your true self essay

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What is Your True Self: The Importance of Self-awareness

• Categories: About Myself Being Yourself Self Awareness

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Published: Mar 1, 2019

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The importance of being true to yourself.

Being true to yourself is a life-long practice that requires commitment and re-commitment, moment to moment, as you grow and evolve. The answer to what is true for you always exists at the core of who you are, if you give yourself the space and time to listen.

When you are being true to yourself, you are completely honest with what you feel, deeply value, and desire. It also means communicating your feelings wholeheartedly both with yourself and others, allowing your truth to flow through you and into the world.

To know your truth fully and express it authentically, you first need to cultivate a deep and trusting relationship with yourself. Ultimately, this begins with awareness of your thoughts, as well as awareness of your whole-body experience and how you interact with the world each day.

You can expand your awareness and strengthen the connection with yourself through introspective practices such as meditation, yoga, and journal writing. These practices help you become more present and establish reference points to identify when you are (or are not) living in alignment with the deeper aspect of yourself. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to self-correct when you are out of alignment.

Understanding when you are in alignment or out of alignment may often be based on an intuitive feeling rather than a thought. Feelings of openness, expansion, inner joy and freedom are good signs that you are on the right path. Conversely, if you are not being true to yourself, it may show up through feelings of contraction and tension, unease, disconnection, resignation, emptiness, discontentment, or a lack of fulfillment.

By learning to pay attention to your deeper senses and feelings, and by cultivating greater awareness in your life, you can establish a strong connection to yourself and feel confident in knowing what is deeply true for you.

But what is true, also yearns to be expressed. So it is up to each of us to be courageous in bringing forth our own truth, expressing it fully and authentically in the world.

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Essays About Being Yourself: Top 5 Examples and Prompts

Self-confidence and simply being yourself can do wonders for your well-being; Here are some examples of essays about being yourself.

What does it mean to “be yourself?” It is when you accept yourself for who you truly are, are confident in yourself, and live out your life authentically, free from fear, pressure, and inhibition. By being yourself, you are the happiest version of yourself. 

When society places such a high value on image, particularly online, it can be hard to stay authentic to who you are as a person. However, always remember that being yourself is good for your mental and physical health. When you live a life true to who you are and you feel happy, there is nothing you cannot achieve. 

If you are writing essays about being yourself, here are some essay examples and writing prompts to guide you. 

For help with your essay, check our round-up of best essay writing apps .

1. Always Be Yourself by Laura Meade

2. transforming my life long affair with low self-esteem by evelyn marinoff, 3. unapologetically me by crystal jackson, 4. i am proud of myself by holly riordan, 5. the importance of being yourself by jeff barton, prompts on essays about being yourself, 1. why it’s important to be yourself, 2. events that shaped who i am , 3. being unopollogetically myself, 4. why do people adopt false personas, 5. my greatest achievement, 6. embracing and overcoming your flaws.

“We talk a lot about being yourself—being true to yourself, reflecting on your best self, striving to be the you that you know is inside. People spend years finding out what makes them happy, and what parts of their personality are most prominent and wonderful, and try to be more of that, more of the time. Here’s the thing; for some of us, our best self is more than one person. Sometimes the quintessential nature of that self is being whoever we can be at the time and making that person amazing.”

Meade describes how she, as an actor is her authentic self, even with the “alternate personalities” she plays in her work. She discusses how she enjoys “acting” in different situations, on camera, or in a social setting. Her essay shows how being yourself differs depending on the person and can sometimes involve pretending not to be yourself.

You might also like these essays about change and essays about cinema .

“In the end, the desire to better ourselves is the first step to building self-esteem, it ultimately starts with loving yourself and honouring your own journey. Contrive a plan-the outcomes you want to get out of your confidence journey, stick to it, and take a stock at the end of each week. Remember that every day gives us a new opportunity to start fresh and anew.”

Marinoff describes her experiences with low self-esteem and how they compare with her life now, where she is herself. She remembers how sadder her life was and gives readers tips on becoming more self-confident versions of themselves, including self-affirmation and keeping a diary. When we want to improve, we build our self-esteem and can be true to ourselves in our day-to-day lives. 

“I realize that I matter, my feelings are important, and I don’t have to be the apologetic, timid mouse in my own life. I can take up space. I can walk with confidence. I can speak up and disagree, even when my opinion is unwelcome. I’m actually entitled to have and speak my opinions.”

Similar to Marinoff, Jackson writes about the difference between her past self and how she is now. She was once timid and afraid to speak her mind because of what others might say. However, she had a realization that sparked her desire to live her life more authentically, doing and saying what she wanted. She reminds readers to be unapologetic, but not to the point that it becomes offensive. 

“I am not completely happy with myself, but I like myself more than I have in a long time. I am more comfortable in empty rooms. I am more enthusiastic about pictures of myself. I am growing to appreciate the person staring back at me in the mirror instead of constantly criticizing her.”

Riordan reflects on her growth over the past few years. She has become more confident, happy, and healthy and uses the lessons she learned from past mistakes. She acknowledges, however, that there are still things she can improve on, such as being less harsh with herself. Though Riordan is not perfect, she is proud to be herself and who she has become. 

“Many of us also act like someone we are not. Whether you did it to impress a love interest, your boss, or someone else, we have all not been ourselves because we believed it would get us what we wanted. But when you are not yourself, you change. You change who you are and what you are about. You change your thoughts and beliefs and you become someone who tries to please others instead of pleasing yourself. You become someone else instead of being yourself.”

In his essay, Barton remembers who he used to be and how he would always base his actions on trying to please others. However, he changed for the better and started doing what he wanted rather than what society expected. He says we should be proud of who we are and stop trying to be other people. We should stop worrying about what others think, be ourselves, and live the lives we want to live. 

Tip: If writing an essay sounds like a lot of work, simplify it. Write a simple 5 paragraph essay instead.

Many people have discussed the importance of being yourself, but what exactly does this mean? Identify and describe the impact of being authentically yourself. This could include not caring what others think of your style of hair or clothes, embracing your quirks, and not shying away from standing out in a crowd. Include your personal experiences for an engaging and convincing essay. 

Your past experiences shape your authentic self. For your essay, you can write about a specific event you feel was monumental in making you who you are today. Then, retell the story of the event, complete with its causes and effects. 

Reflect on a time when you feel you expressed yourself best. It may be a time when you showcased one of your skills or hobbies or a time when you feel you expressed your feelings most authentically. As with the previous prompt, you are telling readers your story, so be sure to explain the event in detail. 

Despite the growing calls for people to be more confident in themselves, many are still afraid of being their authentic selves, especially in public or on social media. In your essay, explore possible reasons for people’s hesitancy to be themselves, citing credible sources to support your points.

Think back to a time when you were proud of yourself. Describe the situation from winning a competition to learning something new to scoring well on a test. How did it make you feel- happy, relieved, or confident? The possibilities are endless! Describe in detail how this achievement made you feel and how it has impacted the person you are today.

To truly be yourself, you must embrace all your flaws and fears. Describe one negative trait you previously had, and explain how you overcame or subdued this flaw. You can also write about a flaw you currently have and explain how you plan to get rid of it. 

If you’d like to learn more, check out our guide on how to write an argumentative essay .

For more information, check out our top essay writing tips !

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

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15 Tips for Writing a College Essay About Yourself

What’s covered:.

• What is the Purpose of the College Essay?
• How to Stand Out Without Showing Off
• 15 Tips for Writing an Essay About Yourself
• Where to Get Free Feedback on Your Essay

Most students who apply to top-tier colleges have exceptional grades, standardized test scores, and extracurricular activities. How do admissions officers decide which applicants to choose among all these stellar students? One way is on the strength of their college essay .

This personal statement, along with other qualitative factors like teacher recommendations, helps the admissions committee see who you really are—the person behind the transcript. So, it’s obviously important to write a great one.

What Is the Purpose of the College Essay? 

Your college essay helps you stand out in a pool of qualified candidates. If effective, it will also show the admissions committee more of your personality and allow them to get a sense of how you’ll fit in with and contribute to the student body and institution. Additionally, it will show the school that you can express yourself persuasively and clearly in writing, which is an important part of most careers, no matter where you end up. 

Typically, students must submit a personal statement (usually the Common App essay ) along with school-specific supplements. Some students are surprised to learn that essays typically count for around 25% of your entire application at the top 250 schools. That’s an enormous chunk, especially considering that, unlike your transcript and extracurriculars, it isn’t an assessment of your entire high school career.  

The purpose of the college essay is to paint a complete picture of yourself, showing admissions committees the person behind the grades and test scores. A strong college essay shows your unique experiences, personality, perspective, interests, and values—ultimately, what makes you unique. After all, people attend college, not their grades or test scores. The college essay also provides students with a considerable amount of agency in their application, empowering them to share their own stories.

How to Stand Out Without Showing Off 

It’s important to strike a balance between exploring your achievements and demonstrating humility. Your aim should be to focus on the meaning behind the experience and how it changed your outlook, not the accomplishment itself. 

Confidence without cockiness is the key here. Don’t simply catalog your achievements, there are other areas on your application to share them. Rather, mention your achievements when they’re critical to the story you’re telling. It’s helpful to think of achievements as compliments, not highlights, of your college essay.  

Take this essay excerpt , for example:

My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go. 

Instead of saying “ I received this scholarship and participated in this prestigious program, ” the author tells a story, demonstrating their growth and initiative through specific actions (riding the train alone, applying academic programs on her own, etc.)—effectively showing rather than telling.

15 Tips for Writing an Essay About Yourself 

1. start early .

Leave yourself plenty of time to write your college essay—it’s stressful enough to compose a compelling essay without putting yourself under a deadline. Starting early on your essay also leaves you time to edit and refine your work, have others read your work (for example, your parents or a teacher), and carefully proofread.

2. Choose a topic that’s meaningful to you 

The foundation of a great essay is selecting a topic that has real meaning for you. If you’re passionate about the subject, the reader will feel it. Alternatively, choosing a topic you think the admissions committee is looking for, but isn’t all that important to you, won’t make for a compelling essay; it will be obvious that you’re not very invested in it.

3. Show your personality 

One of the main points of your college essay is to convey your personality. Admissions officers will see your transcript and read about the awards you’ve won, but the essay will help them get to know you as a person. Make sure your personality is evident in each part—if you are a jokester, incorporate some humor. Your friends should be able to pick your essay from an anonymous pile, read it, and recognize it as yours. In that same vein, someone who doesn’t know you at all should feel like they understand your personality after reading your essay. 

4. Write in your own voice 

In order to bring authenticity to your essay, you’ll need to write in your own voice. Don’t be overly formal (but don’t be too casual, either). Remember: you want the reader to get to know the real you, not a version of you that comes across as overly stiff or stilted. You should feel free to use contractions, incorporate dialogue, and employ vocabulary that comes naturally to you. 

5. Use specific examples 

Real, concrete stories and examples will help your essay come to life. They’ll add color to your narrative and make it more compelling for the reader. The goal, after all, is to engage your audience—the admissions committee. 

For example, instead of stating that you care about animals, you should tell us a story about how you took care of an injured stray cat. 

Consider this side-by-side comparison:

Example 1: I care deeply about animals and even once rescued a stray cat. The cat had an injured leg, and I helped nurse it back to health.

Example 2: I lost many nights of sleep trying to nurse the stray cat back to health. Its leg infection was extremely painful, and it meowed in distress up until the wee hours of the morning. I didn’t mind it though; what mattered was that the cat regained its strength. So, I stayed awake to administer its medicine and soothe it with loving ear rubs.

The second example helps us visualize this situation and is more illustrative of the writer’s personality. Because she stayed awake to care for the cat, we can infer that she is a compassionate person who cares about animals. We don’t get the same depth with the first example. 

6. Don’t be afraid to show off… 

You should always put your best foot forward—the whole point of your essay is to market yourself to colleges. This isn’t the time to be shy about your accomplishments, skills, or qualities. 

7. …While also maintaining humility 

But don’t brag. Demonstrate humility when discussing your achievements. In the example above, for instance, the author discusses her accomplishments while noting that her parents thought of her as immature. This is a great way to show humility while still highlighting that she was able to prove her parents wrong.

8. Be vulnerable 

Vulnerability goes hand in hand with humility and authenticity. Don’t shy away from exploring how your experience affected you and the feelings you experienced. This, too, will help your story come to life. 

Here’s an excerpt from a Common App essay that demonstrates vulnerability and allows us to connect with the writer:  

“You ruined my life!” After months of quiet anger, my brother finally confronted me. To my shame, I had been appallingly ignorant of his pain. 

Despite being twins, Max and I are profoundly different. Having intellectual interests from a young age that, well, interested very few of my peers, I often felt out of step in comparison with my highly-social brother. Everything appeared to come effortlessly for Max and, while we share an extremely tight bond, his frequent time away with friends left me feeling more and more alone as we grew older.

In this essay, the writer isn’t afraid to share his insecurities and feelings with us. He states that he had been “ appallingly ignorant ” of his brother’s pain, that he “ often felt out of step ” compared to his brother, and that he had felt “ more and more alone ” over time. These are all emotions that you may not necessarily share with someone you just met, but it’s exactly this vulnerability that makes the essay more raw and relatable. 

9. Don’t lie or hyperbolize 

This essay is about the authentic you. Lying or hyperbolizing to make yourself sound better will not only make your essay—and entire application—less genuine, but it will also weaken it. More than likely, it will be obvious that you’re exaggerating. Plus, if colleges later find out that you haven’t been truthful in any part of your application, it’s grounds for revoking your acceptance or even expulsion if you’ve already matriculated. 

10. Avoid cliches 

How the COVID-19 pandemic changed your life. A sports victory as a metaphor for your journey. How a pet death altered your entire outlook. Admissions officers have seen more essays on these topics than they can possibly count. Unless you have a truly unique angle, then it’s in your best interest to avoid them. Learn which topics are cliche and how to fix them . 

11. Proofread 

This is a critical step. Even a small error can break your essay, however amazing it is otherwise. Make sure you read it over carefully, and get another set of eyes (or two or three other sets of eyes), just in case.

12. Abstain from using AI

There are a handful of good reasons to avoid using artificial intelligence (AI) to write your college essay. Most importantly, it’s dishonest and likely to be not very good; AI-generated essays are generally formulaic, generic, and boring—everything you’re trying to avoid being.   The purpose of the college essay is to share what makes you unique and highlight your personal experiences and perspectives, something that AI can’t capture.

13. Use parents as advisors, not editors

The voice of an adult is different from that of a high schooler and admissions committees are experts at spotting the writing of parents. Parents can play a valuable role in creating your college essay—advising, proofreading, and providing encouragement during those stressful moments. However, they should not write or edit your college essay with their words.

14. Have a hook

Admissions committees have a lot of essays to read and getting their attention is essential for standing out among a crowded field of applicants. A great hook captures your reader’s imagination and encourages them to keep reading your essay. Start strong, first impressions are everything!

15. Give them something to remember

The ending of your college essay is just as important as the beginning. Give your reader something to remember by composing an engaging and punchy paragraph or line—called a kicker in journalism—that ties everything you’ve written above together.

Where to Get Free Feedback on Your College Essay 

Before you send off your application, make sure you get feedback from a trusted source on your essay. CollegeVine’s free peer essay review will give you the support you need to ensure you’ve effectively presented your personality and accomplishments. Our expert essay review pairs you with an advisor to help you refine your writing, submit your best work, and boost your chances of getting into your dream school. Find the right advisor for you and get started on honing a winning essay.

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

Essay on My Self for Students and Children

500+ words essay on my self.

Seven billion people are on this Earth, and everybody is different from the rest of others. There is nothing without purpose in this world. Everything has some purpose. Humans are the best creation, and each person is exclusive. Thus, writing about myself, I’m here to express myself that what I see, what I experience and what I plan for my life. I try myself to be modest, passionate, devoted, hardworking and honest.

My Family and My Childhood

I’m from a middle-class family of Bihar, I am Naresh Shukla. Nobody comes in this world, without the support of family and friends. Actually, whatever you will be, it is just because of your family. My father is a respectable businessman in our community.

My mother is a doctor. They both love their occupation. That’s I have learned from my parents the value of time, honesty, hard work and commitment to the purpose.

We are three brothers and sisters. Being the eldest I am the most liable from my brothers and sisters. I am wanted to guide and take care of my other siblings. We all are in the same school. Reading is my passion.

I am a keen reader of novels and history books as I have a strong interest in Indian History and classical architecture. I love to read books that refer to the rich history and civilization of ancient India.  At my pre-childhood, I used to listen to stories from my grandmother, and this has a long-lasting effect on me.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

My Education

I am studying at the best school in my city. I am presently in class 10th. I feel happy to be a part of this great school with the good friends, helpful and loving teacher and sound school administration. I have extraordinary skills in some subjects whereas I am very weak in the few.

My Strengths

In compare to studies, I am good at sports. so I am the captain of my class football team. I am the best football player at my school. Besides this, I am a fast runner also and I love athletics. I am in expert swimming.

The advice of my parents had a keen effect on my habits. I believe to speak the truth and try my best not to lie. My parents always advised me that if I commit a mistake, I should admit it. I try my best to do so. I know how to remain happy in every condition. Because I believe that: “Happiness is not out there; it’s in you.”

I am a very adventurous person too and like to take the risk. I like to do a creative thing besides doing old stuff again and again. Learning new things is one thing which I always enjoy. I always update myself with the news.

Along with this, I fond of reading a few children magazines in which different motivational stories are there. They taught me a high moral lesson. I am a very confident person and know how to talk. I always try to speak to every person according to his requirement so I understand people.

My Weaknesses

As every man have weaknesses, so have also. I am a little bit lazy at some places which I do not like. While playing time, I pass my lot of time there which is not a good habi t, but I try my best to overcome my weaknesses.

My Ambitions in Life

Everybody has an ambition in life . Aim or ambition is the inner aspiration of man. No man can do anything in the world without aim. So, all of us should be very determined about our aim in life.

Without good career planning, right from the start, one can’t be on the right track. One has to set the goals in accordance with his or her broad career goals.

I have studied biology and I will seat for the competitive entrance exam for admission to reputed medical college. I shall try to be a good and honest student. Then I shall be a qualified doctor. I will do all that to be a good doctor and will be sincere to it.

These are all the things which express me. Though nobody can be described in a few sets of sentences. One needs to have yet command of oneself before going to write something about his life. Life is meant to be lived avidly and with visualization to do good for your fellow beings. Keeping this aim in mind, I have always desired to serve my people in whatever capacity I can.

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The Power of Authenticity: Embracing Your True Self

• August 13, 2023
• Belief , Personal development , Self

Authenticity is a concept that holds considerable power in personal growth and interpersonal relationships. By embracing one’s true self, individuals can experience a more fulfilling life and establish genuine connections with others. However, the pervasive influence of comparison poses challenges to authenticity, leading to self-doubt and the pursuit of external validation. Striking a balance between authenticity and audience is crucial, as it allows for effective communication while remaining true to one’s core. Furthermore, viewing mistakes as valuable opportunities for growth and learning fosters resilience and facilitates self-improvement. In this article, we explore the significance of authenticity, the obstacles of comparison, the importance of adapting to different audiences, and the transformative potential of embracing one’s true self.

Table of Contents

Key Takeaways

• Being authentic allows you to live a fulfilling life.
• Authenticity builds trust and genuine connections with others.
• Comparing yourself to others hinders your authenticity.
• Balancing authenticity and audience enhances effective communication.

The Importance of Being Authentic

The importance of being authentic lies in its ability to foster genuine connections with others and enable individuals to make decisions aligned with their values. Building genuine connections is essential for establishing trust and building meaningful relationships. When individuals are authentic, they present themselves as they truly are, without pretense or facade. This authenticity allows others to see and understand them on a deeper level, leading to stronger connections and more meaningful interactions. Additionally, being authentic helps individuals overcome self-doubt. By embracing their true selves and expressing themselves honestly, individuals can overcome the fear of judgment and gain confidence in their own abilities and worth. Authenticity, therefore, plays a crucial role in building genuine connections and empowering individuals to overcome self-doubt in order to live more fulfilling lives.

Overcoming the Challenges of Comparison

Comparison can hinder one’s ability to be authentic and prevent the full embrace of individuality. It is essential to recognize the challenges that arise from comparing oneself to others. Cultivating self-acceptance and nurturing a positive self-image are crucial in overcoming these challenges.

• Cultivating self-acceptance: Embracing one’s unique qualities and strengths is essential in cultivating self-acceptance. Recognizing that everyone has their own journey and timeline allows individuals to appreciate their own progress and achievements.
• Nurturing a positive self-image: Focusing on one’s own growth and accomplishments rather than comparing oneself to others nurtures a positive self-image. Celebrating small victories and practicing self-compassion helps individuals develop a healthier perception of themselves.

Finding the Balance Between Authenticity and Audience

Balancing the needs of different audiences while staying true to oneself requires careful consideration and adaptability in communication style. Navigating social expectations and communicating authentically in professional settings are crucial aspects of achieving this balance. In order to effectively connect with different audiences, it is important to adjust one’s communication style while still allowing authenticity to shine through. This can be achieved by understanding the values and beliefs of the audience and tailoring the message accordingly. By doing so, one can enhance effective communication and establish genuine connections. However, it is important to note that being authentic does not mean disregarding the needs of the audience. Instead, it involves finding a balance between staying true to oneself and meeting the expectations of the audience, ultimately leading to successful communication in professional settings.

Embracing Mistakes as Opportunities for Growth

Recognizing and reflecting on mistakes allows individuals to cultivate personal growth and development. Learning from failures and developing resilience are crucial aspects of this process. Here are three key points to consider:

• Gaining valuable insights: Mistakes provide opportunities for learning and growth. By analyzing our failures, we can identify areas where improvement is needed and gain valuable insights into the actions or decisions that led to the mistake.
• Building resilience: Embracing mistakes helps individuals develop resilience. It allows them to bounce back from setbacks, adapt to new challenges, and persevere in the face of adversity. By viewing mistakes as stepping stones rather than obstacles, individuals can strengthen their ability to overcome future difficulties.
• Promoting personal development: Reflecting on mistakes enables individuals to recognize patterns, habits, or beliefs that may have contributed to the error. This self-reflection fosters personal development by encouraging individuals to make necessary changes and grow in their understanding of themselves and their capabilities.

Resources for Personal Development

Exploring various resources can facilitate personal development and enhance one’s journey of growth and self-improvement. Personal development involves the continuous process of self-reflection and nurturing a growth mindset. Self-reflection techniques provide individuals with the opportunity to gain insight into their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This self-awareness allows for the identification of areas for improvement and the development of strategies to address them. Nurturing a growth mindset involves adopting a belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. This mindset enables individuals to embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, and learn from feedback and criticism. By exploring self-reflection techniques and nurturing a growth mindset, individuals can access valuable resources for personal development and optimize their potential for growth and self-improvement.

Building Trust Through Authenticity

Building trust through authenticity is essential in cultivating vulnerability in authentic relationships and in building strong teams. Authenticity allows individuals to be genuine and transparent, which fosters trust and connection. When individuals are authentic, they are more likely to open up and share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences with others, creating a safe space for vulnerability. This vulnerability builds deeper and more meaningful relationships, as it encourages empathy, understanding, and support. In the context of teams, authenticity plays a crucial role in building trust among team members. When team members are authentic, they can openly communicate, share ideas, and collaborate effectively. This promotes a positive team dynamic, where individuals feel valued, respected, and empowered to contribute their unique perspectives and strengths. Ultimately, authenticity is a catalyst for trust and cohesion within relationships and teams.

Embracing Your Unique Qualities and Strengths

Embracing one’s unique qualities and strengths involves acknowledging and valuing the distinct attributes and abilities that set individuals apart from others. Celebrating individuality allows individuals to fully embrace their authentic selves and recognize the value they bring to the world. Identifying and utilizing strengths further enhances this process, as it enables individuals to leverage their innate abilities to achieve personal and professional success. By recognizing and celebrating their unique qualities, individuals can cultivate a sense of self-worth and confidence. They can also make informed choices that align with their strengths, leading to increased satisfaction and fulfillment. Embracing one’s unique qualities and strengths is a crucial aspect of personal development, as it empowers individuals to navigate life’s challenges and make meaningful contributions to society.

Making Decisions Aligned With Your Values

In the previous subtopic, we discussed the importance of embracing one’s unique qualities and strengths. Now, we will delve into the concept of making decisions aligned with one’s values. This entails identifying core values and ensuring that actions are congruent with these values.

• Identifying core values: The first step in aligning actions with values is identifying one’s core values. This involves introspection and reflection to determine what truly matters to an individual.
• Aligning actions with values: Once core values are identified, it is crucial to align actions with these values. This means making choices and decisions that are in line with one’s core beliefs and principles.

Expressing Your True Self Without Fear of Judgment

Expressing one’s genuine identity without fear of criticism allows for the free expression of individuality and promotes a sense of personal liberation. Cultivating self-acceptance is essential in overcoming the fear of judgment. Society often imposes norms and expectations that can make individuals feel the need to conform, leading to the suppression of their true selves. However, by cultivating self-acceptance, individuals can embrace their authentic selves and overcome the fear of judgment. This involves acknowledging and accepting one’s strengths, weaknesses, and unique qualities. It requires understanding that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and that judgment from others does not define one’s worth or identity. By embracing self-acceptance and overcoming the fear of judgment, individuals can confidently express their true selves and lead more authentic and fulfilling lives.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can comparing ourselves to others hinder our authenticity.

Comparing oneself to others hinders authenticity by leading to self-doubt and negative self-talk. Societal pressures to conform and seek external validation perpetuate this cycle. Maintaining individuality requires self-acceptance and recognizing the destructive nature of comparison.

What Are Some Strategies for Adjusting Communication Styles to Connect With Different Audiences While Still Remaining Authentic?

Adapting communication styles to connect with different audiences while maintaining authenticity can be achieved by understanding the values and beliefs of the audience, tailoring the message accordingly, and finding a balance between personal expression and meeting audience needs.

How Can Reflecting on Mistakes Help With Personal Development?

Reflective learning through the process of reflecting on mistakes facilitates personal development. It fosters a growth mindset, allowing individuals to identify areas for improvement, develop resilience, and promote accountability, leading to continual self-improvement.

What Are Some Other Resources for Personal Development Beyond the Ones Mentioned?

Additional resources for personal development include books on mindfulness and self-reflection, online courses on meditation techniques, workshops on emotional intelligence, and podcasts that offer guidance on personal growth and self-improvement.

How Does Embracing Our Unique Qualities and Strengths Contribute to Living a Fulfilling Life?

Embracing individuality and building self-confidence contribute to living a fulfilling life. By embracing unique qualities and strengths, individuals can align their actions with their values, experience genuine connections, and make decisions that reflect their authentic selves.

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“Don’t change so people will like you; be yourself and the right people will love you.” ~Unknown

I’ve always felt the pressure to fit in. There’s always been a gap between what I want to be and what I think the world thinks I should be.

I was a tomboy growing up. I climbed trees when other girls played with dolls, I played soccer in my teenage years when other girls wore dresses and went to parties, and even as an adult I preferred to watch the Saturday afternoon game rather than go shopping.

But the pressure to fit in and be liked turned me into a social chameleon. I tried to be the person I felt I should be so I’d blend in with those around me, whether that meant spending a Friday night at the pub or attending a corporate meeting at the head office.

Psychologist William James said, “A man has as many social selves as there are distinct groups of persons about whose opinion he cares. He generally shows a different side of himself to each of these different groups.”

I’ve spent my life trying to fit in. I’ve always wanted to please people, to make my parents proud, and to receive approval from anyone and everyone—my family, friends, partners, bosses, and teachers.

So without even realizing it I would change myself, my desires, and sometimes even my opinions to fit into whatever mold was required at the time. But if you’re constantly trying to prove your worth to people, it may be true that you’ve already forgotten your value.

Last year I quit my corporate career to pursue my dream of being a writer and yoga teacher, but it took many years to get to that point. For so long I’d had these dreams in my heart, but the logic of my head overruled.

There was always a difference between what I wanted and what I thought I should want—my opinion and the norm of society somehow differed—and I’d always assumed I must be the one off beam.

This leads to a life of sacrificing ourselves to please others, living their dreams at the expense of our own.

I found the more I listened to, abided by, and fuelled these stereotypes, the more I was defined by them—defined by my career, the clothes I wore, where I was from, how much money I had, and what kind of car I drove. But none of this was really me, so why was I letting it define me?

We live in a world where we are surrounded by ideals. The media presents us with better versions of just about everything, creating a mindset that we should be striving for more. There’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re not enough.

We need to be richer, slimmer, fitter, happier, nicer, different in some way. The point is, we are all different and there is no right or wrong.

To find true happiness we must be true to ourselves, live our own dreams, and be proud of what makes us unique instead of feeling the pressure to follow the crowd.

It’s easier said than done, I know. It helped me to ask myself: What makes life worth living? How would you like to be remembered? What do you admire about others?

It may also help to reflect on what you wanted to do when you were a kid. Often this holds the key to what we held dear before we were influenced by what other people think.

Take a moment to consider what your strengths are and be clear on your core values . It also helps to seek out like-minded people. Not only do we feel at ease with them, they also help us grow and flourish in accordance with our true selves.

Remember, everyone has their own version of ‘normal,’ and none of us are right or wrong. We should not expect ourselves to all be alike, but rather respect our differences and value our skills despite them being different.

When we are comfortable in our own skin, we are not fighting against or with anyone, as we’ve discovered our own true nature and are living in accordance with it. We are courageous enough to live our own truth.

Unfortunately, there will always be someone more beautiful, clever, talented, or stronger than you, but the reverse is also true. There will always be people less than you in all of these areas.

So instead of comparing yourself to others , look to see if you’re fulfilling your own potential to the best of your ability. As a nation we seem obsessed with comparing ourselves, but rather than thinking about what you should be like, try just being you. Simply be—as you are.

You don’t see a sparrow comparing itself with a pigeon, and although we put different prices on timber, none of the trees feel inferior or superior.

In nature everything is needed and it all has its place. It all fits together and is equal. Whether you’re a blade of grass or a mighty oak tree. it doesn’t matter; you are needed and you have your place in the world.

The ancient meaning of the word courage is “tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.”

It is all about being true to yourself .

Let go of who you think you should be and be who you are. Everyone is coming out of their own closet, emerging to be the person they really are, their true self, and worried about what others may think and if they’ll be accepted.

That’s why it’s so important to connect with authenticity and compassion, but you can’t be compassionate to others without being compassionate to yourself first. Don’t change so people will like you, be yourself and the right people will love you.

Stand out from the crowd image via Shutterstock

About Jess Stuart

After a successful career in the corporate HR world Jess decided to follow her passion in Health and Wellness as a coach, speaker, and author . A qualified yoga instructor who has trained in Buddhist meditation and mindfulness, living and working in many countries Jess draws her life experience into her work to share the principles of health and happiness.

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Home » Personal growth » Finding yourself

How to find yourself

Have you ever met someone and thought, “That person knows exactly who they are”? They’re confident , decisive and passionate. They have an unstoppable belief in themselves and their vision for the world. They have not only connected with their authentic selves , they have fully embraced them. You can also experience this sense of fulfillment – but first you must learn how to find yourself .

Are you thinking, “ Finding myself seems like a lot of work”? It is. Creating a life that is fulfilling , purposeful and passionate is no accident. It takes work. And it starts with unlocking the secrets to how to find your true self . Then you can design a life that is in line with your personal destiny.

Learn how to find your true self at Date with Destiny event

1. Reflect on your story

All of our actions and decisions reflect the story we tell ourselves – the beliefs we’ve formed beginning in childhood, when we wanted to earn the love of our caretakers . The events and experiences of our lives since then, as well as our knowledge about the world, influence our story into adulthood.

If you’re interested in finding yourself, reflection is the first step. Use a journal to record how you became the person you are today. Begin a meditation practice to quiet your mind and dig deeper into who you really are. Releasing your emotions has a cathartic effect that will start you on your journey toward understanding how to find yourself .

2. Determine your values

Don’t make the mistake of believing your past is your story. As Tony tells us, “Everybody’s got a past. The past does not equal the future unless you live there.” While it’s helpful to reflect on your past in order to discover how you’ve formed the beliefs you have today, learning how to find yourself is about growth and forward movement .

No matter what happened in your past, it’s up to you to determine your values . Our values are our guiding light in the world, yet so many of us don’t know our own values. We have an idea in our head of who we “should” be – but this idea of ourselves comes from limiting beliefs that are formed as a result of others’ opinions, not our own. You can change your values. You can be whatever you desire, as long as you believe in yourself.

3. Silence your negative self-talk

As you reflect on your story and begin to determine your values, you’ll naturally tune in to your self-talk . Perhaps you’ve noticed it before – but have you ever questioned it? Is your self-talk positive or negative, empowering or disempowering? Does it encourage you to get out of your comfort zone or keep you living in fear ?  

If you’re saying to yourself, “How can I possibly focus on finding myself ?” then it’s time to silence your inner critic. Examine your thoughts as if you are your own best friend – you’d probably never let your friends talk to themselves that way. Once you recognize damaging thoughts, replace them with empowering ones that push you toward your goals instead of holding you back.

4. Discover your strengths

When you go through life living up to others’ expectations and allowing negative self-talk to bring you down, it’s impossible to know how to find your true self . When you begin the journey to finding yourself, discovering your strengths can be the most exciting part.

To start the process, think back on the last time you felt like you were in your element. Were you writing, singing, playing a sport, connecting with someone on a deep level, fixing things around the house or volunteering? This feeling of happiness and purpose is a sign of your strengths. Once you’ve identified your strengths, you can leverage them – along with your values – to create an extraordinary life .

5. Recognize what doesn’t serve you

Still thinking, “ Finding myself seems impossible”? If you’re still struggling to find yourself, you need to reveal who you are as an individual. To do that, you need to free yourself from patterns and relationships that don’t serve you. The human brain craves patterns because they conserve energy. When we fall into patterns, the brain doesn’t have to make decisions about certain actions and behaviors. Patterns can be extremely damaging, but once you recognize them, you can build better habits that serve you.

Even more difficult than changing your habits is recognizing the relationships that don’t serve you . But you must let them go. Instead, surround yourself with people who allow you to be your best self , with no inhibitions. People who encourage you to aim higher, achieve more and reach your peak state. Anything less, and you will always wonder how to find yourself – and never find out.

Ready to discover how to find yourself?

To find yourself, you need to look deep within. At Date With Destiny, you’ll uncover what drives you and learn how to use it to create a fulfilling life.

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False Self-True Self: The Perils of Living a Lie to Fit In

Exploring the link between authenticity and mental health..

Posted March 26, 2021 | Reviewed by Devon Frye

• Some scholars have linked the development of a true (or authentic) self to better mental health.
• Barriers to the development of a true self include peer pressure, family preferences, social norms, and cultural expectations.
• This can lead to a discrepancy between internal desires and lived reality, contributing to the development of a "false self."
• A "false self"—and the dysfunctional choices that may arise as a result—have been linked in research to poorer mental health.

One of the defining characteristics of modern society is the extent of choice and opportunity available. In times past, choices were constrained by culture, tradition, and convention. But today, we have the opportunity to pick and choose from a vast array of lifestyle choices related to diverse domains including diet, fashion, sexual behavior, spiritual practices, consumer habits, cultural activities, fitness regimes, employment, and education .

The True Self and Mental Health

This growth in choice and opportunity has been praised by many psychologists. For example, Carl Rogers argues that this expansion of choice allows humans the scope to develop a "true" (or "authentic") self, unfettered by the manacles of tradition and convention.

The true self is achieved through the conscious creation of a lifestyle commensurate with individual goals and desires—previously unattainable in eras where choices were more constrained.

In a similar vein, psychologist Kenneth Gergen states that modern society allows people to develop what he calls a "pastiche personality ," allowing them to playfully pick and choose various lifestyle choices according to their own needs, desires, and appetites.

In short, these authors praise the freedom, autonomy, and opportunity offered in modern societies, linking this to the development of a true or authentic self, which they argue can lead to greater mental, spiritual and human well-being.

Social Context and the False Self

However, it is important to recognize that lifestyle choices do not occur in a social vacuum. The choices of individuals are still heavily influenced by peers, parents, or others in the community such as religious leaders. Choices are also shaped by cultural expectations and social norms, which may vary according to age, gender , and other socio-demographic variables.

Moreover, social media trends may also affect individual decisions, with some research indicating that young people sometimes make lifestyle choices based on " fear of missing out" (FOMO) or attempts to convince others that they are living a "my fun-filled life" version of reality.

In other words, evidence suggests that many people still make lifestyle choices based on social expectations and the desire for external validation, rather than internal desires and individual preferences. Can this mismatch between desires and reality negatively affect well-being?

Psychiatrists such as D. W. Winnicott have suggested that this can lead to the development of a "false self." This is not an official psychiatric diagnosis, but a reference to a common feeling among some individuals that they are "living a lie" or "wearing a mask" in their daily lives, mainly in an effort to meet socio-cultural norms and familial/peer expectations.

False Self and Mental Health

Indeed, some research shows that this false self is often encouraged by peers and family, who can make aspects of their love, friendship , or support contingent on certain choices being made. This can lead many people to sacrifice their own authentic desires in the service of people-pleasing. In their writings, psychiatrists such as D.W. Winnicott and R.D. Laing have linked a "false self" to poorer mental health.

In fact, research indicates that many people make choices that can damage their mental health in an effort to fit in. For example, evidence suggests that alcohol use and drug abuse in young people often arise from peer pressure and aspirations to be part of a cool and trendy "in-crowd," rather than deep desires to use these substances.

Similarly, other research suggests that individual eating habits and exercise patterns are heavily influenced by a variety of factors such as social norms, family preferences, and media messages regarding ideal body types.

This can lead to many dysfunctional choices—for example, pathological dieting or over-exercising, both of which have been linked to the rise of eating disorders and body dysmorphia in young people. Again, these choices may not reflect a "true self."

The Conflict Between True Self and False Self

To be sure, this era of untrammeled choice offers boundless opportunities to engage in a myriad of activities and build a "pastiche personality" which expresses a true (or authentic) self. Indeed, this is one of the joys of living in a free and open society.

However, this vision of free individuals making free choices in a free society is somewhat Panglossian, and fails to recognize the social and cultural constraints experienced by many, including "fear of missing out," people-pleasing, and other forms of "living a lie" to fit in. In his famous poem "The Hollow Men," T.S. Eliot wrote:

Between the idea And the reality Between the motion And the act Falls the Shadow

In sum, the discrepancy between internal desires and actual choices can create a reality that casts a shadow over the lives of many people, which can have ramifications for mental health. This may mean we should all ask ourselves the question: Am I living a lie to fit in?

Facebook image: Drazen Zigic/Shutterstock

LinkedIn image: kittirat roekburi/Shutterstock

Rob Whitley, Ph.D., is an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at McGill University and a research scientist at the Douglas Hospital Research Centre.

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