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This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sasha Gaston. It has been edited for length and clarity.
Soon after I moved into my Tampa apartment in 2018, I had water coming in through my bedroom window. When I went outside to see what was going on, I found an older woman cleaning off windowsills. It was the first time I met Charlette. She told me she often did little jobs around the apartment complex because the management doesn't do enough.
The next day, she invited me to her house and gave me a cup of ice before pouring tea into it. We sat at her kitchen table and talked for ages. I knew right away she was a wise, welcoming woman . I wanted to be around her more.
By 2019, I was talking to Charlette on the phone every day , visiting her apartment to drink tea, talk, and watch the news. I took her to the grocery store and on Target runs. We were getting closer and becoming good friends.
She's taught me so many basic tasks, like how to clean an air filter, do chores around the house, and clean and wax a car . She doesn't let her age define her and is always on the go. If either of us ever needs help, we do whatever we can to help.
As we got to know and trust each other more , she started sharing about her family. Her parents didn't raise her, and all her siblings have died. She has one cousin she rarely sees. Most of her friends live in the north, where she used to live.
Although she doesn't have a blood family anymore, we have become each other's family. When I gave birth to my daughter, our family grew.
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My daughter was born in 2023, and Charlette loves when I bring her to visit. She has taken on a grandmother role.
Charlette has told me she chose not to have kids because she didn't think she'd be a good mom due to the fact that her own mother didn't raise her. But I always tell her she would have been a perfect mom, as evidenced by how she treats me and my daughter.
My daughter's dad joked with me that I'm obsessed with Charlette. When I told Charlette, we laughed about it, saying he was just jealous because I was always at her house.
Since knowing Charlette, I've always taken cupcakes and sang "Happy Birthday" to her on her special day. But in April, she turned 80 and I wanted to make a big deal of it.
She'd told me that when she was married to her second husband, she would go to Vegas to have a fun time gambling. So, for her 80th birthday, I proposed taking her to a local casino. She said she'd go and had her outfit picked out the day before our date.
We had dinner and drinks at the casino's restaurant and then played on the slot machines.
She loved it, and said it brought back great memories of Vegas. The next day, she wrote me a card with a long message telling me how much she appreciated me taking her out. She went on to talk about it for weeks.
I posted a video on TikTok about her 80th birthday, not thinking much of it. When I woke up, I found that so many people had liked and commented. I think people just loved seeing an older person being remembered because they are so often forgotten.
Even after hours of sitting in her apartment, Charlette doesn't want me to leave. She loves the company. She makes sure to tell me to call her the next day. I love being able to cure her loneliness.
But my friendship with Charlette has been so good for me too. Her wisdom has been such a help to me over the years. She's taught me practical stuff but been someone I can get advice from too. I can genuinely call her my friend, even though she is decades older than I am.
I can’t trust her anymore..
Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here .
Dear Care and Feeding,
I am estranged from my narcissistic mother. We haven’t spoken in five years, and I’m in therapy unraveling all the damage she did. I am still in contact with my very loving grandmother, and we have an understanding that anything I tell her about me, my son, or our life is for her only and not to be shared with my mother. Well, I sent Grandma some pictures of my little family recently, and she told me on a call last night that she had given copies to my mother, because, “She’s still your mother no matter what,” and, “She has a right to see her grandchild.” I feel betrayed, which I told her. She brushed it off, and I had to end the call because I was having a panic attack. How do I reconcile this? I feel like I can’t trust her anymore! Do I cut my losses and cut Grandma off too? Is there a way forward here?
—Disrespected Boundaries
Dear Boundaries,
I feel for you. It’s not easy to make—and even harder to enforce—the decision to cut off all contact with a close family member. When someone feels they must do this to save themself, as you clearly do, the very idea that another member of the family would make a gesture to undo that must be very painful. But you love your grandmother, and she loves you—and having her in your life may be even more important to you than you’re aware, if she’s the closest thing to a ”parent” that you’ve got. I am pretty sure that cutting her out would not improve your life. I suspect you would miss her, and your life would feel smaller.
So I think the way forward is to take a small step back: Put yourself in your grandmother’s shoes. For all your mother’s faults, she is still your grandma’s daughter. Grandma is walking a tightrope between her relationship with you (and her love for you and for her great-grandchild) and her relationship with her daughter, whom she also loves. I would imagine that your mother talks to her about you (she may make it all about herself and paint herself as the victim, but self-absorbed, self-aggrandizing people feel pain too) and that your grandmother, who wishes the two of you were not estranged, feels stuck in the middle between—I’m just guessing—two of the people she loves most in the world.
I get that what Grandma has done feels unforgivable to you, and that her refusal to apologize for doing it enrages you. But I urge you to talk this through with her. Spell out for her exactly why her sharing this photo hurt you so much. Don’t stop at, “Because I told you not to.” Lay out for her how the thought of your mother viewing a photo of your family makes you feel. Of course, telling her this will require you to fully understand it yourself (that’s a thought experiment worth making). Tell her you understand the difficult position she’s in. Ask her to talk to you about how she feels about finding herself in the middle of this.
I don’t know what the whole “script” of this conversation looks like (I know you haven’t asked for one, but people so often do, I can’t help imagining that if I tell you to talk things over with her, you’re hoping I’ll provide one), because there are so many things I don’t know—about you, your childhood, your mother, her childhood, her mother, and your grandmother’s and mother’s relationship. Nor do I know what the end result of this conversation should or will be. Do you make it clear enough to Grandma why you don’t want her to so much as speak your name to your mother that she never does so again, and tells her daughter, “I’m sorry, I can’t talk about her anymore”? Will your grandmother beg your forgiveness and ask for another chance, having come to understand your feelings of betrayal? Do you come to see that she feels so pulled apart that she cannot move forward without an escape hatch—something (or things) you will allow her to share, as long as you don’t have to deal directly with your mother? Will you insist that she choose between the two of you? (I hope not.) What I do know is that insight, honest communication, and compassion will be what moves you forward, in this situation as in so many others in life.
Submit your questions to Care and Feeding here . It’s anonymous! (Questions may be edited for publication.)
My 40-ish daughter (with two children and a long-term boyfriend) has told me to stop asking for pictures of and video chats with her and her children. The relationship has been strained for years, and I’m guessing it’s time I just stepped away. She knows I love her and her kids; she knows where to find me if she needs me. But I’m not sure how to do this. If I simply step away from my relationship with her, this petulant grown child may misinterpret it as me not caring. Am I supposed to email her and tell her I’m out, but that I’ll be glad to be back in contact when she matures into a civil human being?
—Given All I Can
Dear Given,
Have you ever asked her why “the relationship has been strained for years”? Or do you know why? If you “simply step away,” do you know why she’ll read that as your “not caring”? And finally: What exactly does her maturing into “a civil human being” mean to you?
In my experience, as well as in the family relationship research studies I’ve read (a lot , thanks to my job as a family advice columnist over the last five years), things don’t fall apart between parents and children for no reason. In Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How To Mend Them , Cornell sociologist and physician Karl Pillemer writes that the adult children he interviewed often would cite “harsh parenting and parental favoritism” as well as divorce and other crises of their childhoods, while their parents’ memories of their kids’ childhoods included none of these as possible causes of strained relationships; in fact, the parents often blamed their children for rewriting the past “to play the victim.” In the family estrangements he looked at, Pillemer notes that “poor and increasingly hostile communication” between parent and adult child eventually culminated in a “volcanic event” in which one member of the family declares, “I’m done.”
This is what you are now contemplating. Before you pull that trigger (I’m not generally a fan of invoking violent imagery in this way, but I believe this scenario calls for it), please consider what your role in this deteriorating relationship may have been. Over and over, in Pillemer’s interviews with parents and children, people told him they had no idea what had happened—“and then they’d list a lifelong history of conflict, unmet expectations, and criticism of the other person.”
The bottom line, it seems to me, is beautifully articulated by the clinical psychologist Joshua Coleman, who concludes an essay in The Atlantic by reminding us that “we are all flawed [emphasis my own]. We should have that at the forefront of our minds when deciding who to keep in or out of our lives—and how to respond to those who no longer want us in theirs.”
· Missed earlier columns this week? Read them here . · Discuss this column in the Slate Parenting Facebook group !
As the eldest daughter in a big family, I was expected to uncomplainingly blur the line between parent and constantly available babysitter. My older brother wasn’t. When I was 16, I did exactly as he had done and got a part-time (actual paying) job. My parents made me quit (needless to say, they had done no such thing to him). I spent the next two years continuing to resentfully and angrily care for my siblings—and doing everything I could to make sure I could get out of that house and go to college. I think my parents are angrier and more bitter about me leaving home at 18, refusing to be an unpaid nanny anymore, than they are about me leaving our church (which, believe me, they are very angry about). I went to college, went to therapy, and have a great life that is entirely separate from theirs. My wonderful husband is a fully equal partner and a fantastic co-parent.
Our daughter is 9 and our son is 6, so we have some time before I have to deal with the question I’m about to ask. But my husband and I disagree about how to handle future babysitting. I want to treat the kids equitably. I really want to make sure my daughter doesn’t feel the way I did, which to me means hiring a babysitter even when my daughter is old enough to sit for her brother herself, and/or waiting to leave the two of them at home alone until they’re both old enough to be responsible for themselves. My husband says that’s extreme. He has lots of happy memories of being babysat by his older brother, and later of watching his younger brother. Is my family baggage distorting this? Agreement tends to be easy for us in parenting, so conflict on this is new and worrying to me. How do we plan for this down the road?
—Babysitting Blues
Dear Blues,
You and your husband had very different childhoods, and very different relationships with your siblings and parents. I wouldn’t say that your family baggage is distorting your view of sibling-on-sibling babysitting; I would say that your determination to raise your children differently from the way your parents raised you—which is entirely understandable—and your husband’s feeling that his parents serve as a good example (which may well be true) are bumping up against each other. I suspect that even though this is the first time this has happened, it will not be the last.
Both of you need to keep in mind that your neither of your children are either of you. Your daughter, when she is old enough to babysit, may want to; she may not. (Full disclosure: As a teenager, I was often asked to sit for my almost-4-years-younger brother when my parents were gone overnight, or longer, and I resented it. I’m sure I did it badly, too—and I am sure my brother would gladly cite chapter and verse on this subject. In any case, my parents eventually gave up and left my brother with our grandparents when they traveled; I stayed home alone.) My only advice to you about this particular situation, when it arises, is to pay close attention to the actual children in front of you. Do your best, both of you, to clear your vision (which is clouded by your past— both of you). And ask your daughter, when she’d old enough, how she feels about sitting for her brother. Tell her she’s allowed to say she doesn’t want to, and that whatever she decides, she’s allowed to change her mind later. (I myself was OK with watching my brother when I was 13, but at 15, I objected strenuously.) You might discuss with your husband the possibility of paying her when she babysits—after all, it’s not, or shouldn’t be, part of the job description of a child simply because of where they land in birth order. But even if you do agree on a reasonable rate for this chore that goes beyond the ordinary everyday ones that all children should be expected to do around the house, ask your daughter if she wants to be paid. She may not—she may regard this responsibility as an honor. Remember (once more with feeling) she isn’t you.
And keep your eye out for other differences of opinion (really, differences of feelings) that are bound to arise over time. You and your husband need to keep an open line of communication about this.
Speaking of open lines of communication: I am not suggesting that you forgive or even reach out noncommittally to your parents, or that your life that’s “entirely separate from theirs” is not a fully wonderful one. But since it would seem that today is Family Estrangement Day in my column, I just want to put this resource out there, for anyone who’s reading and thinking about this painful subject.
My husband and I have a wonderful 3-year-old (biological) daughter. We are in the process of adopting our second child. A few months ago, my sister-in-law visited, and after learning about our adoption plans, including that our next child will most likely come to us when they are around a year old, my SIL (not a parent yet) launched into a lecture about how children who are not breastfed “will always be delayed,” how they will never be emotionally secure, and even how not breastfeeding is child abuse. I breastfed our first child, but obviously, I can’t do that for our second. I’m used to my SIL being cruel, but I was deeply stung by those particular comments: on behalf of a close friend who was recently (so, so) devastated that she couldn’t breastfeed; on behalf of my second soon-to-be child; and, finally, on my own behalf, as my mother breastfed my brothers, but not me, the only girl. All I could manage to say—to blurt out, really—at that moment, however, was that I wasn’t breastfed, to which she replied, “Well, that explains everything about you.” And then the conversation just moved on to some other subject.
I thought I was immune to her, but I cannot seem to let this one go. I find myself deeply angry about it. I keep replaying it in my head. My husband, who admits he can’t stand his sister, says I should forget about it: In their family, they never bring up hurt feelings, quarrels, or anything else negative. Once said/done, it’s over. But I don’t ever want her in my house again. What do you do when the family rule is Never Mention Past Unpleasantness? I feel like this will affect my marriage, plus I actually want to smack her, and that is not like me.
—Fuming in Albuquerque
Dear Fuming,
Your husband’s family rule doesn’t have to be yours. Indeed, it should not be yours. You don’t want to raise your children to Never Mention Unpleasantness (poor communication, as noted above, is one of the causes of eventual family estrangement—not to mention that keeping things bottled up is just a terrible way to live). Your husband is dead wrong here.
But: Do not smack your thoughtless, ill-informed, cruel sister-in-law. Meet her for coffee if you don’t want to invite her into your house right now. Or, if she lives at a distance from you and her visits are few and far between, call her up. Tell her how she made you feel. Don’t let her hijack the conversation or even avoid it: Say, “I’m going to talk now and I need you to listen.” Then tell her that she hurt you, and that thinking about what she said continues to pain you. Feel free to offer facts that contradict the nonsense she spouted (and I say this as an ardent supporter of breastfeeding!). Don’t spend too much time trying to convince her that she’s wrong, though. It doesn’t sound like she has the capacity to take things in or recognize when she doesn’t have her “facts” straight. Do tell her that you will not countenance her speaking to you this way ever again. If she stalks off—or hangs up—in a huff (or cuts you off so that you never get to say your piece), I don’t think it’s unreasonable to tell her she’s not welcome to visit anymore. Your husband will be uncomfortable with that, I know—he doesn’t want to rock the boat—but his sister has already rocked it.
I want to add that I am not advocating for your cutting his sister out of your and your children’s lives. You may decide you need to do this—in which case we’ve circled back to today’s apparent theme—but please don’t do it lightly: Any family estrangement can have far-ranging repercussions that last through generations .
My nearly 2-year-old has been cared for full-time by his grandmother since I went back to work a few months after he was born. For me, the benefits are solely financial, as my mother-in-law is unusually sensitive and can be volatile. She is also very clingy.
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After more than a century, researchers hope to finally identify the victims of one of the worst racial attacks in American history.
By Audra D. S. Burch
Audra D.S. Burch writes about race and identity and spent time in Tulsa, Okla., to report on the centennial of the 1921 race massacre and a reparation lawsuit.
Jeanette Batchelor-Young had been tracing her roots for years when she received a message that would change what she knew about her origin story. There were still so many blanks in her family history: Mrs. Batchelor-Young had lived with her father briefly until his death and then she was adopted. She knew the name of his mother and grandmother, but not much more.
The message came from a forensic lab, and it revealed a twist to Mrs. Batchelor-Young’s understanding of her paternal family’s journey from a tiny farming community in Texas to Northern California. Turns out there has been a stop — possibly, a very consequential stop — in Tulsa, Okla., in the 1920s.
Mrs. Batchelor-Young, 64, learned she might be a relative of one of the victims of the 1921 Tulsa Race Massacre . Her DNA matched that of remains exhumed from a local cemetery as part of the city’s effort to identify the victims of the massacre through living relatives.
“I have had so many questions about my family on my father’s side,” Mrs. Batchelor-Young said. “I wanted to know more about who and where I come from.”
The massacre, among the most horrific racial attacks in American history, left Tulsa’s Greenwood district, a Black neighborhood, in smoldering ruins. The death toll is estimated between 36 and 300. Many survivors scattered to parts unknown, taking with them clues about who lived and died in the neighborhood.
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Adam McCalvy
This story was excerpted from Adam McCalvy’s Brewers Beat newsletter. To read the full newsletter, click here . And subscribe to get it regularly in your inbox.
LOS ANGELES -- Is there a permutation of the National League’s All-Star Game pitching staff that includes one of baseball’s relievers, even though he doesn’t have a single save?
And while we’re at it, what’s the best way to ship chicken wings from Southern Illinois to North Texas?
These are the tough questions being pondered by one loving grandmother.
“Her hot wings are legendary,” said Brewers reliever Bryan Hudson .
Brewers fans may have already heard of Hudson’s grandmother, Kim Gibson, owner of Sunset Bar and Grill in Godfrey, Ill., where the wings are so good they’re worth shipping to Arlington in the event Bryan earns his way to the All-Star Game.
Statistically, Hudson has a case. Entering the Brewers’ series opener at Dodger Stadium on Friday, he ranked first among qualified National League relievers in ERA (0.99), first in WHIP (0.66), first in batting average against (.132), tied for fourth in strikeouts (52) and fifth in innings pitched (45 1/3).
Even though Dodgers catcher Will Smith hit a low and inside pitch for a two-out, game-tying home run in the seventh inning on Friday to bump Hudson’s ERA to 1.17, the lefty has an incredible story. Hudson was cut loose by the Cubs as a Minor League free agent in November 2022 and designated for assignment by the Dodgers last December, when they needed to open a 40-man roster spot after signing free agent starter Yoshinobu Yamamoto. The cost to Milwaukee for acquiring Hudson in a trade with Los Angeles on Jan. 3 was its 2023 20th-round Draft pick, left-hander Justin Chambers.
When that transaction hit the wires, it barely created a blip.
Now, 27-year-old Hudson is talked about as an All-Star candidate.
“My friends, my parents, my grandparents, they all have their ideas,” Hudson said. “I just try to keep my head locked in. There’s a lot of talk and chatter on the socials. Friends are talking. I try to tune out all of that stuff. My thought process is, 'What good does it do?' All it’s going to lead me to is overthinking.”
How did this happen? For Hudson, it’s a combination of things. He credits the Dodgers for helping him get his mechanics in order -- no small task for a pitcher who stands 6-foot-8. They taught him how to repeat a delivery and use his length.
But it was the Brewers who helped Hudson complete his ascent by aiding him in understanding how to best use his arsenal. That process began with a telephone conversation but picked up speed after Hudson reported early to the Brewers’ complex in Phoenix during the second week of January. Brewers pitching coach Chris Hook was impressed from the jump by Hudson’s commitment.
And as the 2024 season began, Hudson says, “It all began to sync up.”
“Within two weeks, I was in the [team’s sports science] lab, and we were going over pitch selection and how stuff plays,” Hudson said. “They were able to show me how hitters see it. I would be in the lab throwing cutters, and they could flip the video around and let me see how it looked from a hitter’s point of view. They broke it down so I could understand the ‘why.’”
That wasn’t always the case, Hudson said. He’d also thrown in the Dodgers’ pitching lab and the Cubs’ before that, but he never came away with the full scope of the data.
“A lot of times, they don’t want to give you the numbers, the spin, that kind of stuff,” Hudson said. “The Brewers were really open with that information. … The Cubs were tight. They would have you do drills, collect all this data and numbers, and they wouldn’t give you a lick of it.
“I just wanted to understand what I was doing. They give you a really good understanding of it here.”
The Brewers have spent a lot of time talking internally about just that thing, Hook said. Early on, teams were hesitant to share too many details of the data because they were still interpreting what it all meant. Now, they have the experience to put those numbers into action, and that means a greater comfort sharing the raw data with the players themselves.
Have the latest news, ticket information, and more from the Brewers and MLB delivered right to your inbox.
“We’ve come a long way,” Hook said.
So has Hudson. This weekend, he returned to Dodger Stadium with gaudy numbers and a shot at making the All-Star team.
Reserves and pitchers will be announced on Sunday , when the series will conclude.
“I’ve got a little bit of a chip on my shoulder, just because they let me go,” Hudson said. “But other than that, I’m just excited to see the guys I know. I’m good friends with a lot of them.”
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Crafting a college essay about grandmother is an invaluable opportunity to explore the profound impact she has had on your life. Grandmothers, the beloved matriarchs who have played pivotal roles in shaping our families and communities, hold a wealth of memories, experiences, and wisdom. Their unwavering love and nurturing presence create a ...
Paragraph on My Grandmother in 100 Words. My grandmother is the mother of the whole house. She is the one who takes care of the whole family with a beautiful smile on her face. She is the prettiest lady I have ever seen in my life. Her smile makes her the prettiest lady on this earth. She carries all the burdens on her shoulders but never ...
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Essay on My Grandmother 500+ Words. In the tapestry of our lives, family plays a central role, and my grandmother is a thread of unwavering love, wisdom, and guidance. In this essay, we will explore the extraordinary impact of "my grandmother" on my life, focusing on her nurturing care, valuable life lessons, and enduring legacy.
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Here are a few ideas to write a short 10-line essay on the topic: ADVERTISEMENTS. My grandmother is the sweetest, most caring person in the world. She has taken care of all of us since we were babies. My grandmother knows all of my favourite food, favourite toys, and TV shows. She is also an amazing cook.
My grandmother is one of the most beautiful women of my life. Who has not yet spent 100 years of life but of course 80 year of life span .My grandmother is full of religious thoughts. She believes that at attaining certain age a person should get involve himself or herself in god, in order to achieve salvation.
My grandmother is truly an amazing woman .This paper thrives to describe my grandmother and the things she has done in my life that makes me admire her. My granny is a special person because she is kind to every person she meets. She raised her children and taught them to be kind, honest, brave, and pleasant people.
Set 1 - Essay on My Grandmother. There are quite a lot of people I admire, but the person I admire the most is my grandmother. She is an old woman. She is in her late seventies. Her name is Mrs. Deena. Her daily activities are unaffected although her age has now bent her back.
The FAQ on Essay on Grandparents. Q.1 Why are grandparents a true blessing? A.1 Grandparents are like angels in disguise. They always watch out for us and pray for us even when we don't know it. They provide us a safe space on which we can always count on. Q.2 Why should one value their grandparents? A.2 Grandparents are a blessing which not ...
The essay "The Influence of Grandmother on My Life" is a heartwarming personal narrative. The writer uses personal anecdotes to describe the positive impact their grandmother has had on their life. However, the essay would benefit from improvements in organization and grammar. The writer should create clear topic sentences to introduce each ...
Grandmother Essay Examples. Essay Examples. Essay Topics. graded. The Main Lessons I Have Learned from My Grandmother. Growing up, my grandmother was an integral part of my life. She lived with us and played an active role in our family, always there to offer love, support, and guidance. As I reflect back on my childhood, I realize just how ...
The Main Lessons I Have Learned From My Grandmother. Category: Life. Topic: Grandmother, Grandparent. Pages: 2 (810 words) Views: 714. Grade: 4.8. Download. Growing up, my grandmother was an integral part of my life. She lived with us and played an active role in our family, always there to offer love, support, and guidance.
My grandmother is the one in our family that is most active. She represents the person who speaks the most in the family car. She is the woman who looks after and nurses the children. She rises quite early, completes all of her personal tasks, and makes breakfast for everyone. She recites in a very sing-song manner and reads sacred literature ...
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sasha Gaston. It has been edited for length and clarity. Soon after I moved into my Tampa apartment in 2018, I had water coming in through my ...
Writing "My Grandmother Essay In English for Class 2" is a topic of interest for every child. Children enjoy conveying their emotions about their role model, who inspires and encourages them to achieve their goals. When given an opportunity to write "My Grandmother Essay", they love to express their feelings in an artistic manner. ...
Well, I sent Grandma some pictures of my little family recently, and she told me on a call last night that she had given copies to my mother, because, "She's still your mother no matter what ...
A Gift from My Grandmother. As a child, my grandmother was someone I looked up to. I mean this less in the literal sense. Her arrivals at the front door were a cause for celebration. I would leap into her open arms as a large smile appeared across her face, before a warm giggle bellowed out of her chest.
The research is now focused on Mrs. Batchelor-Young's great-grandmother and great-aunts: three sisters — Annie, Lucy and Francis Bremby — all born in Texas in the mid- to late 1800s. At ...
Even though Dodgers catcher Will Smith hit a low and inside pitch for a two-out, game-tying home run in the seventh inning on Friday to bump Hudson's ERA to 1.17, the lefty has an incredible story. Hudson was cut loose by the Cubs as a Minor League free agent in November 2022 and designated for assignment by the Dodgers last December, when they needed to open a 40-man roster spot after ...