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51 Constructive Feedback Examples for Students

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Constructive feedback is feedback that helps students learn and grow.

Even though it highlights students’ weaknesses, it is not negative feedback because it has a purpose. It is designed to help them identify areas for improvement.

It serves both as an example of positive reinforcement and a reminder that there is always room for further improvement. Studies show that students generally like feedback that points them in the right direction and helps them to improve. It can also increase motivation for students.

Why Give Constructive Feedback?

Constructive feedback is given to help students improve. It can help people develop a growth mindset by helping them understand what they need to do to improve.

It can also help people to see that their efforts are paying off and that they can continue to grow and improve with continued effort.

Additionally, constructive feedback helps people to feel supported and motivated to keep working hard. It shows that we believe in their ability to grow and succeed and that we are willing to help them along the way.

How to Give Constructive Feedback

Generally, when giving feedback, it’s best to:

Make your feedback specific to the student’s work
Point out areas where the student showed effort and where they did well
Offer clear examples of how to improve
Be positive about the student’s prospects if they put in the hard work to improve
Encourage the student to ask questions if they don’t understand your feedback

Furthermore, it is best to follow up with students to see if they have managed to implement the feedback provided.

General Constructive Feedback Examples for Students

The below examples are general templates that need to be edited so they are specific to the student’s work.

1. You are on the right track. By starting to study for the exam earlier, you may be able to retain more knowledge on exam day.

2. I have seen your improvement over time. As a next step, it is a good idea to…

3. You have improved a lot and should start to look towards taking on harder tasks for the future to achieve more self-development.

4. You have potential and should work on your weaknesses to achieve better outcomes. One area for improvement is…

5. Keep up the good work! You will see better results in the future if you make the effort to attend our study groups more regularly.

6. You are doing well, but there is always room for improvement. Try these tips to get better results: …

7. You have made some good progress, but it would be good to see you focusing harder on the assignment question so you don’t misinterpret it next time.

8. Your efforts are commendable, but you could still do better if you provide more specific examples in your explanations.

9. You have done well so far, but don’t become complacent – there is always room for improvement! I have noticed several errors in your notes, including…

10. It is great that you are trying your best, but don’t stop here – keep pushing yourself to get even better results. It would be good to see you editing your work to remove the small errors creeping into your work…

11. You have put in a lot of hard work, and it is starting to show. One area for improvement is your tone of voice, which sometimes comes across too soft. Don’t be afraid to project your voice next time.

12. You are making good progress, but don’t forget to focus on your weaknesses too. One weakness to focus on is…

13. Your efforts are commendable, but it would have been good to have seen you focus throughout as your performance waned towards the end of the session.

15. While your work is good, I feel you are becoming complacent – keep looking for ways to improve. For example, it would be good to see you concentrating harder on providing critique of the ideas explored in the class.

16. It is great that you are trying your best, but don’t stop here – keep pushing yourself to get even better results! Try to improve your handwriting by slowing down and focusing on every single letter.

17. You have put in a lot of hard work, and it is starting to show. Keep up the good work and you will see your grades slowly grow more and more. I’d like to see you improving your vocabulary for future pieces.

18. You are making good progress, but don’t forget to focus on your weaknesses too. One weakness to focus on is…

19. You have potential and should work on your using more appropriate sources to achieve better outcomes. As a next step, it is a good idea to…

Constructive Feedback for an Essay

1. Your writing style is good but you need to use more academic references in your paragraphs.

2. While you have reached the required word count, it would be good to focus on making sure every paragraph addresses the essay question.

3. You have a good structure for your essay, but you could improve your grammar and spelling.

4. You have made some good points, but you could develop them further by using more examples.

5. Your essay is well-written, but it would be helpful to provide more analysis of the topic.

6. You have answered the question well, but you could improve your writing style by being more concise.

7. Excellent job! You have covered all the key points and your writing is clear and concise.

8. There are a few errors in your essay, but overall it is well-written and easy to understand.

9. There are some mistakes in terms of grammar and spelling, but you have some good ideas worth expanding on.

10. Your essay is well-written, but it needs more development in terms of academic research and evidence.

11. You have done a great job with what you wrote, but you missed a key part of the essay question.

12. The examples you used were interesting, but you could have elaborated more on their relevance to the essay.

13. There are a few errors in terms of grammar and spelling, but your essay is overall well-constructed.

14. Your essay is easy to understand and covers all the key points, but you could use more evaluative language to strengthen your argument.

15. You have provided a good thesis statement , but the examples seem overly theoretical. Are there some practical examples that you could provide?

Constructive Feedback for Student Reports

1. You have worked very hard this semester. Next semester, work on being more consistent with your homework.

2. You have improved a lot this semester, but you need to focus on not procrastinating.

3. You are doing well in most subjects, but you could improve your grades by paying more attention in class and completing all your homework.

4. You are doing well in most subjects, but you could still improve your grades by studying more and asking for help when you don’t understand something.

5. You have shown great improvement this semester, keep up the good work! However, you might want to focus on improving your test scores by practicing more.

6. You have made some good progress this semester, but you need to continue working hard if you want to get good grades next year when the standards will rise again.

7. Next semester, focus on completing all your homework on time and paying more attention in class.

8. You have worked hard this semester, but you could still improve your grades by taking your time rather than racing through the work.

9. Next semester, focus on completing all your homework in advance so you have time to check it over before submission.

10. While you usually understand the instructions, don’t forget to ask for help when you don’t understand something rather than guessing.

11. You have shown great improvement this semester, but you need to focus some more on being self-motivated rather than relying on me to keep you on task.

Constructive feedback on Homework

1. While most of your homework is great, you missed a few points in your rush to complete it. Next time, slow down and make sure your work is thorough.

2. You put a lot of effort into your homework, and it shows. However, make sure to proofread your work for grammar and spelling mistakes.

3. You did a great job on this assignment, but try to be more concise in your writing for future assignments.

4. This homework is well-done, but you could have benefited from more time spent on research.

5. You have a good understanding of the material, but try to use more examples in your future assignments.

6. You completed the assignment on time and with great accuracy. I noticed you didn’t do the extension tasks. I’d like to see you challenging yourself in the future.

Examples of Feedback for Teachers
75 Formative Assessment Examples

Giving and receiving feedback is an important part of any learning process. All feedback needs to not only grade work, but give advice on next steps so students can learn to be lifelong learners. By providing constructive feedback, we can help our students to iteratively improve over time. It can be challenging to provide useful feedback, but by following the simple guidelines and examples outlined in this article, I hope you can provide comments that are helpful and meaningful.

Chris Drew (PhD)

Dr. Chris Drew is the founder of the Helpful Professor. He holds a PhD in education and has published over 20 articles in scholarly journals. He is the former editor of the Journal of Learning Development in Higher Education. [Image Descriptor: Photo of Chris]

Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd/ 15 Self-Actualization Examples (Maslow's Hierarchy)
Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd/ Forest Schools Philosophy & Curriculum, Explained!
Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd/ Montessori's 4 Planes of Development, Explained!
Chris Drew (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/chris-drew-phd/ Montessori vs Reggio Emilia vs Steiner-Waldorf vs Froebel

2 thoughts on “51 Constructive Feedback Examples for Students”

Very helpful to see so much great developmental feedback with so many different examples.

Great examples of constructive feedback, also has reinforced on the current approach i take.

16 constructive feedback examples — and tips for how to use them

constructive-feedback-examples-man-presenting-in-front-of-team

Giving constructive feedback is nerve-wracking for many people. But feedback is also necessary for thriving in the workplace.

It helps people flex and grow into new skills, capabilities, and roles. It creates more positive and productive relationships between employees. And it helps to reach goals and drive business value.

But feedback is a two-way street. More often than not, it’s likely every employee will have to give constructive feedback in their careers. That’s why it’s helpful to have constructive feedback examples to leverage for the right situation.

We know employees want feedback. But one study found that people want feedback if they’re on the receiving end . In fact, in every case, participants rated their desire for feedback higher as the receiver. While the fear of feedback is very real, it’s important to not shy away from constructive feedback opportunities. After all, it could be the difference between a flailing and thriving team.

If you’re trying to overcome your fear of providing feedback, we’ve compiled a list of 16 constructive feedback examples for you to use. We’ll also share some best practices on how to give effective feedback .

What is constructive feedback?

When you hear the word feedback, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? What feelings do you have associated with feedback? Oftentimes, feedback conversations are anxiety-ridden because it’s assumed to be negative feedback. Unfortunately, feedback has this binary stigma, it’s either good or bad.

But in reality, there are plenty of types of feedback leveraged in both personal and professional relationships. They don’t all fall into one camp or the other. And each type of feedback is serving a purpose to ultimately better an individual, team, or work environment.

For example, positive feedback can be used to reinforce desired behaviors or big accomplishments. Real-time feedback is reserved for those “in the moment” situations. Like if I’ve made a mistake or a typo in a blog, I’d want my teammates to give me real-time feedback .

However, constructive feedback is its own ball game.

What is constructive feedback?

Constructive feedback is a supportive way to improve areas of opportunity for an individual person, team, relationship, or environment. In many ways, constructive feedback is a combination of constructive criticism paired with coaching skills.

16 constructive feedback examples to use

To truly invest in building a feedback culture , your employees need to feel comfortable giving feedback. After all, organizations are people, which means we’re all human. We make mistakes but we’re all capable of growth and development. And most importantly, everyone everywhere should be able to live with more purpose, clarity, and passion.

But we won’t unlock everyone’s full potential unless your people are comfortable giving feedback. Some employee feedback might be easier to give than others, like ways to improve a presentation.

But sometimes, constructive feedback can be tricky, like managing conflict between team members or addressing negative behavior. As any leader will tell you, it’s critical to address negative behaviors and redirect them to positive outcomes. Letting toxic behavior go unchecked can lead to issues with employee engagement , company culture, and overall, your business’s bottom line.

Regardless of where on the feedback spectrum your organization falls, having concrete examples will help set up your people for success. Let’s talk through some examples of constructive feedback. For any of these themes, it’s always good to have specific examples handy to help reinforce the feedback you’re giving. We’ll also give some sample scenarios of when these phrases might be most impactful and appropriate.

Constructive feedback examples about communication skills

An employee speaks over others and interrupts in team meetings.

“I’ve noticed you can cut off team members or interrupt others. You share plenty of good ideas and do good work. To share some communication feedback , I’d love to see how you can support others in voicing their own ideas in our team meetings.”

An employee who doesn’t speak up or share ideas in team meetings.

“I’ve noticed that you don’t often share ideas in big meetings. But in our one-on-one meetings , you come up with plenty of meaningful and creative ideas to help solve problems. What can I do to help make you more comfortable speaking up in front of the team?”

An employee who is brutally honest and blunt.

“Last week, I noticed you told a teammate that their work wasn’t useful to you. It might be true that their work isn’t contributing to your work, but there’s other work being spread across the team that will help us reach our organizational goals. I’d love to work with you on ways to improve your communication skills to help build your feedback skills, too. Would you be interested in pursuing some professional development opportunities?”

An employee who has trouble building rapport because of poor communication skills in customer and prospect meetings.

“I’ve noticed you dive right into the presentation with our customer and prospect meetings. To build a relationship and rapport, it’s good to make sure we’re getting to know everyone as people. Why don’t you try learning more about their work, priorities, and life outside of the office in our next meeting?”

constructive-feedback-examples-woman-with-hands-up-at-table

Constructive feedback examples about collaboration

An employee who doesn’t hold to their commitments on group or team projects.

“I noticed I asked you for a deliverable on this key project by the end of last week. I still haven’t received this deliverable and wanted to follow up. If a deadline doesn’t work well with your bandwidth, would you be able to check in with me? I’d love to get a good idea of what you can commit to without overloading your workload.”

An employee who likes to gatekeep or protect their work, which hurts productivity and teamwork .

“Our teams have been working together on this cross-functional project for a couple of months. But yesterday, we learned that your team came across a roadblock last month that hasn’t been resolved. I’d love to be a partner to you if you hit any issues in reaching our goals. Would you be willing to share your project plan or help provide some more visibility into your team’s work? I think it would help us with problem-solving and preventing problems down the line.”

An employee who dominates a cross-functional project and doesn’t often accept new ways of doing things.

“I’ve noticed that two team members have voiced ideas that you have shut down. In the spirit of giving honest feedback, it feels like ideas or new solutions to problems aren’t welcome. Is there a way we could explore some of these ideas? I think it would help to show that we’re team players and want to encourage everyone’s contributions to this project.”

Constructive feedback examples about time management

An employee who is always late to morning meetings or one-on-ones.

“I’ve noticed that you’re often late to our morning meetings with the rest of the team. Sometimes, you’re late to our one-on-ones, too. Is there a way I can help you with building better time management skills ? Sometimes, the tardiness can come off like you don’t care about the meeting or the person you’re meeting with, which I know you don’t mean.”

A direct report who struggles to meet deadlines.

“Thanks for letting me know you’re running behind schedule and need an extension. I’ve noticed this is the third time you’ve asked for an extension in the past two weeks. In our next one-on-one, can you come up with a list of projects and the amount of time that you’re spending on each project? I wonder if we can see how you’re managing your time and identify efficiencies.”

An employee who continuously misses team meetings.

“I’ve noticed you haven’t been present at the last few team meetings. I wanted to check in to see how things are going. What do you have on your plate right now? I’m concerned you’re missing critical information that can help you in your role and your career.”

constructive-feedback-examples-woman-handing-people-papers

Constructive feedback examples about boundaries

A manager who expects the entire team to work on weekends.

“I’ve noticed you send us emails and project plans over the weekends. I put in a lot of hard work during the week, and won’t be able to answer your emails until the work week starts again. It’s important that I maintain my work-life balance to be able to perform my best.”

An employee who delegates work to other team members.

“I’ve noticed you’ve delegated some aspects of this project that fall into your scope of work. I have a full plate with my responsibilities in XYZ right now. But if you need assistance, it might be worth bringing up your workload to our manager.”

A direct report who is stressed about employee performance but is at risk of burning out.

“I know we have performance reviews coming up and I’ve noticed an increase in working hours for you. I hope you know that I recognize your work ethic but it’s important that you prioritize your work-life balance, too. We don’t want you to burn out.”

Constructive feedback examples about managing

A leader who is struggling with team members working together well in group settings.

“I’ve noticed your team’s scores on our employee engagement surveys. It seems like they don’t collaborate well or work well in group settings, given their feedback. Let’s work on building some leadership skills to help build trust within your team.”

A leader who is struggling to engage their remote team.

“In my last skip-levels with your team, I heard some feedback about the lack of connections . It sounds like some of your team members feel isolated, especially in this remote environment. Let’s work on ways we can put some virtual team-building activities together.”

A leader who is micromanaging , damaging employee morale.

“In the last employee engagement pulse survey, I took a look at the leadership feedback. It sounds like some of your employees feel that you micromanage them, which can damage trust and employee engagement. In our next one-on-one, let’s talk through some projects that you can step back from and delegate to one of your direct reports. We want to make sure employees on your team feel ownership and autonomy over their work.”

8 tips for providing constructive feedback

Asking for and receiving feedback isn’t an easy task.

But as we know, more people would prefer to receive feedback than give it. If giving constructive feedback feels daunting, we’ve rounded up eight tips to help ease your nerves. These best practices can help make sure you’re nailing your feedback delivery for optimal results, too.

Be clear and direct (without being brutally honest). Make sure you’re clear, concise, and direct. Dancing around the topic isn’t helpful for you or the person you’re giving feedback to.

Provide specific examples. Get really specific and cite recent examples. If you’re vague and high-level, the employee might not connect feedback with their actions.

constructive-feedback-examples-you-need-a-coach

Set goals for the behavior you’d like to see changed. If there’s a behavior that’s consistent, try setting a goal with your employee. For example, let’s say a team member dominates the conversation in team meetings. Could you set a goal for how many times they encourage other team members to speak and share their ideas?

Give time and space for clarifying questions. Constructive feedback can be hard to hear. It can also take some time to process. Make sure you give the person the time and space for questions and follow-up.

Know when to give feedback in person versus written communication. Some constructive feedback simply shouldn’t be put in an email or a Slack message. Know the right communication forum to deliver your feedback.

Check-in. Make an intentional effort to check in with the person on how they’re doing in the respective area of feedback. For example, let’s say you’ve given a teammate feedback on their presentation skills . Follow up on how they’ve invested in building their public speaking skills . Ask if you can help them practice before a big meeting or presentation.

Ask for feedback in return. Feedback can feel hierarchical and top-down sometimes. Make sure that you open the door to gather feedback in return from your employees.

Start giving effective constructive feedback

Meaningful feedback can be the difference between a flailing and thriving team. To create a feedback culture in your organization, constructive feedback is a necessary ingredient.

Think about the role of coaching to help build feedback muscles with your employees. With access to virtual coaching , you can make sure your employees are set up for success. BetterUp can help your workforce reach its full potential.

Unlock team potential

Boost your team's performance and engagement with tailored coaching strategies.

Madeline Miles

Madeline is a writer, communicator, and storyteller who is passionate about using words to help drive positive change. She holds a bachelor's in English Creative Writing and Communication Studies and lives in Denver, Colorado. In her spare time, she's usually somewhere outside (preferably in the mountains) — and enjoys poetry and fiction.

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5 effective constructive feedback examples: Unlocking student potential

This video provides an overview of the key features instructors need to know to make best use of Feedback Studio, accessed through the Turnitin website.

At Turnitin, we’re continuing to develop our solutions to ease the burden of assessment on instructors and empower students to meet their learning goals. Turnitin Feedback Studio and Gradescope provide best-in-class tools to support different assessment types and pedagogies, but when used in tandem can provide a comprehensive assessment solution flexible enough to be used across any institution.

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Providing constructive feedback examples to students is an important part of the learning journey and is crucial to student improvement. It can be used to feed a student’s love of learning and help build a strong student-teacher relationship. But it can be difficult to balance the “constructive” with the “feedback” in an effective way.

On one hand, we risk the student not absorbing the information, and therefore missing an opportunity for growth when we offer criticism, even when constructive. On the other hand, there is a risk of discouraging the student, dampening their desire to learn, or even harming their self-confidence. Further complicating the matter is the fact that every student learns differently, hears and absorbs feedback differently, and is at a different level of emotional and intellectual development than their peers.

We know that we can’t teach every student the exact same way and expect the same results for each of them; the same holds true for providing constructive feedback examples. For best results, it’s important to tailor how constructive feedback is provided based on content, student needs, and a variety of other factors.

In this blog, we’ll take a look at constructive feedback examples and the value of effective instructor feedback, centering on Dr. John Hattie’s research on “Where to next?” feedback. We’ll also offer key examples for students, so instructors at different grade levels can apply best practices right away.

In 1992 , Dr. John Hattie—in a meta-analysis of multiple scientific studies—found that “feedback has one of the positive influences on student achievement,” building on Sadler’s concept that good feedback can close the gap between where students are and where they aim to be (Sadler, 1989 ).

But before getting too far into specifics, it would be helpful to talk about what “constructive feedback” is. Not everyone will define it in quite the same way — indeed, there is no singular accepted definition of the phrase.

For example, a researcher in Buenos Aires, Argentina who studies medical school student and resident performance, defines it, rather dryly, as “the act of giving information to a student or resident through the description of their performance in an observed clinical situation.” In workplace scenarios , you’ll often hear it described as feedback that “reinforces desired behaviors” or, a definition that is closer to educators’ goals in the classroom, “a supportive way to improve areas of opportunity.”

Hattie and Clarke ( 2019 ) define feedback as the information about a learning task that helps students understand what is aimed to be understood versus what is being understood.

For the purposes of this discussion, a good definition of constructive feedback is any feedback that the giver provides with the intention of producing a positive result. This working definition includes important parts from other, varied definitions. In educational spaces, “positive result” usually means growth, improvement, or a lesson learned. This is typically accomplished by including clear learning goals and success criteria within the feedback, motivating students towards completing the task.

If you read this header and thought “well… always?” — yes. In an ideal world, all feedback would be constructive feedback.

Of course, the actual answer is: as soon, and as often, as possible.

Learners benefit most from reinforcement that's delivered regularly. This is true for learners of all ages but is particularly so for younger students. It's best for them to receive constructive feedback as regularly, and quickly, as possible. Study after study — such as this one by Indiana University researchers — shows that student information retention, understanding of tasks, and learning outcomes increase when they receive constructive feedback examples soon after the learning moment.

There is, of course, some debate as to precise timing, as to how soon is soon enough. Carnegie Mellon University has been using their proprietary math software, Cognitive Tutor , since the mid-90s. The program gives students immediate feedback on math problems — the university reports that students who use Cognitive Tutor perform better on a variety of assessments , including standardized exams, than their peers who haven’t.

By contrast, a study by Duke University and the University of Texas El Paso found that students who received feedback after a one-week delay retained new knowledge more effectively than students who received feedback immediately. Interestingly, despite better performance, students in the one-week delayed feedback group reported a preference for immediate feedback, revealing a metacognitive disconnect between actual and perceived effectiveness. Could the week delay have allowed for space between the emotionality of test-taking day and the calm, open-to-feedback mental state of post-assessment? Or perhaps the feedback one week later came in greater detail and with a more personalized approach than instant, general commentary? With that in mind, it's important to note that this study looked at one week following an assessment, not feedback that was given several weeks or months after the exam, which is to say: it may behoove instructors to consider a general window—from immediate to one/two weeks out—after one assessment and before the next assessment for the most effective constructive feedback.

The quality of feedback, as mentioned above, can also influence what is well absorbed and what is not. If an instructor can offer nuanced, actionable feedback tailored to specific students, then there is a likelihood that those students will receive and apply that constructive feedback more readily, no matter if that feedback is given minutes or days after an assessment.

Constructive feedback is effective because it positively influences actions students are able to take to improve their own work. And quick feedback works within student workflows because they have the information they need in time to prepare for the next assessment.

No teacher needs a study to tell them that motivated, positive, and supported students succeed, while those that are frustrated, discouraged, or defeated tend to struggle. That said, there are plenty of studies to point to as reference — this 2007 study review and this study from 2010 are good examples — that show exactly that.

How instructors provide feedback to students can have a big impact on whether they are positive and motivated or discouraged and frustrated. In short, constructive feedback sets the stage for effective learning by giving students the chance to take ownership of their own growth and progress.

It’s one thing to know what constructive feedback is and to understand its importance. Actually giving it to students, in a helpful and productive way, is entirely another. Let’s dive into a few elements of successful constructive feedback:

When it comes to providing constructive feedback that students can act on, instructors need to be specific.

Telling a student “good job!” can build them up, but it’s vague — a student may be left wondering which part of an assessment they did good on, or why “good” as opposed to “great” or “excellent” . There are a variety of ways to go beyond “Good job!” on feedback.

On the other side of the coin, a note such as “needs work” is equally as vague — which part needs work, and how much? And as a negative comment (the opposite of constructive feedback), we risk frustrating them or hurting their confidence.

Science backs up the idea that specificity is important . As much as possible, educators should be taking the time to provide student-specific feedback directly to them in a one-on-one way.

There is a substantial need to craft constructive feedback examples in a way that they actively address students’ individual learning goals. If a student understands how the feedback they are receiving will help them progress toward their goal, they’re more likely to absorb it.

Our veteran Turnitin team of educators worked directly with Dr. John Hattie to research the impact of “Where to next?” feedback , a powerful equation for goal-oriented constructive feedback that—when applied formatively and thoughtfully—has been shown to dramatically improve learning outcomes. Students are more likely to revise their writing when instructors include the following three essential components in their feedback:

Issue: Highlighting and clearly describing the specific issue related to the writing task.
Relevance: Aligning feedback explicitly to the stated expectations of the assignment (i.e. rubric).
Action: Providing the learner with their “next steps,” appropriately guiding the work, but not giving away the answer.

It’s also worth noting that quality feedback does not give the answer outright to the student; rather, it offers guidelines and boundaries so the students themselves can do their own thinking, reasoning, and application of their learning.

As mentioned earlier, it's hard to balance the “constructive” with the “feedback” in an effective way. It’s hard, but it’s important that instructors learn how to do it, because how feedback is presented to a student can have a major impact on how they receive it .

Does the student struggle with self confidence? It might be helpful to precede the corrective part of the feedback acknowledging something they did well. Does their performance suffer when they think they’re being watched? It might be important not to overwhelm them with a long list of ideas on what they could improve.

Constructive feedback examples, while cued into the learning goals and assignment criteria, also benefit from being tailored to both how students learn best and their emotional needs. And it goes without saying that feedback looks different at different stages in the journey, when considering the age of the students, the subject area, the point of time in the term or curriculum, etc.

In keeping everything mentioned above in mind, let’s dive into five different ways an instructor could give constructive feedback to a student. Below, we’ll look at varying scenarios in which the “Where to next?” feedback structure could be applied. Keep in mind that feedback is all the more powerful when directly applied to rubrics or assignment expectations to which students can directly refer.

Below is the template that can be used for feedback. Again, an instructor may also choose to couple the sentences below with an encouraging remark before or after, like: "It's clear you are working hard to add descriptive words to your body paragraphs" or "I can tell that you conducted in-depth research for this particular section."

For instructors with a pile of essays needing feedback and marks, it can feel overwhelming to offer meaningful comments on each one. One tip is to focus on one thing at a time (structure, grammar, punctuation), instead of trying to address each and every issue. This makes feedback not only more manageable from an instructor’s point of view, but also more digestible from a student’ s perspective.

Example: This sentence might be difficult for your readers to understand. Reword this sentence so your meaning is clear to your audience.

Rubrics are an integral piece of the learning journey because they communicate an assignment’s expectations to students. When rubrics are meaningfully tied to a project, it is clear to both instructors and students how an assignment can be completed at the highest level. Constructive feedback can then tie directly to the rubric , connecting what a student may be missing to the overarching goals of the assignment.

Example: The rubric requires at least three citations in this paper. Consider integrating additional citations in this section so that your audience understands how your perspective on the topic fits in with current research.

Within Turnitin Feedback Studio, instructors can add an existing rubric , modify an existing rubric in your account, or create a new rubric for each new assignment.

QuickMark comments are sets of comments for educators to easily leave feedback on student work within Turnitin Feedback Studio.

Educators may either use the numerous QuickMarks sets readily available in Turnitin Feedback Studio, or they may create sets of commonly used comments on their own. Regardless, as a method for leaving feedback, QuickMarks are ideal for leaving “Where to next?” feedback on student work.

Here is an example of “Where to next?” feedback in QuickMarks:

It can be just as helpful to see a non-example of “Where to next?” feedback. In the image below, a well-meaning instructor offers feedback to a student, reminding them of what type of evidence is required in an argumentative essay. However, Issue and Action are missing, which leaves the student wondering: “Where exactly do I need to improve my support? And what next steps ought to be taken?”

Here is a non-example of “Where to next?” feedback in QuickMarks:

As an instructor in a STEM class, one might be wondering, “How do I apply this structure to my feedback?” While “Where to next?” feedback is most readily applied to English Language Arts/writing course assignments, instructors across subject areas can and should try to implement this type of feedback on their assignments by following the structure: Issue + Relevance + Action. Below is an example of how you might apply this constructive feedback structure to a Computer Science project:

Example: The rubric asks you to avoid “hard coding” values, where possible. In this line, consider if you can find a way to reference the size of the array instead.

As educators, we have an incredible power: the power to help struggling students improve, and the power to help propel excelling students on to ever greater heights.

This power lies in how we provide feedback. If our feedback is negative, punitive, or vague, our students will suffer for it. But if it's clear, concise, and, most importantly, constructive feedback, it can help students to learn and succeed.

Study after study have highlighted the importance of giving students constructive feedback, and giving it to them relatively quickly. The sooner we can give them feedback, the fresher the information is in their minds. The more constructively that we package that feedback, the more likely they are to be open to receiving it. And the more regularly that we provide constructive feedback examples, the more likely they are to absorb those lessons and prepare for the next assessment.

The significance of providing effective constructive feedback to students cannot be overstated. By offering specific, actionable insights, educators foster a sense of self-improvement and can truly help to propel students toward their full potential.

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5 Well-crafted Essay Feedback Examples That Promote Growth

backlinkworks
Writing Articles & Reviews
September 15, 2023

Introduction

Providing constructive and valuable feedback is a crucial aspect of the learning process for students. By offering insightful comments, educators can guide students towards improvement and growth in their essay writing skills. In this article, we will explore five well-crafted essay feedback examples that promote growth and development in students.

Example 1: Highlighting Strengths and Areas for Improvement

One effective feedback approach is to first recognize the strengths of a student’s essay. Start by pointing out the well-developed arguments, strong use of evidence, or exceptional creativity demonstrated in the paper. By acknowledging these strengths, students gain confidence and motivation to continue their growth. However, IT is equally important to point out areas for improvement. Identify the weaker arguments, inconsistencies, or areas that lack clarity. Provide specific suggestions, such as recommending additional research or providing examples to support their claims.

Example 2: Encouraging Critical Thinking

Essay feedback should encourage students to think critically about their arguments and evidence. Prompt them to question assumptions, analyze the underlying logic, and consider alternative viewpoints. For instance, instead of simply providing answers or corrections, ask probing questions that encourage deeper reflection. By fostering critical thinking skills, students learn to evaluate their own work more objectively and develop a more nuanced understanding of the subject matter.

Example 3: Providing Clear and Actionable Suggestions

Clear feedback needs to provide specific suggestions for improvement. Rather than simply stating that the introduction is weak, provide guidance on how to make IT stronger. For instance, suggest different ways to hook the reader or restructure the introduction to create a more compelling thesis statement. Specific and actionable suggestions give students tangible steps to take to enhance their essays, enabling them to actively work towards growth.

Example 4: Focusing on Grammar and Language

In addition to addressing content and arguments, essay feedback should also focus on grammar and language. While IT is important to acknowledge that these aspects do not determine the overall quality of an essay, providing feedback on language use helps students become more effective communicators. Offer suggestions on sentence structure, word choice, and clarity. Additionally, recommend reliable resources, such as grammar guides or language learning tools, to further assist with language improvement.

Example 5: Encouraging Revision and Reflective Practice

Feedback should emphasize the importance of revision and encourage students to engage in reflective practices. Guide students in reflecting on their initial writing process and identifying specific areas for modification. Encourage multiple drafts, emphasizing that quality essays are rarely achieved with just one attempt. By promoting revision and reflection, students understand the iterative nature of writing and are motivated to continuously enhance their skills.

Effective essay feedback is a powerful tool in promoting growth and development in students’ writing abilities. By highlighting strengths and areas for improvement, encouraging critical thinking, providing clear suggestions, focusing on grammar and language, and emphasizing revision and self-reflection, educators can help students become better writers. Constructive feedback not only enhances their current work but also equips students with invaluable skills for future endeavors.

Q: How can essay feedback benefit students?

A: Essay feedback benefits students by encouraging growth and improvement in their writing skills. IT allows them to identify their strengths and weaknesses, prompts critical thinking, and offers actionable suggestions for enhancement.

Q: Should essay feedback only focus on grammar and language?

A: No, essay feedback should not be limited to grammar and language alone. While these aspects are crucial, feedback must also address content , arguments, structure, and clarity. Providing feedback on all these aspects contributes to overall growth in a student’s writing ability.

Q: How often should students receive essay feedback?

A: The frequency of essay feedback may vary depending on educational settings and assignments. However, IT is beneficial for students to receive feedback on a regular basis, ideally after each major essay submission. Frequent feedback enables students to apply the suggestions and lessons learned to subsequent assignments, fostering continuous growth.

Q: How should feedback be delivered to students?

A: Feedback can be delivered in various formats, such as written comments, in-person discussions, or even audio/video recordings. IT is essential to choose a delivery method that ensures clarity and allows students to fully understand the feedback provided. Additionally, offering opportunities for students to ask questions or seek further clarification supports their growth.

Q: Can feedback be overwhelming for students?

A: Feedback, if not properly delivered, can feel overwhelming for students. IT is essential for educators to balance constructive criticism with acknowledgment of their strengths. Providing clear and specific suggestions, along with encouragement and support, can help students navigate feedback and view IT as an opportunity for growth.

Providing well-crafted essay feedback is an art. Educators who perfect this skill empower their students to develop stronger writing abilities, critical thinking skills, and a growth mindset. By employing these five examples of effective feedback, teachers can make a lasting impact on their students’ writing journey.

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10 Types of Essay Feedback and How to Respond to Them

Image shows someone writing in a notebook that's rested on their knees.

The moment of truth has arrived: you’ve got your marked essay back and you’re eagerly scanning through it, taking in the amount of red pen, and looking at the grade and hastily scrawled feedback at the end.

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After deciphering the handwriting, you’re able to see a brief assessment of how you’ve performed in this essay, and your heart either leaps or sinks. Ideally, you’d receive detailed feedback telling you exactly where you fell short and providing helpful guidance on how to improve next time. However, the person marking your essay probably doesn’t have time for that, so instead leaves you very brief remarks that you then have to decode in order to understand how you can do better. In this article, we look at some of the common sorts of remarks you might receive in essay feedback, what they mean, and how to respond to them or take them on board so that you can write a better essay next time – no matter how good this one was!

1. “Too heavily reliant on critics”

We all fall into the trap of regurgitating whatever scholarship we happen to have read in the run-up to writing the essay, and it’s a problem that reveals that many students have no idea what their own opinion is. We’re so busy paraphrasing what scholars have said that we forget to think about whether we actually agree with what they’ve said. This is an issue we discussed in a recent article on developing your own opinion , in which we talked about how to approach scholarship with an open and critical mind, make up your own mind and give your own opinion in your essays. If you’ve received this kind of feedback, the person marking your essay has probably noticed that you’ve followed exactly the same line of thinking as one or more of the books on your reading list, without offering any kind of original comment. Take a look at the article linked to just now and you’ll soon be developing your own responses.

2. “Too short”

If your essay falls significantly short of the prescribed word count, this could suggest that you haven’t put in enough work. Most essays will require extensive reading before you can do a topic justice, and if you’ve struggled to fill the word count, it’s almost certainly because you haven’t done enough reading, and you’ve therefore missed out a significant line of enquiry. This is perhaps a sign that you’ve left it too late to write your essay, resulting in a rushed and incomplete essay (even if you consider it finished, it’s not complete if it hasn’t touched on topics of major relevance). This problem can be alleviated by effective time management, allowing plenty of time for the research phase of your essay and then enough time to write a detailed essay that touches on all the important arguments. If you’re struggling to think of things to say in your essay, try reading something on the topic that you haven’t read before. This will offer you a fresh perspective to talk about, and possibly help you to understand the topic clearly enough to start making more of your own comments about it.

3. “Too long”

[pullquote] “The present letter is a very long one, simply because I had no leisure to make it shorter” – Blaise Pascal [/pullquote]It sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s actually much easier to write an essay that’s too long than one that’s too short. This is because we’re all prone to waffling when we’re not entirely sure what we want to say, and/or because we want to show the person marking our essay that we’ve read extensively, even when some of the material we’ve read isn’t strictly relevant to the essay question we’ve been set. But the word count is there for a reason: it forces you to be clear and concise, leaving out what isn’t relevant. A short (say, 500-word) essay is actually a challenging academic exercise, so if you see fit to write twice the number of words, the person marking the essay is unlikely to be impressed. Fifty to a hundred words over the limit probably won’t be too much of an issue if that’s less than 10% of the word count, and will probably go unnoticed, but if you’ve ended up with something significantly over this, it’s time to start trimming. Re-read what you’ve written and scrutinise every single line. Does it add anything to your argument? Are you saying in ten words what could be said in three? Is there a whole paragraph that doesn’t really contribute to developing your argument? If so, get rid of it. This kind of ruthless editing and rephrasing can quickly bring your word count down, and it results in a much tighter and more carefully worded essay.

4. “Contradicts itself”

Image shows a snake eating its own tail, from a medieval manuscript.

Undermining your own argument is an embarrassing mistake to make, but you can do it without realising when you’ve spent so long tweaking your essay that you can no longer see the wood for the trees. Contradicting yourself in an essay is also a sign that you haven’t completely understood the issues and haven’t formed a clear opinion on what the evidence shows. To avoid this error, have a detailed read through your essay before you submit it and look in particular detail at the statements you make. Looking at them in essence and in isolation, do any of them contradict each other? If so, decide which you think is more convincing and make your argument accordingly.

5. “Too many quotations”

It’s all too easy to hide behind the words of others when one is unsure of something, or lacking a complete understanding of a topic. This insecurity leads us to quote extensively from either original sources or scholars, including long chunks of quoted text as a nifty way of upping the word count without having to reveal our own ignorance (too much). But you won’t fool the person marking your essay by doing this: they’ll see immediately that you’re relying too heavily on the words of others, without enough intelligent supporting commentary, and it’s particularly revealing when most of the quotations are from the same source (which shows that you haven’t read widely enough). It’s good to include some quotations from a range of different sources, as it adds colour to your essay, shows that you’ve read widely and demonstrates that you’re thinking about different kinds of evidence. However, if you’ve received this kind of feedback, you can improve your next essay by not quoting more than a sentence at a time, making the majority of the text of your essay your own words, and including plenty of your own interpretation and responses to what you’ve quoted. Another word of advice regarding quotations: one of my tutors once told me is that one should never end an essay on a quotation. You may think that this is a clever way of bringing your essay to a conclusion, but actually you’re giving the last word to someone else when it’s your essay, and you should make the final intelligent closing remark. Quoting someone else at the end is a cop-out that some students use to get out of the tricky task of writing a strong final sentence, so however difficult the alternative may seem, don’t do it!

6. “Not enough evidence”

Image shows someone magnifying part of a plant with a magnifying glass.

In an essay, every point you make must be backed up with supporting evidence – it’s one of the fundamental tenets of academia. You can’t make a claim unless you can show what has lead you to it, whether that’s a passage in an original historical source, the result of some scientific research, or any other form of information that would lend credibility to your statement. A related problem is that some students will quote a scholar’s opinion as though it were concrete evidence of something; in fact, that is just one person’s opinion, and that opinion has been influenced by the scholar’s own biases. The evidence they based the opinion on might be tenuous, so it’s that evidence you should be looking at, not the actual opinion of the scholar themselves. As you write your essay, make a point of checking that everything you’ve said is adequately supported.

7. “All over the place” / “Confused”

An essay described as “all over the place” – or words to that effect – reveals that the student who wrote it hasn’t developed a clear line of argument, and that they are going off at tangents and using an incoherent structure in which one point doesn’t seem to bear any relation to the previous one. A tight structure is vital in essay-writing, as it holds the reader’s interest and helps build your argument to a logical conclusion. You can avoid your essay seeming confused by writing an essay plan before you start. This will help you get the structure right and be clear about what you want to say before you start writing.

8. “Misses the point”

Image shows a dartboard with darts clustered around the bullseye.

This feedback can feel particularly damning if you’ve spent a long time writing what you thought was a carefully constructed essay. A simple reason might be that you didn’t read the question carefully enough. But it’s also a problem that arises when students spend too long looking at less relevant sources and not enough at the most important ones, because they ran out of time, or because they didn’t approach their reading lists in the right order, or because they failed to identify correctly which the most important sources actually were. This leads to students focusing on the wrong thing, or perhaps getting lost in the details. The tutor marking the essay, who has a well-rounded view of the topic, will be baffled if you’ve devoted much of your essay to discussing something you thought was important, but which they know to be a minor detail when compared with the underlying point. If you’re not sure which items on your reading list to tackle first, you could try asking your tutor next time if they could give you some pointers on which of the material they recommend you focus on first. It can also be helpful to prompt yourself from time to time with the question “What is the point?”, as this will remind you to take a step back and figure out what the core issues are.

9. “Poor presentation”

This kind of remark is likely to refer to issues with the formatting of your essay, spelling and punctuation , or general style. Impeccable spelling and grammar are a must, so proofread your essay before you submit it and check that there are no careless typos (computer spell checks don’t always pick these up). In terms of your writing style , you might get a comment like this if the essay marker found your writing either boring or in a style inappropriate to the context of a formal essay. Finally, looks matter: use a sensible, easy-to-read font, print with good-quality ink and paper if you’re printing, and write neatly and legibly if you’re handwriting. Your essay should be as easy to read as possible for the person marking it, as this lessens their workload and makes them feel more positively towards your work.

10. “Very good”

Image shows a wooden box marked "Suggestion Box."

On the face of it, this is the sort of essay feedback every student wants to hear. But when you think about it, it’s not actually very helpful – particularly when it’s accompanied by a mark that wasn’t as high as you were aiming for. With these two words, you have no idea why you didn’t achieve top marks. In the face of such (frankly lazy) marking from your teacher or lecturer, the best response is to be pleased that you’ve received a positive comment, but to go to the person who marked it and ask for more comments on what you could have done to get a higher mark. They shouldn’t be annoyed at your asking, because you’re simply striving to do better every time.

General remarks on responding to essay feedback

We end with a few general pieces of advice on how to respond to essay feedback.

Don’t take criticism personally.
Remember that feedback is there to help you improve.
Don’t be afraid to ask for more feedback if what they’ve said isn’t clear.
Don’t rest on your laurels – if you’ve had glowing feedback, it’s still worth asking if there’s anything you could have done to make the essay even better.

It can be difficult to have one’s hard work (metaphorically) ripped apart or disparaged, but feedback is ultimately there to help you get higher grades, get into better universities, and put you on a successful career path; so keep that end goal in mind when you get your essay back.

Image credits: banner ; library ; snake ; magnifying glass ; dartboard ; suggestions box .

How to give constructive feedback on writing that rocks

Knowing how to give great feedback (and also how to spot writing feedback that serves rather than shuts down) is crucial for author growth. Learn more about helpful vs unhelpful feedback.

Post author By Jordan
17 Comments on How to give constructive feedback on writing that rocks

Learning how to give constructive feedback on writing is a valuable communication skill. Understanding the difference between helpful and unhelpful feedback is wisdom you can apply in other areas of life – in relationships; when a friend asks your honest opinion. Learn how to give sensitive, useful critique (plus strategies for taking feedback on your own writing better):

How to give constructive feedback:

Remember the purpose of writing feedback, understand helpful vs not helpful feedback, prioritize your suggestions, use the ‘slug sandwich’ to temper criticism, match critique style to the writer’s level, critique the writing, not the author.

Why give writing feedback to others in a writing group, in a critique circle, or become a beta reader ? Giving feedback:

Helps others improve their writing so they can reach their goals.
Improves your own problem-solving (developing critical thinking skills you can apply to your own work).
Builds rapport with writers that sustains productive collaboration (when given in a tactful and supportive way).

The purpose of writing feedback depends, of course, on its context.

In a classroom, feedback is to assist language learners in developing skills such as composition, clarity, style and general language usage. Feedback helps you see the common languag e or formal errors you make most often, and learn how to avoid making the same mistakes repeatedly.

In a fiction writing group or editing process , feedback provides uses such as having an external sounding board, collaboration, and developing your writing towards a further goal (such as publication).

Helpful feedback is commentary that helps a writer to make a text a better version of itself.

It does not tell the recipient ‘you are bad’ or ‘I am better’. Rather, it is driven by an ethos of ‘let’s make this stronger, together’.

Helpful writing critique tends to provide:

Comments aligned to the writer’s stated or implicit goals (e.g. if the author is writing romance, an implicit goal is that the story’s central conflicts involves romantic relationships, the conventions of this genre)
Specific, actionable suggestions (compare ‘this part might be even more interesting if you…’ to ‘this part is boring’)
Examples – compare ‘Ugh this is full of comma splices’ to ‘you have a comma splice between [two given words]’. The second pinpoints an actionable improvement

Types of unhelpful writing feedback include feedback that uses:

Mean/unkind tone likely to discourage (e.g. ‘You should give up writing’)
Sweeping suggestions that lack specificity (e.g. ‘This isn’t interesting’)
Subjective bias presented as a universal value (e.g. giving a negative critique because the feedback giver does not like the genre, regardless of the writing’s own qualities)

Here is an example of less constructive feedback from the comments section of this article:

This is unhelpful propaganda. Brutal honesty is a kindness. Commentator, ‘Irefuse’

The comment checks all three of the above points:

Its tone is direct but unkind and discouraging in its use of negative exaggeration (accusation of a defamatory nature – the false accusation of creating ‘propaganda’).
It makes sweeping claims without examples to back up the argument or further specificity (‘propaganda’ is defined as ‘information, especially of a biased or misleading nature, used to promote a political cause or point of view’).
It makes the universal yet subjective statement that ‘brutal honesty is a kindness’. The truth is many writers will not experience your brutal honesty in writing groups or reviews as kind. This is where the distinction between a nuanced critique and vitriol matters, the sensitive and empathic versus the excoriating hatchet job. Empathy and intent make a difference in whether people can hear – and act on – feedback.

Critique empowers, or opens up another perspective. Criticism is harsher, the kind of ‘brutal honesty’ that may be unhelpful or counter-productive.

Let’s look at how to give good feedback on writing, given the above:

A great strategy for giving critique is to prioritize your suggestions. George Mason University has a helpful guide to giving feedback that talks about ‘Higher Order Concerns’ (issues such as overall clarity, effectiveness) and ‘Lower Order Concerns’ (minor, sentence-level issues such as SPAG, also known as spelling, punctuation and grammar).

Lead with the most important, standout aspects. First the good elements, then the areas needing improvement.

Our manuscript evaluations are structured this way (the first two sections highlighting standout positives and broad areas for improvement).

This means the writer leads with encouragement they can carry over as ‘buffer’ into any more critical observations. There’s an aura of positivity to tide them over, through any rougher patches.

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Stay accountable, in a structured program with writing sprints, coach Q&As, webinars and feedback in an intimate writing group.

This is a classic approach to criticism (often, a curse word replaces ‘slug’ – this is the classroom-friendly version).

What is a ‘slug sandwich’ in writing feedback? You:

Give kudos to or acknowledge the writing’s most effective aspects – what gave you the most pleasure or appeared the most effective.
Next, you move on to areas that (in your opinion) require further work, preferably with specific, actionable examples.
End with sincere words of encouragement.

How to give constructive feedback - the slug sandwich - infographic

Example of constructive critique

An example of constructive writing feedback using this approach for the classic fable Cinderella:

[The ‘top slice’ of kudos] I enjoyed how you showed the complex family dynamics between Cinderella and her step-mother and mean step-sisters – this rang true of an adjustment phase that often does happen in blended families. [The ‘middle slug’ of suggestion] The fairy godmother could read like a deus ex machina to some – something that comes in and saves the day, making success a little too certain or easy for Cinderella. Is there perhaps a further challenge she might have where the godmother is unable to assist her, like a ‘dark night of the soul’, something that truly tests her and she has to stand alone and ‘figure it out’ for herself? [The ‘bottom slice’ of encouragement] You’ve captured the relationships within the family well. Perhaps consider cutting off the godmother’s support in the rising action towards the end so that the stakes and suspense are even higher. Keep going! Example of three-part, constructive feedback

Common criticisms of this feedback approach (often shared in the business world) are:

People come away only remembering the ‘bread’ of kudos and encouragement (criticism gets lost in the mix).
It may seem inauthentic due to having a somewhat ‘templated’ format that can seem impersonal.

These are valid objections to this approach. However, if you keep each part to the point, and strive to fill your feedback with empathy, purpose and tact (authentic connection, in other words), your feedback should still be effective.

It’s better than harsh feedback which shuts down openness and discussion.

In a critique circle or as an editor starting out, you’ll likely find yourself critiquing writers who are writing at all different levels.

In a Critiques Live writing workshop (a Now Novel membership benefit for The Process and other plans), some Now Novel members shared that they ‘didn’t feel qualified’ to critique other writers.

This is where it’s helpful to remember that there is a difference between professional editing and peer review. Every peer has different experiences and may pick up on different elements of the story and contribute an immensely useful perspective (because of their individual field of reference).

Some writers may be ready for publication or have already published. Others might have written or have just started their first ever story.

Match your feedback to where the writer is at. If a writer has stated, for example, that English is not their first language, cut them slack on errors of usage. Rather suggest a general grammar resource they can use for self-study if they wish than tear apart their writing error by error – unless you’ve been hired as a copy-editor for precisely this role. The best critique helps people where they’re at, not where the reviewer thinks they ought to be. Great editing elevates, never condescends.

There are times where you might read work where the characters are objectionable, or the subject matter is unsavory to you.

It is important to critique the writing rather than leap to ad hominem (personal attack).

For example, if an author writes a story where all the male characters are arrogant chauvinists and all the women are simplistic ‘bimbo’ tropes, this could be reflective of the author’s own limited awareness or sensitivity to gender issues.

They could also hold opposing views to their characters or could think they are offering excellent social critique or satire, unaware of how they could be misread .

In giving good feedback, it is thus safest to focus on the text itself. Frame criticism in terms of the writing itself. Critique the writing. It is much more likely to reach an author if you say, for example, ‘The female characters at times seem two-dimensional, as though they only exist to satisfy the male characters’ needs, such as when…’. Compare this to writing feedback that says, ‘Gross, you’re a sexist pig’…

Nuanced feedback opens dialogue instead of shutting down communication (when feedback giver and recipient are open to it). This allows for true improvement and learning.

How to take constructive feedback better

Giving good writing feedback is one challenge. Receiving it without it denting your motivation is another entirely. In a recent open Now Novel writing webinar , an attendee asked in the Q&A portion how to take feedback. You could try:

Skim for tone. Is writing feedback given with tact, care, precision and purpose? If not, don’t give it too much weight or power over your self-belief. Don’t even read it to the end if it appears mean-spirited.
Pretend you’re reading editorial feedback for another author. (Active dissociation can help to make it feel less personal.)
Look for supporting statements: Does your reviewer support any suggestions or statements with examples from your own story or others?
State the specific type of feedback you’re looking for upfront. For example, if you struggle with detailed description , you could say ‘Please suggest how I could improve my descriptions’. If feedback doesn’t fulfil your brief you then have reason to skip it.

Need constructive feedback? Get a free sample edit when you request a quote for our fiction editing services .

Further resources

Angela Ackerman offers excellent advice on how to handle critiques of your own work: Evaluating Critique Feedback . K.M. Weiland gives succinct pointers on sorting good feedback from bad: How to Get Feedback on Your Writing (and Sort the Good from the Bad) .

Although business-oriented in scope, Scott Halford’s piece for Entrepreneur raises how important it is to create an atmosphere of safety in giving feedback.

What’s the best writing advice you ever got? Tell us in the comments.

Writing feedback: How to get helpful critiques
Giving writing feedback: Improve your craft
How to find beta readers for final draft feedback
Tags writing feedback , writing groups

Jordan is a writer, editor, community manager and product developer. He received his BA Honours in English Literature and his undergraduate in English Literature and Music from the University of Cape Town.

17 replies on “How to give constructive feedback on writing that rocks”

This is so timely for me, it’s uncanny. Thank you, Jordan. I had reached an impasse and almost wanted to quit my writing group. Now I see a way forward.

Hi Heather, I’m so glad to hear that. If it’s not a fit with your writing group, I would say you’re completely within rights to seek a better fit. I hope the way forward works out. Thank you for sharing your feedback.

Thank you for this. The key points for me were: a) Make a text better a better version of itself. b) Lets make this stronger, together. Be specific, use actionable suggestions, while encouraging continued writing. Perfect.

Hi Jamie, it’s a pleasure. Thank you for reading this.

Its very helpful.

Thank you for your feedback, Khuzaima. I’m glad you found this article helpful.

This is unhelpful propaganda. Brutal honesty is a kindness.

Hi ‘Irefuse’. ‘Brutal’ and ‘kindness’ are somewhat oxymorons. Calling an article about constructive critique with suggestions on ways to give it ‘propaganda’ is a STRETCH, though. I’m sorry you personally found it unhelpful, next time the constructive criticism would be suggesting ways to make it better, pinpointing the arguments or passages you took issue with and how they could be improved. I’m sure when you find the bravery to share work in the public domain you will have to deal with comments that only seek to tear down and label. Good luck when you do.

Jordan, most exalted kudos to you and your response to “Irefues”. I am not sure how anyone would or could find your article unhelpful unless they were not looking to get potentially useful information relating to critique about one’s own writings or how to give criticism to others on their writings. I will also say that your response was very professional and yet I sensed in your word usage and structure that it was meant as a zinger to illustrate very tactfully your last two statements. Brilliant. Thanks for your article and your response to those commenting on it.

Hi Michael, thank you very much. Everything from the username to the email given (which completed the phrase ‘I refuse to sign up’) had an aggressive/pointed streak which made it clear it was more of a trolling attempt to be unkind than serious critical engagement. I always say to writers it’s best to say ‘water off a duck’s back’ because trolls can be persistent, cruel, and vicious, and you don’t want a negative feedback pile-on or something more nefarious or ‘black hat’. That being said, this duck can be spicy, the water drying before it hits the ground 🙂 I try to turn rudeness/unkindness into a teachable moment (I think I bristled at the false accusation of producing ‘propaganda’ – a real nonsense), and I’m glad that came through. Thank you for reading our blog and I’m glad you found it helpful.

I am sorry but I misrepresented what I need from you. I am writing down information that is true and simply want a few adjustments made to what I wrote. It is not a novel but more of a report from one person to another.

Hi Susan, I don’t see any other communication (regarding what you said about a misrepresentation)? Perhaps you typed a comment on another article but it’s not showing for me. Are you looking for editing services (your reference to wanting adjustments made)? You can request a no-obligation editing quote via our editing services page .

This is clearly a much-needed article! I’m so glad it’s now linked in the feedback section. “Brutal honesty” means nothing in terms of improvement unless it comes with an acknowledgment of what was attempted and how to take next steps. The research is clear.

I really loved how you turned a negative comment on your own work into something that improved this article. Really good use of the examples– they helped strengthen the points about what good or bad feedback sounds like. I remember having a good friend who I shared my work with, and they dismissed it as “cheesy”. I knew they had good intentions and wanted me to improve, but the way they phrased it hurt me. This led me to question how I can share feedback to others without sounding hurtful like my friend. Thank you for this article. It helped me avoid mistakes I might have made.

Dear Mackey, Thanks for your comments on the blog. Yes there’s a way to give feedback that is constructive and helps you improve your writing. So pleased to hear that you have found it helpful.

Good article. There is an art and craft to this. One of the first ‘feedback templates’ I was ever introduced to asked 1) What was communicated? This question alone yields so much useful information to the writer because what they might want to say and do say are vastly divergent.

That’s an excellent question to ask about a piece of writing, Scott. Thanks so much for sharing it. And thanks for reading the blog.

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Writing Tips

How to Give Feedback on a College Paper

4-minute read

14th January 2019

Whether you’re teaching or just helping a friend, offering feedback on a college paper can be intimidating if you’ve not done it before. We do, though, have a few tips to share on this subject.

Content vs. Quality of Writing

There are two things you may want to offer feedback on when reading a college paper:

The content of the paper itself
How well it is written

The feedback you provide will depend on the topic and type of essay . But there are some things you could comment on for any paper, including:

Spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors
The overall structure and readability of the paper
Academic vocabulary and writing style
Factual inaccuracies or ambiguities
Whether the author provides evidence for their arguments
Clarity and consistency of referencing

Ideally, you’ll be able to provide feedback on all of these. However, if you’re simply reading the first draft of a paper to help a friend, you may want to check what kind of feedback they want.

Try, too, to provide a balance of positive and negative feedback. It’s just as important to note something that is well written as something that needs clarifying. After all, if the author sees nothing but negative comments, they could get discouraged and stop caring.

Comments in Margins vs. In-Depth Feedback

One way of leaving feedback is to make notes in the margins (either on paper or using the comment function in Microsoft Word, depending on how you are reading it). These should be short notes related to a specific issue (e.g., to highlight a misspelled word or a missing citation).

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Try not to leave too many comments in the margins, though. If there is a recurring problem (e.g., consistently misspelling a word), don’t comment on it every time. Instead, leave a comment noting the pattern of errors. This highlights the issue without overwhelming the reader.

You may also want to provide some overall feedback at the end of the paper. Ideally, this in-depth feedback should:

Start positive (e.g., This is a well-researched, well-organized paper… )
Focus on one or two major issues rather than repeating everything you have commented on in the margins (if there are too many big problems to pick one or two, you may want to speak to the author in person instead)
Provide concrete criticism on specific problems, including page numbers where relevant, not just general criticisms (e.g., You are missing citations in section three… rather than The referencing in this paper is not very good… )
End by highlighting areas that could be improved and potential solutions

If you are offering feedback on an essay-in-progress, focus on issues that could be improved in the paper at hand. If you are marking a final draft, however, you may want to offer advice on strengths and weaknesses that the author can keep in mind for the next paper they write.

Marking Criteria

Finally, if you’re teaching on a college course – or even just marking papers – you should have access to the marking criteria. These will be set by the school or whoever is teaching the class. More importantly, though, they will set out expectations for what a good paper should do in detail.

These criteria are most useful when grading a paper, but they can also be helpful if you’re simply giving feedback. They can be useful when planning a paper, too, so they’re worth asking about even if you’re writing an essay rather than offering feedback! If you’re not sure where to find the marking criteria for your course, check your school’s website or ask your professor.

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The Writing Center • University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

Getting Feedback

What this handout is about.

Sometimes you’d like feedback from someone else about your writing, but you may not be sure how to get it. This handout describes when, where, how and from whom you might receive effective responses as you develop as a writer.

Why get feedback on your writing?

You’ll become a better writer, and writing will become a less painful process. When might you need feedback? You might be just beginning a paper and want to talk to someone else about your ideas. You might be midway through a draft and find that you are unsure about the direction you’ve decided to take. You might wonder why you received a lower grade than you expected on a paper, or you might not understand the comments that a TA or professor has written in the margins. Essentially, asking for feedback at any stage helps you break out of the isolation of writing. When you ask for feedback, you are no longer working in a void, wondering whether or not you understand the assignment and/or are making yourself understood. By seeking feedback from others, you are taking positive, constructive steps to improve your own writing and develop as a writer.

Why people don’t ask for feedback

You worry that the feedback will be negative. Many people avoid asking others what they think about a piece of writing because they have a sneaking suspicion that the news will not be good. If you want to improve your writing, however, constructive criticism from others will help. Remember that the criticism you receive is only criticism of the writing and not of the writer.
You don’t know whom to ask. The person who can offer the most effective feedback on your writing may vary depending on when you need the feedback and what kind of feedback you need. Keep in mind, though, that if you are really concerned about a piece of writing, almost any thoughtful reader (e.g., your roommate, mother, R.A., brother, etc.) can provide useful feedback that will help you improve your writing. Don’t wait for the expert; share your writing often and with a variety of readers.
You don’t know how to ask. It can be awkward to ask for feedback, even if you know whom you want to ask. Asking someone, “Could you take a look at my paper?” or “Could you tell me if this is OK?” can sometimes elicit wonderfully rich responses. Usually, though, you need to be specific about where you are in the writing process and the kind of feedback that would help. You might say, “I’m really struggling with the organization of this paper. Could you read these paragraphs and see if the ideas seem to be in the right order?”
You don’t want to take up your teacher’s time. You may be hesitant to go to your professor or TA to talk about your writing because you don’t want to bother them. The office hours that these busy people set aside, though, are reserved for your benefit, because the teachers on this campus want to communicate with students about their ideas and their work. Faculty can be especially generous and helpful with their advice when you drop by their office with specific questions and know the kinds of help you need. If you can’t meet during the instructor’s office hours, try making a special appointment. If you find that you aren’t able to schedule a time to talk with your instructor, remember that there are plenty of other people around you who can offer feedback.
You’ve gotten feedback in the past that was unhelpful. If earlier experiences haven’t proved satisfactory, try again. Ask a different person, or ask for feedback in a new way. Experiment with asking for feedback at different stages in the writing process: when you are just beginning an assignment, when you have a draft, or when you think you are finished. Figure out when you benefit from feedback the most, the kinds of people you get the best feedback from, the kinds of feedback you need, and the ways to ask for that feedback effectively.
You’re working remotely and aren’t sure how to solicit help. Help can feel “out of sight, out of mind” when working remotely, so it may take extra effort and research to reach out. Explore what resources are available to you and how you can access them. What type of remote feedback will benefit you most? Video conferencing, email correspondence, phone conversation, written feedback, or something else? Would it help to email your professor or TA ? Are you looking for the back and forth of a real-time conversation, or would it be more helpful to have written feedback to refer to as you work? Can you schedule an appointment with the Writing Center or submit a draft for written feedback ? Could joining or forming an online writing group help provide a source of feedback?

Possible writing moments for feedback

There is no “best time” to get feedback on a piece of writing. In fact, it is often helpful to ask for feedback at several different stages of a writing project. Listed below are some parts of the writing process and some kinds of feedback you might need in each. Keep in mind, though, that every writer is different—you might think about these issues at other stages of the writing process, and that’s fine.

The beginning/idea stage: Do I understand the assignment? Am I gathering the right kinds of information to answer this question? Are my strategies for approaching this assignment effective ones? How can I discover the best way to develop my early ideas into a feasible draft?
Outline/thesis: I have an idea about what I want to argue, but I’m not sure if it is an appropriate or complete response to this assignment. Is the way I’m planning to organize my ideas working? Does it look like I’m covering all the bases? Do I have a clear main point? Do I know what I want to say to the reader?
Rough draft: Does my paper make sense, and is it interesting? Have I proven my thesis statement? Is the evidence I’m using convincing? Is it explained clearly? Have I given the reader enough information? Does the information seem to be in the right order? What can I say in my introduction and conclusion?
Early polished draft: Are the transitions between my ideas smooth and effective? Do my sentences make sense individually? How’s my writing style?
Late or final polished draft: Are there any noticeable spelling or grammar errors? Are my margins, footnotes, and formatting okay? Does the paper seem effective? Is there anything I should change at the last minute?
After the fact: How should I interpret the comments on my paper? Why did I receive the grade I did? What else might I have done to strengthen this paper? What can I learn as a writer about this writing experience? What should I do the next time I have to write a paper?

A note on asking for feedback after a paper has been graded

Many people go to see their TA or professor after they receive a paper back with comments and a grade attached. If you seek feedback after your paper is returned to you, it makes sense to wait 24 hours before scheduling a meeting to talk about it. If you are angry or upset about a grade, the day off gives you time to calm down and put things in perspective. More important, taking a day off allows you to read through the instructor’s comments and think about why you received the grade that you did. You might underline or circle comments that were confusing to you so that you can ask about them later. You will also have an opportunity to reread your own writing and evaluate it more critically yourself. After all, you probably haven’t seen this piece of work since you handed it in a week or more ago, and refreshing your memory about its merits and weaknesses might help you make more sense of the grade and the instructor’s comments.

Also, be prepared to separate the discussion of your grade from the discussion of your development as a writer. It is difficult to have a productive meeting that achieves both of these goals. You may have very good reasons for meeting with an instructor to argue for a better grade, and having that kind of discussion is completely legitimate. Be very clear with your instructor about your goals. Are you meeting to contest the grade your paper received and explain why you think the paper deserved a higher one? Are you meeting because you don’t understand why your paper received the grade it did and would like clarification? Or are you meeting because you want to use this paper and the instructor’s comments to learn more about how to write in this particular discipline and do better on future written work? Being up front about these distinctions can help you and your instructor know what to expect from the conference and avoid any confusion between the issue of grading and the issue of feedback.

Kinds of feedback to ask for

Asking for a specific kind of feedback can be the best way to get advice that you can use. Think about what kinds of topics you want to discuss and what kinds of questions you want to ask:

Understanding the assignment: Do I understand the task? How long should it be? What kinds of sources should I be using? Do I have to answer all of the questions on the assignment sheet or are they just prompts to get me thinking? Are some parts of the assignment more important than other parts?
Factual content: Is my understanding of the course material accurate? Where else could I look for more information?
Interpretation/analysis: Do I have a point? Does my argument make sense? Is it logical and consistent? Is it supported by sufficient evidence?
Organization: Are my ideas in a useful order? Does the reader need to know anything else up front? Is there another way to consider ordering this information?
Flow: Do I have good transitions? Does the introduction prepare the reader for what comes later? Do my topic sentences accurately reflect the content of my paragraphs? Can the reader follow me?
Style: Comments on earlier papers can help you identify writing style issues that you might want to look out for. Is my writing style appealing? Do I use the passive voice too often? Are there too many “to be” verbs?
Grammar: Just as with style, comments on earlier papers will help you identify grammatical “trouble spots.” Am I using commas correctly? Do I have problems with subject-verb agreement?
Small errors: Is everything spelled right? Are there any typos?

Possible sources of feedback and what they’re good for

Believe it or not, you can learn to be your own best reader, particularly if you practice reading your work critically. First, think about writing problems that you know you have had in the past. Look over old papers for clues. Then, give yourself some critical distance from your writing by setting it aside for a few hours, overnight, or even for a couple of days. Come back to it with a fresh eye, and you will be better able to offer yourself feedback. Finally, be conscious of what you are reading for. You may find that you have to read your draft several times—perhaps once for content, once for organization and transitions, and once for style and grammar. If you need feedback on a specific issue, such as passive voice, you may need to read through the draft one time alone focusing on that issue. Whatever you do, don’t count yourself out as a source of feedback. Remember that ultimately you care the most and will be held responsible for what appears on the page. It’s your paper.

A classmate (a familiar and knowledgeable reader)

When you need feedback from another person, a classmate can be an excellent source. A classmate knows the course material and can help you make sure you understand the course content. A classmate is probably also familiar with the sources that are available for the class and the specific assignment. Moreover, you and your classmates can get together and talk about the kinds of feedback you both received on earlier work for the class, building your knowledge base about what the instructor is looking for in writing assignments.

Your TA (an expert reader)

Your TA is an expert reader—they are working on an advanced degree, either a Master’s or a Ph.D., in the subject area of your paper. Your TA is also either the primary teacher of the course or a member of the teaching team, so they probably had a hand in selecting the source materials, writing the assignment, and setting up the grading scheme. No one knows what the TA is looking for on the paper better than the TA , and most of the TAs on campus would be happy to talk with you about your paper.

Your professor (a very expert reader)

Your professor is the most expert reader you can find. They have a Ph.D. in the subject area that you are studying, and probably also wrote the assignment, either alone or with help from TAs. Like your TA, your professor can be the best source for information about what the instructor is looking for on the paper and may be your best guide in developing into a strong academic writer.

Your roommate/friend/family member (an interested but not familiar reader)

It can be very helpful to get feedback from someone who doesn’t know anything about your paper topic. These readers, because they are unfamiliar with the subject matter, often ask questions that help you realize what you need to explain further or that push you to think about the topic in new ways. They can also offer helpful general writing advice, letting you know if your paper is clear or your argument seems well organized, for example. Ask them to read your paper and then summarize for you what they think its main points are.

The Writing Center (an interested but not familiar reader with special training)

While the Writing Center staff may not have specialized knowledge about your paper topic, our writing coaches are trained to assist you with your writing needs. We cannot edit or proofread for you, but we can help you identify problems and address them at any stage of the writing process. The Writing Center’s coaches see thousands of students each year and are familiar with all kinds of writing assignments and writing dilemmas.

Other kinds of resources

If you want feedback on a writing assignment and can’t find a real live person to read it for you, there are other places to turn. Check out the Writing Center’s handouts . These resources can give you tips for proofreading your own work, making an argument, using commas and transitions, and more. You can also try the spell/grammar checker on your computer. This shouldn’t be your primary source of feedback, but it may be helpful.

A word about feedback and plagiarism

Asking for help on your writing does not equal plagiarism, but talking with classmates about your work may feel like cheating. Check with your professor or TA about what kinds of help you can get legally. Most will encourage you to discuss your ideas about the reading and lectures with your classmates. In general, if someone offers a particularly helpful insight, it makes sense to cite them in a footnote. The best way to avoid plagiarism is to write by yourself with your books closed. (For more on this topic, see our handout on plagiarism .)

What to do with the feedback you get

Don’t be intimidated if your professor or TA has written a lot on your paper. Sometimes instructors will provide more feedback on papers that they believe have a lot of potential. They may have written a lot because your ideas are interesting to them and they want to see you develop them to their fullest by improving your writing.
By the same token, don’t feel that your paper is garbage if the instructor DIDN’T write much on it. Some graders just write more than others do, and sometimes your instructors are too busy to spend a great deal of time writing comments on each individual paper.
If you receive feedback before the paper is due, think about what you can and can’t do before the deadline. You sometimes have to triage your revisions. By all means, if you think you have major changes to make and you have time to make them, go for it. But if you have two other papers to write and all three are due tomorrow, you may have to decide that your thesis or your organization is the biggest issue and just focus on that. The paper might not be perfect, but you can learn from the experience for the next assignment.
Read ALL of the feedback that you get. Many people, when receiving a paper back from their TA or professor, will just look at the grade and not read the comments written in the margins or at the end of the paper. Even if you received a satisfactory grade, it makes sense to carefully read all of the feedback you get. Doing so may help you see patterns of error in your writing that you need to address and may help you improve your writing for future papers and for other classes.
If you don’t understand the feedback you receive, by all means ask the person who offered it. Feedback that you don’t understand is feedback that you cannot benefit from, so ask for clarification when you need it. Remember that the person who gave you the feedback did so because they genuinely wanted to convey information to you that would help you become a better writer. They wouldn’t want you to be confused and will be happy to explain their comments further if you ask.
Ultimately, the paper you will turn in will be your own. You have the final responsibility for its form and content. Take the responsibility for being the final judge of what should and should not be done with your essay.
Just because someone says to change something about your paper doesn’t mean you should. Sometimes the person offering feedback can misunderstand your assignment or make a suggestion that doesn’t seem to make sense. Don’t follow those suggestions blindly. Talk about them, think about other options, and decide for yourself whether the advice you received was useful.

Final thoughts

Finally, we would encourage you to think about feedback on your writing as a way to help you develop better writing strategies. This is the philosophy of the Writing Center. Don’t look at individual bits of feedback such as “This paper was badly organized” as evidence that you always organize ideas poorly. Think instead about the long haul. What writing process led you to a disorganized paper? What kinds of papers do you have organization problems with? What kinds of organization problems are they? What kinds of feedback have you received about organization in the past? What can you do to resolve these issues, not just for one paper, but for all of your papers? The Writing Center can help you with this process. Strategy-oriented thinking will help you go from being a writer who writes disorganized papers and then struggles to fix each one to being a writer who no longer writes disorganized papers. In the end, that’s a much more positive and permanent solution.

You may reproduce it for non-commercial use if you use the entire handout and attribute the source: The Writing Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

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Sample Feedback - Faculty to Student

D1 comments.

In this essay, you point to a key point of tension between Orientalism and Avatar : the status of the scientists. As I understand it, the tension is that while Said characterizes scientists as Orientalists par excellence, your reading of the film suggests a disconnect between the two. There’s a lot of promising material to work with here. The next step is to solidify motive and thesis, so that you can then refine your analysis. Below are thoughts to consider as you begin to revise.

Introduction, Motive and Thesis : Your opening gesture is quite strong, setting up an analytic context – “imperialist themes in a space-age setting” (1) – orienting the reader to the intellectual task at hand so as to guide a reading of the plot with your argumentative motives in mind. The central tension appears when you ask: “to what extent can the humans be classified as Orientalists?” (2). It seems like you’re suggesting a split between the industrialists and the military on the one hand, and the scientists and Jake on the other. This move constitutes a departure from Said, who shows how academic writings aligned themselves with the imperialist project. In the draft, it looks like your thesis appears at the end of the paragraph on page 2. Yet, this point about the non-pairing of the two traits isn’t really the central focus of your paper. Rather, your central claim, as I understand it, emerges on page 6, where you point to the way in which the actions of Jake and the scientists to some extent contradict Said’s figuration. In draft conference, let’s solidify motive and thesis, since everything else will follow from them.

Evidence and Analysis : This paper includes many interesting points of analysis. I’d like to draw attention, though, to a central tension within your thoughts. On the one hand, you point to the significance of the fact that what is different about Jake is “his naïve curiosity” (3). This naiveté contrasts with the scientists, I would think, since (for example) they are professionally trained. Yet, rather than contrast Jake with the scientists, you align him with them, calling him an “ethnographer” (2) and referring to them as “his crew” (6). While I totally get the opposition between Miles/Parker on the one hand and Jake/scientists on the other, I wonder, in the context of your argument, what differences between Jake and the scientists might make a difference, especially since this coupling is being used in your argument to critique Said’s characterization of the academics. Alternatively put, one counterargument you’ll need to address in your revision would be the extent to which the differences between Jake and the scientists would trouble a straightforward critique of Said. We can talk more about counterargument in draft conference.

There are a lot of great ideas here, John! I look forward to seeing how you develop them.

R1 Comments

In this essay, you explore the relationship between science and imperialism. You suggest that the lack of overlap between the two in James Cameron’s film Avatar seems to complicate Edward Said’s argument in Orientalism , but, as I understand it, your point is that the differences between the two seem to vanish because the imperialist, not the scientific, vision is that which becomes official. If you were to revise again, the key would be to highlight the complexities of your argument, drawing together its various strands more effectively. Below are some thoughts to consider as you begin Essay #3.

Motive and Thesis : You do a great job elaborating your motive and thesis on page 2. First, you effectively set up what an Orientalist reading should do, and then show the ways in which Avatar doesn’t meet that expectation. Your thesis, though, seems to be a way of accounting for the discrepancy, and accounting for why it is Said would not differentiate between these figures despite the dramatization in the film that shows them to be quite different. You write: “even when science opposes the political sentiments of an empire, the vision of the empire reigns supreme” (2). The next step would be to spell out the ways in which this thesis provides a commentary on Avatar as an extension, complication, etc. of Orientalism , so as to place your argument in its intellectual context.

Evidence, Analysis, and Source-Use : Highlighting the intellectual stakes of your argument by refining your motive and thesis will help you further develop the implications of your analysis. As it is, your paper has many moments of analytic insight, and so the next step would be to elaborate further. For example, you do a great job explaining how Quaritch’s presentation of Pandora to newcomers exemplifies Orientalist behavior (3), but an even stronger articulation would show how this characterization contributes to your argument about the imperialist vision and its triumph over scientific dissidence. Moving forward, another area on which to concentrate is source use. Your use of Bourdieu to analyze Parker (6) is great; the discussion of Constable (4), though, would be improved if you highlighted how it is that you as a scholar are applying her argument to a different context. Doing so would make visible your own intellectual work, and the contribution your crossbreeding intervention is making.

Structure : In your paper, you show a clear understanding of what structure should look like: you do a nice job constructing a logic of “now that we know A we can move to B.” The next step, though, is to make the progression motivated by the argument itself. On page 2, you write that establishing that Said’s pairing is “incorrect” enables you to establish “how and why the two human factions oppose each other,” but it is unclear how the second point contributes to your central claim, in which despite differences the vision of the imperialists “reigns supreme.” Again, this will follow from clarification of your motive and thesis. Always ask yourself how each paragraph is contributing to your argument and your overall thesis, and let the development of your argument follow from that.

Balancing its strengths and weaknesses, this paper earns a grade of B. An even stronger performance is clearly within reach, though, so I look forward to your continued progress – and promising project – as we move to Essay #3!

D3 Comments

In this essay, you explore literary critics’ interpretations of Hemingway, focusing on his work Death in the Afternoon . Your draft moves through several topics and questions, including bullfighting, existentialism, and the historical contextualization of critical trends. Now that you’ve gone through the process of putting these ideas on paper, the next step is to solidify a motive and thesis – a task you suggest in your cover letter in terms of “making sure my argument stays focused, on point, and does not stray.” Below, then, are some issues to keep in mind as you work toward that goal in revising.

Motive and Thesis : As I understand it, the central question of this paper concerns the ways in which critical reception of Hemingway’s text transformed from when it was first analyzed in the 1930s to the postmodernist re-discovery of (t)his work in the 1990s. In your cover letter, you note that “the critiques were almost all centralized to [these] two time periods,” a fact that is quite intriguing and worth thinking about further. The opening paragraph sets up a thesis, in which you allude to a conflict in interpretation between the two time periods and side with the later works as “more encompassing.” The motivating problem or question could be spelled out further, though, and it seems like your paper does more than just side with the more contemporary critics, so these are places for further refinement. Likewise, the theme of bullfighting appears throughout, but as a reader it is unclear what the significance of this phenomenon is in terms of your argument, so you’ll want to make clear what motivates this focus.

Keywords, Orienting, and Structure : Once you have refined your motive and thesis, you’ll be able to more strategically engage your paper’s key terms. This paper focuses both on “bullfighting” and “existentialism” : both could use further elaboration, which would help orient your readers, since readers may be unfamiliar with either or both. You do give a brief definition of existentialism on page 6, but this could be taken further: not all considerations of life and death are considered existentialist, so you’ll want to get more into the specifics, which might require some more background research. In the draft, the paragraphs introducing both of these terms – bullfighting on page 2 and existentialism on page 6 – reads as abrupt, so you’ll want to think more about how you are using structure to build an argument, so as to enable the reader to transition from one point to the next.

Evidence, Analysis, and Source-Use : In addition to key terms, another place to pay attention to orienting concerns the use of sources. Be sure to identify an author’s qualifications, such as literary critic, and to specify the time period in which critical work is produced, especially in your case where chronology makes a difference for your argument. On pages 6-7, for instance, you cite “Josephs,” “Hicks,” and “Sanders,” and yet it is not clear who these people are: by convention, one provides first and last name, as well as disciplinary affiliation, the first time a source is cited in a text, i.e. “literary critic Rosemary Green” rather than just “Green” (although on subsequent occasions the last name only is fine). Another way to help readers follow your argument will be to provide primary source analysis. On pages 3-4, you reference the “old lady” conversation, and other critics takes on it, but you’ll also want to provide your own reading of these passages. Doing so will help you differentiate your reading from theirs, which in turn will help you refine your motive and thesis.

There are a number of promising moments here, Anthony! I look forward to seeing how you develop this paper.

R3 Comments

In this essay, you argue that post-modern scholars’ rediscovery of Ernest Hemingway’s Death in the Afternoon in the 1990s was able to shed new light on the place of this work in the literary and philosophical canon. Critically analyzing academic work as well as a primary source, your paper offers a nuanced interpretation of Hemingway’s work as “containing elements of existentialism” without being properly “existentialist.” Your work shows consistent progress throughout the semester, and your cover letter demonstrates good insights into the research and writing process, which will no doubt serve you well in future courses. Below are some comments to consider moving forward.

Introduction, Motive, and Thesis : As presented in your introduction, the motive of your paper consists in trying to determine what historical and critical shifts in Hemingway reception “mean in terms of its place in literature” (2). This motive is set up most effectively, though, on page 9, where you note: “a critical shift takes place, in which Death in the Afternoon is seen as the foundation for all his other works rather than an aberration from them.” In this sentence, you dramatize the puzzle that is the impetus for your research, which consists in trying to find an explanation for and analysis of this change. That is, the current introduction tells us the motive, but an even stronger version would show readers the problem to be solved, by dramatizing it textually. Doing so would help you craft a stronger thesis, since currently your thesis is presented somewhat vaguely: “In the end,” you write, “the postmodern readings of the work suggest that Death in the Afternoon blurs the borders between genres as it touches on not only bullfighting, writing, and Hemingway himself, but also on existentialism” (2). The next step would be to highlight your own contribution by differentiating yourself from these writers in your thesis statement the way you do in the body of the essay.

Evidence, Analysis, and Structure : Your paper does a nice job with evidence and analysis: you critically engage scholarship and offer your own original analysis of primary texts. Opening phrases such as “here we see that” (4), and “in this quotation” (6), are clear signals of original analysis, and your use of them really works in drawing the reader’s attention to your scholarly voice. If you were to revise further, I’d recommend extending your analysis even further, continuing to elaborate on the significance of what your interpretation of the evidence reveals. Focusing more on implications would help with structure, especially toward the end of the essay, where the readings of Hemingway’s other works appear rather abruptly. Be sure to show the reader what motivates your analysis in a given paragraph: be sure to make clear the argumentative function of each step. You do this well throughout most of the paper, but the trajectory is less clear toward the end.

Overall, this paper is very good and it earns a grade of B+. I look forward to reading your Dean’s Date Assignment!

D2 Comments

This paper sets out to extend Gillian Beer’s claim about the optimistic and pessimistic elements in Darwin’s theory: while Beer suggests that authors responded to Darwin by registering these elements, your thesis asserts that Trumpery affirms optimism.

However, the body of your paper develops a different argument about the characterizations of Wallace and Darwin and the way that the play portrays Wallace as dominant. You really have interesting things to say about Wallace, and I think that we should use your draft conference to figure out how those claims could become the basis for a new thesis.

motive: I’m not sure that the claim of Beer’s that this paper should engage with is her claim about optimism and pessimism, and we’ll have to talk this evening about what claim of hers your conclusions about Trumpery might challenge or extend. But however you decide to engage with Beer, you’ll want to use your introduction to not only state her argument and your response, but to establish what you see as a problem in her claims, a limitation or shortcoming of her arguments. Doing so will help your reader to see why your argument matters.

thesis and key terms: Your thesis claims that Trumpery affirms the optimistic viewpoint embodied by Wallace. But the body of your paper does not really discuss optimism vs. pessimism. Instead, the word that recurs is “dominant.” It may be that you could show, more systematically than you do here, how Wallace’s dominance demonstrates Parnell’s affirmation of optimism. I am also interested in your paper’s implications for what Parnell is doing with the struggle for existence in this play—as we’ve noted in class, he presents the relationship between Darwin and Wallace in terms of the competition that is so important to Darwin’s theory. Your paper suggests that although Darwin wins, Parnell presents Wallace as more powerful, physically and emotionally.

evidence and analysis: You incorporate a lot of evidence from Trumpery into your essay, largely by way of short quotations (which you do a good job of integrating in your sentences). It’s great that you’re working closely with the text of this source. But the problem is that in the first half of your paper especially, this evidence serves to allow you to summarize events of the play and to show how characters are depicted. It does not serve as the basis for analysis—that is, as a basis for arguable claims or surprising insights about Parnell’s text. And, as I’ve said above, the key terms presented by your thesis (optimistic and pessimistic) pretty much disappear from your discussion of events in the play itself.

Where this essay does shift into analysis mode is in the discussion of Wallace and in the comparison of Darwin and Wallace that develops starting around p. 7. Here, you begin to make claims that go beyond what a casual reader of Trumpery would notice—such as what you say on pp. 4–5 about the way that Wallace speaks. However, there are many places where you make such claims without fully supporting them with evidence and/or analysis. And in the final page and a half, you quote at length from

Trumpery without saying very much about that quotation: it does seem that these passages could be important for your paper, but remember the 1:2 evidence: analysis ratio if you’re going to include them.

structure: It’s because your paper presents a lot of summary that you feel that the paragraphs don’t build on one another by adding new pieces to your argument. But in order to fix this problem, you’ll need to start by deciding what you want to argue.

I look forward to developing that argument with you in our conference!

All the best,

R2 Comments

This paper builds on Gillian Beer’s theory about the way that literary authors are influenced by the dualities present in Darwin’s work. While Beer suggests that these dualities are also present in literary works, you argue that authors can choose one side of the duality over the other, and you demonstrate that in Trumpery , Peter Parnell affirms optimism over pessimism by showing how Wallace, who represents optimism, comes to dominate Darwin, who represents pessimism.

This paper is doing so many things successfully. The introduction sets out a clear motive and thesis by establishing the status quo (Beer) and explaining how you will challenge and build on Beer’s claims. Then there’s a real sense of progression and development in your argument as you present it over the course of the paper. I’m delighted to see from your cover letter that you worked with a reverse outline (which is like a line-of-thinking) and thought of your paper in sections—those are strategies that can help keep a long essay organized, and definitely something to come back to in the research paper! Finally, and perhaps more strikingly of all, there’s terrific analysis of evidence from Trumpery . Your attention to the details of Parnell’s play is truly impressive, and makes your paper fascinating to read—I learned so much about how Trumpery is constructed. Thus you’ve eliminated summary and presented analysis that’s always relevant (and explicitly connected) to your thesis.

Keep doing all of these things this well in the research paper! My comments about this paper interrogate your motive and argument, and they aim to suggest how you might take your writing to the next level.

First, at moments in reading the body of your paper I found myself—and I think many readers would feel the same way—wanting a return to your motive . That is, while motive is something that must be established in the introduction, the strongest papers come back to the initial motivating move at key moments in the body of the essay. Another way to put this: Beer is your argument source, and ideally you should return to your argument source in the course of the paper. Often, a good place to do so is in the transitions between sections of the essay. So, for example, when you shift from showing that Wallace=optimism and Darwin=pessimism to showing that Wallace dominates Darwin, you might tell your reader how Beer’s theory would see these two allegorical figures—presumably, it could account for their presence in the play, but not for what Parnell does with them. Another place to come back to an argument source is in the final body paragraphs. On pp. 7–8, for example, you show that Parnell’s Darwin chooses to see the beauty of nature—whereas in Beer’s view (and maybe in the actual Darwin’s work) beauty and struggle always exist simultaneously.

It’s possible that it would have been easier to bring Beer back more frequently if your initial definition of your key terms made clear that that definition is also, essentially, the one that she uses. A second issue regarding key terms: they largely disappear from the discussion of how Parnell shows Wallace to be dominant. This may leave the reader wondering—is Wallace’s dominance a product of his optimism? Is there a cause-and-effect dynamic here that’s not being fully described? A related question may arise with respect to Darwin’s transformation at the end of the play: how does Wallace convert him? What happens in that conversation between them that changes how Darwin sees the world? Maybe the way to put this into more general terms is to say that this final scene of Trumpery , as the culminating piece of evidence for your argument, deserves more analysis that it receives.

Despite these issues, this paper is a real accomplishment, C. I look forward to seeing how you’ll build on these achievements in the research paper!

Your paper is full of quite elegant, specific, rigorous musical observation! You clearly have great ears and a sophisticated musical vocabulary; the question is how one deploys these skills to argumentative ends.

You articulated a particular motive in your cover letter, namely the ability of text-free music to convey political or narrative messages. This is the beginning of the answer to the ‘who cares?’ question. As it stands, though, there isn’t much in the paper that would indicate this larger concern and, further, the complexity of the question isn’t really engaged. I think there’s a whole lot to say about this sort of approach, and this can lock very nicely into thesis as you continue to develop your thinking. Speaking of thesis, it’s currently very general and slippery; in fact I’m not really sure what the overall argument might be. Taking up this question of music and narrative or the idea of ‘mickey mousing’ which I talk about in my marginal commentary might really lead somewhere promising.

In terms of evidence and analysis, I am quite enthusiastic, as I said repeatedly, about the depth of your musical description! The issue for your reader is going to be to what ends these excellent observations are deployed. This is really a thesis issue more than an evidence/analysis issue. Once you have a singular argument, you can invoke it in your analyses and interpretations; that way we wont’ feel as though these musical moments are floating in uninterpreted space. For your revision, try to make the moments you’ve focused on really work for you in argumentative terms. While this will take some thinking about your overall concerns, putting some pressure on the moments you’ve chosen might prove productive in terms of figuring out what those concerns might be.

Your paper would likewise benefit from a different approach to sources. Right now there isn’t any sort of theoretical source underpinning the argument; this is partly responsible for the sense that there are no anchors to observation/interpretation. As I said in the marginal commentary, looking into some scholarship on music and narrative could be really helpful to you. Specifically, what do scholars say about the pitfalls and benefits of musical narrative, of ‘literal’ depiction of events in musical terms? This would be a nice area of exploration for you.

I’m looking forward to talking through this with you, and to seeing how your thinking develops!

Your paper argues that Terence Blanchard’s A Tale of God’s Will: A Requiem for Katrina does something quite profound; while Blanchard steeps the music in narrative, the presence of this program never blunts the spontaneity of the music and never prevents it from being taken on its own terms.

Motive was nicely staged, both in terms of what the text itself is doing (i.e., that there’s an internal mystery that needs to be resolved) as well as the way this text relates to a scholarly point of interest. On the latter, I wanted for a bit more reference to these scholarly voices as the paper progressed; they were certainly effective as framing devices, but could have had an even greater impact were they given some space to breathe, reinvoked. Thesis was also strongly stated, though I wondered a little bit about the ‘new standard for jazz music’ language. There was definitely opportunity to be even more specific about what sort of innovation this might constitute.

Your evidence and analysis was superb with respect to the way you handled musical observation and interpretation. It was obvious from the draft that you have great ears, but besides the ability to recognize what’s going on, the paper makes nice interpretive moves throughout based on this excellent observational capacity. As I said above, I think it would have been really nice to apply this keen eye to some of the scholarly literature that you used to stage the argument; some close reading on par with the level of detail of the musical observation/analysis would have gone a long way.

With respect to key words, there were a lot of very big concepts (authenticity, narrative, etc.) that were being utilized in the paper, and a reader might have appreciated some time and space dedicated to defining them (provisionally, since getting a definitive ‘meaning’ is going to be pretty impossible!)

Finally, I wanted to say a quick word about structure. I really like the way this paper was set up. You’re able to create an intensifying argument through the way you’ve chosen and laid out your examples. They build throughout from a subtle programmatic content to an almost ‘mickey-moused’ example, so you’re able to refine and develop your argument in a way that’s really satisfying for the reader.

This is such a huge improvement over the draft, and your best paper to date. Way to end on a really high note!

Classroom Q&A

With larry ferlazzo.

In this EdWeek blog, an experiment in knowledge-gathering, Ferlazzo will address readers’ questions on classroom management, ELL instruction, lesson planning, and other issues facing teachers. Send your questions to [email protected]. Read more from this blog.

Response: Ways to Give Effective Feedback on Student Writing

This is the second post in a four-part series. You can see Part One here .)

The new question-of-the-week is:

What are the best ways to give students feedback on their writing?

Part One began with responses from Anabel Gonzalez, Sarah Woodard, Kim Jaxon, Ralph Fletcher, Mary Beth Nicklaus, and Leah Wilson. You can listen to a 10-minute conversation I had with Anabel, Sarah, and Kim on my BAM! Radio Show . You can also find a list of, and links to, previous shows here.

Today, Susan M. Brookhart, Cheryl Mizerny, Amy Benjamin, Kate Wolfe Maxlow, Karen Sanzo, Andrew Miller, David Campos, and Kathleen Fad share their commentaries.

Response From Susan M. Brookhart

Susan Brookhart, Ph.D., is the author of How to Use Grading to Improve Learning (ASCD 2017) and How to Give Effective Feedback to Your Students (2nd edition, ASCD 2017)). She is a professor emeritus at Duquesne University and an author and consultant. Her focus is classroom assessment and its impact on teaching, learning, and motivation:

Giving feedback on writing is a special responsibility. If you ask students to write thoughtfully to you, it would be hypocritical of you not to write (or speak, if your feedback is oral) thoughtfully back to them. And students will notice! Here are five things to keep in mind as you think about feedback on students’ written work:

#1 - Before the students write, make sure they know what they are trying to learn (more specifically than just “writing”) and what qualities their writing should exhibit. Unless students are trying to learn something specific, they will experience teacher feedback as additional teacher directions they have to follow. So, for example, if students are writing descriptive paragraphs, they should know what the kind of descriptive paragraphs they are aiming for looks like. Criteria for success might be that they (1) use adjectives that describe by telling what the object of their description looks, sounds, tastes, smells, or feels like; and (2) help their readers feel like they “are there,” experiencing whatever is described themselves. If this is what students are aiming to do, then the feedback questions are already set up: Are my adjectives descriptive? Do they conjure up sight, sound, taste, smell, or touch? Did you (my teacher and my reader) feel like you really experienced what I was describing, that you were there? The best feedback on student writing tells students what they want to know to get closer to the particular vision of writing they are working on.

#2 - Describe at least one thing the student did well, with reference to the success criteria. Focus your feedback on the criteria, not on other features of the work (like handwriting or grammar, unless that was the focus of the writing lesson). Even the poorest paper has something to commend it. Find that and begin your feedback there. Students can’t navigate toward learning targets by filling in deficits only; they also need to build on their strengths. And don’t assume that just because a student did something well, they know what that is. The best feedback on student writing names and notices where students are meeting criteria that show their learning.

#3 - Suggest the student’s immediate next steps, again with reference to the success criteria. Your feedback does not need to “fix” everything possible. It only needs to take the student’s work to the next level. Select the one or two—whatever is doable in the next draft of the writing piece—things that the student should do next, given where they are right now.The best feedback on student writing moves students forward in their quest to reach a learning goal.

#4 - Make sure you learn something from the feedback episode, too. Too often, teachers think of feedback as their expert advice on students’ writing. But every opportunity to give feedback on student writing is also an opportunity for you to learn something about what your students are thinking, what kinds of writing skills they have, and what they need to learn next. The best feedback on student writing gives teachers a window into student thinking; it doesn’t just advise students.

#5 - Give students an immediate opportunity to use the feedback. Much feedback on student writing is wasted, because students don’t use it. Many teachers subscribe to the myth that students will use the feedback “next time” they write something similar. However, it’s not true that students have some sort of file drawer in their heads, with files labeled according to type of writing, that they will magically open at some point in the future.

No matter how well-intentioned the student, this just isn’t how it works. The best feedback on student writing is followed immediately by a planned opportunity, within instructional time, for students to use the feedback.

Response From Cheryl Mizerny

Cheryl Mizerny has been teaching for more than 20 years, is passionate about middle-level education, and serves on the faculty of the AMLE Leadership Institute. Her practice is guided by her belief in reaching every student and educating the whole child. She currently teaches 6th grade English in Michigan and writes an education blog, “It’s Not Easy Being Tween,” for Middleweb.com:

Good feedback on student writing is time-consuming and takes a great deal of teacher effort, but the results in the improvement of their writing is worth my time. Over the years, I have found some ways to streamline the process.

First, students can’t hit a target they can’t see. Therefore, it is important that they have a clear understanding of the goal of the writing piece. I do lots of front-loading with using mentor texts to study author’s craft. Valuable feedback will tell them how close they are to the target and how they can get closer to a bullseye.

For me, the most important consideration when giving feedback is how likely is this to be used? Whenever possible, my first step is verbal feedback via an individual writing conference during the first draft stage. This lets me correct any major errors before they get too far along. We use Google docs so that they have access to them everywhere, I can see the revision history, and I am able to type my comments right in line with the text (which is faster and neater than my handwriting). Prior to writing my first comments, I have students identify a couple things on which they’d like me to focus when reading their paper. Just as I have goals for the final piece, so should they. Then, I begin the process of reading for feedback.

For me, I’ve found that feedback works best if it meets the following criteria: It’s prompt (not saying it has to be the next day, but students get very upset if they have to wait three weeks to get a draft back and rightly so), conversational and respectful in tone, specifically identifies areas for improvement and prioritizes them, focuses on larger issues such as content over small ones like punctuation, and is strengths-based with a balance of more positive than negative commentary. Feedback such as “Good job” is not helpful nor is “This is way too short.” Students needs specific information about how to make improvements if they are going to do so. If I have an especially weak piece, I don’t provide all the ways it can be improved via written feedback to avoid the child shutting down. That student obviously needs more assistance, and a conference is warranted. I am careful to address only a few areas of improvement per paper and I also comment on the areas in which they have a personal progress goal.

As they begin revising in class, I give some individual time to students to have a conversation about their work. The rest are looking at my comments and addressing each one or reading each other’s work. Prior to them handing in the second draft, I provide a checklist of things to consider and ask students to “whisper-read” to themselves (Google Docs has a screen reader built in) to find simple errors. Once they hand in this draft, I look at their work using a single-point rubric (see Jennifer Gonzalez article ) and make comments on it as a cover sheet. I hand this back without a grade on it. In my experience, once they see a grade, the learning stops. They then have one final pass to make any corrections before I receive the final. We also have a celebration of the writing and share work with one another. In my class, it’s is all about the writing process and not the product and this method works well for us.

Response From Amy Benjamin

Amy Benjamin is a teacher, educational consultant, and author whose most recent book is Big Skills for the Common Core (Routledge). Her website is www.amybenjamin.com :

Recently I asked a group of English and social studies teachers to list the marginal comments that they typically write on their students’ papers. Many of the comments were frowny-faced reprimands ending in exclamation points: “Check spelling! Be specific! Develop! Proofread! Follow directions! Review apostrophe use! Others were milder admonitions, often in the form of questions: Where’s your evidence? This shows what? Is this accurate? Punctuation?” Then there were suggestions that, though valid, are unlikely to do much good: “Be sure to support your claim, support the quote, make an inference, anchor the quote, connect to the question, elaborate meaning of quote, explain detail, review, set up the context for the claim, work on ‘tightening up’ your writing, follow the rubric.” The teacher knows what these comments mean, but do the students? Despite the inordinate amount of time it takes to pore over essays and write these comments, we have reason to suspect that they are not accomplishing their intended purposes, which are twofold: 1) to justify the grade on top of the paper, and 2) to get students to improve their writing. The second is far more important than the first. But if there’s no follow-up to our commentary, then what is the point? What are the best ways to give feedback that actually leads to improvement?

First, let’s consider the tone of our comments: While not all of the comments I collected were negative, most were. Some of the positive ones were “nicely written, well-supported, excellent topic sentence, insightful point, great evidence provided, good intro, good sentence, good use of vocab, love your voice, I love this point.” The best way to keep someone pursuing a challenge is to encourage them. It is not so hard to find something—anything—that merits a pat on the back.

Second, let’s consider the amount of correction that is necessary to foster incremental improvement. Teachers are not copy editors. The copy editor has not done her job unless she has found and fixed every single error . But a teacher’s job should be to point out errors and weaknesses sparingly, staying within what she perceives to be that student’s zone of proximal development. All students are novice writers. Their progress will be recursive. If they take risks to produce increasingly sophisticated language in an academic register, they are likely to make more grammatical mistakes, not fewer. One positive and one negative comment or correction on a student’s paper is probably sufficient to keep the writer on a learning curve.

Think of a child learning to play the saxophone. The child has practiced and plays the rehearsed piece for her weekly lesson. Imagine a music teacher responding like this: “I heard two squeaks, one wrong note, an underplayed dynamic at Letter C, a missed quarter rest on the fourth measure, and you completely ignored the dynamics. Watch your fingering, your breathing, and your posture. Pay attention to the time signature. While you’re at it, give it some feeling. It’s supposed to sound like music, not noise.”

And, third, consider the follow-up. Rubrics are excellent tools because they establish criteria for success and help students self-monitor. But the rubric has to be written in student-friendly language. With an accessible rubric, the student can chart her progress from one piece of writing to another. You can follow-up on a writing assignment with mini-lessons, using authentic sentences from student writing as models of good writing, not only deficient writing.

If you’d like students to take real responsibility for their own writing growth, you may be interested in a resource that I’ve created called RxEdit and RxRevise. There you will find a collection of DIY lessons keyed to various writing needs. You can refer students to these lessons on an as-needed basis. It’s a great way to differentiate instruction. RxEdit and RxRevise are available for free on my website .

Response From Kate Wolfe Maxlow & Karen Sanzo

Kate Wolfe Maxlow and Karen Sanzo’s are co-authors of 20 Formative Assessment Strategies that Work: A Guide Across Content and Grade Levels . Kate Wolfe Maxlow is the Professional Learning Coordinator at Hampton City Schools and Karen Sanzo is a professor of Educational Foundations and Leadership at Old Dominion University:

How many times in school did you write something that made perfect sense to you only to have your teacher or professor write a big, red question mark next to it? The purpose of writing is to communicate thoughts and ideas to an audience, but because the writer cannot simultaneously be both the author and the audience, young writers often require a great deal of feedback in order to learn how to write clearly for an intended audience. Therefore, it is immensely important that teachers provide quality, frequent feedback to students on their writing.

To this end, it is also important to remember that the role of the teacher is to help students improve, not necessarily to expect a perfect product. Marzano (2017) explains that educators “should view learning as a constructive process in which students constantly update their knowledge.” Likewise, Hattie (2017) emphasizes the importance of helping students to engage in metacognitive strategies, such as Planning and Prediction, Elaboration and Organization, and Evaluation and Reflection. When we think of writing as a constructive process in which we should help students engage in metacognitive strategies, we realize how crucial it is that we provide students with feedback throughout the entire writing process, not simply at the end.

What does this look like? Imagine that you give students the following prompt: Explain why we remember George Washington today. Before students begin to write, have them make a plan that includes how they will conduct research, what questions they will ask, and how they will record answers. Check in with each student and then—this is key—provide feedback on their plans. As students begin to implement their plan and conduct research, collect information, and outline their paper, provide feedback on that, too.

What form does that feedback take? Well, whether it’s electronic (such as using Google Docs), verbal, or written doesn’t matter as much as the kind of thinking that the teacher asks the student to do when providing the feedback. For instance, a student has to do less work and actually learns less when a teacher writes, “George Washington did not have wooden teeth,” than if the teacher writes, “Can you find other sources that confirm that George Washington had wooden teeth?” or even “George Washington’s teeth are indeed an interesting subject; do you think we would remember him even if he had his own teeth based on his other accomplishments? What are the biggest reasons we remember him today?”

Feedback can, of course, also concern writing style. If feedback is too prescribed, we cheat students out of critical- and creative-thinking opportunities; if it is too vague, we risk frustrating them. For instance, instead of simply writing, “Vary your sentence style,” when a student starts each sentence in a paragraph with, “We remember George Washington because...,” a teacher could ask, “How can you start each sentence differently in this paragraph to keep the reader’s attention?” This points students in the right direction and also helps them understand why the change is important.

Lastly, while it’s important to give students feedback on their writing, feedback works best when we also collect it from students (Hattie, 2009). The more we ask students to self-evaluate and reflect on their work, the greater the impact on their achievement (Hattie, 2017). To that end, it can work well to have students first self-evaluate their writing using the rubric then come to a writing conference prepared with examples of what’s working in their paper and where they need help. When we give feedback like this, we encourage students not only to become better writers, but better thinkers as well.

Hattie, J (2009). Visible Learning: A synthesis of over 800 meta-analyses relating to achievement. New York: Routledge

Hattie, J. (2017). Hattie’s 2017 updated list of factors influencing student achievement. Retrieved from https://www.visiblelearningplus.com/sites/default/files/250%20Influences.pdf

Marzano (2017). The New Art and Science of Teaching. Bloomington, IN: ASCD & Solution Tree Press.

Response From Andrew Miller

Andrew Miller is currently an instructional coach at the Shanghai American School in China. He also serves on the National Faculty for the Buck Institute for Education and ASCD, where he consults on a variety of topics. He has worked with educators in the United States, Canada, Mexico, Australia, Thailand, Vietnam, Singapore, the Philippines, China, Japan, Indonesia, India, Kuwait, the United Arab Emirates, and the Dominican Republic:

Because we care about our students, we often do two things wrong: We give too much feedback or we tell students the answer in the feedback. Too much feedback is often ground in the traditional “final draft” way of writing, where the teacher collects the papers and then spends hours marking and providing written feedback near the end of the unit and close to when the assignment is due. This is often too much for students to process and/or can be too late. “Why didn’t you tell me my opening paragraph needed work when I wrote it a week ago?” Instead, teachers should provide feedback in smaller chunks in a more ongoing way. This makes the feedback manageable and timely.

For the second problem, teachers should focus on prompting and asking good questions to probe student thinking in the feedback they write. Instead of correcting a large amount of punctuation errors for students, write: “I’m noticing errors in comma and other punctuation usage in your second paragraph.” Here, the student must seek out those errors and correct them. They must learn! If the teacher does all the corrections for the students, then that teacher has done all the thinking for the student. In fact, it may have robbed that student of an opportunity to learn. Feedback should cause students to think and learn, not give away all the answers.

One final rule—don’t give feedback unless you can devote time for students to use and process it. We’ve all made the mistakes where we give feedback on the summative assessment and then students don’t use it. This is because we have indicated to them that it is summative and it is too late to improve. Teachers waste their time, and students don’t find value in the feedback.

Response From David Campos & Kathleen Fad

David Campos, Ph.D., is a professor of education at the University of the Incarnate Word in San Antonio, Texas, where he teaches undergraduate and graduate courses in special education, multicultural education, and instructional design and delivery. He has written books on LGBT youth, childhood health and wellness, and the schooling of Latinos. He has co-authored two books with Kathleen Fad: Tools for Teaching Writing (ASCD 2014) and Practical Ideas That Really Work for English Language Learners (Pro-Ed).

Kathleen Fad, Ph.D., is an author and consultant whose professional experience has spanned more than 30 years as a general education teacher, special education teacher, and university professor. Kathy’s specialty is designing practical, common-sense strategies that are research-based:

We also consider the idea of giving feedback from the special education perspective, and, that is, giving feedback so that it is individualized. Our experiences have taught us that in any given classroom, many students may struggle with the same writing issues, but most will have unique difficulties with their writing.

To help teachers give effective feedback on student writing, we created an evaluation protocol based on eight writing traits (in Tools for Teaching Writing, ASCD). Teachers can use this protocol to isolate the areas of writing that individual students struggle with the most. We identified qualities associated with each trait, which provides the teacher with a common language to use when she conferences with individual students.

Teachers can similarly create their own evaluation measure that has qualities associated with the traits or conventions of writing they address in their lessons. For example, teachers can ask themselves, “How does good presentation manifest in student writing?” Then, they can work toward developing the qualities of presentation they can regularly use in their instruction and student feedback. The key to effective feedback is to give students concrete qualities about the writing trait or convention and use those regularly in their conferences with students.

After teachers have developed this common language about writing, students can learn to self-reflect on their work. As a way of giving feedback, teachers can provide students with checklists associated with the qualities of the trait and have the students self-reflect or review their peers’ writing.

Thanks to Susan, Cheryl, Amy, Kate, Karen, Andrew, David, and Kathleen for their contributions.

Please feel free to leave a comment with your reactions to the topic or directly to anything that has been said in this post.

Consider contributing a question to be answered in a future post. You can send one to me at [email protected] . When you send it in, let me know if I can use your real name if it’s selected or if you’d prefer remaining anonymous and have a pseudonym in mind.

You can also contact me on Twitter at @Larryferlazzo .

Education Week has published a collection of posts from this blog, along with new material, in an e-book form. It’s titled Classroom Management Q&As: Expert Strategies for Teaching .

Just a reminder—you can subscribe and receive updates from this blog via email or RSS Reader. And if you missed any of the highlights from the first seven years of this blog, you can see a categorized list below. The list doesn’t include ones from this current year, but you can find those by clicking on the “answers” category found in the sidebar.

This Year’s Most Popular Q&A Posts

Race & Gender Challenges

Classroom Management Advice

Best Ways to Begin The School Year

Best Ways to End The School Year

Implementing the Common Core

Student Motivation & Social-Emotional Learning

Teaching Social Studies

Project-Based Learning

Using Tech in the Classroom

Parent Engagement in Schools

Teaching English-Language Learners

Reading Instruction

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Math Instruction

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Advice for New Teachers

Author Interviews

Entering the Teaching Profession

The Inclusive Classroom

Learning & the Brain

Administrator Leadership

Teacher Leadership

Relationships in Schools

Professional Development

Instructional Strategies

Best of Classroom Q&A

I am also creating a Twitter list including all contributers to this column .

Look for Part Three in a few days.

The opinions expressed in Classroom Q&A With Larry Ferlazzo are strictly those of the author(s) and do not reflect the opinions or endorsement of Editorial Projects in Education, or any of its publications.

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Writing Sample Feedback

Examples of Submission Feedback

The following are actual responses to some of our recent submissions to the Online Writing Lab, although the names have been changed to maintain the anonymity of student writers. You can expect similarly global-oriented comments and suggestions for developing your own work. Of course, length and type of feedback vary between individual tutors and between essay submissions.

Dear Rachel: I think you touch on some really nice ideas in this paper, which I'll talk about in a minute, but first I want to address one general concern I had about your writing. You have a tendency to spend too much time summarizing the plot--this is time when you could be advancing your argument. You don't need to tell your reader what happens in the story; you can assume that he or she already knows. For example, look at this paragraph: [...] Everything that I've noted with square brackets is plot summary. The sentence that begins "Feeling rejected, the creature wanders away..." is borderline because you're making a judgment about the creature's motivations, but in general you shouldn't spend time repeating the events of the story. The second part of this paragraph is much better in that you're talking about motivations and making arguments. I think you've got some really interesting ideas in this paper, particularly in your fifth and sixth paragraphs, but you need to expand upon them. For example, you might spend more time talking about Millhauser's rationale--WHY does he think the monster should have been presented as a brutal beast throughout? What would be lost in such a presentation? Why is it better that Shelley shows the monster in terms of growth and progression? You introduce this idea in your introduction, arguing that Shelley is deliberately playing with the reader's sympathies, for the monster and for Frankenstein. Could you say more about HOW she does this? What is the effect of the reader's divided sympathies? Where does the sympathy lie at the end of the book? Why might Shelley be interested in this? In general, what is the value of making the creature sympathetic? I hope you found some of the questions I've raised valuable. You've touched on some interesting issues in this paper, and there is definitely plenty of room for you to develop them even further. If you have any questions about anything I've said, or any further questions, please feel free to write back to me. Good luck with your paper and thank you for submitting to the OWL!

Mark, Thank you for submitting your paper to the OWL; I am a Political Science major and very much enjoyed reading it. Below you will find a few suggestions for how to strengthen your writing during the revision process. You wrote that your major concerns with your paper were "abstract prose" and "elementary points." I did not find your arguments to be too simplistic or "elementary," nor did your language seem too abstract. It did, however, lack clarity and definition at some points. Specifically, there are some concepts that you repeat throughout your paper but never define. One is the "republican role." It may be that your instructor discussed this idea at length in class, or that Machiavelli does in his Discourses on Livy, but there is no such discussion in your paper. A stronger paper would define the proper role of a leader in a republican state from the beginning. Some theoretical questions you may want to consider on this point include: what is the difference between a republican leader and a tyrannical leader? How can one distinguish between the two? Why is it important to prevent against tyranny? Is the leader subservient to the will of the people? Is the leader responsible to anyone? Where does the leader draw his power or right to govern from? What does it mean to "be subordinate to a republican role"? What qualities are valuable in a leader? Which ones are dangerous? It may be beneficial to read over your paper with a critical eye looking for vague concepts. What ideas do you reference but never fully explain? Do you take certain concepts for granted? If you find such problems, generating a list of questions to focus your idea (as above) can be a helpful exercise. There were two more areas I found especially lacking in definition: the concept of tyranny and a "short time in office." Thank you again for submitting your paper to the OWL. Your arguments are strong and I hope my comments will help to fine-tune your essay. Please feel free to e-mail me for further assistance or clarification. Good luck with your revisions!

Thanks for submitting your essay-I enjoyed reading it. I hope my comments help you in your revision process.

Your personal narrative is without a doubt at its best when you give vivid details of the day from your perspective, which is, as you describe, a very unique one. The "chalky taste" of the air, for instance, is a detail that really brings the scene to life.

You asked for help with structure, and I think the most sensible structure in this case is a chronological one. It's fine to start with a vivid scene to land the reader in the event, but then it makes sense to step back and tell the story as it happened. To help you accomplish this end, you might consider listing each of the major points you want to cover and then turning them into an outline. It might help, too, to think about the overall message you want to convey. Then make sure all of your details contribute to that message.

As for constructive comments, you never really explain why you were at Ground Zero on September 12. Do you just happen to live nearby? Did you have any special connection to the firefighters or the victims? Why did you decide to help out?

I would also be careful of the very general statements you use to sum up the essay, such as , "That day brought to my attention a side of humanity that had lay dormant in my mind. That moment in time showed me that people have the capacity to act unselfishly." It's best to convey your point through examples rather than summation-the old advice to "show not tell."

It takes a lot of courage to tackle in an essay the events of September 11 and the days following, but I think you have a great perspective, and the ability to look beyond the chaos to the details of the scene.

Feel free to write back as you revise this piece. I'd be glad to talk more about it.

Hello, Angela,

Your paper is coherent, well-organized, and very informative. You do a nice job of incorporating various theorists and applying their ideas to the phenomenon of AHANA. You also do a good job of considering "the opposing viewpoint" and introducing relevant arguments to substantiate your position.

One area I would suggest giving a little more attention to how exactly AHANA functions. You mention that the term was coined as an alternative to the more negative term "minority," and that the group exists to "promote understanding..." etc. But I still want to know more about HOW the group works to achieve their goals; do they sponsor events on campus? hold workshops? etc. You did an effective job of explaining the philosophy of the group, but I would be interested in seeing just a little bit more of how it works in action, so to speak.

The second point is that you might want to explain in greater detail how subjective experiences shape the need for a group such as AHANA. You mention that racial and cultural differences do exist and that the "differing perspectives caused by these distinctions exist regardless of whether they are acknowledged." This is a very integral part of your argument, so maybe developing it further would be helpful. I realize it's a very broad concept to try and condense within your paper, but focusing on explicating that part might be helpful. Overall, I think you have a very strong paper that seems to fulfill the parameters of the assignment quite well.

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College admissions

Course: college admissions > unit 4.

Writing a strong college admissions essay
Avoiding common admissions essay mistakes
Brainstorming tips for your college essay
How formal should the tone of your college essay be?
Taking your college essay to the next level

Sample essay 1 with admissions feedback

Sample essay 2 with admissions feedback
Student story: Admissions essay about a formative experience
Student story: Admissions essay about personal identity
Student story: Admissions essay about community impact
Student story: Admissions essay about a past mistake
Student story: Admissions essay about a meaningful poem
Writing tips and techniques for your college essay

Introduction

Sample essay 1, feedback from admissions.

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Essays That Worked

The essays are a place to show us who you are and who you’ll be in our community.

It’s a chance to add depth to something that is important to you and tell the admissions committee more about your background or goals. Below you’ll find selected examples of essays that “worked,” as nominated by our admissions committee. In each of these essays, students were able to share stories from their everyday lives to reveal something about their character, values, and life that aligned with the culture and values at Hopkins.

Read essays that worked from Transfer applicants .

Hear from the class of 2027.

These selections represent just a few examples of essays we found impressive and helpful during the past admissions cycle. We hope these essays inspire you as you prepare to compose your own personal statements. The most important thing to remember is to be original as you share your own story, thoughts, and ideas with us.

Ordering the Disorderly

Ellie’s essay skillfully uses the topic of entropy as an extended metaphor. Through it, we see reflections about who they are and who they aspire to be.

Pack Light, But Be Prepared

In Pablo’s essay, the act of packing for a pilgrimage becomes a metaphor for the way humans accumulate experiences in their life’s journey and what we can learn from them. As we join Pablo through the diverse phases of their life, we gain insights into their character and values.

Tikkun Olam

Julieta illustrates how the concept of Tikkun Olam, “a desire to help repair the world,” has shaped their passions and drives them to pursue experiences at Hopkins.

Kashvi’s essay encapsulates a heartfelt journey of self-discovery and the invaluable teachings of Rock, their 10-year-old dog. Through the lens of their companionship, Kashvi walked us through valuable lessons on responsibility, friendship, patience, and unconditional love.

Classical Reflections in Herstory

Maddie’s essay details their intellectual journey using their love of Greek classics. They incorporate details that reveal the roots of their academic interests: storytelling, literary devices, and translation. As their essay progresses, so do Maddie’s intellectual curiosities.

My Spotify Playlist

Alyssa’s essay reflects on special memories through the creative lens of Spotify playlists. They use three examples to highlight their experiences with their tennis team, finding a virtual community during the pandemic, and co-founding a nonprofit to help younger students learn about STEM.

More essays that worked

We share essays from previously admitted students—along with feedback from our admissions committee—so you can understand what made them effective and how to start crafting your own.

Application Workshops

Our interactive workshops—on topics like the college search process and essay preparation—will help you build your strongest application when you’re ready to apply.

Application tips in your inbox

Join our mailing list to receive insights from our admissions committee, event invites, and other resources for your college journey.

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You will have 8 questions to choose from. You must respond to only 4 of the 8 questions.
Each response is limited to a maximum of 350 words.
Which questions you choose to answer is entirely up to you. However, you should select questions that are most relevant to your experience and that best reflect your individual circumstances.

Keep in mind

All questions are equal. All are given equal consideration in the application review process, which means there is no advantage or disadvantage to choosing certain questions over others.
There is no right or wrong way to answer these questions. It’s about getting to know your personality, background, interests and achievements in your own unique voice.
Use the additional comments field if there are issues you'd like to address that you didn't have the opportunity to discuss elsewhere on the application. This shouldn't be an essay, but rather a place to note unusual circumstances or anything that might be unclear in other parts of the application. You may use the additional comments field to note extraordinary circumstances related to COVID-19, if necessary.

Questions & guidance

Remember, the personal insight questions are just that—personal. Which means you should use our guidance for each question just as a suggestion in case you need help. The important thing is expressing who you are, what matters to you and what you want to share with UC.

1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time. Things to consider: A leadership role can mean more than just a title. It can mean being a mentor to others, acting as the person in charge of a specific task, or taking the lead role in organizing an event or project. Think about what you accomplished and what you learned from the experience. What were your responsibilities?

Did you lead a team? How did your experience change your perspective on leading others? Did you help to resolve an important dispute at your school, church, in your community or an organization? And your leadership role doesn't necessarily have to be limited to school activities. For example, do you help out or take care of your family? 2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side. Things to consider: What does creativity mean to you? Do you have a creative skill that is important to you? What have you been able to do with that skill? If you used creativity to solve a problem, what was your solution? What are the steps you took to solve the problem?

How does your creativity influence your decisions inside or outside the classroom? Does your creativity relate to your major or a future career? 3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time? Things to consider: If there is a talent or skill that you're proud of, this is the time to share it.You don't necessarily have to be recognized or have received awards for your talent (although if you did and you want to talk about it, feel free to do so). Why is this talent or skill meaningful to you?

Does the talent come naturally or have you worked hard to develop this skill or talent? Does your talent or skill allow you opportunities in or outside the classroom? If so, what are they and how do they fit into your schedule? 4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced. Things to consider: An educational opportunity can be anything that has added value to your educational experience and better prepared you for college. For example, participation in an honors or academic enrichment program, or enrollment in an academy that's geared toward an occupation or a major, or taking advanced courses that interest you; just to name a few.

If you choose to write about educational barriers you've faced, how did you overcome or strive to overcome them? What personal characteristics or skills did you call on to overcome this challenge? How did overcoming this barrier help shape who you are today? 5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement? Things to consider: A challenge could be personal, or something you have faced in your community or school. Why was the challenge significant to you? This is a good opportunity to talk about any obstacles you've faced and what you've learned from the experience. Did you have support from someone else or did you handle it alone?

If you're currently working your way through a challenge, what are you doing now, and does that affect different aspects of your life? For example, ask yourself, How has my life changed at home, at my school, with my friends or with my family? 6. Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom. Things to consider: Many students have a passion for one specific academic subject area, something that they just can't get enough of. If that applies to you, what have you done to further that interest? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had inside and outside the classroom such as volunteer work, internships, employment, summer programs, participation in student organizations and/or clubs and what you have gained from your involvement.

Has your interest in the subject influenced you in choosing a major and/or future career? Have you been able to pursue coursework at a higher level in this subject (honors, AP, IB, college or university work)? Are you inspired to pursue this subject further at UC, and how might you do that?

7. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place? Things to consider: Think of community as a term that can encompass a group, team or a place like your high school, hometown or home. You can define community as you see fit, just make sure you talk about your role in that community. Was there a problem that you wanted to fix in your community?

Why were you inspired to act? What did you learn from your effort? How did your actions benefit others, the wider community or both? Did you work alone or with others to initiate change in your community? 8. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California? Things to consider: If there's anything you want us to know about you but didn't find a question or place in the application to tell us, now's your chance. What have you not shared with us that will highlight a skill, talent, challenge or opportunity that you think will help us know you better?

From your point of view, what do you feel makes you an excellent choice for UC? Don't be afraid to brag a little.

Writing tips

Start early..

Give yourself plenty of time for preparation, careful composition and revisions.

Write persuasively.

Making a list of accomplishments, activities, awards or work will lessen the impact of your words. Expand on a topic by using specific, concrete examples to support the points you want to make.

Use “I” statements.

Talk about yourself so that we can get to know your personality, talents, accomplishments and potential for success on a UC campus. Use “I” and “my” statements in your responses.

Proofread and edit.

Although you will not be evaluated on grammar, spelling or sentence structure, you should proofread your work and make sure your writing is clear. Grammatical and spelling errors can be distracting to the reader and get in the way of what you’re trying to communicate.

Solicit feedback.

Your answers should reflect your own ideas and be written by you alone, but others — family, teachers and friends can offer valuable suggestions. Ask advice of whomever you like, but do not plagiarize from sources in print or online and do not use anyone's words, published or unpublished, but your own.

Copy and paste.

Once you are satisfied with your answers, save them in plain text (ASCII) and paste them into the space provided in the application. Proofread once more to make sure no odd characters or line breaks have appeared.

This is one of many pieces of information we consider in reviewing your application. Your responses can only add value to the application. An admission decision will not be based on this section alone.

Need more help?

Download our worksheets:

English [PDF]
Spanish [PDF]

Reference Examples

More than 100 reference examples and their corresponding in-text citations are presented in the seventh edition Publication Manual . Examples of the most common works that writers cite are provided on this page; additional examples are available in the Publication Manual .

To find the reference example you need, first select a category (e.g., periodicals) and then choose the appropriate type of work (e.g., journal article ) and follow the relevant example.

When selecting a category, use the webpages and websites category only when a work does not fit better within another category. For example, a report from a government website would use the reports category, whereas a page on a government website that is not a report or other work would use the webpages and websites category.

Also note that print and electronic references are largely the same. For example, to cite both print books and ebooks, use the books and reference works category and then choose the appropriate type of work (i.e., book ) and follow the relevant example (e.g., whole authored book ).

Examples on these pages illustrate the details of reference formats. We make every attempt to show examples that are in keeping with APA Style’s guiding principles of inclusivity and bias-free language. These examples are presented out of context only to demonstrate formatting issues (e.g., which elements to italicize, where punctuation is needed, placement of parentheses). References, including these examples, are not inherently endorsements for the ideas or content of the works themselves. An author may cite a work to support a statement or an idea, to critique that work, or for many other reasons. For more examples, see our sample papers .

Reference examples are covered in the seventh edition APA Style manuals in the Publication Manual Chapter 10 and the Concise Guide Chapter 10

Related handouts

Common Reference Examples Guide (PDF, 147KB)
Reference Quick Guide (PDF, 225KB)

Textual Works

Textual works are covered in Sections 10.1–10.8 of the Publication Manual . The most common categories and examples are presented here. For the reviews of other works category, see Section 10.7.

Journal Article References
Magazine Article References
Newspaper Article References
Blog Post and Blog Comment References
UpToDate Article References
Book/Ebook References
Diagnostic Manual References
Children’s Book or Other Illustrated Book References
Classroom Course Pack Material References
Religious Work References
Chapter in an Edited Book/Ebook References
Dictionary Entry References
Wikipedia Entry References
Report by a Government Agency References
Report with Individual Authors References
Brochure References
Ethics Code References
Fact Sheet References
ISO Standard References
Press Release References
White Paper References
Conference Presentation References
Conference Proceeding References
Published Dissertation or Thesis References
Unpublished Dissertation or Thesis References
ERIC Database References
Preprint Article References

Data and Assessments

Data sets are covered in Section 10.9 of the Publication Manual . For the software and tests categories, see Sections 10.10 and 10.11.

Data Set References
Toolbox References

Audiovisual Media

Audiovisual media are covered in Sections 10.12–10.14 of the Publication Manual . The most common examples are presented together here. In the manual, these examples and more are separated into categories for audiovisual, audio, and visual media.

Artwork References
Clip Art or Stock Image References
Film and Television References
Musical Score References
Online Course or MOOC References
Podcast References
PowerPoint Slide or Lecture Note References
Radio Broadcast References
TED Talk References
Transcript of an Audiovisual Work References
YouTube Video References

Online Media

Online media are covered in Sections 10.15 and 10.16 of the Publication Manual . Please note that blog posts are part of the periodicals category.

Facebook References
Instagram References
LinkedIn References
Online Forum (e.g., Reddit) References
TikTok References
X References
Webpage on a Website References
Clinical Practice References
Open Educational Resource References
Whole Website References

Purdue Online Writing Lab Purdue OWL® College of Liberal Arts

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This page is brought to you by the OWL at Purdue University. When printing this page, you must include the entire legal notice.

Copyright ©1995-2018 by The Writing Lab & The OWL at Purdue and Purdue University. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, reproduced, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed without permission. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our terms and conditions of fair use.

The Online Writing Lab (the Purdue OWL) at Purdue University houses writing resources and instructional material, and we provide these as a free service at Purdue. Students, members of the community, and users worldwide will find information to assist with many writing projects. Teachers and trainers may use this material for in-class and out-of-class instruction.

The On-Campus and Online versions of Purdue OWL assist clients in their development as writers—no matter what their skill level—with on-campus consultations, online participation, and community engagement. The Purdue OWL serves the Purdue West Lafayette and Indianapolis campuses and coordinates with local literacy initiatives. The Purdue OWL offers global support through online reference materials and services.

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21 LinkedIn Summary Examples to Boost Your Profile

Stand out from the crowd with a LinkedIn summary that showcases your professional brand, career highlights, and what makes you unique.

Customers Interviewed by:

What is a LinkedIn summary?

Your LinkedIn summary is a concise, yet compelling, snapshot of your professional identity. Think of it as an elevator pitch – you only have a few seconds to present yourself, so you need to make it count!

“The LinkedIn summary is prime real estate to provide any insights or narrative that is NOT found in your resume,” says recruiter Kelli Hrivnak . “If your career history hasn’t been linear (which is the norm now), can you provide an overview of that journey here?”

Your LinkedIn summary appears beneath your photo on your LinkedIn profile page .

Why is your LinkedIn summary important?

LinkedIn is one of the first places recruiters and hiring managers go to learn about job seekers. In fact, studies show that 6 people are hired on LinkedIn every minute !

This is why it’s important to create an attention-grabbing summary that explains who you are professionally. The summary is also a great place to express your personality and tell your story.

Don’t neglect your summary—it’s your opportunity to stand out and make a memorable first impression.

How to create a powerful LinkedIn summary

Follow these steps to create a great LinkedIn summary that grabs the reader’s attention and showcases your professional brand:

1. Begin with a hook or personal anecdote to draw readers in

Pique the reader’s attention right away with a thought-provoking question, surprising statistic, or bold statement related to your industry.

You could also share a story that provides a glimpse into your background or professional journey. Or talk about a challenge you overcame, or an early experience that sparked your passion.

“Did you know that 70% of projects fail due to poor communication? This statistic ignited my passion for project management…”

“Ever since I built my first computer at the age of 12, I knew that technology was my calling. The sense of accomplishment from solving complex problems and creating innovative solutions has driven me ever since…”

2. Discuss your current role and key skills

Clearly state your current job title and employer. This allows viewers to immediately understand where you are in your career.

Then highlight your core skills. But don’t recite a bland list. Instead, paint a picture of how your skills translate into real impact.

“In my role as Senior Financial Analyst at ABC Investments, I provide in-depth financial analysis and strategic recommendations to support high-stakes decision making. One of my core skills is identifying growth opportunities through meticulous data analysis, which has contributed to a 15% increase in portfolio returns for our top clients.”

3. Mention achievements (use numbers)

One of the most compelling things you can do in your LinkedIn summary is highlight your major professional achievements.

Always try to use numbers when talking about your achievements. Why? Because numbers show the measurable impact you had.

“Over the past three years, I have grown our client base by 40% and increased annual revenue by $15M. My strategic sales initiatives and focus on customer relationship management have resulted in a 25% increase in client retention rates.”

4. Highlight the value you bring to employers

Your LinkedIn summary is your chance to demonstrate to employers that you are exactly what they need .

What skills, experience, and personalities are employers in your field looking for? What problems are they trying to solve? Show employers how you can fulfill their needs in your summary.

“Employers in my field seek leaders who can identify inefficiencies and implement cost-saving measures. By reducing operational costs by 30% and increasing productivity by 25% in my previous roles, I have consistently delivered results that align with business goals. My ability to navigate complex challenges and drive continuous improvement makes me a valuable asset to any organization aiming for operational excellence.”

5. Provide a glimpse into your personality and passions

Don’t confine your LinkedIn summary to your professional life. Try to share some aspects of your personality that would appeal to an employer, like having a positive attitude or an entrepreneurial spirit. Also touch on the passions that energize you.

Weaving in these elements helps you connect with readers on a deeper level and leaves a lasting impression.

“Outside of work, I am an avid runner and enjoy participating in marathons, which has taught me the importance of perseverance and goal-setting. I am also passionate about mentoring young professionals and volunteering at local coding bootcamps. These experiences fuel my drive to continuously learn and contribute positively to both my field and community.”

6. End with a call to action

It’s crucial to add a clear call to action (CTA) towards the end of your LinkedIn summary. For example, invite people to connect with you on LinkedIn, or provide contact details like your email.

Use bold formatting, colors, or symbols to make your CTA stand out visually. But avoid sales-y language. Keep it friendly.

“Let’s connect! I’m always eager to meet new professionals and exchange ideas. Feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or email me at [email protected]. I look forward to connecting with you!”

Use this LinkedIn summary template to guide you

Use the following LinkedIn summary template as a framework to structure your thoughts, but be sure to personalize it with your own voice. You can copy and paste this template into the writing platform of your choice.

Ever since I [personal anecdote or early experience], I knew that [your field or profession] was my calling. The sense of [related feeling or accomplishment] from [related activity or task] has driven me ever since.

In my current role as [your current job title] at [your current employer], I [brief description of your main responsibilities]. My key skills include [core skills], which I use to [description of how your skills translate into real impact]. For example, I have [specific example of how you’ve used your skills to achieve something significant].

Over the past [number] years, I have [specific achievement with numbers]. My [specific initiatives or focus areas] have resulted in [specific outcome with numbers].

Employers in my field seek [skills, experience, and qualities employers look for]. By [specific actions you’ve taken], I have consistently delivered results that align with business goals. My ability to [specific abilities] makes me a valuable asset to any organization aiming for [specific goal or improvement].

Outside of work, I am passionate about [personal interests or hobbies], which has taught me [related lessons or skills]. I am also dedicated to [related passion or volunteer work], which fuels my drive to continuously learn and contribute positively to both my field and community.

Let’s connect! I’m always eager to meet new professionals and exchange ideas. Feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or email me at [ [email protected] ]. I look forward to connecting with you!

Remember : Your LinkedIn summary doesn’t have to be perfect. Just think of it as a friendly conversation where you get to share a bit about yourself and what you love doing.

“Your LinkedIn profile is a great place to let the real you come through,” says career coach Susan Schwartz . “Write in your own voice to people you’d like to reach, and you’ll do fine.”

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20 LinkedIn summary examples to inspire you

Now that you know how to write a compelling LinkedIn summary, let’s dive into some real-world examples.

LinkedIn summary examples for students with no experience

A good LinkedIn summary is not only important for professionals, it’s also important for students who are applying for internships. Here are some examples of how to “work with what you’ve got” and make a great first impression on LinkedIn.

LinkedIn summary example #1

Daniel is a Public Policy Analysis student seeking internship opportunities to further his hands-on legislative experience and passion for public service.

LinkedIn summary example for an internship.

The summary starts with an engaging anecdote about volunteering at a local community center, immediately drawing readers in and establishing a personal connection.
It effectively highlights Daniel’s current role as a third-year Public Policy Analysis student, his hands-on legislative experience, and his key skills in writing and research, showcasing the value he brings to potential employers.
It provides a glimpse into Daniel’s personality by mentioning his passion for public service, teamwork, and community involvement, making him more relatable and memorable.

LinkedIn summary example #2

Sarah is a performing arts student currently pursuing a master’s degree. She is seeking internship opportunities in casting.

LinkedIn summary example for student internship.

The summary emphasizes Sarah’s insights from her performing career, including auditions, workshops, and rehearsals.
It mentions Sarah’s six years of experience on major entertainment projects, reflecting her deep understanding of live performance and industry trends.
It provides a glimpse into Sarah’s personality by highlighting her enthusiasm for fast-paced environments, problem-solving skills , and her knack for building meaningful connections.

LinkedIn summary example #3

Kelly is an arts and sciences major with a minor in business administration. She is seeking an internship in marketing and advertising.

LinkedIn summary example for college internship.

The summary starts with a friendly introduction, immediately making the reader feel connected and engaged.
Kelly mentions her study abroad experience in Paris, showcasing her potential for working internationally.
The summary shows Kelly’s personality by highlighting her drive for self-improvement and her supportive nature.

LinkedIn summary examples for recent graduates

As a recent graduate, you should focus on your academic achievements, internships or other relevant experience, and extracurricular activities that demonstrate your skills and interests. Also try to convey your personality. The goal is to present yourself as someone people would want to connect with.

LinkedIn summary example #4

Tiffany is a finance enthusiast and recent cum laude graduate from The University of Tampa. She is eager to bring her skills and passion to new opportunities in the finance sector.

LinkedIn summary example for student with no experience.

This summary is concise yet detailed, providing a clear snapshot of Tiffany’s academic achievements, skills, and work experience without overwhelming the reader.
Tiffany starts with a personal note about her passion for finance and traveling, adding personality and making her summary more engaging.
The summary quickly outlines her academic career and honors, followed by a list of her skills This makes it easy for potential employers to see her value.

LinkedIn summary example #5

Megan is a social justice advocate and recent graduate of Temple University. She wants to work in policy reform and make a meaningful impact on the justice system.

Megan clearly conveys her dedication to social justice and policy reform, making her an appealing candidate for organizations with similar values.
She highlights her firsthand experience working with incarcerated individuals and vulnerable populations, as well as her strong research skills.
By emphasizing her education, experience, and eagerness to collaborate with like-minded professionals, Megan presents herself as a valuable asset to any organization focused on improving the justice system.

LinkedIn summary example #6

Anthony is an accounting and finance major who loves tackling complex issues with smart, efficient decisions. He’s all about helping others and bringing a fresh perspective to every challenge.

LinkedIn summary example no work experience.

The summary quickly establishes Anthony’s expertise in accounting and finance, making it easy for readers to understand his professional focus.
It highlights Anthony’s passion for helping others and his unique approach to problem-solving.
The casual tone makes Anthony seem approachable and friendly.

LinkedIn summary examples for career changers

If you’re changing your career, your LinkedIn profile summary should highlight any transferable skills, relevant coursework, or volunteer experiences that show you have what it takes to succeed in your new chosen profession.

LinkedIn summary example #7

Jacob is an experienced airline pilot transitioning to a career as an aviation technical writer.

LinkedIn summary example career changer.

The first 3 lines tell the reader exactly who Jacob is and what his career change involves. It’s a perfect elevator pitch!
Jacob provides specific examples of his aviation experience, such as writing safety handbooks and guidelines, demonstrating how his skills are relevant to his new career in technical writing.
By mentioning his efforts to stay updated on aviation, technology, and innovation trends, Jacob shows that he is actively working to close any gaps in his education or training.

LinkedIn summary example #8

Michael is transitioning from the staffing industry to the SaaS world as a sales specialist.

LinkedIn summary example for a career changer.

The introduction clearly outlines Michael’s shift from staffing to sales.
The summary highlights Michael’s extensive industry knowledge, grit, and interpersonal skills , showcasing how his past experiences will apply to his new role in sales.
Michael’s excitement about becoming an expert on a specific product and his readiness to make “sales magic” adds a personal and enthusiastic tone.

LinkedIn summary examples for entrepreneurs

Entrepreneurs should show off their personalities while demonstrating their expertise. It’s OK for entrepreneurs to make their LinkedIn summary sound like a sales pitch, but don’t overdo it.

LinkedIn summary example #9

Cassandra is an entrepreneur who helps CEOs and service-based business owners streamline and scale their businesses.

LinkedIn summary example for an entrepreneur.

Cassandra clearly conveys two things – her passion for helping people grow their business and her many years of experience.
Her summary brims with energy and confidence, and clearly demonstrates why she is an expert in her field.
By mentioning her role as a homeschooling mom and her passion for her clients, Cassandra adds a personal touch that makes her relatable and highlights her dedication.

LinkedIn summary example #10

Gillian is a content and copywriting strategist dedicated to helping businesses create impactful and engaging content.

LinkedIn summary example for the entrepreneur.

Gillian immediately identifies a common problem for small businesses and shows how she can solve that problem.
She lists her services, making it clear how she can help potential clients.
The summary uses a friendly and supportive tone, encouraging potential clients to consider working with her.

LinkedIn summary example #11

Michelle is a writer and graphic designer passionate about creating visually striking and compelling content.

LinkedIn summary example for a graphic designer.

Michelle’s summary uses a distinctive and playful tone, showcasing her creativity and personality.
By mentioning her proficiency with the Adobe Suite, her writing skills, and her published work, Michelle effectively highlights her versatile skills.
Including her service in the Air Force and her role as a mother adds depth to her profile.

LinkedIn summary examples for professionals

If you’re a professional, the LinkedIn summary is a great opportunity to showcase your unique value proposition . In other words, shows prospective employers what you bring to the table and what sets you apart from everyone else.

LinkedIn summary example #12

Daniel is a customer service specialist with a knack for thinking like a customer and ensuring they achieve their goals.

LinkedIn summary example for customer service.

Daniel demonstrates his process , which allows prospective employers to see exactly how he would approach his work.
He highlights his precision and ability to communicate effectively with teammates.
By mentioning his additional roles as a DJ and statistician, Daniel demonstrates his high energy, passion for fun, and ability to juggle multiple responsibilities.

LinkedIn summary example #13

Jessica is a software engineer with over a decade of experience in delivering high-quality back-end and web applications.

LinkedIn summary example for software engineer.

Not every employer will care if you can craft a narrative in your summary. If you’re not sure what else to do, use the summary to clearly lay out your skills, tech proficiencies, and certifications .
Jessica provides a detailed list of her technical proficiencies, showcasing her expertise across a wide range of programming languages, databases, servers, and tools.
She highlights her responsible and detail-oriented nature, which is crucial in software development.

LinkedIn summary example #14

Alison is a seasoned SEO content writer with a flair for strategic and creative storytelling.

LinkedIn summary example for SEO content marketer.

Alison uses numbers in the opening line, which is a great way to grab the reader’s attention and entice them to learn more.
Mentioning her INTJ-A Myers-Briggs result adds a personal touch, showcasing her analytical skills and strategic thinking.
Detailing her 7 years of marketing experience and 15 years in the entertainment business demonstrates her depth of knowledge and versatility.

LinkedIn summary example #15

Carmen is a nurse with 6 years of experience in providing comprehensive patient care.

The summary is clear and concise, effectively communicating Carmen’s dedication, experience, and accomplishments.
Highlighting the 20% reduction in readmission rates provides a quantifiable achievement that demonstrates Carmen’s impact.
Emphasizing specializations in acute care, patient advocacy, and interdisciplinary collaboration showcases Carmen’s expertise and areas of strength.

LinkedIn summary example #16

Cheng is an accountant with 4 years of experience in managing financial records, budgeting, and tax filing for a variety of clients.

LinkedIn summary example for a financial analyst.

It highlights Cheng’s ability to streamline financial processes and reduce errors by 20%, which is a measurable achievement .
Mentioning his proficiency in GAAP, financial analysis, and software like QuickBooks and SAP demonstrates Cheng’s technical skills.
It emphasizes Cheng’s experience with a wide range of clients, illustrating his versatility and adaptability.

LinkedIn summary example #17

Roger is a high school teacher with 6 years of experience teaching science.

LinkedIn summary example for a high school teacher.

Mentioning the state-winning science fair project right at the beginning grabs attention and demonstrates Roger’s ability to guide students to impressive accomplishments.
Using an offbeat and engaging tone makes Roger’s profile relatable and appealing, especially to those who value creativity and passion in education.
Emphasizing Roger’s approach to hands-on learning and critical thinking highlights his innovative teaching style.

LinkedIn summary example #18

Yoz is a financial advisor with over 6 years of experience in helping clients achieve their financial goals.

LinkedIn summary example for a financial advisor.

Highlighting the average 10% annual increase in client portfolio returns provides a concrete measure of Yoz’s success.
The engaging tone makes Yoz’s profile approachable and appealing.
Yoz’s commitment to personalized financial guidance shows her dedication to meeting each client’s unique financial needs and goals.

LinkedIn summary example #19

Zakaria is a human resources professional with 6 years of experience.

LinkedIn summary example for human resources.

Showcasing a 25% boost in employee retention highlights Zakaria’s significant contributions and effectiveness in HR.
The engaging and slightly provocative tone makes Zakaria’s profile stand out.
Emphasizing Zakaria’s ability to align HR strategies with business goals underscores his commitment to creating value for both employees and the organization.

LinkedIn summary example #20

Anna is a paralegal who specializes in litigation and corporate law.

LinkedIn summary example for a paralegal.

It highlights a 15% increase in case efficiency, showing Anna’s effectiveness and value to potential employers.
The friendly, professional tone makes Anna’s profile approachable and easy to read.
Including personal details about volunteering and hobbies makes Anna relatable and adds depth to her profile.

LinkedIn summary example #21

Sam is a pharmacist with 6 years of experience in medication management, patient counseling, and clinical research.

LinkedIn summary example for a pharmacist.

Starting with a personal story about Sam’s early fascination with medicines makes the profile more engaging and relatable.
Highlighting the 20% improvement in patient outcomes from a clinical trial showcases Sam’s effectiveness and impact in the pharmaceutical field.
Mentioning personal interests and community involvement adds depth to Sam’s profile.

Add keywords to your summary to get more job interviews

Keywords are words and phrases that recruiters use to search for candidates. These keywords are usually job titles and skills .

Recruiters find candidates by typing keywords into LinkedIn’s search bar. If your profile contains these keywords it will appear in the search results. Your LinkedIn summary is one of the best places in your profile to incorporate keywords.

How do you know which keywords to add? One method is to manually scan the job postings that you’re most interested in and highlight the skills listed. Or you can use an online tool to automate the entire process.

Jobscan’s LinkedIn Optimization tool uses AI technology to analyze your profile against relevant job postings. It not only provides you with the exact keywords that recruiters are most likely to search for, but it also scores your LinkedIn profile. Follow the tool’s personalized recommendations to increase your score.

The results can be immediate. “A couple of hours after I optimized my profile, a recruiter was like, oh, we have this position…It worked!” reported one Jobscan user .

Read more : 28 LinkedIn Profile Tips to Supercharge Your Job Opportunities

Avoid speaking poorly about previous employers, colleagues, or job experiences.

Skip overused phrases like “hard worker,” “team player,” or “go-getter” without specific examples., don’t include information that isn’t relevant to your professional life, such as your favorite sports team or hobbies that don’t relate to your career., never share sensitive details about past projects, clients, or proprietary information., avoid slang, jargon, or overly casual language that might seem unprofessional., steer clear of hyperbolic statements or exaggerated claims about your abilities or achievements., don’t make your summary sound like a plea for a job; focus on your strengths and what you offer., ensure your summary is current and reflects your most recent experiences and skills., avoid being too broad or vague about your skills and experience; be specific about your professional strengths., ensure your summary is free of typos, grammatical errors, and spelling mistakes to maintain professionalism., key takeaways.

Your LinkedIn summary is a concise, compelling snapshot of your professional identity, akin to an elevator pitch.
Use your summary to provide insights or narratives not found in your resume , especially if your career history is non-linear.
Recruiters often look at LinkedIn first; a strong summary can make a memorable first impression.
Highlight your professional accomplishments and skills, using numbers to show measurable impact.
Inject personality into your summary to make it more engaging and relatable.
Incorporate industry-specific keywords to improve your profile’s visibility and increase your chances of getting job interviews.
Always include a clear call to action to encourage connections and interactions.
Regularly update your summary to reflect your most recent experiences, achievements, and certifications .

A good LinkedIn profile summary is like an elevator pitch for your job search. It should quickly present your key experiences and achievements, highlight your skills, and reflect your enthusiasm for your field.

The summary section on LinkedIn, also known as the “About” section, is located near the top of your LinkedIn profile, just below your profile picture , name, and LinkedIn headline .

Most professionals prefer the first-person approach because it allows them to speak directly to their target audience, creating a stronger connection.

Writing a LinkedIn summary without experience can be challenging, but it’s an opportunity to highlight your education , hard and soft skills, aspirations, and any relevant activities or volunteer work.

As a student, you can create a compelling LinkedIn summary by focusing on your academic achievements, relevant projects, skills, extracurricular activities, and career aspirations.

Yes, you can use ChatGPT to write your resume , cover letter, and LinkedIn summary section. However, it’s crucial to personalize the content to so it reflects your unique experiences and voice.

Most recruiters and hiring managers agree that a LinkedIn summary should be around three paragraphs, or approximately 300 words. This length allows you to provide enough information to give readers a good sense of who you are and what you do, without overwhelming them or causing them to lose interest.

No, your LinkedIn summary should NOT be the same as your resume summary . Both summaries should feature your skills, qualifications, and experience, but your LinkedIn summary should be more informal in tone and style than your resume summary.

If you’re unemployed, your LinkedIn summary should focus on what kind of job you’re looking for and what kinds of skills and experience you have that make you a good fit for that type of job. You don’t need to include the fact that you’re unemployed on your LinkedIn summary. You could just say you’re currently looking for new opportunities .

Most people include their current and previous job titles, as well as a brief overview of their work experience and skills. Some also choose to include their education, volunteer work, or other relevant information. In general, your LinkedIn summary should give potential employers or business connections a snapshot of who you are professionally and what you have to offer.

Robert Henderson, CPRW, is a career advice writer and a resume expert at Jobscan.

June 12, 2024

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51 Constructive Feedback Examples for Students

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5 Well-crafted Essay Feedback Examples That Promote Growth

Introduction

Example 1: Highlighting Strengths and Areas for Improvement

Example 2: Encouraging Critical Thinking

Example 3: Providing Clear and Actionable Suggestions

Example 4: Focusing on Grammar and Language

Example 5: Encouraging Revision and Reflective Practice

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3. “Too long”

4. “Contradicts itself”

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7. “All over the place” / “Confused”

8. “Misses the point”

9. “Poor presentation”

10. “Very good”

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