single parent home essay

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Two-parent homes aren’t the key for all

Manisha Aggarwal-Schifellite

Harvard Staff Writer

Why single-parent homes don’t affect Black children as negatively as white kids

Social policy and popular culture promote the two-parent nuclear family as an ideal structure for raising successful, healthy children. But the reality of family life in America looks very different from that: Half of all children spend time living with a single parent, and one in three spends some time living with an extended relative. Christina Cross , a postdoctoral scholar and incoming assistant professor in the Sociology Department, has studied this disconnect, analyzing the relationships between family structure and individual well-being in areas including health, education, and socioeconomic mobility. In a paper published last month in the Journal of Marriage and Family , Cross looked at the connection between family structure and children’s educational outcomes and found racial and ethnic differences that were counterintuitive and largely unexplained. The Gazette spoke to Cross about rethinking the ideal family, the limits of demographic research, and policy alternatives for alleviating poverty in America.

Christina Cross

GAZETTE:  What are your research findings?

CROSS: As I was reading the existing literature on this topic, I kept noticing the same finding over and over: that even though children who live outside of the two-parent family tend to fare worse than those who live with two parents, minority children are less negatively impacted by this. Scholars have speculated that maybe this has something to do with minority families having a stronger extended family support network than white families or perhaps that they are more frequently exposed to socioeconomic stressors such that the independent effect of living apart from a parent is just not as pronounced. However, I had not come across a study that empirically tested these possible explanations. So, I spent a couple years tracking a nationally representative sample of about 2,600 children’s living arrangements, their access to economic resources, and their interactions with extended relatives through the Panel Study of Income Dynamics (PSID), which is the longest-running household panel study in the world. And what I found was that both sets of factors helped account for group differences in the effect of family structure. However, the socioeconomic-stress argument helps explain relatively more of this puzzle.

GAZETTE:  Why is that?

CROSS:  One way to think about this is that economic resources play an important role in parents’ ability to provide the material resources that children need to thrive. When children have two parents in the household who are able to pool resources, they are less likely to live in poverty. However, for minority children, and black and Hispanic children in particular, even when they live in a two-parent family they’re still two to three times more likely to be poor. This has a lot to do with the structural disadvantages that these groups face. I don’t mean to suggest that economic resources are the only things that matter for children’s success — parenting and family stability are also important. However, I do find that economic resources play a key role in determining children’s educational success. This is pretty unfortunate and sobering, but I think it’s important because our current welfare legislation, the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996, emphasizes the importance of this two-parent family model.

GAZETTE: Can you explain more about how current policy promotes this version of family unity?

CROSS: One example of this kind of policy is the Healthy Marriage Initiative, implemented under the administration of George W. Bush. States were given the opportunity to take hundreds of millions of dollars allocated for welfare and use the money to create programs to try to encourage low-income families, who are disproportionally families of color, to get married and stay married. Many researchers have found these programs to be largely ineffective, and if we recognize that the benefits of this arrangement aren’t equal [in the first place], then perhaps we shouldn’t divert funds away from these poor families to try to get them to get married. This isn’t to say that I or most researchers think that marriage is problematic, because I don’t, but I don’t think that’s the best solution to fixing poverty.

“It’s important that we shed light on and recognize the diversity of American families today. If we continue to overlook their experiences, it will be difficult to better understand them and create more inclusive policies.”

GAZETTE: Are there some policy alternatives that might better serve families outside of the two-parent nuclear family model?

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CROSS: I would point to the research of other scholars like Darrick Hamilton and [William A.] Sandy Darity , who have come up with some interesting and potentially viable proposals to reduce inequality in America. An example of that would be baby bonds, where every child born in America is given a bond of a certain amount based on income, so families with more money will get less and families who have fewer dollars get more toward the bond. The bond then grows over the child’s life course and that would help them pay for things like college, which we know is getting increasingly expensive. So, if we were to take the money that we’re using for marriage-promotion initiatives and put it toward something like a baby bond, I suspect that we might address more directly the financial hardships that families are facing.

GAZETTE: Are there any others that strike you as promising?

CROSS: Sociologists have also known for some time that one of the biggest drivers of inequality in America is housing segregation. There’s a high concentration of poverty in certain communities, which means that people don’t have access to basic resources like quality schools and other community resources. If we could focus on creating opportunities for more affordable housing, or even better, offering people a living wage, I would speculate that those initiatives would probably be more effective than trying to get single women to get married.

GAZETTE: In your paper, you study data on Black, white, and Hispanic children, which you write is a rare occurrence in sociological research of this kind. Why was it important for you to include more diversity in your analysis?

CROSS:   Much of the literature in this area hasn’t focused on racial differences in family structure effects in general, but when they do it’s typically focused on the differences between Black people and white people. We know that America is much more demographically diverse than that. I included the now-largest ethnic minority group, which is people who are Hispanic or Latino, and I wish I could have included more groups but, unfortunately, I just didn’t have enough respondents in the study in order to make any types of inferences about them. I think my paper paints a more diverse picture of American families, and it’s important that we shed light on and recognize the diversity of American families today. If we continue to overlook their experiences, it will be difficult to better understand them and create more inclusive policies. It’s unfortunate, because it almost goes without saying, but we as researchers haven’t done enough of that work yet.

GAZETTE: Do you think your findings indicate that this is a case of policy not matching up with reality?

CROSS: I think that’s an issue. Research, and policy even more so, is disconnected from the demographic realities of American families today. There is such an emphasis, and it’s explicit in the welfare reform goals we discussed, on the two-parent nuclear family. There’s nothing wrong with that family structure, but I think when we hold onto that framework it prescribes and circumscribes what we see as legitimate in terms of family life. That limits our ability to craft policies that can be effective in supporting families, because families that are the most disadvantaged are typically not two-parent nuclear families in the first place.

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The Struggles of Being a Single Parent

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The Single-Parent Family

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

A single parent is someone who is unmarried, widowed, or divorced and not remarried. The single-parent household can be headed by a mother, a father, a grandparent, an uncle, or aunt. According to the Pew Research Center, between 25 to 30 percent of children under age 18 in the U.S. live in a single-parent household. The U.S. Census reports that roughly 22 million children live with a single parent. And three times as many women, when compared with men, head these households .

On This Page

• The Well-Being of Children in a Single-Parent Household
• The Challenges of Single-Parent Families
• Raising Kids as a Single Parent

Single parents should be reassured by the fact that a large number of studies find no differences between the children of single mothers and children from other types of households. One study looked into the lives of children from different kinds of households—two-parent biological, adoptive, step-father, step-mother, single-parent—and the type of household did not matter. Children’s grades, and their relationships with their siblings and their friends, were about the same across all households. In a survey of adolescents living in nine types of households, those who lived with parents who had always been single and who were being raised in multi-generational households reported the highest sense of well-being of all those surveyed.

In studies as well as many reports from children themselves, children are better off raised by a single parent as opposed to living with married parents who engage in constant conflict. Children raised by one divorced parent sometimes have better outcomes than children raised by a parent who is remarried. It is impossible to predict a child's outcome based on this one factor alone. 

Yes. Every situation involves trade-offs, and they often go unrecognized at the time. In a common refrain, the grown child of a single, working mom reported that he was glad that his mom was busy all the time. His friends, by contrast, had moms who stayed at home. These parents were hyper-involved in their lives, including their schoolwork and schedules. This overbearing participation produced problems between parent and child.

Yes, but this is a risk for married parents as well. Some parents rely too heavily on a child for emotional support. These individuals become enmeshed with their child because of their own low self-esteem, loneliness, neediness, insecurity, or other similar reasons. These parents lack boundaries, preferring to be a best friend rather than a parent.

The vast majority of the children of single parents flourish at home and in later life. In a national survey of substance abuse among more than 22,000 adolescents from different kinds of households, the rate of substance abuse among the children of single parents was 5.7 percent, and the rate for the children of married parents was 4.5%. 

Not at all. More often, the children of single parents defy all stereotypes . If problems arise, they likely already existed when a child's parents were married or arise independent of the household configuration. These children were struggling in their nuclear family. Researchers who followed children of married parents for more than a decade, not knowing in advance whether the parents would stay married or divorce, found that among the children whose parents did divorce and who had problems, their difficulties began at a young age.

Children need a safe and reliable household to flourish. Of course, it is much harder for single-parents who live with financial hardship. The Bureau of Labor Statistics data show that nearly 11 million people are considered working poor. The definition of working poor is an individual who spends 27 weeks or more in the workforce, this person is working or looking for work, yet their income is below the poverty level. And according to the U.S. Census, single moms are one of the most disadvantaged groups—with nearly 30 percent living in poverty. Many of these single moms cannot provide for their families as they often have lower-paying jobs.

Being the sole parent of a household may mean you are the boss, free of quarrels over money and finance. That’s great, but according to research, it costs $234,000 to raise a child . This price tag impacts the high risk of financial hardship.

This should not be a source of concern or guilt, even though it often is. Children of mothers who return to work while the children are infants and toddlers, fare the same behaviorally and academically compared with children whose mothers stay home. In one study, kids from single-parent families , whose mothers worked, had better academic scores and fewer behavioral problems than did children whose mothers did not work.

The U.S. Census Bureau reports that at two years after the breakup of their family, nearly 50 percent of children who live with their mother do not see their father regularly. Many fathers are often shortchanged by custody arrangements. However, a father showing interest and being involved with his children is a huge plus for all. One way to help this along: Help your ex. Pick up the children from school, attend their functions, and cheer them on at games--this involvement can make a difference. Helping your ex will help you. By being an involved father, you and your kids will find ways to spend more time together.

To raise successful children in any family configuration, stability and security matter. Single parents can help ensure such an environment by developing a supportive network of friends, relatives, and neighbors. People who care. For those with extreme financial hardship, there are resources in your community including assistance for housing, food, and healthcare for children, depending on income and other criteria. 

To raise thriving children, a single parent must juggle many aspects of life, the household, work demands, finances, among many other concerns. All parents face similar obstacles, but the challenge for a single-parent is greater.

Set house rules with your kids.

Give undivided attention to each child, even a daily 10-minute one-one conversation will help.

Set boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

Be consistent and fair, always.

Kids need schedules and routines (sounds boring, but it works).

Lower your expectations, and do away with any ideas of perfection.

Lose your sense of guilt, victimhood, and martyrdom.

Ignore judgmental people.

You need support through good childcare, friends, family, neighbors.

If possible, get along with your ex. (To do so, you need to get over yourself.)

Apply self-care daily, eat right, exercise, sleep, meditate. (If you do not have time, make the time.)

If you need therapy, a good family therapist will help.

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Single parenting and today’s family

Life in a single parent household—though common—can be quite stressful for the adult and the children.

• Divorce and Child Custody

Today single parent families have become even more common than the so-called “nuclear family” consisting of a mother, father, and children. Today we see all sorts of single parent families: headed by mothers, fathers, and even by a grandparent raising their grandchildren.

Life in a single parent household—though common—can be quite stressful for the adult and the children. The single parent may feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of juggling caring for the children, maintaining a job, and keeping up with the bills and household chores. And typically, the family’s finances and resources are drastically reduced following the parents’ breakup.

Single parent families deal with many other pressures and potential problem areas that other families may not face.

Stressors faced by single parent families

• Visitation and custody problems.
• The effects of continuing conflict between the parents.
• Less opportunity for parents and children to spend time together.
• Effects of the breakup on children’s school performance and peer relations.
• Disruptions of extended family relationships.
• Problems caused by the parents’ dating and entering new relationships.

The single parent can help family members face these difficulties by talking with each other about their feelings and working together to tackle problems. Support from friends, other family members, and places of worship can help too. But if family members are still overwhelmed and having problems, it may be time to consult an expert or a licensed mental health professional.

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What I Learned From Growing Up With A Single Parent

Growing up with a single parent is special, but it's not easy. If I've learned anything throughout my 23 years on this planet, it's that a single parent will do anything it takes to make you happy and give you the best possible life they can. But doing any major task alone is stressful and difficult; you'll have your rough patches that are unique to a single parent household. However, that doesn't mean growing up with a single parent is any worse than growing up with any other type of family. In fact, from my experience, it may even be better.

A single parent is often not home

I grew up the only daughter of a single mother, so it really was a unique, one-on-one relationship. (Yes, I love Gilmore Girls .) As I got older, I always knew I could go directly to her for any advice on any topic, from struggling friendships to sex. Nothing was off limits. But because she worked long hours to be able to provide for me, she didn't have the time or energy to do things that the average parent would do when I was younger. She wasn't able to take me to school in the mornings, she wasn't able to play much with me after grueling work weeks, and we never once sat down at the same table for a home-cooked meal.

To a person who grew up in a two-parent household with a bunch of siblings, this may seem pretty sad. And I'm not going to lie, parts of it did make me sad, especially when I compared my home life to other kids'. But not getting to see my mom all the time was also my "normal." Every family is different and has a different daily routine. When you're the child of a single parent, you get used to the fact that they can't always be there. But the best part of my day was always when she came home from work at seven o'clock and I could finally see her and hug her and jump on her. It made me deeply appreciate the moments we did have together, and it made them more precious to me.

Other people play a huge part in raising you

Since my mother couldn't always be there, the people who did do the usual parental activities with me were my aunt and my grandfather. My grandfather took me to and picked me up from school and made me all kinds of food special to our Armenian background. My aunt was a flight attendant, so on the weeks she was home and not in the skies, she would read to me (which ended up being the reason I fell in love with writing) and play made-up games. While my relationship with my mother was special to me because it was just the two of us as parent and child, it was my grandfather who gave me the comfort of home and my aunt who instilled in me a sense of wonder.

A single parent just has to work, work, work — there's no way around it. So while you sometimes miss out on spending time with your parent, you also get to grow up with a network of people around you who chip in and care about you. It wasn't only my grandfather and aunt who watched me and raised me; it was babysitters, too. To this day, I'm still good family friends with my favorite babysitter, who now has a husband and two kids. As an only child of a single parent, I got to branch out and keep lasting relationships with others, even if I didn't have the luxury of spending more time with my mom.

You sometimes doubt how much your parent cares

Like I said before, being the only child of a single parent isn't easy. They're gone a lot, and when you move along into your teen years and don't need to be under constant watch all the time, you can get very lonely. When I was a teen, I had my close group of friends that, to me, was my family. However, since my mom was always working and tired when she came home, I felt very isolated and distanced from her. No one's teenage years are easy — frankly, they suck. For me, though, teen angst and turbulent emotions were amplified because I often felt like my mom didn't care. I translated her absence and lack of communication into apathy, which really troubled me for a long time.

As an adult, I know now that she was far from apathetic as she worked relentlessly to provide me with anything I wanted. No family, no matter how many people it is composed of, is ever 100 percent happy 100 percent of the time. The kind of unhappiness I dealt with was particular to a single parent home, but other kids have their own kind of unhappiness with their home life, too. It's just different.

It's stressful for the both of you

When you're a child, all of your attention is focused on yourself and your life. As a kid and then a teenager, you don't take a lot of time to imagine life from another person's perspective; you zero in on what you want and what you feel. But there comes a time when you realize that being the child of a single parent isn't all about you. You may go through some rough patches because of the structure of your home life, but guess what: your parent isn't exactly hanging out on a beach every day either. For me, that revelation came at a very critical moment in my adolescence.

Since a young age, I've always struggled with depression and anxiety — it's just part of who I am. My mother knew this, too, as I had been in child therapy as early as eight years old. So one day when I was about 14 and I refused to answer any of her phone calls — for whatever stupid teenage reason — she absolutely lost it on me when she came home. She bolted upstairs to my room, busted through the door and was visibly freaked out. I had never seen her so upset and scared before. She had thought the worst, that something had happened to me, and it was then that I realized how hard it is for her to be a parent all on her own. I learned it wasn't just about me. I learned my mother had feelings, pressures, and stresses too, which is something you don't think about when you're young and your parents seem invincible to you.

You learn independence at a young age

The negative side of growing up with a single parent is feeling a sense of neglect at times. The positive side of that same issue, though, is that you learn independence at a very young age. Since your parent is often away from home and working, you have to grow up a little bit faster than your peers. You have to be the adult in the house when your parent isn't around. Because my mom was frequently absent, I had to learn how to be strong on my own. I had to learn how to be responsible for myself and for others. When my mom couldn't field an electrician's visit because she was at work, I had to do it. I also had to make sure the dogs were fed and properly taken care of. Simultaneously, it was about adopting a lot of self-discipline, because I needed to be the one who made sure all my work was done. My mom didn't pester me about my responsibilities because she had her own. As a result, I became more mature more quickly and learned things about the world and about growing up that my peers didn't learn until much later. Thick skin and independence is absolutely invaluable as you become an adult.

You realize exactly how hard they work for you

Ever since I was born, my mother has worked her ass off. I literally don't know how she did it and still continues to do it. We've always lived in northern New Jersey, so she has always commuted into New York City for work. Her daily routine consists of waking up at 3:30 a.m. to get ready, feed the dogs breakfast, and then make it on to the 5:30 a.m. bus. She works a full day and then gets home during the late evening and repeats this process day in, day out, using the weekends not for relaxation, but to do errands and keep the house running.

When I was little, I often asked the question, "Why isn't she here for me?" Now that I'm grown, I look at my mother in awe and ask the question, "How the hell does she do it all?" Not only is it impressive from on objective standpoint, but it is the best model for hard work that I've ever seen. Watching her work so hard ceaselessly has pushed me to do my absolute best. I'm always looking for more work to do and I never think that anything is impossible so long as you keep grinding away at it. I always want to give as much of myself as I possibly can to my work, and even still, I feel like I pale in comparison to the effort my mother has put in over the years. She's taught me that nothing worth having in life comes easily, and it's one of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned.

A two-parent household isn't automatically better

Even now when I tell people that I'm an only child of a single mother, at least half of them project a sense of pity for me. They ask me about how I felt about "missing out" on having a father and if I ever think about how much better it would have been if I'd had one. Honestly, that is one of the most offensive and insulting things that people have ever said to me. By starting that conversation, they imply that somehow my mother wasn't enough for me, which is so far from the truth that the Hubble telescope can't even see it.

Growing up with a single parent came with its challenges, but I also grew up seeing what other kids' family lives were like. If I'm being frank, a lot of two-parent households I knew of were way worse than my own situation. Parents would fight or be estranged from each other, causing problems for their children. I've seen two-parent households with much less income than my single parent household had (not that we're rich, though), simply because they lacked motivation to do better in life. So no, just because a person has two parents doesn't mean they're better off than someone with a single parent. I've seen parents who are absolutely lazy and dysfunctional, and I've seen my mom who is a go-getter and a highly moral, kind person. You tell me what's better.

They're always going to be your superhero

My mom and I don't have a perfect relationship, but there's not one day that goes by that I don't see her as my superhero. I still deal with lingering feelings of neglect sometimes, but I also have a friend — not just a mother — that I can always go to. She doesn't know all the answers, but to me she is infinitely wise. She can't be everywhere at once, but she can do anything. If I've learned anything from growing up with a single mom, it's how to be a strong woman, a woman who is not afraid to strive and persevere when life gets tough, and a woman who will never back down even on her weakest day.

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The Struggles of Single Parenting Essay

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Introduction

Financial challenge, finding competent childcare, the world on your shoulder, feeling lost and alone, introducing your child to those who you are dating, works cited.

Parenting is the central role of family, which is the basic unit of society. Thus, a society is characterized by the quality of parenting achieved at the family level. The stigma surrounding single parenthood is borne out of the contemporary notion that family comprises a father, mother and children (Hanson, 44). Single parent families are thus vilified on the notion that they are deficient.

In some instances, weakened gender-identity and poor self-esteem culminates from the existence of single parenthood. Parenting involves responsibilities and resources, which one individual cannot avail at the desired time and in the required proportion. Despite the significance of parenting to the life of an individual, little or no formal grounding is available for would-be parents on how to best execute the job (Hanson, 45). The concept of single parenthood highlighted is that of a single motherhood. As a result, most families characterized by single parenthood comprise of a single mother (Bornstein, 56). Growing up under the care of single parent has its influence on the personality of an individual.

In spite of the challenges facing single parents, the implicit differences in an individual’s personality cannot be accurately attributed to the type of parenting they receive. However, as postulated by McLanahan & Sandefur p1,

“Children who grow up in a household with only one biological parent are worse off on average than children who grow up in a household with both of their biological parents, regardless of the parents race or educational background, whether the parents were married when the child was born and …of whether the resident parent remarries”p1.

Single parent households face numerous challenges as discussed hereunder. However, these challenges are relative to the situation faced by families headed by both parents.

The ability of a single parent to avail sufficient financial resources for upbringing of a child is limited. Hanson (p56) posits that poverty limits the ability to look after children in addition to personal needs of the parent. It also has far-reaching adversities such as poor performance at school, youth delinquency and poor self-concept. The associated unavailability of proper housing, insecurity and abuse increase the influence of single-parenthood to development of a child in spite of the fact that wealth is no guarantee of positive outcome in character of the children.

However, resource availability boosts the affordability of some necessary amenities. As outlined by McLanahan & Sandefur (p 10), in 1980, the overall dropout rate was 19%, with 13% of the children residing with both parents. Most single parents experience compounded issues relating to finances. The inability to gain entry into the jobs market is borne out of socio-economic constraints. Most of them are non-literate or semi literate.

The lack of skills and competencies in income-generating activities contribute to their scenario in most cases. Single parents who are financially stable have higher chances of remarrying as well. Thus, most of the single mothers who experience financial constraints sink into a downward spiral into poverty. Single parents are in a dilemma when it comes to dealing with unemployment and scarcity of resources or having time for themselves and parenting their child. As observed, poverty is major contributor to inability to remarry after divorce or getting married in the first place.

Gone are the days when a neighbor would assist with household chores without asking for some form of compensation (Walsh, 138). Each individual is involved in income generation and it is common-practice for people seeking services of others to offer competitive pay. At the backdrop of financial constraints, a single parent finds themselves unable to afford childcare according to McLanahan & Sandefur (p 8). Since the single parent has to attend to her work responsibilities, part of the day’s prime hours are spend away from the child. Most workplaces are not considerate of such scenarios and do not have flexibility regarding day care (Hanson, 50)

Children require a father figure to which they can relate and adore. A single-parent family presents a scenario where the parents are not living together and takes away the opportunity of the child to experience the nurture of two parents. As a result, there is loss or absence of social capital. McLanahan & Sandefur (p 3) describes social capital as the scenario where a relationship develops out of trust and commitment.

If the absentee parent is alive, the child is bound to feel that the parent who lives apart does not love them enough to afford time and financial resources to support their needs. As articulated by Hanson (p115), uncertainty about the future is bound to breed deviant tendencies and undesirable personal traits. The ability of the child to succeed and grow to a productive adult is severely compromised due to lack of this form of guidance.

The arrival or departure of the father figure is associated with problems, while strong home environments are associated with perceptions of positive behavior (Hanson 50). Thus, support of a fatherly figure is of utmost necessity. As posited by Walsh, “Although single parents are likely to have more stress and a fragmented household, these parents and children can learn how get their needs met within their networks. With support from extended family…useful connection with community members…”p127

Data reveals that single parents are more likely to sink into depression than their married counterparts are (Walsh, 124). The unavailability of a caring partner to strengthen the single parent against the challenges of parenting is bound to exert immense pressure on the single parent. However, this relies on the level of support from friends, relatives or support groups. The changing roles of the single parent, in addition to the other challenges of parenting are bound to cultivate ground for loneliness. The parent has to divide their resources between their love and that of the child. As a result, decision-making becomes a challenge, since a second opinion may only be available from the child he or she is upbringing.

The dating scene presents another challenge to a single parent. Many times, the bond between the prospective partner and the child may fail to develop leading to the child disapproving of them. This occurs since the child feels that the prospective ‘partner’ has come to take the place of the absentee parent. As a result, the child develops barriers to frustrate the individual, culminating into tensions that compromise the success of the relationship (Moore et al, 103). On the other hand, the parent is unsure about the longevity of the relationship from the onset. Incase the child develop a bond with the prospective partner, it is possible that the child will be distraught in case the relationship does not work.

Single parenthood is a major challenge even in the absence of the above stated difficulties. However, the outcome of parenting is not necessarily related to the presence of two parents as observed from both cases of parenting. In spite of the challenges faced by single parents, no evidence is conclusive relating to the adverse impact of one-parent families to the personality of the children in adult life. As a result, parents should strive to avail the best possible care and nurture to their children regardless of their scenario

Bornstein, Marc H. “Handbook of Parenting: Being and Becoming a Parent, Volume 3” USA: Routledge, 2002, p 50-60

Hanson, Shirley M. “Single Parent Families: Diversity, Myths, and Realities, Volume 1” New York: Routledge, 1994, p 30-150

McLanahan, Sara and Sandefur, Gary D. “Growing Up With A Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps” USA: Harvard University Press, 1994, p1-100

Moore, Kristin A et al. “Choice and Circumstance: Racial Differences in Adolescent Sexuality and Fertility”Transaction Publishers, 1989 p100-105

Walsh, Froma. “Normal Family Processes: Growing Diversity and Complexity”, New York: Guilford Press, 2003, p 120-128

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Essay on Single Parenting: Two Parents Or One?

• Essay on Single Parenting: Two…

Family life is much different today than what it used to be. Several years ago mothers would stay at home with their children while the father went to work to support his family, but it is nothing like that today in American households.

Today it is common for children to be raised by just one of their parents, and those children are often disadvantaged in several ways. The most consistent finding from studies of family structure shows that single parents exert weaker controls and make fewer demands on their children than married families do (Curtin et al. 368). There is a real easy explanation for this problem, it is the simple fact that two parents together make more rules and are more likely to stick by those rules than single parents are (Curtin et al. 368).

Single parents are not able to show the same emotions as married couples can because the love between a mother and a father plays an important part in a family. Children learn how to love from their parents, but if both parents are not there to teach them how to love, their love might be somewhat one-sided (Curtin et al. 371).

Yes, single parents can show their love toward their children, but they have no spouse to express love to. Children from single-parent families are therefore denied the learning experience of how a husband and a wife should love one another (Curtin et al. 369).

Relationships are another thing that everyone needs, especially children. Children need a real strong relationship between themselves and their parents, but children from single-parent families are usually denied this privilege because they are separated from one of their parents and often do not get to spend adequate time with the other.

Children who have a strong relationship with their parents are more likely to respect the authority of their parents (Curtin et al. 370). The problem with a single parent is the fact that usually, the single parent does not have the time to help the child develop a close relationship with them.

Another problem is how a child can build a strong relationship with a parent they do not live with and often do not see on a regular basis. The simple fact is that children need both of their parents in the household to build a close relationship with and to teach them to respect the parent’s authority. True, not all children from two-parent households have close relationships with their parents, but it is much more likely.

Gender also plays an important role in families. Men and women have very different characteristics, both emotionally and physically. These different characteristics contribute to their roles as mothers and fathers (Curtin et al. 369). For instance, men are normally much stronger physically than women and are therefore able to do many things around the house that a woman cannot.

Women are much more likely to do the everyday household chores while the man does the heavy-duty work. Women usually tend more to the children when they need things than do the men, and also help them more with emotional type problems (Curtin et al. 369). So it is easy to see why having both parents in the household makes a much more well-rounded family atmosphere.

When both parents are not in the household, children experience a great deal of stress from different aspects of their lives. This stress often comes from children who are forced into independence and self-reliance before they are mature enough to cope (“Children” 58).

Many single parents leave their children at home or send them to low-quality daycare centers while they are at work, causing stress on the children (“Children” 60). Yes, two-parent families often leave their children at home or send them to low-quality daycares, but studies show that it is ten times more likely to happen in single-parent families (“Children” 59).

Another time that brings a great deal of stress to single-parent homes is the holidays. The holidays are a time when families should be together. Single parents may not be able to provide this for their children (“Holidays” 3). Another problem that arises during the holidays is that of gift competition between the parents (“Holidays” 3). The problem with the parents competing over who gets the best gift is the fact that the children often feel as if the parents want to buy their love instead of earning it by showing them love.

Children of single-parent homes also face stress by always worrying about everything that is going on in their lives. According to Richard Kinsey single-parent children worried more about school, family, future, finding work, crime, and their environment by a large margin (16). However, the biggest worry of these children was about their own personal loves and what was going to happen to them as they grew up (Kinsey 16).

Richard Kinsey also did a survey on crimes committed by children in both two-parent homes and single-parent homes. He found that children in two-parent homes self-reported committing crimes at a rate of 59%, but children from single-parent homes self-reported committing crimes at a rate of 74% (16). This survey gives a strong emphasis on how important the respect of authority is for children. It also showed how children from single-parent homes are more likely to commit crimes than children from two-parent homes.

Single-parent homes not only reflect or cause stress upon children but also upon the parent. Single mothers especially feel stress when a father figure is not present (Allen et al. 390). According to the survey done by Katherine Allen and Peggy Quinn, seventy percent of the single mothers reported that they always worried about money (390).

Not only was money a big issue, but also time and energy (392). These single mothers are put under pressure from about every aspect of their lives, and without a husband there to help raise a family, pay the bills, and show them love, the single mother must nearly feel hopeless.

Another big stress for single mothers is the fact that now they have the responsibility of two parents (Allen et al. 392). One woman describes how she felt: “And on the weekends then, mow the yard, and clean the house, and wash the clothes.

When you get done doing that, it’s Monday all over again” (Allen et al. 392). Most parents from two-parent homes realize the responsibility they have and the stress that they face with a spouse there to support them, but just imagine that spouse not being there to help support and help with the responsibilities of the family and that is exactly what it is like to be a single parent.

Now we have seen the pressures that single mothers face, but what about single fathers because there are many of them in the world today. One example can be found in the article ” A Singular Experience,” by Brad Andrews. Andrews himself is a single father and he discusses the overwhelming responsibilities of being a single father (8). He now has to do all of the household chores and take care of the children all by himself.

He can no longer play catch with his son after dinner because now he has to do the dishes (8). These single-parent situations create instability and do not provide a positive environment for children to grow up in. Both a father and a mother are needed to create a stable environment and a positive place for children to live.

Another example is the article “Single Fathers With Custody” by Alfred DeMaris and Geoffrey Grief. DeMaris and Grief explain the fact that single fathers experience the same worries and overwhelming responsibilities that single mothers do. Fathers face financial worries, pressures from work, and pressure of time for themselves and their children (DeMaris et al. 260).

The simple fact is that being a single parent is a very difficult task, whether it is a single father or a single mother. A family consists of a father and a mother with their children, not just one parent. Single-parent homes create a lot of stress and worries on the parent as well as the children, and the stress and worries are not needed by either. After all, it takes two to make a child; it should take two to raise a child.

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This was definitely written by a teenager that lives with two parents.

You do not know that, I’ve lived with one parents all my life and some of these things I would agree with.

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My layoff gave me the break I needed as a single parent. It was a blessing in disguise.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Angelica Miller, a 31-year-old recruiter from Arizona who was recently laid off. It's been edited for length and clarity.

• Angelica Miller, a single mom from Arizona, was laid off unexpectedly from her recruiting job.
• She was was worried about supporting her son, but used the layoff to reassess her career priorities.
• She secured a new position that aligns with her values and allows her to prioritize herself.

Recommended articles

I knew that being a single mom would be tough, but I was determined to create a stable home for my son no matter what. It became my biggest priority to financially support him, and I worked tirelessly so he'd never feel my struggle.

I'd been working as a recruiter for an equipment rental company for only a few months when I found out I was pregnant, and I was grateful that they were so supportive. They gave me four months of maternity leave and allowed me to work remotely.

But, throughout the next two years, my company turned from supportive to difficult and micromanaging. Eventually, I was laid off. It was scary and unexpected, but in the process, I learned I needed to accept a job that honored my worth.

My layoff was difficult , but it ended up being a blessing in disguise.

I hated the job, but I couldn't leave

Before the layoff, my team started being micromanaged , and I questioned whether I even wanted to be there. But, when they raised my salary, and signs pointed to a promotion, I knew I had to stick it out.

I couldn't run from a stable job even if I hated it.

So, I kept working and began actually believing that I was building a lifelong career within the company. I paid the security deposit on a new rental home and honestly looked forward to the next steps. I was blindsided by what came next.

I was absolutely devastated when I was laid off

One morning, my boss pinged me to have a quick chat. We were super close and gossiped like friends, so it was nothing out of the ordinary. I clicked onto the call and it was just an HR representative on the other end. At that exact moment, I knew something bad was about to happen.

My boss joined the call and told me the news that I was being laid off . I was shocked.

I held it together during the call, but I was absolutely devastated. It felt like I was being broken up with over text. In the back of my head, I knew that I had just paid my security deposit on a new rental and I didn't know if I was going to be able to pay next month's rent. The safety that I had worked to create for my son had gone out the window all at once.

The company gave me a severance package which I used to pay a month of rent and pay my car off. The lump sum was helpful, but as a single mother, I still needed to be prepared for whatever unexpected costs came next. Wasting time was not an option.

My lay-off was difficult, but it ended up being a blessing

The next day, I jumped back into the job hunt. I posted about my layoff to my LinkedIn network and even made TikTok videos about my experience. I applied endlessly to jobs on LinkedIn and Indeed, and got ghosted by several recruiters .

I was overcome with worry, but I knew I had to push through for my son. I never understood 'why' exactly I was here. I was adopted at 15 years old, and my complex trauma led me to a life of substance abuse and self-harm. But, when I found out I was pregnant, I was given my 'why'.

He was my 'why' then, and he is my 'why' now.

When I was working, I lived paycheck to paycheck and felt too bad to take my PTO. I was tired and upset with the direction my company had taken, but I couldn't risk compromising my son and myself by taking time off.

In the pursuit of creating a secure life for my son, I sacrificed myself. I was mentally exhausted and needed a break.

I decided to use my layoff as an opportunity to finally rest

My son and I escaped the Arizona heat and met with my dad at a cabin in the woods. It was actually only their third time seeing each other since my son was born two years ago. My dad bought him a fishing rod and took him fishing. It was so nice to get away and spend time with my family.

When I returned, I reassessed the kind of job that I needed and deserved. I realized that if I was going to be working so hard, I deserved to find a company that aligned with my values, had growth opportunities, and allowed me time for my family.

The salary alone doesn't dictate how well I'm supporting my son. I realized that I could create financial security for my son while also prioritizing my needs.

This layoff taught me the types of jobs I should accept going forward

After three weeks of applying to jobs, I got a message in my LinkedIn inbox about an unfilled recruiting position. After two interviews, I landed a 90-day temp-to-hire position at a car sales company. The team is kind, and I'm extremely excited about the benefits and room for growth.

I'm using the 90 days to go inward and really assess if the company is a good fit for me.

Being laid off was scary, but I now know that I can take care of my son while also making sure that I'm working for a company that takes care of me.

If you were unexpectedly laid off and want to share your story, please email Tess Martinelli at [email protected].

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Dear Annie: You consider yourself a single parent because your spouse works a lot? I find that offensive.

• Published: Jul. 03, 2024, 11:30 a.m.

Annie Lane, known as Dear Annie, responds to a question about the definition of single parenting. Canva

DEAR ANNIE: Ten years ago, I became a single parent when my ex-husband, who had worked in the World Trade Center on 9/11, became addicted to drugs and alcohol. The love of my life became abusive toward me, threatened our young children and pets, and refused treatment. After a lengthy and expensive court battle, I gained sole custody of our three children. I have financially supported them almost entirely alone since he is unable to hold a job.

I cringe when I hear married people call themselves “single parents” because their spouse works a lot, travels often or spends too much time on leisure. It is offensive and minimizes my experience.

Can you please remind your readers that single parents run a home themselves, wipe their children’s tears alone, hold down jobs and pay the bills? They attend school events and go to sleep by themselves every night. They never have a sick day off, even after surgery or serious illness. This marathon often lasts for years or even for decades.

Parents may be single due to death, illness, disability, divorce or other reasons that may be completely beyond their control. It’s not a badge of honor to be a single parent. It is an overwhelming climb for both us and our children.

I ask others to please not minimize our struggle. Instead, make an effort to check in on a single parent family, invite them to a meal or offer to act as a mentor to the child(ren). We will appreciate it more than you know. -- Single and Salty in New York

DEAR SINGLE AND SALTY IN NY: Thank you for your letter. Word choice is very important, and you have brought awareness to the real definition of what a single parent is. Perhaps the letter writer of the husband who works late should have used “neglected wife” instead.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected] .

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Mothering for Resilience and Empowerment: Narratives of Single Black Mothers and Their Daughters

• First Online: 20 October 2023

Cite this chapter

• Yolanda E. McFerrin-Surrency 9 , 10 &
• Delores D. Liston 9  

Part of the book series: Community Quality-of-Life and Well-Being ((CQLWB))

217 Accesses

This chapter will focus on Black women’s strengths while mothering daughters during childhood, teen and womanhood stages. Most research on single black mothers has been conducted through traditional frameworks exploring their shortcomings and blaming them for systemic negative outcomes in their communities and society at large. Instead, this study turns to single black mothers and daughters to hear their stories. The primary theme emerging from this study is ways in which the strength and resilience of single black mothers is transmitted to daughters as an inheritance, and as an act of resistance. Using a Black feminist framework to examine how Black women mothered their daughters revealed various levels of interdependence between the mother and her daughter during childhood, teen, and womanhood stages. This data analysis reveals that daughters also inherit their mothers’ oppressions from their intersectional identities and shared circumstances. Witnessing a mother’s resiliency and strength from struggles during the childhood and teen stages forged a collective consciousness during the womanhood stage. The findings will help educational and social institutions develop culturally sensitive curricula to foster diversity and representation in curriculum for Black girls.

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McFerrin-Surrency, Y.E., Liston, D.D. (2023). Mothering for Resilience and Empowerment: Narratives of Single Black Mothers and Their Daughters. In: Muia, D., Phillips, R. (eds) Connectedness, Resilience and Empowerment. Community Quality-of-Life and Well-Being. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-35744-2_10

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Darlington: Parents charged with murdering teenage daughter appear in court

Simon Vickers and Sarah Hall are accused of murdering 14-year-old Scarlett Vickers who suffered a single stab wound.

Monday 8 July 2024 15:35, UK

The parents of a teenage girl have appeared in court charged with her murder.

Simon Vickers, 48, and Sarah Hall, 44, made a short appearance at Newton Aycliffe Magistrates' Court, County Durham, on Monday.

The pair, of Geneva Road, Darlington, are accused of murdering their 14-year-old daughter Scarlett Vickers last Friday, court papers show.

The teenager suffered a single stab wound.

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Police and paramedics were called to an address in Geneva Road shortly after 11pm on Friday.

The girl was pronounced dead at the scene, Durham Police said.

Detective Superintendent Craig Rudd said: "This incident has resulted in the tragic death of a young girl, and our thoughts are with her family and friends.

"I would like to thank the local community for their patience and co-operation while investigative work is still being carried out at the scene, and to reassure residents that we believe this to be an isolated incident."

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