD, family stressors, teen pressures, and risk-taking—and much more.
• Positive parenting solutions are both abundant and accessible. Because positive parenting experts have tackled so many parenting issues, available resources are plentiful. Along with the many tips and suggestions contained in this article; there is a whole online library of positive parenting-related activities, workbooks, books, videos, courses, articles, and podcasts that cover a broad range of parenting topics.

Considering the many positive parenting solutions and resources currently available, parents can approach their role as teachers, leaders, and positive role models with confidence and optimism. And, ultimately, by consistently applying positive parenting strategies; parents will experience a deep and meaningful connection with their children that will last a lifetime. ?

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Parenting Exercises for free .

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I am currently a student in occupational therapy and I am in the process of completing my dissertation for my degree, focusing on positive parenting and its impact on children with ADHD. Recently, I purchased a book that contained a QR code leading me to your article. Would it be possible to receive the DOI and the PDF of this article via email, please?

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While we don’t currently have an option to download or convert our posts to pdf, you are very welcome to reference the article as follows (APA 7): [author last name], [author initial]. (year, month day). Title. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/URL/

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Thank you for compiling this research. It was truly helpful in getting started on a positive path.

Hi there! I am writing a research paper on gentle parenting and the positive effects it has. Would you be able to send me your resource list for this article?

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I am also writing a paper. When citing this article, should I use 2019 or 2023 as the date? Thank you!

You can reference this article in APA 7th as follows: Lonczak, H.S. (2019, May 08). Title. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/positive-parenting/

Hope this helps! Kind regards, Julia | Community Manager

Great article. I really liked. I will share this article with my school.

I totally agree with many different points has written in this useful article, I spent several days to complete it,, but it was really worthy especially what you mentioned here about model of parenting. Thank your for all details and sources you wrote up there and waiting for your new things coming up.

i love your blog and always like new things coming up from it.

Positive parenting is key for a happy family! I totally agree that positive parenting promotes effective, joyful parenting of kids of all ages. The most important things about such a model of parenting are to know your kid’s friends, being a positive role model in terms of your own coping mechanisms and use of alcohol and medication, and building a supportive and warm relationship with your child. We are responsible for the future generation, therefore raising happy and good person is a must!

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How to be a good parent: It’s all about you!

To be a better parent, focus on developing yourself..

Posted November 14, 2010

So much of the information out there about how to be a better parent focuses on techniques for modifying your child’s behavior. But it is missing the mark. Research has shown that the one thing a person can do to be a better parent is to focus on developing him or herself. This is where a person has to start in order to be a nurturing, attuned mother or father. When it comes to parenting , there are many reasons for us to look inward and understand ourselves as people if our goal is to become a better parent.

Children stir up buried and unresolved feelings from our own childhood .

Our children often reawaken painful feelings that we long ago blocked from our awareness. The innocence, liveliness, and spontaneity of a child can stir up the hurts in our own childhoods and threaten to reactivate them. Our avoidance of these old feelings can cause us to pull away from relating closely with our children. At times when there is an emotional connection, we may be uncomfortable and even feel anger or resentment toward our child. If we stay defended against the feelings that are being stirred up in us, we will be cut off from our children and misattuned to what they are feeling and experiencing.

In the preface to Compassionate Childrearing , R.D. Laing described this:

Those outstretched arms open up a well of loneliness [in the adult]. But in these feelings, mixed up in them at once physical smells new and stale of ghosts of awakened sensations in oneself, are evoked, by that dead me, that me that was me, I see in the baby. The baby is still appealing to me with the language of the heart, the language I have learned to forget, and to mistrust with all my 'heart.'

Instead of continuing to defend ourselves against feelings we suppressed in childhood, we can face them and make sense of any traumas that have been unresolved. Once we understand what happened in our own childhoods, we can be more effective parents and develop more secure attachments with our children. In Parenting from the Inside Out , Dan Siegel states, “The integration of our own self-knowledge facilitates our being open to the process of becoming emotionally connected with our children. Coherent self-knowledge and interpersonal joining go hand in hand.”

We project our critical feelings about ourselves on to our children.

The ambivalent attitudes we have toward our children are simply a reflection of the ambivalent attitudes we have toward ourselves. All people are divided in the sense that they have feelings of warm self-regard as well as feelings of self-hatred and self-depreciation. Therefore, it is not surprising that parents would extend these same contradictory attitudes toward their offspring. Parents' attitudes toward their children are a by-product of their fundamental conflicts and ambivalence toward themselves.

It is not uncommon for parents to disown their self-critical attitudes and negative self-image by projecting them onto their child. When they do this, they are then overly critical of these projected qualities and traits in the youngster. As a result, children begin to see themselves through a negative filter, which will stay with them throughout their lives.

But when we look into ourselves and understand where our self-critical attitudes and self-attacks come from, we will have more compassion for ourselves and our children. Dan Siegel says,

Children are particularly vulnerable to becoming the target of the projection of our nonconscious emotions and unresolved issues. Our defensive adaptations from earlier in life can restrict our ability to be receptive and empathic to our children’s internal experience. Without our own reflective self-understanding process engaged, such defensive parental patterns of response can produce distortions in a child’s experience of relating and reality.

We act in ways with our children that our parents did with us.

Every parent has the experience, most often when reprimanding a child, of suddenly hearing the same critical statement that your parent said to you coming out of your mouth. You are horrified; you can’t believe you are acting that way with your child. The reality is that, in spite of parents’ best intentions, they will most likely reenact how they were parented. Some parents experience this when their child passes through a stage of development that was particularly painful or traumatic in their childhood. During these phases, parents often treat the child as they were treated at that age or as if their child was experiencing what they experienced.

This transmission of parents' negative traits through the generations involves three phases:

(1) To varying degrees, all of us suffered rejection, deprivation, hostility, and trauma in our formative years. At those times that our parents were out of control, either emotionally or physically, we took on the punishing parent's feelings, thoughts, and attitudes toward us in the form of a critical inner voice . In other words, we assumed the identity of our parents as they were at their worst, not as they usually were in their everyday lives.

(2) We retained this destructive inner voice within us throughout our lives, restricting, limiting, and punishing ourselves as well as soothing ourselves as we were treated, essentially parenting ourselves as we were parented.

(3) When we become parents, we feel almost compelled to act out similar patterns of mistreatment on our children.

In order to stop this reenactment of the past, parents have to face the painful feelings they experienced as a result of the treatment they received. If they revisit the early traumas, they can identify the destructive attitudes that they internalized and begin to regain themselves. They will then be able to offer the warmth, affection, love, and sensitive guidance necessary for their children's well-being.

You are a role model.

In this month’s The Mind by Scientific American, Robert Epstein presents the results of a research study of 2,000 parents about what makes a good parent. In his list of the 10 most important parenting competencies, just 5 of them were about the parent/child relationship; the other 5 related only to the parent. And 3 of those mention “modeling:” Relationship skills (having a healthy relationship with your partner models relationship skills), Education and learning (having a good education models learning and educational opportunities) and Health (eating healthy and being active models a healthy lifestyle).

Psychologists have found that children really "do as parents do, not as they say." Being a positive role model for good behavior is far more powerful than specific training or disciplinary measures in raising children. These processes of identification and imitation overshadow any statements, rules, and prescriptions for good behavior. Children develop behaviors through observing their parents in day-to-day life. Every behavior that a parent engages in should be worthy of imitating because children will imitate it.

Bruno Bettelheim's observed, “While most parents are ready to teach their children discipline and know that they are the ones to do so, they are less ready to accept the idea that they can teach only by example.” Parents who are congenial, non-defensive, nonintrusive, consistent, and generous have a positive impact on their child's personality .

The fact that our children are looking to us to see how to be is enough of a reason for us to focus on our development as a person. Only if we have developed integrity in the way we live our own lives will we be able to provide our offspring with the necessary model for mature, adult functioning. Our honesty and maturity are far more important in determining the healthy development of our children than any techniques prescribed by child-rearing experts.

Live your own life

We can best help our children not by sacrificing ourselves for them, but by trying to fulfill our own lives. When we are involved in an honest pursuit of our goals , we serve as positive examples for our children. To teach our children how to live "the good life," we have to genuinely value ourselves, accept all of our feelings, wants, and priorities, and actively participate in our own lives. To the extent that we retain our capacity for feeling and a willingness to invest fully in our lives, we will have a profound positive effect on the personal development of our children and on their future. Bruno Bettelheim said, “We need not make any claim to be perfect. But if we strive as best we can to live good lives ourselves, our children, impressed by the merits of living good lives, will one day wish to do the same.”

Instead of living their own lives, many parents live through their children. Rather than offering to their children, they are taking from them. These parents are in fact acting out emotional hunger, an unsatisfied longing for love and care caused by deprivation in their own childhood. They confuse intense feelings of need and with feelings of genuine love. Sustained contact with an emotionally hungry parent leaves a child feeling drained and empty.

Rather than striving to fulfill the role of a "perfect" parent or even a "good" parent, mothers and fathers can offer their children much more by being real with them; by admitting their shortcomings and weaknesses, sharing with them the history of their own formative years, revealing their personal struggles as well as their successes, and in general relating to them as honestly as possible. Ultimately, parents' humanity and compassion for themselves are the most significant attributes for compassionate child-rearing.

Let your children love you

Parents who have grown up with an image of themselves as unlovable are often resistant to having close, tender moments with their children or to having their child look at them with love. When parents cannot bear to feel their children loving them, they respond negatively to them. Books on child-rearing fail to give this phenomenon the importance it deserves. In Conquer Your Critical Inner Voic e I wrote:

Our children need to be able to feel their loving feelings for us, for the people we really are behind our roles as parents. If we deny this opportunity to our children, they will suffer emotionally. We need to learn to be receptive to our children's spontaneous expressions of affection and love toward us. This seems obvious, yet it may be the most difficult task faced by us as parents.

Join Dr. Lisa Firestone at the free November 16 webinar " How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children "

To read more about parenting from Dr. Lisa Firestone, visit PsychAlive.org - Alive to Parenting

Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. , is a clinical psychologist, an author, and the Director of Research and Education for the Glendon Association.

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How to Be a Good Parent After a Bad Childhood

Vowing to do better and learning how to unlearn is a valuable blueprint for giving your child what you never had.

It was bad when their screaming matches erupted in fisticuffs, my father punching my mother and pulling her hair. It was bad when we tried to intervene and they turned on us, teeth bared, threatening to throw us out or put us in foster care.

It was bad when they were drunk, which was most of the time. But the worst was when they left us alone, sometimes for days, when the house parties they went to spiraled into three-days of drunken revelry.

These were the days before cell phones: We couldn't find them. Food ran out. I remember one early January day, tracking my folks down after calling a dozen of their friends, begging the woman who answered after 20 rings to bring my mom to the phone. "She's dancing," the friend told me. "Could you call back later?"

Instinctively, even at 10 or 11, I believed it would be even more dangerous to tell on them. Would they take us away, put them in jail? To the world, we looked normal, exemplary—attractive parents, accomplished children—which made it even more sinister that we never felt safe.

And yet my own children have never felt anything but safe. While I know that I've let them down and upset them in all kinds of ways over the course of raising them, I also know that I have been an almost ridiculously stable parent—predictable, vigilant, a homebody whose idea of letting loose is a second glass of champagne on Christmas Eve.

The conventional wisdom is that intergenerational trauma is a gift that goes on giving , generation after generation. But without getting too grand about it, I'm a very good parent. I became one the way I became a good student: I studied. The writings of Dr. Spock and Dr. Sears; the unintended example of friends' parents. Most of all, I learned to be a good parent to myself, accepting that I wouldn't always make the right choices but that there would almost always be solutions for those times when I didn't.

Read on to learn how toxic parents affect children into adulthood and how that has the potential to show up in your own parenting. Plus, find tools to forge a new parenting path with love and intention.

Bad Parent Traits

Abusive parents have a big arsenal to help them do their destructive work. Characteristics of toxic parents include:

• Lying and manipulation
• Accusing you of things you would never do
• Holding grudges for things you did long ago
• Withholding comfort
• Pushing you into situations from which only they can "save" you
• Criticizing
• Humiliating
• Gaslighting

Nothing is good enough for toxic parents, no matter how hard you try: If you get straight A's, how come you're not a star athlete? They say they know everything about you but never seem to listen when you try to talk about your feelings.

They also compare you—to their shining selves, your sister, your friends—and yet seem jealous of every piece of luck that comes your way. They humiliate you in front of others, then insist they were "just kidding." They fight with each other; they fight with you. They try to convince you that it's you, not them, who is mentally unstable. They make it clear, subtly or not so subtly, that what's wrong with their life is you, and they were happy before you came along.

The Impact of Bad Parenting on Kids

Kids whose parents exhibit the above traits are at risk of long-term physical, psychological, behavioral, and societal consequences. According to theChild Welfare Information Gateway (a service of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services), long-term consequences of child abuse and neglect include:

• Lung disease
• Malnutrition
• Vision problems
• Functional limitations
• Heart attack
• Back problems
• High blood pressure
• Brain damage
• Migraine headaches
• Bowel disease
• Chronic fatigue syndrome
• Diminished executive function and cognition
• Poor mental and emotional health
• Social difficulties
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Risky sexual behaviors
• Juvenile delinquency
• Alcohol and drug use
• Repeating abuse as an adult

"If these kinds of experiences happened in your own childhood, it can feel tremendously isolating even though you are one of many," says Nerissa Bauer, M.D., a behavioral pediatrician who writes the blog Let's Talk Kid's Health . "It can be painful, embarrassing, and difficult to remember and share what you went through." After all, most of your friends are likely close to their parents, so they may underestimate the pain of your experiences and advise you to just talk it over and make up.

Our brain has an uncanny knack for storing the messages we received as children. A child who never knows when a temperamental parent is going to lash out at them, and who has been told that they are unlovable and insignificant, has stored years of those messages.

Kids of abusive parents can grow up untrusting, quick to anger , and suspicious of attachment, according to child-development educator Karen Young, author of the psychology blog Hey Sigmund . It's human nature for even capable, intelligent adults to fail to realize that they're still relating to the world like a small child in an unsafe environment.

In this way, people with cruel or manipulative parents are vulnerable to repeating the pattern, and many worry that they will do just that. Conversely, some worry they may swing so far in the other direction to avoid repeating their parents' mistakes that they do an opposite kind of harm.

For example, a parent who grew up constantly being criticized might belittle her own child or, just as damaging, be too permissive and never correct their behavior at all. For others, a difficult childhood can result in a debilitating lack of confidence, or fear that they will hurt their children in the way they themselves were hurt.

How Your Childhood Shows Up in Your Parenting

Parenting well is trickier indeed for those who grew up without good role models at home or those who had more than a few of what clinicians call ACEs (adverse childhood experiences). According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), ACEs include:

• Experiencing violence, abuse, or neglect
• Witnessing violence in the home or community
• Having a family member attempt or die by suicide
• Growing up in a household with substance use problems
• Growing up in a household with mental health problems
• Growing up with instability like parental separation or a family member in jail

Nearly everyone has a few, but a multitude of ACEs can have lifelong negative effects, including poorer physical and emotional health. In a survey conducted by the CDC, roughly 61% of respondents said they had experienced at least one ACE in childhood, and almost one in six reported four or more. Women are more likely to have undergone ACEs, as are Black and Latinx adults. Multiracial individuals are the most likely to experience ACEs.

Fear of failing your kids

There are days when Whitney, a mom of two who asked us not to share her last name, is terrified she will "mess up" her own children because she herself feels "flawed and messed up." Nothing in her life merits this description: She's a high-school teacher, writer, wife, and mother. Hers is the legacy of parents who raised her to try everything, with all her might, all the time, never showing weakness.

Years later, fighting an eating disorder , she was told by her therapist that she was battling "faulty core beliefs," among them that she needed to be perfect. Her older son is not yet 4, but she believes her first job is to help him understand that failing at something is not the same as being a bad kid, and that her love is his birthright: He will never need to earn it.

Of her parents, whom she loves dearly, she says, "People do the wrong things not because they are bad people." They were hardly more than teenagers when Whitney was born prematurely. Doctors said she would experience developmental delays. "My parents set out to prove them wrong." They pushed too hard.

Michael Degrottole says his father "didn't like being around his family. He wasn't big on kindness, and he was terribly bigoted. And he could be brutal, not so much with me because I was a shy, sensitive kid who backed off from conflict. But when my brother stood up to him, he took a beating."

Before having children of his own, Degrottole loved his work with the families of children with special needs but didn't know if he wanted to be a father. "I didn't want to fail," he says. He waited until he was nearly 50 to welcome his first child and now, a father of three, is an engaged, loving dad . Still, there are times when he'll open his mouth and hear his father's voice come out. "I have to stop myself and tell myself I'm going too far."

Determined to do better

Kristin, a mother of three who asked us not to share her last name, decided as a child that she was going to be patient and even-tempered, like her mother, instead of erratic and angry, like her alcoholic father. Growing up and becoming a mom both underscored her intentions and put them in perspective.

She realized that while her mother never exactly condoned her father's behavior, she didn't observe her mother intervening in the moment. Yet she realizes now how difficult parenting can be. "I do get angry," she says. "It's okay to show that you're angry. That's only human. But when I do, I really try to make sure my kids know that the anger is specific to the situation, not about them personally, and that it's not ongoing. That's the tricky part."

How to Break the Bad Parenting Pattern

Breaking the bad parenting loop takes intentional work. It involves assessing your own tendencies, finding support, and taking the small steps that create big, lasting change.

Take an inventory of your parenting risks

The first step in doing better is often an honest inventory of your own strengths and weaknesses. You know you love your children. You know you don't ever want them to wonder, as you did, if they're remarkable or even worthy. Don't leave anything out: You like to laugh. You pack a great lunch.

But, where are the areas you might have a tendency to repeat patterns? Here are some questions to ask yourself that might help you unearth areas you could grow:

• Do I have a short fuse?
• Does discipline quickly default to yelling or sarcasm?
• Do I have a creeping tendency to insist I'm always right?
• Can I be distant when I'm hurt?
• Do I have a child who is expressing their own chronic stress through depression or whose way of expressing their distress is by getting into trouble?

If any of these traits describes you now or in the past, you're not alone, and there is hope in your awareness. Psychologist and Parents advisor Lisa Damour, Ph.D., cohost of the podcast Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting , asks, "How will you make meaning of that very difficult childhood? Being a parent causes emotions to surface that are very uncomfortable—for everyone. If you had parents who didn't handle dark feelings well, that means there will be extra work to do. But the more we understand our inner lives, the more options we have to move forward."

Get support

Many parents need help doing that work. Fortunately, we live in a time when there is less stigma attached to getting that help, whether from an online community or in a therapist's office.

Emotional difficulties are as real as any physical ailment, and you wouldn't set out to cure your own strep throat. Dr. Damour says, "People who can get themselves to my office are already showing a tremendous amount of strength. Nobody comes with all the answers."

It takes only one good role model, says therapist Leslie Moreland , LMHC of Sandwich, Massachusetts, who has seen the power of such relationships over and over in her years of work with troubled families and teen parents. "It can be a coach, a pediatrician, an aunt, a teacher, someone who sees the good in you," she says. "That one person can start to turn it all around."

Take small steps and build on them

Take small steps, advises Young. If you haven't been a warm and welcoming parent all the time, it may feel clumsy and awkward at first to make a shift toward loving care. The beginning of healing can feel like the beginning of an exercise routine: painful, even unsafe, with an overwhelming drive to go back to the way it was before.

Instead, let your eyes light up when your child comes into the room—even if you're not feeling it. Sit down together to say your good nights, and really mean that you hope the night will be good.

"You're opening a new brain pathway," says Young. "And when it feels like a real struggle, remember that when you change one part of a response, the others will start to change around it. Have patience with yourself. Just because you know how to play tennis now doesn't mean you're ready to go out and win at Wimbledon."

Every positive experience helps build stronger pathways. A 2019 study from researchers at Brigham Young University suggests that "counter-ACEs," or positive childhood experiences, have a beneficial effect on health and well-being regardless of the number of ACEs a child experiences. In fact, the absence of these positive experiences can be more detrimental than the adverse experiences themselves.

According to the CDC , positive childhood experiences include:

• Having routines and structure
• Receiving praise
• Having parents who listen
• Having parents who talk and play with their kids

So, every time your children can rely on you to react in a predictable, positive way, their emotional resiliency—that quality that will allow them to bounce back from tough experiences—grows stronger.

Establish boundaries with your own parents

What if your own parents are still part of the picture? You can find ways to engage with your parents if it feels right to you. Maybe they've cleaned up their act; maybe they want to be part of your children's lives.

Even for functioning families, holidays and special occasions, laced with nostalgia, excitement, and often alcohol, can be breeding grounds for conflict. If you're invited to a gathering, it may raise all those lost wishes that this Christmas, this Thanksgiving, would be different. A difficult parent may save up resentments to air in person: If this starts, be proud if you can gently make your excuses and leave. Your kids may be disappointed, but they will see that you remained self-possessed.

Even if your parents are perfectly behaved and loving with their grandkids, it can be a mixed blessing: It's only human nature to be wistful about what you were denied. Whitney sees her mom and dad as calm, wise grandparents to her preschool-age sons. "But when I hear how they speak to my younger sister, telling her that her depression was 'just looking for attention' and to not be a 'head case,' I know that if I didn't have children, I might not spend so much time with them."

And if you have no desire to see your parents at all, that's okay too. Although forgiveness as a ritual holds a popular place in modern culture, it isn't necessary to let bygones be bygones in order to move forward and be a good parent. That's a deeply personal choice, says clinical psychologist Alyson Corner, cofounder of MyHorridParent.com . And it's one you can make in your own way and in your own time.

Practice being a safe place for your kids

It's in our families that we first feel acceptance, says Tracy Lamperti , LMHC, a licensed mental-health counselor in Brewster, Massachusetts. It's there that we practice the social skills we take to the larger world. It can be an enormous effort for parents to put aside a traumatic history , but your kids need to know that their parents are a safe place to bring the hard stuff.

"A child wants to know, 'Who's going to hold me if I'm upset because someone was picking on me at school? Do I develop defense mechanisms and say it doesn't bother me, or is it safe to just hash it out?' They want to know that these are their people, their tribe. That they can be there for each other," Lamperti says.

When we were both very young parents, my brother said something to me that I think of all the time: "If Mom and Dad left us out in the water, well, then our kids are going to be safe on the sand, and their children are going to be up on the hill." Just as trauma can resonate through generations, so can healing.

The Qualities of a Good Parent

Just as bad parents have predictable traits, so do good parents. Honing these skills can be another way to break the bad parenting cycle.

An unqualified apology

One hallmark of bad parenting is the inability to admit fault. When you're wrong, it's a gift to validate your child's perceptions by saying you're sorry —no excuses. It's not their fault that you're tired or worried about work. Don't gloss over the mistake. Describe it and point out how it could have gone better.

It may be hard to resist complaining to your children about your parents (or frustrations or fears). But it's important that you not burden kids with information they may not be capable of grappling with or place them in the role of confidante .

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is committed more than ever to recognizing that children's physical health is connected with their family's emotional health, according to Dr. Bauer. According to the AAP , your child's health care provider is an important first resource for parents worried about their child's emotional health.

So don't be afraid to raise big issues, from safety to substance misuse in the family, with your child's doctor so they can connect you with help. Your shame over these problems is understandable, but it is not worth putting your children at risk if something is amiss at home.

You're rushed. Your child is rushed. But if you can extend saying good night, or simply sitting together or looking your child full in the face, even for another minute, it will increase your connection by magnitudes.

A time-out … for you

If you feel your parents' ways rising up in you, says Moreland, walk right out of the room. Keep walking. Have a cup of tea. Sleep on it. Nothing has to be settled that minute.

Persistence

Your kids really want you to succeed with them, and they'll give you plenty of do-overs. According to Dr. Bauer, it takes more than a few fails to shake their faith in you, so don't give up. When it means giving better than you got, you get credit for trying again, and again. As the old parenting adage goes: "You get a million chances."

The Bottom Line

Certainly, the easiest way to become a great parent is to have one or two yourself. But I dare to suggest that my harder-won competence might in some instances go deeper than that of my peers. As the experts I interviewed for this story and my own experiences taught me, I may be a better parent because I've seen firsthand the damage bad parenting can do.

Because of how I was parented, I'm even more motivated to do the right thing than some of my peers who had luckier childhoods. I'm determined to offer empathy where none was offered to me because I am acutely aware that I'm not just raising today's young people but also tomorrow's parents.

Most of all, I have courage. My own childhood was something I'd never wish on anyone, but it made me strong. If you grew up in a manner you would not wish on your own children, you likely have similar strength. And even if you had the loveliest parents alive, there is plenty of advice herein to help you parent better when, say, you're burned out, going through a rough patch, or just feeling discouraged.

This article originally appeared in Parents magazine's January 2021 issue as "How to Be a Good Parent After a Bad Childhood."

Related Articles

Qualities of a Good Parent Essay Example

Our parents are the individuals who have an effect on their children, and therefore they are the most important part of our development. There are several features that are important to being a successful parent. 

First of all, their children must be helped in every way. Parents, after all, are the ones who have the most faith. If they do not obtain any support, their inventions will be harmed. Take, for example, an extreme situation. Not all students are successful in the academic sector, but they can choose from different kinds of jobs. Parents play a vital role at this point in inspiring them to do something else. Nevertheless, whether they pay little attention to them or even neglect them, it seems like this universe has abandoned them. This is going to make them less optimistic and could ultimately go astray. 

Accountability is equally relevant. If the bad habits of their children are not changed at an early point, it can eventually lead to a serious outcome. I think a good example is my good friend. His parents abandoned him for so long that he started to be deviant and act out of character. He would steal, fight, and wouldn’t come to school. This led him to be in and out of jail on the regular. Having a good parent does affect a child in the long run.

Finally, the power of love is very necessary. Studies show that a well-sounded character would be created by being in a loved family. They tend to become more open-minded and sociable rather than children living in a careless household. Such features are often more likely to make them blend into a community or culture. Love is something that every child should get but unfortunately some won't experience it.

In my experience growing up, my mom was the most affectionate rather than my dad. Though I know my father loves me, he didn’t show it as much as I would have liked. It got harder as my parents grew apart and ultimately got a divorce. The love was and still is always there between me and my parents. Love is a certain thing that every child needs growing up, thankfully I had enough from my mom that I grew up to be an amazing human being.

To sum up, good parents need to be accountable, full of love and always on the side of children. Parents who have these features will ensure that their children are always the best. Though some parents won’t always be there for their child, I hope that when they get older it will be different for their children.

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The Qualities of Good Parenting: Love, Communication, and Consistency

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Essay on My Parents

Students are often asked to write an essay on My Parents in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on My Parents

Introduction.

My parents are my greatest strength. They are my guiding stars who always show me the right path.

My mother is a homemaker and an amazing cook. Her love and care are the pillars of our family.

In conclusion, my parents are my heroes. They always inspire me to become a better person.

250 Words Essay on My Parents

My parents, the lighthouses in the tempestuous sea of life, have been my constant source of inspiration and guidance. Their influence has been pivotal in shaping me into the person I am today.

My Father: The Pillar of Strength

My father, a paragon of discipline and determination, has always been my role model. His relentless pursuit of his goals, despite the hurdles, has taught me the importance of perseverance. His wisdom, gleaned from a life of experiences, has often been my compass in making crucial decisions.

My Mother: The Beacon of Love

My mother, on the other hand, is the epitome of love and compassion. Her gentle yet firm nature has taught me the delicate balance between kindness and assertiveness. Her ability to find joy in the smallest things is a lesson in gratitude and contentment.

Lessons Learned

Both my parents have instilled in me the values of honesty, integrity, and respect for all. They have taught me to be resilient in the face of adversity, to strive for excellence, and to never compromise on my principles.

500 Words Essay on My Parents

The pillars of my life: my parents.

In the grand scheme of life, parents are often the unsung heroes behind our success and the silent comforters in our failure. They are the architects of our character and the constant guiding force in our lives. This essay is a tribute to my parents, who have played an instrumental role in shaping my life.

The Foundation of Love and Sacrifice

My parents have always epitomized love and sacrifice. From the moment I was born, they prioritized my needs above their own, often going without so that I could have. Their sacrifices were not limited to material possessions but extended to their time, energy, and personal aspirations. They worked tirelessly, often juggling multiple jobs, to ensure that I had a comfortable life and a promising future.

Nurturing Growth and Independence

While they provided me with a safe and loving environment, they also encouraged me to be independent and self-reliant. They taught me the importance of hard work and perseverance, and they instilled in me a strong sense of responsibility and accountability. They were not ones to shield me from the harsh realities of life; instead, they equipped me with the skills and the mindset to face them head-on.

Teaching by Example

My parents, my role models.

As I grew older, I started to appreciate the depth of their wisdom and the breadth of their knowledge. They became my role models, not just as parents but as individuals. Their humility, despite their accomplishments; their generosity, despite their hardships; and their optimism, despite their struggles, have inspired me to strive to be a better person.

Gratitude and Appreciation

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98 Parent Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

🏆 best parent topic ideas & essay examples, 💡 most interesting parent topics to write about, 📌 simple & easy parent essay titles, 👍 good essay topics on parent.

• Single-Parent Families The chief materials that are to be used in the proposed experiment are the measurement scale to evaluate changes in adolescents’ attitudes towards single-parent families and the source of information about single-parent households.
• Good Parent-Children Relationship Characteristics of the children compared to those of the parents can also influence the relationships between the parents and the children.
• What Is a Concept Good Parent? Overall, a good parent is a parent who can offer one’s child love and affection which is important for his or her normal development as a dignified and contented person, and is also successful in […]
• Parent-Child Relationships in “Everyday Use” by Alice Walker The more distant and fractious relationship is between the narrator and Dee. The narrator is referred to as “Mama,” and a mama she is.
• What Is a Parent? In the cases wherein the egg and sperm do not come from the couple, and a surrogate is used to carry the child, who is the real parent of the child?
• Single Parent and Child Language Development The first-born child in a family is more likely to have a higher chance of better language development than the remaining children that follow him.
• Parent Interview: Through the Generations I was wondering about her understanding of the roles of mothers and fathers in a family and society, as well as the changes modern parenting undergoes. The development of family relationships is a choice a […]
• Parent Involvement Interview The teacher notes, “the Children’s daily report is effective means of communication between the class teacher and the parent because both parties must comment on a daily basis about the learner”.
• Parent-Teacher-Youth Mediation Program Analysis Firstly, the parent-child communication quality will be evaluated within the framework of the characteristics of their relationships and the ability to manage the conflicting situation.
• Parent Purchase Bottled Water With all the sweat and tears, I can feel that you must be really tired with all the work that you do. This total number of bottled water consumed excludes the water that you take […]
• The CAEP’s 7 Elements of Effective Parent-Teacher Partnerships Furthermore, engaging families in their child’s learning can also improve communication between families and educators, leading to a better understanding of student needs and more effective teaching and learning.
• Old-Young and Parent-Child Relationships in Early Chinese Society It is possible to apply the same principle to the relationships of the parent and the child, where the child should always respect the parent and follow their orders and advice.
• Child-Parent Relationships in Contemporary International Cinema Understanding the quality of the relationships between parents and children plays an important role in modern society, and various methods are used to deliver the message and share opinions.
• Parenthub as Resource for Parent-Child Relationships Building Unfortunately, not all parents understand effective methods of upbringing, do not realize the value of a favorable environment for the child’s independence, and neglect the appearance of the youth’s emotional anticipation.
• Children and Parent’s Adjustment Process The adjustment process of new children and their parents can be challenging for them and the teacher. Inviting the parents to the classroom can help with the separation anxiety in both children and their parents.
• The Relationship Between Single-Parent Households and Poverty The given literature review will primarily focus on the theoretical and empirical aspects of the relationship between single-parent households and poverty, as well as the implications of the latter on mental health issues, such as […]
• Empathy in Parent-Child Relationships It is the responsibility of parents to explain to their children what is right and what is wrong so that they can form their own opinion and develop a sense of self-worth.
• Parent-Child Relationships in Later Life My mother, in turn, seeks to demonstrate that she is not a child anymore, and the patronage of that kind insults her.
• What Every New Parent Should Know Undoubtedly, the issue of preparing for the baby is essential, and it touches almost every young couple, so the majority of people are familiar with it. For instance, the conflict between the parents and their […]
• New Parent Guide Assignment Their sense of smell is manifested at birth; they start distinguishing and preferring their mother’s scent. A baby’s attachment system can be actuated when their feelings of security and safety are threatened.
• Parent’s Right to Travel Out of the Country This paper seeks to analyze the parent’s right to travel out of the country and outlines why traveling has been an issue for the courts In the US, the Supreme Court acknowledges that every citizen […]
• Parent Involvement and Student Achievement The purpose of the study is to investigate whether parental involvement plays a role in elementary school student achievement.
• Success: How to Parent? Therefore, it is crucial to choose a competent approach to raising a child to not injure them in this way. This will help in choosing a profession and the entire path of life.
• Parent-School Communication The current paper includes an interview with the school’s principal regarding the opportunities for parent-school partnership.
• Disability Equality of a Disabled Lone Parent Although the officials were initially reluctant owing to her physical condition and the nature of work she was to perform, they allowed her to try.
• Teens Talking With Their Partners About Sex: The Role of Parent Communication The MSS covers areas relevant to the study that are the communication of students with parents, sexual behavior, and communication with sexual partners.
• The Parent-Involvement Research The REB attempts to balance between the benefits accrued to students from the research and the degree of interference in classroom activities. Therefore, Deslandes and Bertrand should have submitted the overall value of the research […]
• Incarceration of a Parent or a Guardian of Recidivist It is important to note that the survey will generalize the experiences of these people, and it will be possible to develop certain recommendations concerning reintegration programs.
• Parent or Guardian Who Is Against Group Work Issue The discussion is held in groups, the students are free to express their ideas about the topic and to give persuasive arguments.
• Parent-Child Relations in Poetry Robert Hayden is probably one of the best known for his verses that discover and articulate the African-American practice, from the epoch of slavery, and the times of Civil War, up to the time he […]
• Parent Involvement in the Elementary School Setting The problem that should be discussed regarding parent involvement is the low level of their participation and the lack of understanding of how to assist children in their studying.
• Parent-School Online Communication Platforms The above section has supported the use of different platforms to improve the way teachers share ideas and information with different parents in an attempt to improve learners’ outcomes.
• Verizon Wireless: Joint Venture and Parent Company In the end, Verizon was able to adopt a more sustainable orientation, securing its position and capitalizing on the growing wireless communication market.
• Parent Education and Discipline-Training Programs Child welfare Child welfare is a system designed to guarantee child safety and to improve the capability of parents or guidance to care for their children.
• Abbreviated Plans: Parent or Guardian Incarceration The purpose of this study is to evaluate the effectiveness of the program aimed at the reintegration of former inmates into society.
• Parent Volunteering in the Early Education Centers The essence of this practice is to make children aware of the colour palette and some of its peculiarities in the process of drawing and make sure all children learn to perform the task accurately […]
• Poverty in American Single-Parent Families It is necessary to note that the article provides an in-depth analysis of the correlation between social capital and single mothers’ wellbeing.
• Parent-Teacher Conferences and Their Forms The picture is a great example of a successful parent-teacher conference as all factors presented in it can greatly contribute to the mutual understanding and further cooperation of parents and a teacher.
• Infant-Parent Attachment: Secure or Insecure? Overall, it will be argued that a child with secure attachment, also referred to as strong attachment in the paper, is more aware, and easily interacts, with other people and his or her environment as […]
• Children’s Right to Be Parented by the Best Parent If we attempt to answer what the parent really is, we are likely to touch upon the assumptions about the grounds, on which the right to parent a child is based.
• Teacher-Parent Collaboration in Special Education One of the current trends in special education is the emphasis on the collaboration between the parents or caregivers of children with special needs and the providers of special education interventions.
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• Essay on Education

What Is A Good Parent? Essay Examples

Type of paper: Essay

Topic: Education , Learning , Children , Development , Childhood , Family , Love , Parents

Published: 01/03/2020

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This essay deals with the traits of good parents, what they are and what are their effects on their offspring. Good parents should be not only loving and caring, and providing education and learning, but also allowing the child the necessity to develop on his own, allowing autonomy and independence, in an effort to achieve self-sustenance and self-assuredness in the child.

Keywords: good parents, characteristics, children, development

The question of parenting is one that is resolved by human desire, or in other words, whoever wishes to become a parent, has every right to become one. Their capabilities are not put into question, their willingness, desire and potential to raise a child properly are not either. Living in such a word, where criminals roam free, as law abiding citizens do, one question still remains: how did some people turn out good and some people bad? Were they innately so, or must one take something else into account? Logic states that their earliest actions were governed by the words of their parents, and thus, good parents had good offspring, while bad parents had bad offspring. As always, deviations to any rules exist, and this is no exception to this rule. However, the issue of good parenting is still left open. Because, good parents urge their children towards a good path in life, not only providing unconditional love and support, education and learning, but also a sufficient amount of autonomy and independence, so that the child is aware of the fact that eventually, he will become self-sufficient and as such, a master of his own destiny.

Pamela Hinds, alongside her colleagues collaborating on their paper, claims that a “good parent makes informed, unselfish decisions in the child’s best interest; provides the basics of food, shelter, and clothing; remains at the child’s side regardless of the circumstances; shows the child that he or she is cherished; tries to prevent suffering and protect health; teaches the child to make good choices, to respect and have sympathy for others” (5982). Once parents look into the eyes of their newborn child, an unbreakable bond is created, one that is everlasting and unconditional, filled with love and support, but also criticism and allowing the child to make his own mistakes, simultaneously learning from them. Most importantly, parents are there to provide absolute love and support. Throughout the child’s development and life, good parents keep showing affection and shower their child with attention, praising the child whenever he has successfully completed a task, and generally, supporting their child in any and every endeavor. This shows the child that, no matter what it does, no matter what mistakes he makes, his parents will always be there to offer love and a helping hand. It is exactly this which allows the child to tread boldly in his life, without fear of ever remaining alone and unloved. Thus, good parents are the cause for this feeling of security and the child’s assured state of existence.

In addition, providing education and adequate learning is the second trait making a good parent. By this, it is not only implied that a parent should send his child to a high quality learning institution, but he also must have an active role in helping his child further his education, by supporting expected homework completion, participating in school activities and similar. Consequently, by providing a positive example the child can follow and look up to, the parent is creating a nurturing environment for his child to grow and develop, in turn, making the parent a truly great one.

Finally, a good parent knows when to back down and allow the child to make his own mistakes, still being there for him when the consequences appear. This might appear harsh from a certain perspective, but the final outcome is that this temporary mistake and consequences, build character in the child and he learns the value of self-reliance, while knowing that no matter what he does, he has the unconditional support of his family.

In the end, it is not only the relationship between parents and children that make good parents, it is also the relationship between parents themselves, and it is this nurturing surroundings and properly functional family unity that make good parents and good children.

References:

Carlson, M. J., McLanahan, S. S., & Brooks-Gunn, J. (2006). Do Good Partners Make Good Parents?: Relationship Quality and Parenting in Two-Parent Families (Working Paper No. 914). Princeton University, Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, Center for Research on Child Wellbeing.

Hinds, P. S., Oakes, L. L., Hicks, J., Powell, B., Srivastava, D. K., Spunt, S. L., Harper, J., et al. (2009). “Trying to Be a Good Parent” As Defined By Interviews With Parents Who Made Phase I, Terminal Care, and Resuscitation Decisions for Their Children. Journal of Clinical Oncology, 27(35).

Schwagmeyer, P. L., & Mock, D. W. (2003). How Consistently are Good Parents Good Parents? Repeatability of Parental Care in the House Sparrow, Passer domesticus. Ethology, 109(4), 303–313.

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• My Parents Essay

500 Words Essay On My Parents

We entered this world because of our parents. It is our parents who have given us life and we must learn to be pleased with it. I am grateful to my parents for everything they do for me. Through my parents essay, I wish to convey how valuable they are to me and how much I respect and admire them.

My Strength My Parents Essay

My parents are my strength who support me at every stage of life. I cannot imagine my life without them. My parents are like a guiding light who take me to the right path whenever I get lost.

My mother is a homemaker and she is the strongest woman I know. She helps me with my work and feeds me delicious foods . She was a teacher but left the job to take care of her children.

My mother makes many sacrifices for us that we are not even aware of. She always takes care of us and puts us before herself. She never wakes up late. Moreover, she is like a glue that binds us together as a family.

Parents are the strength and support system of their children. They carry with them so many responsibilities yet they never show it. We must be thankful to have parents in our lives as not everyone is lucky to have them.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

While my mother is always working at home, my father is the one who works outside. He is a kind human who always helps out my mother whenever he can. He is a loving man who helps out the needy too.

My father is a social person who interacts with our neighbours too. Moreover, he is an expert at maintaining his relationship with our relatives. My father works as a businessman and does a lot of hard work.

Even though he is a busy man, he always finds time for us. We spend our off days going to picnics or dinners. I admire my father for doing so much for us without any complaints.

He is a popular man in society as he is always there to help others. Whoever asks for his help, my father always helps them out. Therefore, he is a well-known man and a loving father whom I look up to.

Conclusion of My Parents Essay

I love both my parents with all my heart. They are kind people who have taught their children to be the same. Moreover, even when they have arguments, they always make up without letting it affect us. I aspire to become like my parents and achieve success in life with their blessings.

FAQ of My Parents Essay

Question 1: Why parents are important in our life?

Answer 1: Parents are the most precious gifts anyone can get. However, as not everyone has them, we must consider ourselves lucky if we do. They are the strength and support system of children and help them out always. Moreover, the parents train the children to overcome challenges and make the best decision for us.

Question 2: What do parents mean to us?

Answer 2: Parents mean different things to different people. To most of us, they are our source of happiness and protection. They are the ones who are the closest to us and understand our needs without having to say them out loud. Similarly, they love us unconditionally for who we are without any ifs and buts.

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Are you a better parent than your mom or dad? My son's question sent me into a spiral.

Gen x has a sort of aura about us that includes the idea that we raised ourselves, that we were the latchkey generation. that's a cool-sounding way to say we were home alone a lot..

My son asked me the other day if I had a "good mom." I started to go down a winding road of context, which included phrases like "it was a different time" or "it depends," but then stopped and answered his real question.  

"I don't know," I told him. "But I can tell you that your mom is better than mine." 

He seemed fine with that answer. It was probably a flare-up of curiosity from an 11-year-old boy who spends a great deal of time with his mom and who has begun thinking about what makes a "good parent."  

That short, random conversation, though, sent me down a rabbit hole of internalization.  

What even is a good parent? Am I a good parent? Are you a good parent? Those are scary questions to ask ourselves, but here is where I landed on the answers.

The world my mother parented in is wildly different than this one 

Generation X, born from 1965 to 1980 , has a sort of aura about us that includes the idea that we raised ourselves, that we were the latchkey generation.  

That's a cool-sounding way to say we were home alone a lot. That we would walk to school and back with zero check-ins. We would go home and do whatever we wanted for hours at a time without anybody truly knowing what we were up to.  

We would live in the world with our friends free of any parental involvement. Many of our parents had no idea what we were doing or what our lives were like.  

Should we let children do sleepovers? My 8-year-old daughter got her first sleepover invite. There's no way she's going.

Some of us, like my friends, used that time and freedom to make food, watch television or do homework. You know, productive stuff. The rest of us eventually realized doing whatever we wanted meant, well, doing whatever we wanted. That meant illegal stuff. Yes, I'm talking about drugs and alcohol.  

We weren't the first generation to experience that, but it somehow became our brand.

Another part of the Gen X lore is that we were "tough" and just powered through what we know today are mental health issues. You'll hear the more toxic members of my generation mock the youth who want time off when they need a break. I have occasionally joined that mocking, but I am trying to do better.  

What it means, though, is that we grew up knowing and sometimes being told outright that our opinion or overall sense of self didn't matter. We had anxiety. We lived with depression. We had music and movies that were full of angst . We were even offended by things.  

Opinion alerts: Get columns from your favorite columnists + expert analysis on top issues, delivered straight to your device through the USA TODAY app. Don't have the app? Download it for free from your app store .

But it didn't seem to matter to anybody, and we didn’t have social media for any sense of a larger community. We just lived with it, for better or worse, and now we wear that childhood and those scars as a badge of honor.

It’s fine, we tell ourselves. 

How did my feral childhood shape my parenting?

I didn’t get my first email until I was 22 years old, because that’s when Hotmail launched. It’s mind-blowing to think about how different things are and how our childhood affects how we now parent our own kids. 

Many of us decided to ensure that our children don’t experience emotional and physical isolation. We make it a point to acknowledge their feelings and experiences. In some cases, they are demanding it.   

Where I grew up learning that whatever issues or pain I was living with didn’t matter to the adults in the room, my son knows that everything he is feeling matters to us.  

Where I was beaten for acting out or disobeying, my son knows that we’ll have a talk about things and that while I will express anger and frustration, I won’t put my hands on him.  

Where my parents were not invested in my interests or activities, we’ll spend hours helping him learn about whatever he wants to learn about.  

So, is my son's mom better than mine?  

Now, after all of that internalizing and emotional treasure hunting, I need to go back to my son’s question: Does he have a better mother than I did?

When he asks again, I will tell him that my mother came to me with a different set of challenges, both external and internal, than his mother has to deal with. 

I will tell him that my mother had to move to a new country as a teenager, learn the language and culture while dealing with a level of racism I only read about. I will tell him that my mother did what she could to raise me and my sisters, and that whatever I am today, good and bad, is because of her.  

I will tell him that both mothers did and are doing their best given the worlds they were parenting in, but that he can be assured both mothers love their sons in a way that only mothers can.

In the end, that has to be good enough.  

Louie Villalobos is a deputy opinion editor for USA TODAY.

You can read diverse opinions from our Board of Contributors and other writers on the Opinion front page , on Twitter @usatodayopinion and in our daily Opinion newsletter .

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Guest Essay

Dad Brain Is Real, and It’s a Good Thing

By Darby Saxbe

Dr. Saxbe, a professor of psychology at the University of Southern California, is writing a book about how fatherhood changes the brain.

A father of three recently told me that if he could go back in time and give himself one piece of advice, it would be to have kids sooner. Fatherhood changed him; it gave his life purpose, he said. It turns out neuroscience agrees with him.

My research lab investigates how the brain changes when men become fathers, and we are discovering that fatherhood can be transformative for their brains and bodies. The brain and hormonal changes we observe in new dads tell us that nature intended men to participate in child rearing, because it equipped them with neurobiological architecture to do so. They, too, can show the fundamental instinct for nurturing that’s often attributed solely to mothers.

Not only that, but men’s involvement in fatherhood can have long-term benefits for their brain health — and for healthy societies. At a time when boys and men seem to be experiencing greater social isolation and declining occupational prospects, the role of father can provide a meaningful source of identity. But the transition to fatherhood can also be a time of vulnerability, which is why supporting fathers should be a priority for policymakers.

In a 2022 study , my colleagues and I collaborated with researchers in Spain to gather brain scans of a small number of first-time fathers before and after their children were born. Our results echoed studies of mothers done by some of the same researchers. In several landmark studies , they found that as women became mothers, their brains lost volume in gray matter, the layer of brain tissue rich with neurons, in regions across the brain, including those responsible for social and emotional processing.

Although a shrinking brain sounds like bad news, less can be more: These changes may fine-tune the brain to work more efficiently. The teenage brain also trims its gray matter as it develops. Women who lost more brain volume showed stronger attachment to their infants after birth, indicating that the shrinkage promoted bonding.

Our findings for fathers were similar. Men also lost gray matter volume in new fatherhood, in some of the same regions that changed in women. But volume reductions for dads were less pronounced. The findings for mothers had been so striking that a machine-learning algorithm could tell mothers and nonmothers apart by their brain scans alone. The picture was noisier for fathers. My hunch is that men’s brain changes looked less clear-cut because fathers vary so much in their levels of engagement in parenting.

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