essay on forgiving someone

66 Forgiveness Essay: Examples, Titles, & Thesis Statement

A forgiveness essay is an exciting yet challenging task. In our article, you can find good forgiveness essay examples in literature, history, religion, and other spheres

📝 Writing a Forgiveness Theme Statement

🏆 best forgiveness essay examples, 🔍 simple forgiveness titles for essay, 💡 interesting forgiveness essay examples.

In your forgiveness essay, focus on different aspects of forgiveness. Some good forgiveness titles for the essay reveal themes of revenge, justice, and personal forgiveness. You can write an excellent reflective or argumentative essay on forgiveness – it is a versatile topic.

Regardless of your forgiveness essay’s specific topic and type, you should develop a strong thesis statement. Below we will provide recommendations on making a good forgiveness theme statement. This will help you come up with a solid base and arguments to prove your position.

Check these tips to make a powerful forgiveness thesis statemen:

• Determine the primary idea. What are you trying to prove? Can anything be forgiven, or are there cases when it’s not possible? Introduce your one main idea and the angle from which you will look at it. You can also include some facts or opinions about the acuteness of the topic.
• Work out your argumentation. It is crucial to have a firm structure in your forgiveness essay. You need to support the thesis statement with several arguments and evidence to demonstrate the consistency of your paper.
• Think of the opposing views. Every argument has a counterargument. When working on your forgiveness theme statement, always keep an opposite thesis statement in mind. Having considered counter positions, you gain additional arguments for your position.
• Don’t quote others in your thesis statement. A thesis statement is the first and foremost chance to introduce your point of view. Use your own strongest words to reach a reader. This is where they get the first impression about the whole work.

We also have lots of other tips on developing A+ thesis statements. Check our free thesis statement generator to discover more information and get a perfect forgiveness theme statement.

• Christ’s Atonement and the Concept of Forgiveness This study will connect the atonement of Jesus Christ and attitudes towards forgiveness through the revision of the current church, Love and God’s commandment to forgive.
• Forgiveness in the Christian Texts and the World Today The apostle calls upon the church’s people to stop the punishment of the wrongdoer and forgive, comfort, and affirm their love for him. It instructs Muslims to follow God and forgive others instead of following […]
• Philosophy of Forgiveness I believe that if anyone had gone through all the pain and horror that Simon had, and was asked to forgive Karl, the instinct, and most humane reaction at that moment would be to strongly […]
• Hamlet and Forgiveness: A Personal Reflection Some of the most prominent themes in the story are the ideas of mutual forgiveness, people’s motivation to be proactive and take risks, and their willingness to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
• Service Recovery and Customer Forgiveness Studies suggest that after apologizing to customers plus taking responsibility for the problem, getting to the root of the problem is very important to prevent such occurrences in the future. Getting to the root of […]
• Racial Inequality Targeted Student Loan Forgiveness Programs The research into this topic seems highly significant as the reduction of racial inequality was one of the most debated topics in the U.S.for the last several decades.
• The Effects of Forgiveness Therapy After gathering the relevant data, the researchers compared the recovery of the participants to their controls to determine the effects of forgiveness therapy.
• Self-Forgiveness: The Step Child of Forgiveness Research Other than the similarities and the differences, the two types of forgiveness relate to each other as self-forgiveness facilitates interpersonal forgiveness, this is through allowance of one to identify with one’s offender.
• The Amish Philosophy of Forgiveness It is important to note that the immediate forgiveness of the enemy does not mean that the Amish will let the perpetrators of crime go free.
• Review: “Interventions Studies on Forgiveness: A Meta-analysis” by Baskin T. and Enright R. In the church, members come to the pastor with a variety of social and psychological issues. The first step the pastor should undertake is to sympathise with the victims.
• Self-Forgiveness as the Path to Learning to Forgive the Others The key issues that the given research responds to or, at least, attempts to solve, are the definition of self-forgiveness, the relation between self-forgiveness and interpersonal forgiveness, and the means to differentiate between self-forgiveness and […]
• The Effects of Forgiveness Therapy on Depression, Anxiety and Posttraumatic Stress for Women After Spousal Emotional Abuse Enright forgiveness model applied in the study proved effective since it systematically addressed the forgiveness process identified the negative attributes caused by the abuse, and prepared the women for positive responses.
• Divine and Human Forgiveness in “Rime of the Ancient Mariner” By Samuel Taylor Coleridge After killing the albatross who was suppose to provide them with wind, all the people in the ship died but he managed to survive because he had asked God to forgive him all the sins […]
• Forgiveness & Reconciliation: The Differing Perspectives of Psychologists and Christian Theologians Based on the research design there is evidence of measures put in place to control against most of these biases which strengthens the study findings; this is the strength to the study.
• Forgiveness and Reconciliation Critique Availability of literature; as stated in the literature though the area of forgiveness is new in the field of psychology, but there is enough literature to cover the study.
• Forgiveness in Simon Wiesenthal’s Work The Sunflower Taking into account the major themes of the book The Sunflower, one is to make a conclusion that such response to atrocities as forgiveness is considered to be the key aspect of humanity.
• Forgiveness in Martin Luther’s Movement for Rights Blacks The bible teachings tell us that God exists in the holy trinity and the only way to forgive others is for us to be able to forgive our own transgressions.
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Forgiveness Essay

• Author Kimberly Ball
• Category Popular Essay Topics

Disclaimer: This paper has been submitted by a student. This is not a sample of the work written by professional academic writers.

Any opinions, findings, conclusions or recommendations expressed in this work are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of StudySaurus.

Topic: Why is forgiveness important

Throughout your life, you will have to forgive people. Often times, forgiveness can be difficult. A wise man once declared, “Holding a grudge does not make you strong; it makes you bitter. Forgiving does not make you weak; it sets you free.” Forgiving others allow you to overcome your anger, to heal spiritual wounds, and to be set free.

First, forgiving others allows you to overcome your anger. If you hold a situation against someone, you begin to also hold a grudge. This is also known as bitterness. Bitterness builds up over time and eventually, you become a negative form of yourself. Anger is not something you should hold in. It’s proven that anger is more than just an emotion, it has physiological effects on you.

Secondly, forgiving allows you to heal spiritual wounds. Matthew 6:14-15 “ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Once you forgive others, our Father in Heaven will forgive you. Healing spiritual wounds will allow you to grow closer to Jesus and your family in Christ. With spiritual wounds, you will never be fully whole.

Last, forgiving simply sets you free. Forgiving others will allow weight to come off your shoulders. When you do not forgive, a bad feeling exists inside of you. It makes you feel hatred. One element of life is loving everyone, you cannot do this until you forgive. You have to be a blessing. With bitterness in your thoughts and mind, you cannot do this.

Overall, you will have to forgive people every day. Everyone makes mistakes. You should forgive people as fast as you would want them to forgive you. Forgiving gives you the chance to overcome your anger, to heal your spiritual wounds, and to set you free. Forgiveness is the key to life.

Explain why it is important to forgive

The Freedom of Forgiveness

It is very important to forgive others. Forgiveness means to forget someone’s bad deed or mistake. Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never received. You react to someone else’s mistake can be vital to your life and the lives of the others around you. Avoiding forgiveness can leave frustration in your heart and destroy your personality. You must learn to forgive others and yourself. It is very important to forgive.

First of all, it is important to react in the right way to someone else’s mistake. When you act in a response to an act or mistake, it could cause damage to good and bad sides. Fighting or taking revenge will only make a situation worse and it also means that you would commit a bad deed as well. If you do not fight or take revenge, but choose to forgive, you are at a higher place than the other person. By acting mature and not fighting or taking revenge, you will not damage your self-respect. Also, there will be peace between you and the other person because you both acted in a mature way. It is important to react in the right way to someone else’s mistake.

Secondly, it is important to forgive because avoiding forgiveness causes frustration in your heart and destroys your personality. If you forgive someone, you will feel better about yourself. Your heart and your mind will become more relaxed because you have peace in knowing that you do not have to be angry with anyone. In history, war broke out because countries could not forgive each other. If you simply learn to forgive, your mind and heart will be at peace instead of at war. Forgiveness is very important.

Lastly, forgiveness is important to you and the people around you. If you do not find forgiveness in yourself, others can become victims of your ego and revenge. If you are too prideful to forgive someone, you need to change your mindset. If someone does you wrong, you must treat everyone in a kind way because it is not their fault. If you don’t forgive yourself, you can’t forgive others. Forgiveness is very important to you and the people around you.

In conclusion, it is very important to forgive others. It is important to react in the right way to someone else’s mistake. It is important to never avoid forgiveness. Also, the way you react to forgiveness will affect you and the people around you. It is very important to forgive others.

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Essay on Forgiveness

Students are often asked to write an essay on Forgiveness in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Forgiveness

Understanding forgiveness.

Forgiveness is when we stop feeling anger towards someone who has done something wrong to us. It’s like letting go of a heavy burden.

The Power of Forgiveness

When we forgive, we feel lighter and happier. It helps us to move on and not dwell on past hurts.

Forgiveness and Relationships

Forgiveness strengthens our relationships. It helps us to understand and accept others, despite their mistakes.

Learning to Forgive

Forgiving is not easy, but it’s important. We can learn to forgive by understanding that everyone makes mistakes.

Also check:

250 Words Essay on Forgiveness

Introduction.

Forgiveness, a virtue often preached yet seldom practiced, is the act of pardoning an offender. It is a complex psychological phenomenon that involves an intricate interplay between emotions, cognition, and actions.

The Significance of Forgiveness

The importance of forgiveness lies in its ability to release the negative emotions of anger, resentment, and the desire for retribution. This cathartic process promotes emotional well-being, reducing stress, and enhancing interpersonal relationships. It is a testament to human resilience and our capacity for empathy and compassion.

The Psychology of Forgiveness

From a psychological perspective, forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to relinquish feelings of resentment or vengeance. This process involves a cognitive shift, a change in one’s attitude towards the offender, and a willingness to let go of negative emotions. It does not necessarily mean forgetting the offense or reconciling with the offender, but rather, it is about finding inner peace and moving on.

Forgiveness as a Social Construct

Sociologically, forgiveness is a social construct that helps maintain social harmony. It promotes reconciliation and prevents the perpetuation of a cycle of revenge and hostility. In this sense, forgiveness is an essential component of social cohesion and stability.

500 Words Essay on Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a multifaceted concept, deeply embedded in human interactions and fundamental to the continuity of social relationships. It is a conscious decision to let go of resentment or vengeance towards an individual or group who has harmed us, regardless of whether they deserve our forgiveness.

The act of forgiveness is a psychological process that involves a change in emotion and attitude towards an offender. It is a voluntary and deliberate act that requires effort and emotional resilience. The process is often complex, involving feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal. However, it also opens the door to healing, peace, and the possibility of reconciliation.

Psychologists suggest that forgiveness can be a transformative process that promotes mental health, reduces anxiety, and enhances our well-being. It is a coping strategy that allows us to deal with interpersonal conflicts and emotional injuries. By forgiving, we free ourselves from the chains of bitterness, enabling us to move forward without the burden of past hurts.

The Philosophy of Forgiveness

Philosophically, forgiveness is seen as a virtue, an act of grace and compassion. It is a moral decision to absolve another of their wrongdoings, not out of obligation, but out of understanding and empathy. This perspective emphasizes the ethical dimension of forgiveness, viewing it as a moral duty or obligation.

However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoings. It does not eliminate the need for justice or accountability. Instead, it allows us to separate the person from their actions, acknowledging the harm done while choosing to let go of the resentment it has caused.

Forgiveness in Practice

Practicing forgiveness requires a high degree of emotional intelligence and maturity. It begins with acknowledging the hurt and allowing oneself to feel the pain. The next step is to empathize with the offender, trying to understand their perspective. This is followed by making a conscious decision to forgive, which often involves a verbal or mental declaration of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a personal journey and there is no right or wrong way to go about it. It can be a slow and challenging process, but it also brings about personal growth and emotional liberation.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

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Speaking of Psychology: The power of forgiving those who’ve hurt you, with Robert Enright, PhD

Episode 247.

When someone hurts you, it can feel justifiable or even satisfying to nurse a grudge. But psychologists have found that forgiveness, when done right, can lead to better mental, emotional, and even physical health for the forgiver. Robert Enright, PhD, of the International Forgiveness Institute and the University of Wisconsin-Madison, discusses how you know if you’re ready to forgive, the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, whether any harms are truly unforgivable, and how to forgive someone who isn’t sorry for what they’ve done.

About the expert: Robert Enright, PhD

Kim Mills: When someone hurts you, a friend or a former friend, a family member, a colleague, or a romantic partner, it can feel justifiable or even satisfying to nurse a grudge. After all, what do you have to gain from forgiving someone who's bullied you, betrayed you, or let you down? But psychologists who study forgiveness say that forgiving, when done right, can be therapeutic for the person who's been hurt. Research has found that it can lead to better mental, emotional, and even physical health.

So, when you want to forgive someone, where do you start? What steps do you take? How do you deal with the anger or grief that may be standing in the way of forgiveness? And, more broadly, can you forgive without forgetting? What's the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation? When someone has done something truly wrong, can you forgive them and seek justice at the same time? And, is it possible to forgive someone who isn't sorry for what they've done?

Welcome to Speaking of Psychology , the flagship podcast of the American Psychological Association that examines the links between psychological science and everyday life. I'm Kim Mills.

My guest today is Dr. Robert Enright, a professor in the department of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. He's a pioneer in the study of forgiveness, which he has been researching for nearly four decades. Dr. Enright has developed forgiveness-based interventions for children and adults who have suffered from bullying, abuse and other injustices. He's also brought forgiveness education programs to conflict areas such as Northern Ireland. He is interested in how forgiveness interventions and therapy can help people heal and improve their mental health and wellbeing. Dr. Enright is the author of more than 120 scientific articles and seven books, and has been awarded many honors, including a 2022 Gold Medal Award for impact in psychology from the American Psychological Association. 

Dr. Enright, thank you for joining me today.

Robert Enright: It's an honor to be with you, Kim. Thanks for asking me.

Mills: Let's start, as we often do in this podcast, with a definition. I'm going to ask you something that might seem obvious. What does the term forgiveness mean? You say people often misunderstand the term, so how do you define it?

Enright: I see it as a moral virtue, where you are being good to those who are not good to you, without excusing, without forgetting lest it happened again, without necessarily reconciling, as you had said in your introduction, and without throwing justice under the bus.

Mills: So, I mentioned in the introduction that your research and that of some of your colleagues, you've found that forgiveness can benefit people's health, their mental health and their wellbeing. Can you talk about that? What's the connection between forgiveness and wellbeing?

Enright: The key is that when we've been treated unjustly by others, a lot of times unhealthy anger sneaks into our heart and we're not even aware of that. And with that drip, drip, drip of the anger onto the heart, onto the emotions, day after day and even year after year, people start to become deeply angry or resentful. And then that can turn into anxiety and even depression and even low self-esteem, not liking yourself. And as you reach out, paradoxically, with goodness toward those who are not good to you, and it's your choice, it shouldn't be forced, that drip, drip, drip of the anger starts slowing down and in its place, you start having, as I say, that goodness toward the other. And that actually counteracts the toxic anger, reducing and even eliminating the effects of the trauma and that the anxiety and depression literally can leave and you get your life back.

Mills: Now, if you want to forgive someone, how do you do it—practically speaking? What are the steps that people should take?

Enright: Well, very briefly, it's good first to understand the effects of the injustice against you, seeing that it's quite negative and that you've been living with negative effects, like restlessness and too much anger and the like. And then you have to make a decision. How are you going to heal from that? And many people come to forgiveness when they've tried everything under the sun. And so they say, “Nothing's worked. I'll try forgiveness.” So, you make a decision, a free will decision without coercion from others. And then, what I say, hit the forgiveness gym to do the forgiveness work, to become forgivingly fit, you start thinking about the one who hurt you in new ways.

You see that they're more than the injustice against you. You see their personhood, is what you do. And when you do that and then you're ready to give this moral virtue-like quality, which is goodness to the other. That's when the healing starts to begin in the heart of the forgiver, which leads to finding new meaning and purpose in your own life, when you say, “Hey, I have a new way of dealing with trauma that I had never thought of before,” and it's there that you get a true psychological change that's transformative in a very positive way.

Mills: Now, it sounds like all of this is coming from within the person who is doing the forgiving. Does the person who is being forgiven have to play any kind of role in this?

Enright: I like your words “have to.” No. The other does not have to do anything, but it's helpful. If the other person is repentant, sorrowful, comes to you and genuinely apologizes without any nonsense, without using the apology as a way to gain power, that helps a lot, yes. But you can make this free will decision to go ahead and to try and be good to the other, try and expand your story of who this person is beyond just the injustice against you. And, it's your decision, your internal work. And you know why that's so important? Because then the other doesn't have that kind of power over you anymore. See, you're free to do this whenever you wish. Think about it. If your heart is damaged because of an injustice, and you need to forgive and you won't or you can't until three little words are uttered by the one who didn't like you, “I am sorry,” that's giving way too much power to the other.

Mills: But how do I know personally that I'm ready to forgive? I mean, I may feel like that's what I should do, but is it truly coming from within? We talk about heart here. Is it coming from my heart?

Enright: I think that's a great question. And, people tend to know when they are ready for a new chapter in their life. They know when they're ready to go on a diet. They know when they're ready to have a new friend. They know when they're ready to go to the physical gym to get physically fit. They have a motivation. They have a direction in their life. And so, a lot of times actually, people don't think they are ready, because they think what forgiveness is is caving into the other's nonsense. But, when they finally hear that that's not what it is, and you can stand firm, that what happened was unfair and it's still unfair, but I'm going to try and give this unexpected, shockingly new idea in psychotherapy of deliberately being good to the other, while watching my own back, then people know they're ready for this new chapter in their life, just like they might for a new diet.

Mills: Does the forgiver have to engage in some way with the person they're forgiving? Does that matter?

Enright: Well, it does matter, but it's not necessary. You see, if you can go to the other and say, “I am hurt. This isn't right what you've been doing. May we talk about it?” And the other's ready, wonderful, but the other might be deceased. And does that mean you cannot forgive someone who's deceased? Now you're trapped for the rest of your life. Think about that. But, you can. How can you be good to someone who's deceased? How about a kind word about that person to other family members? If it's a person in your family who's hurt you. Or donating a little money to charity in that person's name, so you're honoring that person's name. You see, that stops the drip, drip, drip of the anger in the heart.

So, it's really a unilateral idea, just as any moral virtue is. When you're trying to be fair or just to others, you don't wait for others to make certain moves before you, for example, stop at a stoplight when you're driving a car. That's your choice. I'm glad it's your choice, because with justice there are definite repercussions for not doing that. But with forgiveness, it's also your individual choice and you don't have to do it. That's what I like about it.

Mills: How can you forgive someone who isn't sorry for what they've done, or maybe even doesn't recognize what they did was hurtful?

Enright: It makes it harder, and you can actually then forgive the person for that offense. For the person to stubbornly insist that, “I have done nothing,” is another offense. And so you can go ahead, if you're ready, if you know what forgiveness is truly, and you're not being coerced into it by that person who says, “What's the matter with you?” And you want to do it, then you can go ahead on your own, regardless of what that other person does. That's how freeing forgiveness can be, with the consequence, “I am now freed from what this person has been doing to me.”

Mills: You mentioned a moment ago that forgiveness is a kind of moral virtue. But, what if someone doesn't want to forgive the person who hurt them, or isn't ready? Does that make that person less morally virtuous? That seems like you're putting the burden on the victim in a sense.

Enright: You are if you misunderstand forgiveness, because if we see forgiveness as absolutely necessary under all conditions or we’re morally weak, then yes, it would be putting the judgment actually on the victim. But, philosophers use the term, here's a big one for us, supererogatory. Forgiveness is a supererogatory moral virtue. There's a lot of syllables in there. And what they mean by that is, it's not one that must be done under all circumstances. It's similar to altruism. Do you have to give money to every single person you meet on the street who has a cup and is homeless? No. Are you going to be condemned if you give to two people and not 10? No. You'll be praised if you do it twice. It's the same thing with forgiveness. Supererogatory means it's up to you, in the context that's right for you, when you are ready.

Mills: Is there a difference between forgiving someone very close, like a family member you might see all the time, and forgiving someone you can easily avoid, like an old work colleague?

Enright: It actually depends on the severity of the injustice, as to whether forgiveness in a psychotherapeutic sense is worthwhile. Oftentimes, I find when looking at the issue of helping people to forgive, the deepest, most profound hurts that can last a lifetime oftentimes come from the family. Why? Because it's the family that's supposed to protect us. And, when those in the family now betray us, the hurt can be much deeper than if a boss fires us. Yet, at the same time, if that boss is very cruel to you, dumps you when you have a family to support and others are mocking you, that might be much worse than anything you've ever faced in the family, in which case, that one really might need some help, in an applied psychological sense. Both may need help, but in general, it's the family issues that cut us the most deeply.

Mills: And that brings me to the question of whether there's anything that is unforgivable. I mean, we can think of a lot transgressions—the Holocaust, murder. I mean, there are many bad things that we do to each other. Is anything truly, truly unforgivable?

Enright: For some people there are lines drawn in the sand and they won't go beyond that. And we should respect that. That is their choice to forgive people for certain offenses and not others. But, quite frankly, I have never seen any offense in the world that I probably couldn't point to at least one person who has forgiven. Let's take a look at the Holocaust, which you mentioned. Eva Mozes Kor, who passed away recently, broke my heart, because she passed away was with her twin sister Miriam in Auschwitz, the concentration camp in Poland. She made a decision to forgive—I'm going to put this in quotes. “Dr. Mengele.” He wasn't a doctor, he was a pretend doctor. But Miriam died, because of those experiments. Eva Mozes Kor decided on her own to forgive, to set herself free. Others who were with her in concentration camp thought it was, I'm quoting here, “improper.” And that's fine, because it would be improper for them, but not for her. So, we have to respect those who won't forgive, and respect those who will, because it's their free will decision to do so or not.

Mills: Now, people often think of forgiveness in a religious context. Many religions teach the value of forgiveness. Do you think, and have you found in your research, that religious people find it easier to forgive? Or, is forgiveness just as possible and as powerful in a secular context?

Enright: Our research has looked at people from all walks of life, Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, humanistic, atheistic, and we find that when people walk the pathway of forgiveness that's been worked out scientifically, and are willing to put the time in to become forgivingly fit, I've never seen a person fail miserably, especially depending on their demographics. Let's think about it for a moment realistically. Isn't it true that an atheist wants to be fair or just in the world, treating people with fairness, obeying the traffic rules? Absolutely, of course. And so, there's nothing in the rulebook of forgiveness that says you have to be a certain kind of believer to engage in it, just like the whole world engages in justice, regardless of culture. Because there are laws that might differ among different cultures, but they all have laws, and all people obey them or else. And that's just an example, the justice moral virtue, showing that we all on some level definitely try to engage in virtuous behavior.

Mills: Can it work the other way, though, where a religion says to you, “You must forgive, this is what we teach,” and you feel in your heart that you can't really forgive? Will that then weigh you down in the sense that you want to forgive, but you can't get there?

Enright: Yes, if you're misunderstanding your religion. Because, quite frankly, I have never seen a religion that demands that you get rid of your anger today. Okay? Usually, there are windows, usually there is compassion, usually there's patience. Honestly, I have studied these. I'm an egghead professor, remember. I study everything that's in English, whether it's Jewish or Buddhist or Christian or the materialist philosophies of the day, that demands that you start on the road of forgiveness today or watch out.

Mills: Now, you and your colleagues have developed forgiveness education programs for schools. What's the goal of those programs and how do they work?

Enright: The goal for children is to prepare them for adulthood. Isn't that what good education is always about? Why do we teach children to read? So, when they're in a grocery store as adults, they can read the mayonnaise jar to see how many calories there are. How about teaching them mathematics so they can balance a checkbook? Why don't we prepare children for the storms of injustice in adulthood that will visit them? I've never been able to figure that out. And so, what we're doing is we're preparing children for the storms of injustice that will hit them in adulthood, not by getting them into forgiveness therapy as children, but simply introducing them to what forgiveness is through stories. There are a lot of picture books out there for 4-year-olds, 5-year-olds, 6-year-olds that show conflict and show how story characters work through that conflict, sometimes with more conflict, in other times was actually deliberately trying to get along by seeing the humanity in the other. Because, as Horton said, in Horton Hears A Who , “A person is what? A person is a person, no matter how small.” Oh, even if they hurt you? Right-oh.

And so, now we get the sense of children seeing what forgiveness is, so that on their own, when they mature more philosophically and rationally, they can make their own decisions whether to do this or not. Because I worked with a 35-year-old woman recently whose husband just abandoned her, and she has two children and has to get a new job. And she said to me, “I want to forgive, but I don't know how.” What if she knew how to forgive through forgiveness education, her life at 35 would be much better.

Mills: Now, are there any demographic differences and who is able to forgive? Are women more able to forgive, because of the socialization that we go through? I mean, there are stereotypes and I happen to be part Irish and part Italian, and we all supposedly hold grudges. Do you find things like that in your research?

Enright: I have not found gender differences in how people successfully go through our psychotherapeutic process when they've been traumatized. There is some research out there that suggests, and it's only some, because not all of it says this—women statistically sometimes are more open to forgiving. I have found when I give talks on forgiveness that if you did a headcount, there are more women in the audience. And I have more graduate students studying forgiveness with me who are women. So, I think it's an interesting point, Kim. Maybe there is something there. But, at the end of the day, when men and women are definitely motivated to forgive, both can forgive with equal accuracy.

Mills: Let's talk for a minute about the role of forgiveness in social and geopolitical issues, where I know you've done some work. How did you deal with, I mentioned in the intro Northern Ireland? How did you negotiate that forgiveness with those countries?

Enright: Okay. Usually we're asked in. See, I don't push myself into anywhere. Anne—so, in Northern Ireland—Gallagher, as with Eva Mozes Kor, she died and broke my heart. She had a peace movement in Northern Ireland. She had family members who were part of the difficulties there, what they called “the troubles.” And she said, “Come to Northern Ireland and help us understand forgiveness alongside the quest for justice.” And so I came, and she introduced me to school principals there. And at first, the school principals, rightly so, were skeptical of the idea of forgiveness, because they thought we were moving directly into political realm. The Irish Catholics versus British Protestants. No. No. No. We're interested in children in what they do when another child pushes the one down and skins the person's knee, or steals your orange at the lunch counter. And so, we're more interested in the person-to-person issues within their own community, you see, so that eventually as they develop their forgiveness muscle, as we say, and become more forgivingly fit, they might, if they so choose, start applying that in the political realm.

And I had had the same thing with a school superintendent in the West Bank, where he said, “The anger we have within our community here in the Middle East is destroying within our own community, individuals, families and the local community. Could you help us reduce our anger level, by practicing forgiveness locally?” And we have done that. And so, the key is to not get involved in the political realm first, to get involved with the individual human heart, the family, and the local community and let's see where that develops. That is actually one of my big goals. My big dreams with this work I've been doing for 38 years, is to change the peace movement, where it brings forgiveness into the conversation, not just to usurp anything that's been done. But, dialogue by itself can appear very neat and tidy and respectful, but away from the peace table, if the hearts aren't right, hatred can continue. I want to see forgiveness as part of dialogue and as part of solutions alongside justice.

Mills: It sounds as if you're working a lot with the younger generations. And, I'm wondering if in some instances we're just going to have to wait for the next group of children, effectively, to become adults, in order to work through some of these issues? I mean, I think of the Middle East in particular, even what we're seeing between Russia and Ukraine right now.

Enright: That's right. I think that's extremely insightful, actually. And, that's correct. I think we need to bring two generations of children and adolescents through forgiveness, so they mature in that. They become, as I had said before, forgivingly fit, so that they can apply that alongside other issues that have been tried. Okay. How long is it going to take if we bring two generations through? Which is what? About 20 to 40 years? How long has the difficulties been going on in Northern Ireland? Hundreds of years. How long in the Middle East? Thousands. And so, is 40 years an exhausted amount of time where we should forget it? No. That's a blink of an eye. I think we should try this by having the humility to say, “Those who come after us might find a better way.”

Mills: So, you mentioned you've been at this for 38 years. What keeps you going? What are you working on now? What are the questions that you still need to answer?

Enright: Okay. What keeps me going is the passion for what we find. It has actually surprised me, the strength of the findings when people are gravely hurting psychologically, and are healed from, let's say, major depressive disorder. And that gives me a hope, and the hope keeps me going, that we can indeed create a better world, one heart at a time. And so, I would say on the table as my wishlist, more insight that forgiveness education is worthwhile for children and adolescents. And, here's a big one, community forgiveness. And we're actually starting to work on that in different war-torn communities, especially in Africa.

We've been approached by four different communities in different geographic areas of Africa. Coming to us, saying, “Can you help us? We have had civil wars.” I just had a meeting this past week with someone from an African community who told me one million people, Kim, one million people have died in this century from the civil wars. And he said, “We need to bring forgiveness into communities, into individual hearts, families and communities, and then community to community.” But see, both communities have to be astute enough and motivated enough to become well-versed in forgiveness. And then, what will happen? I want to find out.

Mills: Well, Dr. Enright, I want to thank you for joining me today. This is extremely important work that you're doing. Thank you so much.

Enright: Thank you so much for having me, Kim.

Mills: You can find previous episodes of Speaking of Psychology on our website at www.speakingofpsychology.org , or on Apple, Stitcher, YouTube, or wherever you get your favorite podcasts. And, if you like what you've heard, please leave us a review. If you have comments or ideas for future podcasts, you can email us at [email protected] . Speaking of Psychology is produced by Lea Winerman. Our sound editor is Chris Condayan. 

Thank you for listening. For the American Psychological Association, I'm Kim Mills.

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Episode 247: T he power of forgiving those who’ve hurt you, with Robert Enright, PhD

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• International Forgiveness Institute
• “ Forgiveness can improve mental and physical health ” ( Monitor on Psychology , January 2017)

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Essay Samples on Forgiveness

Reasons to be hardworking, forgiving, honest and trustworthy.

Being forgiving is a difficult trait to have especially if someone damaged one badly. The time when the person I trusted the most in the world, my best friend stole from my family and stabbed me in the back, it taught me that in order...

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Unforgiveness Steals Away Your Joy, Peace, and Happiness

Forgiveness is one of the topics most Christians don't like to talk about especially if they were truly hurt by someone close to their heart. Sometimes, we feel it is better to carry the burden of hatred rather than forgive those that have wronged us....

• Christian Worldview

Analysis of the Article Intellectual Humility and Forgiveness of Religious Conflict

The article, “Intellectual Humility and Forgiveness of Religious Conflict.’, discusses a study regarding religious conflict. One of the authors begins by giving a detailed synopsis of what their experience was a undergraduate in religious studies. They often found themselves in conversations with people of other...

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Gratitude and the Act of Giving on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is a day that shows people we love, values love, relationships and reading. Valentine's Day is a day to show people who care about our important words and actions. mean something! We all know that Valentine's Day is a day to exchange cards...

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The Scarlet Letter: Hester Prynne Deserved and Earned Forgiveness

Have you ever made a terrible mistake and no matter how much you tried to fix it you can’t stop getting it from following you in life? In the novel The Scarlet Letter, by Nathainel Hawthrone the main character Hester Prynne knows how you feel....

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Enright's Four Stages of Forgiveness: Personal Account

Forgiveness is a coin with two sides. One including those who practice forgiveness in conjunction with someone who has wronged them, and conversely, the other side holds those who wish to have forgiveness bestowed upon them by the wronged party. Ideally, forgiveness is the work...

Ritualized Forgiveness and Confession in Christianity

Forgiveness is a biblical mandate from the New Testament that many Christians engage in as a part of their faith. Various scriptures reflect forgiveness as a part of Christian teachings and theology, as is it enshrined in the Lord’s prayer – forgive us our debts...

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The Freeing Nature of Genuine Forgiveness

“I don’t like you, okay?” She shot back at Lance on the phone. “I don’t date men anymore. Men are a waste of precious time!” The words stung him. He told her good night and never called back again. Cara was angry and bitter. She...

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The People Who Shaped My Story

There are only a very few people in your life who, out and out, fit in as the last piece in a jigsaw puzzle and complete your story. I 'm humbled by the very fact that I have known some. Those who have loved me...

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Best topics on Forgiveness

1. Reasons to Be Hardworking, Forgiving, Honest and Trustworthy

2. Unforgiveness Steals Away Your Joy, Peace, and Happiness

3. Analysis of the Article Intellectual Humility and Forgiveness of Religious Conflict

4. Gratitude and the Act of Giving on Valentine’s Day

5. The Scarlet Letter: Hester Prynne Deserved and Earned Forgiveness

6. Enright’s Four Stages of Forgiveness: Personal Account

7. Ritualized Forgiveness and Confession in Christianity

8. The Freeing Nature of Genuine Forgiveness

9. The People Who Shaped My Story

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Forgiveness Defined

What is forgiveness.

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Just as important as defining what forgiveness is , though, is understanding what forgiveness is not . Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.

Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.

While early research focused on forgiveness of others by individuals, new areas of research are starting to examine the benefits of group forgiveness and self-forgiveness .

For More: Read forgiveness expert Fred Luskin’s essay, “ What Is Forgiveness? ,” and Jack Kornfield’s thoughts on what forgiveness means . Learn more about forgiveness research in this summary of key studies and recent white paper , and consider: Is anything unforgiveable?

What are the Limitations?

Does Forgiveness Make Men Feel Weak?

A new study suggests that men and women might experience forgiveness differently.

Which Feels Better, Forgiveness or Revenge?

A new study compares different responses to bullying—and finds that forgiveness may have to wait.

Why Evolution Made Forgiveness Difficult

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What Makes People Kinder to Outsiders?

A new study finds that young people who are more forgiving tend to extend their kindness more broadly.

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How Teaching Virtues Can Empower Young People

We created the Empowered Program to teach youth tools to promote purpose, hope, wisdom, peace, and forgiveness.

Six Ways to Deal With Someone Who Wronged You

Here's what we have learned from 25 years of research about forgiveness—and its alternatives.

One Way to Let Your Guard Down

A new study suggests that forgiving past transgressions could help us see people in a better light.

Why Practice It?

We often think of forgiveness as a kind, magnanimous act—an act of mercy or compassion extended to someone who wronged us. While that can be true, research over the past few decades has revealed enormous personal benefits to forgiveness as well. According to that research, here are some of the most compelling ways forgiveness is good for us, our relationships, and our communities.

• Forgiveness makes us happier : Research suggests not only that happy people are more likely to forgive but that forgiving others can make people feel happy , especially when they forgive someone to whom they feel close.
• Forgiveness protects our mental health : People who receive therapy designed to foster forgiveness experience greater improvements in depression, anxiety, and hope than those who don’t. Forgiveness may also play a role in preventing suicide .
• Forgiveness improves our health : When we dwell on grudges, our blood pressure and heart rate spike—signs of stress which damage the body; when we forgive, our stress levels drop, and people who are more forgiving are protected from the negative health effects of stress . Studies also suggest that holding grudges might compromise our immune system, making us less resistant to illness.
• Forgiveness sustains relationships : When our friends inevitably hurt or disappoint us, holding a grudge makes us less likely to sacrifice or cooperate with them, which undermines feelings of trust and commitment, driving us further apart. Studies suggest that forgiveness can stop this downward spiral and repair our relationship before it dissolves.
• Forgiveness is good for marriages (most of the time): Spouses who are more forgiving and less vindictive are better at resolving conflicts effectively in their marriage. A long-term study of newlyweds found that more forgiving spouses had stronger, more satisfying relationships . However, when more forgiving spouses were frequently mistreated by their husband or wife, they became less satisfied with their marriage.
• Forgiveness boosts kindness and connectedness : People who feel forgiving don’t only feel more positive toward someone who hurt them. They are also more likely to want to volunteer and donate money to charity, and they feel more connected to other people in general.
• Forgiveness can help heal the wounds of war: A research-based forgiveness training program in Rwanda , for instance, was linked to reduced trauma and more positive attitudes between the Hutus and Tutsis there. A study of people who learned forgiveness skills in war-torn Sierra Leone found that they reported feeling less depressed, more grateful, more satisfied with life, and less stressed afterward. Perhaps most famously, South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission is widely credited with encouraging forgiveness and reconciliation after the end of apartheid in that country. Archbishop Desmond Tutu , the commission’s chairman, has argued that forgiveness is the path to “true enduring peace.”
• Forgiveness is good for kids and teens: Kids who are more forgiving toward their friends have higher well-being. Forgiveness training can help adolescent girls who are bullies and bullied decrease their anger, aggression, and delinquency, while increasing their empathy and improving their grades.
• Forgiveness is good for workplaces : Employees who are more forgiving are also more productive and take fewer days off, partly thanks to reduced stress around their relationships.
• People who practice self-forgiveness tend to have better physical and mental health . Forgiving ourselves may also improve our relationships .

For More: Learn more about the benefits of forgiveness in researcher Everett Worthington’s article, “ The New Science of Forgiveness ,” and in Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s essay, “ Forgiveness + Reconciliation .”

How Do I Cultivate It?

According to Robert Enright , Fred Luskin , and other experts, forgiveness isn’t just for the deeply magnanimous among us; it’s both a choice and a trainable skill that almost anyone can learn. Fortunately, research suggests that the capacity for forgiveness is an intrinsic part of human nature . Here are some research-based strategies for tapping into that capacity, whether you’re trying to forgive others, forgive yourself, or seek forgiveness from someone else.

• View forgiveness as something for you, not a gift to someone else: In his Nine Steps to Forgiveness program, Fred Luskin emphasizes that forgiveness is best seen as something that will bring you peace, closure, and reduce your suffering—a point echoed by Jack Kornfield in this video.
• Articulate your emotions : If you want to forgive or be forgiven, be willing to express how you’re feeling to others and to yourself. Ruminating on negative feelings is both unhealthy and unproductive. As the GGSC’s Christine Carter argues, this is an important lesson to teach kids as well.
• Look for the silver lining: This can be a controversial tip, but research suggests that after someone hurts you, you can forgive more easily by reflecting on the personal benefits you may have gained through the transgression. Writing about those benefits might be especially helpful.
• Make an effective apology: If you’re seeking forgiveness from others, studies suggest that apologizing will help—but weak apologies might only make things worse. Researcher Aaron Lazare has studied apologies for years, concluding that an effective apology has four parts: It acknowledges the offense, offers an explanation for the offense, expresses remorse or shame, and involves a reparation of some kind.
• Cultivate empathy : When someone has been hurt, they’ll be more likely to forgive—and less likely to retaliate—if they can sense or imagine the distress or remorse felt by the person who hurt them. This might explain why apologies foster forgiveness.
• Practice mindfulness: Training in mindfulness can help college students become more forgiving, perhaps because awareness of painful feelings is part of the process of forgiveness. More mindful people are also more forgiving of betrayal .
• Humanize the Other through contact : Research in Northern Ireland found that people on both sides of the violence there were more likely to forgive if they came into contact with someone from the other side, perhaps because it reduced feelings of anger and encouraged them to see the other’s humanity.
• Don’t let yourself off too easy: Research suggests that forgiving yourself for mistakes can sometimes reduce your empathy for others and your motivation to make amends. For a more healthy way to forgive yourself, read these research-based steps , which include empathizing with your victim and honestly reflecting on what you did wrong, or follow this process recommended by Rick Hanson.
• Seek peace, not justice: In his forgiveness program , Robert Enright emphasizes that forgiveness is separate from justice. The people who hurt you may never get their just desserts, but that shouldn’t prevent you from moving on with your life.
• Understand that forgiveness is a process : True forgiveness doesn’t happen in an instant; instead, it takes time and energy to achieve, and might not come easily.
• Overcome barriers to forgiveness: Research reveals some common fears and concerns to address if we are resistant to forgiving.
• Foster a forgiving school: Build a school climate of care and fairness in order to facilitate forgiveness among teachers and staff.
• Raise forgiving kids : Parents can help kids learn forgiveness by modeling it themselves, and allowing kids to move through the process of forgiveness at their own pace.

For more: Check out Christine Carter’s tips for teaching forgiveness skills to children, adapted from Luskin’s nine steps. And she offers these tips for fostering forgiveness in families.

Leading forgiveness researchers have also developed their own evidence-based programs to foster forgiveness, including the following.

• Luskin’s Nine Steps to Forgiveness , which involve a mix of cognitive and meditative strategies, from articulating your grievance to shifting your expectations from life to revising the way you look at your past.
• Robert Enright’s Forgiveness Process Model , which consists of 20 steps divided into four phases : the Uncovering Phase , where one becomes aware of the true emotional stress he has suffered; the Decision Phase , where one commits to forgiving rather than continuing to focus exclusively on his suffering; the Work Phase , where one comes to accept—but not condone—the pain he has suffered, no matter how undeserved; and finally the Outcome/Deepening Phase , where one recognizes the relief and meaning he is gaining from forgiveness. Read Enright’s tips for moving through this process .
• Everett Worthington’s REACH method for forgiveness, which involves five steps: R ecall the hurt, E mpathize with the person who hurt you, offer an A ltruistic gift of forgiveness, C ommit to forgive (ideally publicly), and H old onto that forgiveness.

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Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger and resentment — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Who hasn't been hurt by the actions or words of another? Perhaps a parent constantly criticized you growing up, a colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. Or maybe you've had a traumatic experience, such as being physically or emotionally abused by someone close to you. These wounds can leave lasting feelings of resentment, bitterness and anger — sometimes even hatred.

But if you hold on to that pain, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you also can embrace peace and hope. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness means different things to different people. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger.

The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you. But working on forgiveness can lessen that act's grip on you. It can help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Sometimes, forgiveness might even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you. It also doesn't necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that allows you to focus on yourself and helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships.
• Improved mental health.
• Less anxiety, stress and hostility.
• Fewer symptoms of depression.
• Lower blood pressure.
• A stronger immune system.
• Improved heart health.
• Improved self-esteem.

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness and confusion. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by bitterness or a sense of injustice.

Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. But even if you tend to hold a grudge, almost anyone can learn to be more forgiving.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you struggle with finding forgiveness, you might:

• Bring anger and bitterness into new relationships and experiences.
• Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present.
• Become depressed, irritable or anxious.
• Feel at odds with your spiritual beliefs.
• Lose valuable and enriching connections with others.

How do I move toward a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to change. It takes practice. To move toward forgiveness, you might:

• Recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life.
• Identify what needs healing and who you want to forgive.
• Join a support group or see a counselor.
• Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you, recognize how those emotions affect your behavior, and work to release them.
• Choose to forgive the person who's offended you.
• Release the control and power that the offending person and situation have had in your life.

What happens if I can't forgive someone?

Forgiveness can be hard, especially if the person who hurt you doesn't admit wrongdoing. If you find yourself stuck:

• Practice empathy. Try seeing the situation from the other person's point of view.
• Ask yourself about the circumstances that may have led the other person to behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
• Reflect on times when others have forgiven you.
• Write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation. Or talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
• Be aware that forgiveness is a process. Even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven again and again.

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. But that isn't always the case.

Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation isn't.

What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change?

Getting another person to change isn't the point of forgiveness. It's about focusing on what you can control in the here and now. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to have in your life.

What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you've done and how they have affected others. Avoid judging yourself too harshly.

If you're truly sorry for something you've said or done and want forgiveness, consider reaching out to those you've harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret. Ask for forgiveness without making excuses.

You can't force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Remember, forgiveness is a process. Whatever happens, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.

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• Rakel D, ed. Forgiveness. In: Integrative Medicine. 4th ed. Elsevier; 2018. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed Nov. 2, 2022.
• Forgiveness can improve mental and physical health. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/01/ce-corner.aspx. Accessed Nov. 2, 2022.
• Silva RS, et al. Forgiveness facilitation in palliative care: A scoping review. JBI Evidence Synthesis. 2020; doi:10.11124/JBISRIR-D-19-00286.
• Martinez-Diaz P, et al. Victim's perspective of forgiveness seeking behaviors after transgressions. Frontiers in Psychology. 2021; doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.656689.
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Reflections: THE NECESSITY OF FORGIVENESS

 january 2007.

One of the persistent problems that everyone encounters in life is being offended by other people. The “other people” in question include strangers, co-workers, friends, and family. While many of these offenses are relatively minor irritants, others are deep, painful, and have a major impact on us. Regardless of the magnitude, in every case of offense, we are confronted with a critical issue: will we forgive the offender?

C.S. Lewis gives us helpful insight on forgiving others:

As regards my own sins it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are not really so good as I think; as regards other men’s sins against me it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are better than I think. One must therefore begin by attending to everything which may show that the other man was not so much to blame as we thought. But even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him; and even if ninety-nine percent of his apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one percent of guilt which is left over. To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian charity; it is only fairness. To be Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. This is hard. It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single great injury. But to forgive the incessant provocations of daily life—to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son—how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.” We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what He says. 1

In comparison to sins like adultery, murder, theft, etc., unforgiveness might seem relatively minor. But Christ does not see it that way. Of all the serious sins he could have possibly mentioned in the Lord ’s Prayer, Jesus focused only on forgiveness (Matthew 6:12, 14-15). He knew that offenses come to each of us regularly, and that we are prone to rationalize and justify our unforgiveness of the offender. He also knew that when we do so, we erect a barrier of sin between us and God which blocks our own forgiveness, as well as our prayers and fellowship with him, and leads to backsliding. Unforgiveness is a spiritual abscess that poisons the soul, the only remedy for which is forgiveness, no matter how difficult.

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors…. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. MATTHEW 6:12, 14-15 (NIV)

1  C.S. Lewis,  The Weight of Glory  (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1996), pp. 135-136.

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Short Essay on Forgiveness

The famous saying goes “To err is human, to forgive is divine”. What makes the power of forgiveness comparable to God? The very nature of humans is to get angry and feel resentful towards those who have hurt us or did some harm to us in any way.

We tend to remember the undesirable actions of others which impacted us and made us feel bad. Forgiveness is the act of overcoming the feeling of resentment or revenge for the person who has done wrong actions.

Forgiveness is a virtue but the way people perceive it is quite relative. Some people think that certain actions are forgivable while others are not. Some people think that forgiveness encourages the wrongdoer to perform ill deeds repeatedly. Forgiveness is subjective and the act of forgiveness can have many meanings. Acceptance of apology may be forgiveness for some, while helping the other who hurt you to get out of the habit of ill-treatment may be a way for others.

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We all make mistakes. So when we learn to forgive others, we can also seek forgiveness when we commit follies. Also if we are able to forgive others, we also learn to forgive ourselves in situations of self-guilt. Thus the virtue of forgiveness helps us come out of the feeling of self blame. If we fail to forgive ourselves in time, we often end up realizing that others had forgiven us long back, but we kept feeling bad about ourselves all this time.

Forgiveness helps us feel light and helps us get rid of hard feelings that occupy our mind and heart and eat away our peace of mind. Forgiveness is a way to self-fulfillment. People who can readily forgive others are much more responsible and satisfied inside than those who keep grudges against others and develop feelings of enmity. The feeling of anguish only results in arguments, fights, mistreatments and war in certain cases. Those who forgive help create positive energy on this planet.

Now, let us take the example of a terrorist who kills hundreds of innocent people in a terrorist attack. Does he deserve forgiveness? Such criminals kill common man in the name of religion and consider it a way to please or reach their God. Heinous Acts of this degree do not deserve mercy and forgiveness. Though there may be people who would still believe that forgiveness is humanity, yet to discourage and prevent any such future acts of terrorism, such people must be severely punished and not forgiven.

If the people who are close to you betray or hurt you, you find it most difficult to forgive them. Sometimes the extent to which your trust is breached determines the ease or difficulty in forgiving. But it is true that the more easily we forgive the other person, the less likely we shall suffocate ourselves keeping bad intentions for the wrongdoer. We need to feed it into our system to let go so that we do not stay annoyed and offended for long. Our grudges will only affect the relationship with the person and not hurt the other person in any way. The ability to forgive gives us a sense of freedom and makes us suffer less and feel lesser misery and pain.

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• DOI: 10.1080/00207284.2024.2357564
• Corpus ID: 270708742

Therapeutic Groups to Help People Forgive Others: A Case Study.

• Nathaniel G. Wade , Corrine M. Schwarting , Haley E Williamson
• Published in International journal of… 25 June 2024

18 References

To forgive or not to forgive an organization: perceived integrity versus competence transgressions shape consumers’ forgiveness of transgressing organizations, towards a psychology of divine forgiveness., promoting forgiveness: characteristics of the treatment, the clients, and their interaction, forgiveness and spirituality in psychotherapy: a relational approach, the great psychotherapy debate, efficacy of psychotherapeutic interventions to promote forgiveness: a meta-analysis., the antecedents and consequences of interpersonal forgiveness: a meta‐analytic review, sustained effectiveness of two brief group interventions: comparing an explicit forgiveness-promoting treatment with a process-oriented treatment, scale development of a measure to assess community-based and clinical intervention group environments., interpersonal consequences of forgiveness: does forgiveness deter or encourage repeat offenses, related papers.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Forgiveness — Explaining Why It Is Important to Forgive

Explaining Why It is Important to Forgive

• Categories: Forgiveness Interpersonal Communication

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Words: 637 |

Published: Sep 16, 2023

Words: 637 | Page: 1 | 4 min read

Table of contents

1. emotional healing, 2. strengthening relationships, 3. personal growth and empowerment, 4. breaking the cycle of hurt, 5. physical health benefits.

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Hall, J. H., & Fincham, F. D. (2005). Self-forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness Research. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 24(5), 621-637.Clinton, T., Hart, A., & Ohlschlager, G. (2005). Caring for People God’s [...]

Cosgrove, Lisa, and Mark Konstam. “Forgiveness: A New Paradigm for Healing and Growing.” Behavioral Medicine, vol. 34, no. 3, 2008, pp. 107-115.Mayo Clinic Staff. “Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness.” Mayo Clinic, [...]

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Forgiveness

Denying deathbed forgiveness to abusers, why trauma survivors shouldn’t be pressured to forgive their dying abusers..

Posted June 23, 2024 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

• The Importance of Forgiveness
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• Forgiveness is not necessary for successful trauma recovery.
• Survivors may need to speak honestly about their dying abusers so that they can progress in recovery.
• Apathetic and positive emotional experiences are common when an abuser dies.

“I know that what I am asking is almost too much for you, but without your answer, I cannot die in peace,” said a dying man, begging for forgiveness . The man who sat by his deathbed was silent and eventually walked away, leaving the pleading man to die without forgiveness.

Do you agree with this man’s decision to deny forgiveness to a dying man? Should he have forgiven for the sake of the dying man or perhaps even for himself?

This is the true story of Simon Wiesenthal, a Jew who was imprisoned in a concentration camp when a dying Nazi soldier begged him for forgiveness, and he refused. Does your opinion of his conduct change now that you know he is a trauma survivor and the dying man is his prolific abuser?

Simon Wiesenthal questioned his decision to deny forgiveness. He asked psychiatrists, theologians, political leaders, writers, human rights activists, Holocaust survivors, former Nazis, and victims of attempted genocides to comment on his choice, which he included in his book, The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness . Some of his contributors wrote that he should have forgiven for his own sake, others stated that he was right to withhold forgiveness, and others did not know. This lack of agreement among so many different people reflects the lack of agreement in the field of Psychology regarding whether trauma survivors should forgive their abusers.

Some psychology researchers and mental health clinicians report that survivors should forgive their abusers; others say this is not required, and many do not know. After three years of researching and writing my book, You Don’t Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms , I discovered that forgiveness is not necessary for successful trauma recovery and that not only are suppositions to the contrary poorly supported by empirical research, but they are problematic for both ethical and clinical reasons. Yet, despite this lack of evidence, many people continue to believe that trauma survivors must forgive their abusers, especially if they are dying.

Survivors Need Permission to Speak Ill of Their Dying Abusers

We are encouraged not to speak ill or the dead or dying, a sentiment that continues to predominate in our society with little opposition. Like many social stigmas, it doesn’t have much basis in rationality, and its continued acceptance can be harmful to trauma survivors who need to speak honestly about their dying abusers so that they can progress in recovery. Those who feel uncomfortable when a survivor speaks ill of the dead or dying may intentionally or inadvertently pressure them to forgive so that they can cope with their discomfort. Instead of being silenced and stigmatized, survivors need to be seen, heard, believed, and accepted—which may include speaking ill of the dying and denying them forgiveness.

An Abuser’s Death Can Be a Positive Experience

People often assume that when an abuser dies, a survivor will feel resentment, guilt , or remorse if they do not forgive them before they die. However, many survivors anxiously await for their abusers to die and aren’t bothered by their deaths when they occur. Others report feeling positive emotions such as relief, happiness , empowerment, peace, and safety. If a survivor experiences apathy or positive emotions when their abuser dies, they may not have needed to forgive them at all. Apathetic and positive emotional responses upon an abuser's death are common in trauma recovery and should be acknowledged and accepted. Unfortunately, some people will pressure survivors to forgive their abusers before they die to cope with their own emotional needs, as opposed to supporting the needs of the survivor.

Forgiveness Doesn’t Adhere to a Deadline

People may pressure survivors to forgive so that their offenders can die in peace. They place the needs of the abuser above those of the survivor, a pattern that is common in society. Sadly, when survivors do not or cannot forgive, they are often villainized and, as a result, feel victimized all over again. Some forgiveness advocates are focused on the needs of survivors as they believe forgiving their abuser before they die will benefit survivors. However, forgiveness concerning trauma is rarely a quick decision. It is a long, tedious, back-and-forth process with no timeline or deadline. We cannot rush survivors to forgive their abuser, even when their abuser is dying, because genuine forgiveness is less something one does and is more something one undergoes. To attempt to pressure a survivor to forgive with time restraints makes little sense and will not lead to genuine forgiveness. Instead, it is likely to cause more harm to the survivor.

Many trauma survivors have experienced success in trauma recovery. Some have forgiven, others haven’t, while others have never addressed forgiveness. Would you demand that Simon Wiesenthal forgive his dying abuser? Or would you support Simon in his recovery by accepting that forgiveness is an experience he needs, doesn’t need, or isn’t considered—regardless of the impending death of his abuser?

Simon Wiesenthal, The Sunflower: On the Possibilities and Limits of Forgiveness (New York: Schocken Books, 1997), 54.

Amanda Gregory, “I’m Glad They Died”: The Benefits of Speaking Ill of the Dead.” Psychology Today, September 19, 2022. Blog Post Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/simplifying-complex-trauma/2022… .

Amanda Ann Gregory, LCPC, is a Chicago-based trauma psychotherapist, national speaker, and author.

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