life lessons essays

Essays About Life Lessons: Top 5 Examples and 7 Prompts

Read our guide to see the top examples and prompts on essays about life lessons to communicate your thoughts effectively.

Jordan Peterson once said, “Experience is the best teacher, and the worst experiences teach the best lessons.” The many life lessons we’ll accumulate in our life will help us veer in the right direction to fulfill our destinies. Whether it’s creative or nonfiction, as long as it describes the author’s personal life experiences or worldview, recounting life lessons falls under the personal or narrative essay category. 

To successfully write an essay on this topic, you must connect with your readers and allow them to visualize, understand, and get inspired by what you have learned about life. To do this, you must remember critical elements such as a compelling hook, engaging story, relatable characters, suitable setting, and significant points. 

See below five examples of life lessons essays to inspire you:

1. Life Lessons That the First Love Taught Me by Anonymous on GradesFixer.Com

2. the dad’s life lessons and the role model for the children by anonymous on studymoose.com, 3. studying history and own mistakes as life lessons: opinion essay by anonymous on edubirdie.com, 4. life lessons by anonymous on phdessay.com, 5. valuable lessons learned in life by anonymous on eduzaurus.com, 1. life lessons from books, 2. my biggest mistake and the life lesson i learned, 3. the life lessons i’ve learned, 4. life lessons from a popular show, 5. using life lessons in starting a business, 6. life lessons you must know, 7. kids and life lessons.

“I thought I knew absolutely everything about loving someone by the age of fourteen. Clearly I knew nothing and I still have so much to learn about what it is like to actually love someone.”

The author relates how their first love story unfolds, including the many things they learned from it. An example is that no matter how compatible the couple is if they are not for each other, they will not last long and will break up eventually. The writer also shares that situations that test the relationship, such as jealousy, deserve your attention as they aid people in picking the right decisions. The essay further tells how the writer’s relationship became toxic and affected their mental and emotional stability, even after the breakup. To cope and heal, they stopped looking for connections and focused on their grades, family, friends, and self-love.

“I am extremely thankful that he could teach me all the basics like how to ride a bike, how to fish and shoot straight, how to garden, how to cook, how to drive, how to skip a rock, and even how to blow spitballs. But I am most thankful that could teach me to stand tall (even though I’m 5’3”), be full with my heart and be strong with my mind.”

In this essay, the writer introduces their role model who taught them almost everything they know in their seventeen years of life, their father. The writer shares that their father’s toughness, stubbornness, and determination helped them learn to stand up for themselves and others and not be a coward in telling the truth. Because of him, the author learned how to be kind, generous, and mature. Finally, the author is very grateful to their father, who help them to think for themselves and not believe everything they hear.

“In my opinion, I believe it is more important to study the past rather than the present because we can learn more from our mistakes.”

This short essay explains the importance of remembering past events to analyze our mistakes. The author mentions that when people do this, they learn and grow from it, which prevents them from repeating the same error in the present time. The writer also points out that everyone has made the mistake of letting others dictate how their life goes, often leading to failures. 

“… I believe we come here to learn a valuable lesson. If we did not learn this lesson through out a life time, our souls would come back to repeat the process.” 

This essay presents three crucial life lessons that everyone needs to know. The first is to stop being too comfortable in taking people and things for granted. Instead, we must learn to appreciate everything. The second is to realize that mistakes are part of everyone’s life. So don’t let the fear of making mistakes stop you from trying something new. The third and final lesson is from Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.” People learn and grow as they age, so everyone needs to remember to live their life as if it were their last with no regrets.

“Life lessons are not necessarily learned from bad experiences, it can also be learned from good experiences, accomplishments, mistakes of other people, and by reading too.”

The essay reminds the readers to live their life to the fullest and cherish people and things in their lives because life is too short. If you want something, do not let it slip away without trying. If it fails, do not suffer and move on. The author also unveils the importance of travelling, keeping a diary, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

7 Prompts for Essays About Life Lessons

Use the prompts below if you’re still undecided on what to write about:

As mentioned above, life lessons are not only from experiences but also from reading. So for this prompt, pick up your favorite book and write down the lessons you learned from it. Next, identify each and explain to your readers why you think it’s essential to incorporate these lessons into real life. Finally, add how integrating these messages affected you. 

There are always lessons we can derive from mistakes. However, not everyone understands these mistakes, so they keep doing them. Think of all your past mistakes and choose one that had the most significant negative impact on you and the people around you. Then, share with your readers what it is, its causes, and its effects. Finally, don’t forget to discuss what you gained from these faults and how you prevent yourself from doing them again.

Compile all the life lessons you’ve realized from different sources. They can be from your own experience, a relative’s, a movie, etc. Add why these lessons resonate with you. Be creative and use metaphors or add imaginary scenarios. Bear in mind that your essay should convey your message well.

Popular shows are an excellent medium for teaching life lessons to a broad audience. In your essay, pick a well-known work and reflect on it. For example, Euphoria is a TV series that created hubbub for its intrigue and sensitive themes. Dissect what life lessons one can retrieve from watching the show and relate them to personal encounters. You can also compile lessons from online posts and discussions.

If the subject of “life lessons” is too general for you, scope a more specific area, such as entrepreneurship. Which life lessons are critical for a person in business? To make your essay easier to digest, interview a successful business owner and ask about the life lessons they’ve accumulated before and while pursuing their goals.

Use this prompt to present the most important life lessons you’ve collected throughout your life. Then, share why you selected these lessons. For instance, you can choose “Live life as if it’s your last” and explain that you realized this life lesson after suddenly losing a loved one.

Have you ever met someone younger than you who taught you a life lesson? If so, in this prompt, tell your reader the whole story and what life lesson you discovered. Then, you can reverse it and write an incident where you give a good life lesson to someone older than you – say what it was and if that lesson helped them. Read our storytelling guide to upgrade your techniques.

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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Essay Samples on Life Lesson

The most important lesson i learned in life: embracing resilience.

The journey of life is an intricate tapestry woven with threads of experiences, each contributing to the canvas of our growth and wisdom. Among these experiences, one lesson stands out as the most profound: the art of embracing resilience. In the mosaic of life, resilience...

• Life Lesson

Life Experiences That Taught a Lesson: How Experience Contributes to Our Growth

Life is a journey filled with countless experiences that shape who we are and how we navigate the world around us. Some of these experiences are simple and joyful, while others are challenging and transformative. This essay explores several life experiences that have taught valuable...

A Life Lesson I Have Learned and How It Continues to Shape Me

Life is a continuous journey of learning, filled with moments that impart wisdom and shape our perspectives. Some lessons are gentle whispers, while others are profound experiences that leave an everlasting imprint. In this narrative essay, I will share a significant life lesson that I...

• Life Changing Experience

Rising Above Negativity: A Journey in Music and Self-Belief

My Early Music Career Let me inform you about a time when I realized a life lesson. A couple of weeks ago, I started out producing music; I was once just starting as a producer, and I had no prior expertise in song theory. I...

Traveling Through Life: Learning, Evolving, and Reflecting

Life Lessons Learned on a Journey What is a journey. A journey is an act of traveling from one place to another and the time in between that act. We took a look at many texts relating to people going on a journey such as...

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"Made In Heaven": An Analysis of Relationships and Life Lessons

Introduction The web series "Made In Heaven" on Amazon Prime has captivated the attention of the younger Indian audience. Created by Zoya Akhtar and Reema Kagti, the series has received both acclaim and criticism for its explicit depiction of sex, abusive dialogues, and portrayal of...

• Marriage and Family

Best topics on Life Lesson

1. The Most Important Lesson I Learned in Life: Embracing Resilience

2. Life Experiences That Taught a Lesson: How Experience Contributes to Our Growth

3. A Life Lesson I Have Learned and How It Continues to Shape Me

4. Rising Above Negativity: A Journey in Music and Self-Belief

5. Traveling Through Life: Learning, Evolving, and Reflecting

6. “Made In Heaven”: An Analysis of Relationships and Life Lessons

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October 21, 2016

Life Lessons in College Essays

It’s important to have a life lesson in college essays, right? A great Personal Statement wouldn’t be compelling if it didn’t wrap up with a story about a life lesson learned, right? Maybe it’s about understanding the value of hard work. Maybe it’s about understanding the importance of perseverance and overcoming adversity in pursuit of your goals. Maybe it’s about realizing that all people are, in many ways, more alike than different. These are the kinds of life lessons that make for compelling storytelling not only in the Common Application’s Personal Statement but in the unique supplemental essays for the schools to which students apply, right?

One of these things doesn’t belong in college essays: a life lesson, great storytelling, and colloquial writing. Which one is it, you ask?

No, not right. But the regular readers of our college admissions blog know that the entire introductory paragraph above was one big setup. Life lessons have no place in college admissions essays to highly selective schools. Life lessons are cliche. You pulled your hamstring but nursed your way back from injury to compete in the 100 meter dash again? You may not have won but you tried your best? Cliche. You realized that the folks in Soweto, South Africa are just the same as you and your neighbors in Greenwich, Connecticut? Cliche. You learn about the importance of love and family from your wise grandfather? Cliche.

Life lessons have no place in college essays. Let’s say it again. Life lessons have no place in college essays. When admissions officers are reading hundreds upon hundreds of essays, how many come-from-behind races can they possibly enjoy? The answer is zero. “Full House” was a terrific television show on ABC. And its sequel “Fuller House” is a nice followup on Netflix. For those not familiar with “Full House,” Danny, Jesse, and Joey often imparted life lessons on D.J., Stephanie, Michelle at the end of each episode. But college admissions essays are not episodes of “Full House.” So leave the life lesson out and don’t think twice about it.

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A personal essay is an essay about your life, thoughts, or experiences. This type of essay will give readers a glimpse into your most intimate life experiences and life lessons. There are many reasons you may need to write a personal essay , from a simple class assignment to a college application requirement . You can use the list below for inspiration. Consider each statement a starting point, and write about a memorable moment that the prompt brings to mind.

• Your bravest moment
• How you met your best friend
• What makes your mom or dad special
• How you overcame a fear
• Why you will succeed
• Why you made a difficult choice
• A special place
• A place you try to avoid
• When a friend let you down
• An event that changed your life
• A special encounter with an animal
• A time when you felt out of place
• An odd experience that didn't make sense at the time
• Words of wisdom that hit home and changed your way of thinking
• A person that you do not like
• A time when you disappointed someone
• Your fondest memory
• A time when you saw your parent cry
• The moment when you knew you were grown up
• Your earliest memory of holiday celebrations in your home
• Times when you should have made a better choice
• A time when you dodged a dangerous situation
• A person you will think about at the end of your life
• Your favorite time period
• A failure you've experienced
• A disappointment you've experienced
• A surprising turn of events
• What you would do with power
• What superpower you would choose
• If you could switch lives with someone
• How money matters in your life
• Your biggest loss
• A time when you felt you did the wrong thing
• A proud moment when you did the right thing
• An experience that you've never shared with another person
• A special place that you shared with a childhood friend
• A first encounter with a stranger
• Your first handshake
• Where you go to hide
• If you had a do-over
• A book that changed your life
• Words that stung
• When you had the desire to run
• When you had the urge to crawl into a hole
• Words that prompted hope
• When a child taught you a lesson
• Your proudest moment
• If your dog could talk
• Your favorite time with family
• If you could live in another country
• If you could invent something
• The world a hundred years from now
• If you had lived a hundred years earlier
• The animal you'd like to be
• One thing you'd change at your school
• The greatest movie moment
• The type of teacher you would be
• If you could be a building
• A statue you'd like to see
• If you could live anywhere
• The greatest discovery
• If you could change one thing about yourself
• An animal that could be in charge
• Something you can do that robots could never do
• Your most unfortunate day
• Your secret talent
• Your secret love
• The most beautiful thing you've ever seen
• The ugliest thing you've seen
• Something you've witnessed
• An accident that changed everything
• A wrong choice
• A right choice
• If you were a food
• How you'd spend a million dollars
• If you could start a charity
• The meaning of color
• A close call
• Your favorite gift
• A chore you'd do away with
• A secret place
• Something you can't resist
• A hard lesson
• A visitor you'll never forget
• An unexplained event
• Your longest minute
• An awkward social moment
• An experience with death
• Why you'll never tell a lie
• If your mom knew, she'd kill you
• A kiss that meant a lot
• When you needed a hug
• The hardest news you've had to deliver
• A special morning
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Eight brilliant student essays on what matters most in life.

Read winning essays from our spring 2019 student writing contest.

For the spring 2019 student writing contest, we invited students to read the YES! article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill. Like the author, students interviewed someone significantly older than them about the three things that matter most in life. Students then wrote about what they learned, and about how their interviewees’ answers compare to their own top priorities.

The Winners

From the hundreds of essays written, these eight were chosen as winners. Be sure to read the author’s response to the essay winners and the literary gems that caught our eye. Plus, we share an essay from teacher Charles Sanderson, who also responded to the writing prompt.

Middle School Winner: Rory Leyva

High School Winner:  Praethong Klomsum

University Winner:  Emily Greenbaum

Powerful Voice Winner: Amanda Schwaben

Powerful Voice Winner: Antonia Mills

Powerful Voice Winner:  Isaac Ziemba

Powerful Voice Winner: Lily Hersch

“Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner: Jonas Buckner

From the Author: Response to Student Winners

Literary Gems

From A Teacher: Charles Sanderson

From the Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Middle School Winner

Village Home Education Resource Center, Portland, Ore.

The Lessons Of Mortality 

“As I’ve aged, things that are more personal to me have become somewhat less important. Perhaps I’ve become less self-centered with the awareness of mortality, how short one person’s life is.” This is how my 72-year-old grandma believes her values have changed over the course of her life. Even though I am only 12 years old, I know my life won’t last forever, and someday I, too, will reflect on my past decisions. We were all born to exist and eventually die, so we have evolved to value things in the context of mortality.

One of the ways I feel most alive is when I play roller derby. I started playing for the Rose City Rollers Juniors two years ago, and this year, I made the Rosebud All-Stars travel team. Roller derby is a fast-paced, full-contact sport. The physicality and intense training make me feel in control of and present in my body.

My roller derby team is like a second family to me. Adolescence is complicated. We understand each other in ways no one else can. I love my friends more than I love almost anything else. My family would have been higher on my list a few years ago, but as I’ve aged it has been important to make my own social connections.

Music led me to roller derby.  I started out jam skating at the roller rink. Jam skating is all about feeling the music. It integrates gymnastics, breakdancing, figure skating, and modern dance with R & B and hip hop music. When I was younger, I once lay down in the DJ booth at the roller rink and was lulled to sleep by the drawl of wheels rolling in rhythm and people talking about the things they came there to escape. Sometimes, I go up on the roof of my house at night to listen to music and feel the wind rustle my hair. These unique sensations make me feel safe like nothing else ever has.

My grandma tells me, “Being close with family and friends is the most important thing because I haven’t

always had that.” When my grandma was two years old, her father died. Her mother became depressed and moved around a lot, which made it hard for my grandma to make friends. Once my grandma went to college, she made lots of friends. She met my grandfather, Joaquin Leyva when she was working as a park ranger and he was a surfer. They bought two acres of land on the edge of a redwood forest and had a son and a daughter. My grandma created a stable family that was missing throughout her early life.

My grandma is motivated to maintain good health so she can be there for her family. I can relate because I have to be fit and strong for my team. Since she lost my grandfather to cancer, she realizes how lucky she is to have a functional body and no life-threatening illnesses. My grandma tries to eat well and exercise, but she still struggles with depression. Over time, she has learned that reaching out to others is essential to her emotional wellbeing.  

Caring for the earth is also a priority for my grandma I’ve been lucky to learn from my grandma. She’s taught me how to hunt for fossils in the desert and find shells on the beach. Although my grandma grew up with no access to the wilderness, she admired the green open areas of urban cemeteries. In college, she studied geology and hiked in the High Sierras. For years, she’s been an advocate for conserving wildlife habitat and open spaces.

Our priorities may seem different, but it all comes down to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and need to be loved. Like Nancy Hill says in the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” it can be hard to decipher what is important in life. I believe that the constant search for satisfaction and meaning is the only thing everyone has in common. We all want to know what matters, and we walk around this confusing world trying to find it. The lessons I’ve learned from my grandma about forging connections, caring for my body, and getting out in the world inspire me to live my life my way before it’s gone.

Rory Leyva is a seventh-grader from Portland, Oregon. Rory skates for the Rosebuds All-Stars roller derby team. She loves listening to music and hanging out with her friends.

High School Winner

Praethong Klomsum

  Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

Time Only Moves Forward

Sandra Hernandez gazed at the tiny house while her mother’s gentle hands caressed her shoulders. It wasn’t much, especially for a family of five. This was 1960, she was 17, and her family had just moved to Culver City.

Flash forward to 2019. Sandra sits in a rocking chair, knitting a blanket for her latest grandchild, in the same living room. Sandra remembers working hard to feed her eight children. She took many different jobs before settling behind the cash register at a Japanese restaurant called Magos. “It was a struggle, and my husband Augustine, was planning to join the military at that time, too.”

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author Nancy Hill states that one of the most important things is “…connecting with others in general, but in particular with those who have lived long lives.” Sandra feels similarly. It’s been hard for Sandra to keep in contact with her family, which leaves her downhearted some days. “It’s important to maintain that connection you have with your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

Despite her age, Sandra is a daring woman. Taking risks is important to her, and she’ll try anything—from skydiving to hiking. Sandra has some regrets from the past, but nowadays, she doesn’t wonder about the “would have, could have, should haves.” She just goes for it with a smile.

Sandra thought harder about her last important thing, the blue and green blanket now finished and covering

her lap. “I’ve definitely lived a longer life than most, and maybe this is just wishful thinking, but I hope I can see the day my great-grandchildren are born.” She’s laughing, but her eyes look beyond what’s in front of her. Maybe she is reminiscing about the day she held her son for the first time or thinking of her grandchildren becoming parents. I thank her for her time and she waves it off, offering me a styrofoam cup of lemonade before I head for the bus station.

The bus is sparsely filled. A voice in my head reminds me to finish my 10-page history research paper before spring break. I take a window seat and pull out my phone and earbuds. My playlist is already on shuffle, and I push away thoughts of that dreaded paper. Music has been a constant in my life—from singing my lungs out in kindergarten to Barbie’s “I Need To Know,” to jamming out to Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” in sixth grade, to BTS’s “Intro: Never Mind” comforting me when I’m at my lowest. Music is my magic shop, a place where I can trade away my fears for calm.

I’ve always been afraid of doing something wrong—not finishing my homework or getting a C when I can do better. When I was 8, I wanted to be like the big kids. As I got older, I realized that I had exchanged my childhood longing for the 48 pack of crayons for bigger problems, balancing grades, a social life, and mental stability—all at once. I’m going to get older whether I like it or not, so there’s no point forcing myself to grow up faster.  I’m learning to live in the moment.

The bus is approaching my apartment, where I know my comfy bed and a home-cooked meal from my mom are waiting. My mom is hard-working, confident, and very stubborn. I admire her strength of character. She always keeps me in line, even through my rebellious phases.

My best friend sends me a text—an update on how broken her laptop is. She is annoying. She says the stupidest things and loves to state the obvious. Despite this, she never fails to make me laugh until my cheeks feel numb. The rest of my friends are like that too—loud, talkative, and always brightening my day. Even friends I stopped talking to have a place in my heart. Recently, I’ve tried to reconnect with some of them. This interview was possible because a close friend from sixth grade offered to introduce me to Sandra, her grandmother.  

I’m decades younger than Sandra, so my view of what’s important isn’t as broad as hers, but we share similar values, with friends and family at the top. I have a feeling that when Sandra was my age, she used to love music, too. Maybe in a few decades, when I’m sitting in my rocking chair, drawing in my sketchbook, I’ll remember this article and think back fondly to the days when life was simple.

Praethong Klomsum is a tenth-grader at Santa Monica High School in Santa Monica, California.  Praethong has a strange affinity for rhyme games and is involved in her school’s dance team. She enjoys drawing and writing, hoping to impact people willing to listen to her thoughts and ideas.

University Winner

Emily Greenbaum

Kent State University, Kent, Ohio 

The Life-Long War

Every morning we open our eyes, ready for a new day. Some immediately turn to their phones and social media. Others work out or do yoga. For a certain person, a deep breath and the morning sun ground him. He hears the clink-clank of his wife cooking low sodium meat for breakfast—doctor’s orders! He sees that the other side of the bed is already made, the dogs are no longer in the room, and his clothes are set out nicely on the loveseat.

Today, though, this man wakes up to something different: faded cream walls and jello. This person, my hero, is Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James.

I pulled up my chair close to Roger’s vinyl recliner so I could hear him above the noise of the beeping dialysis machine. I noticed Roger would occasionally glance at his wife Susan with sparkly eyes when he would recall memories of the war or their grandkids. He looked at Susan like she walked on water.

Roger James served his country for thirty years. Now, he has enlisted in another type of war. He suffers from a rare blood cancer—the result of the wars he fought in. Roger has good and bad days. He says, “The good outweighs the bad, so I have to be grateful for what I have on those good days.”

When Roger retired, he never thought the effects of the war would reach him. The once shallow wrinkles upon his face become deeper, as he tells me, “It’s just cancer. Others are suffering from far worse. I know I’ll make it.”

Like Nancy Hill did in her article “Three Things that Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I asked Roger, “What are the three most important things to you?” James answered, “My wife Susan, my grandkids, and church.”

Roger and Susan served together in the Vietnam war. She was a nurse who treated his cuts and scrapes one day. I asked Roger why he chose Susan. He said, “Susan told me to look at her while she cleaned me up. ‘This may sting, but don’t be a baby.’ When I looked into her eyes, I felt like she was looking into my soul, and I didn’t want her to leave. She gave me this sense of home. Every day I wake up, she makes me feel the same way, and I fall in love with her all over again.”

Roger and Susan have two kids and four grandkids, with great-grandchildren on the way. He claims that his grandkids give him the youth that he feels slowly escaping from his body. This adoring grandfather is energized by coaching t-ball and playing evening card games with the grandkids.

The last thing on his list was church. His oldest daughter married a pastor. Together they founded a church. Roger said that the connection between his faith and family is important to him because it gave him a reason to want to live again. I learned from Roger that when you’re across the ocean, you tend to lose sight of why you are fighting. When Roger returned, he didn’t have the will to live. Most days were a struggle, adapting back into a society that lacked empathy for the injuries, pain, and psychological trauma carried by returning soldiers. Church changed that for Roger and gave him a sense of purpose.

When I began this project, my attitude was to just get the assignment done. I never thought I could view Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James as more than a role model, but he definitely changed my mind. It’s as if Roger magically lit a fire inside of me and showed me where one’s true passions should lie. I see our similarities and embrace our differences. We both value family and our own connections to home—his home being church and mine being where I can breathe the easiest.

Master Chief Petty Officer Roger James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me and that every once in a while, I should step back and stop to smell the roses. As we concluded the interview, amidst squeaky clogs and the stale smell of bleach and bedpans, I looked to Roger, his kind, tired eyes, and weathered skin, with a deeper sense of admiration, knowing that his values still run true, no matter what he faces.

Emily Greenbaum is a senior at Kent State University, graduating with a major in Conflict Management and minor in Geography. Emily hopes to use her major to facilitate better conversations, while she works in the Washington, D.C. area.  

Powerful Voice Winner

Amanda Schwaben

Wise Words From Winnie the Pooh

As I read through Nancy Hill’s article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I was comforted by the similar responses given by both children and older adults. The emphasis participants placed on family, social connections, and love was not only heartwarming but hopeful. While the messages in the article filled me with warmth, I felt a twinge of guilt building within me. As a twenty-one-year-old college student weeks from graduation, I honestly don’t think much about the most important things in life. But if I was asked, I would most likely say family, friendship, and love. As much as I hate to admit it, I often find myself obsessing over achieving a successful career and finding a way to “save the world.”

A few weeks ago, I was at my family home watching the new Winnie the Pooh movie Christopher Robin with my mom and younger sister. Well, I wasn’t really watching. I had my laptop in front of me, and I was aggressively typing up an assignment. Halfway through the movie, I realized I left my laptop charger in my car. I walked outside into the brisk March air. Instinctively, I looked up. The sky was perfectly clear, revealing a beautiful array of stars. When my twin sister and I were in high school, we would always take a moment to look up at the sparkling night sky before we came into the house after soccer practice.

I think that was the last time I stood in my driveway and gazed at the stars. I did not get the laptop charger from

my car; instead, I turned around and went back inside. I shut my laptop and watched the rest of the movie. My twin sister loves Winnie the Pooh. So much so that my parents got her a stuffed animal version of him for Christmas. While I thought he was adorable and a token of my childhood, I did not really understand her obsession. However, it was clear to me after watching the movie. Winnie the Pooh certainly had it figured out. He believed that the simple things in life were the most important: love, friendship, and having fun.

I thought about asking my mom right then what the three most important things were to her, but I decided not to. I just wanted to be in the moment. I didn’t want to be doing homework. It was a beautiful thing to just sit there and be present with my mom and sister.

I did ask her, though, a couple of weeks later. Her response was simple.  All she said was family, health, and happiness. When she told me this, I imagined Winnie the Pooh smiling. I think he would be proud of that answer.

I was not surprised by my mom’s reply. It suited her perfectly. I wonder if we relearn what is most important when we grow older—that the pressure to be successful subsides. Could it be that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world?

Amanda Schwaben is a graduating senior from Kent State University with a major in Applied Conflict Management. Amanda also has minors in Psychology and Interpersonal Communication. She hopes to further her education and focus on how museums not only preserve history but also promote peace.

Antonia Mills

Rachel Carson High School, Brooklyn, N.Y. 

Decoding The Butterfly

For a caterpillar to become a butterfly, it must first digest itself. The caterpillar, overwhelmed by accumulating tissue, splits its skin open to form its protective shell, the chrysalis, and later becomes the pretty butterfly we all know and love. There are approximately 20,000 species of butterflies, and just as every species is different, so is the life of every butterfly. No matter how long and hard a caterpillar has strived to become the colorful and vibrant butterfly that we marvel at on a warm spring day, it does not live a long life. A butterfly can live for a year, six months, two weeks, and even as little as twenty-four hours.

I have often wondered if butterflies live long enough to be blissful of blue skies. Do they take time to feast upon the sweet nectar they crave, midst their hustling life of pollinating pretty flowers? Do they ever take a lull in their itineraries, or are they always rushing towards completing their four-stage metamorphosis? Has anyone asked the butterfly, “Who are you?” instead of “What are you”? Or, How did you get here, on my windowsill?  How did you become ‘you’?

Humans are similar to butterflies. As a caterpillar

Suzanna Ruby/Getty Images

becomes a butterfly, a baby becomes an elder. As a butterfly soars through summer skies, an elder watches summer skies turn into cold winter nights and back toward summer skies yet again.  And as a butterfly flits slowly by the porch light, a passerby makes assumptions about the wrinkled, slow-moving elder, who is sturdier than he appears. These creatures are not seen for who they are—who they were—because people have “better things to do” or they are too busy to ask, “How are you”?

Our world can be a lonely place. Pressured by expectations, haunted by dreams, overpowered by weakness, and drowned out by lofty goals, we tend to forget ourselves—and others. Rather than hang onto the strands of our diminishing sanity, we might benefit from listening to our elders. Many elders have experienced setbacks in their young lives. Overcoming hardship and surviving to old age is wisdom that they carry.  We can learn from them—and can even make their day by taking the time to hear their stories.  

Nancy Hill, who wrote the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” was right: “We live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” I know a lot about my grandmother’s life, and it isn’t as serene as my own. My grandmother, Liza, who cooks every day, bakes bread on holidays for our neighbors, brings gifts to her doctor out of the kindness of her heart, and makes conversation with neighbors even though she is isn’t fluent in English—Russian is her first language—has struggled all her life. Her mother, Anna, a single parent, had tuberculosis, and even though she had an inviolable spirit, she was too frail to care for four children. She passed away when my grandmother was sixteen, so my grandmother and her siblings spent most of their childhood in an orphanage. My grandmother got married at nineteen to my grandfather, Pinhas. He was a man who loved her more than he loved himself and was a godsend to every person he met. Liza was—and still is—always quick to do what was best for others, even if that person treated her poorly. My grandmother has lived with physical pain all her life, yet she pushed herself to climb heights that she wasn’t ready for. Against all odds, she has lived to tell her story to people who are willing to listen. And I always am.

I asked my grandmother, “What are three things most important to you?” Her answer was one that I already expected: One, for everyone to live long healthy lives. Two, for you to graduate from college. Three, for you to always remember that I love you.

What may be basic to you means the world to my grandmother. She just wants what she never had the chance to experience: a healthy life, an education, and the chance to express love to the people she values. The three things that matter most to her may be so simple and ordinary to outsiders, but to her, it is so much more. And who could take that away?

Antonia Mills was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York and attends Rachel Carson High School.  Antonia enjoys creative activities, including writing, painting, reading, and baking. She hopes to pursue culinary arts professionally in the future. One of her favorite quotes is, “When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t.” -Emily S.P.  

  Powerful Voice Winner

   Isaac Ziemba

Odyssey Multiage Program, Bainbridge Island, Wash. 

This Former State Trooper Has His Priorities Straight: Family, Climate Change, and Integrity

I have a personal connection to people who served in the military and first responders. My uncle is a first responder on the island I live on, and my dad retired from the Navy. That was what made a man named Glen Tyrell, a state trooper for 25 years, 2 months and 9 days, my first choice to interview about what three things matter in life. In the YES! Magazine article “The Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” I learned that old and young people have a great deal in common. I know that’s true because Glen and I care about a lot of the same things.

For Glen, family is at the top of his list of important things. “My wife was, and is, always there for me. My daughters mean the world to me, too, but Penny is my partner,” Glen said. I can understand why Glen’s wife is so important to him. She’s family. Family will always be there for you.

Glen loves his family, and so do I with all my heart. My dad especially means the world to me. He is my top supporter and tells me that if I need help, just “say the word.” When we are fishing or crabbing, sometimes I

think, what if these times were erased from my memory? I wouldn’t be able to describe the horrible feeling that would rush through my mind, and I’m sure that Glen would feel the same about his wife.

My uncle once told me that the world is always going to change over time. It’s what the world has turned out to be that worries me. Both Glen and I are extremely concerned about climate change and the effect that rising temperatures have on animals and their habitats. We’re driving them to extinction. Some people might say, “So what? Animals don’t pay taxes or do any of the things we do.” What we are doing to them is like the Black Death times 100.

Glen is also frustrated by how much plastic we use and where it ends up. He would be shocked that an explorer recently dived to the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean—seven miles!— and discovered a plastic bag and candy wrappers. Glen told me that, unfortunately, his generation did the damage and my generation is here to fix it. We need to take better care of Earth because if we don’t, we, as a species, will have failed.

Both Glen and I care deeply for our families and the earth, but for our third important value, I chose education and Glen chose integrity. My education is super important to me because without it, I would be a blank slate. I wouldn’t know how to figure out problems. I wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong. I wouldn’t understand the Bill of Rights. I would be stuck. Everyone should be able to go to school, no matter where they’re from or who they are.  It makes me angry and sad to think that some people, especially girls, get shot because they are trying to go to school. I understand how lucky I am.

Integrity is sacred to Glen—I could tell by the serious tone of Glen’s voice when he told me that integrity was the code he lived by as a former state trooper. He knew that he had the power to change a person’s life, and he was committed to not abusing that power.  When Glen put someone under arrest—and my uncle says the same—his judgment and integrity were paramount. “Either you’re right or you’re wrong.” You can’t judge a person by what you think, you can only judge a person from what you know.”

I learned many things about Glen and what’s important in life, but there is one thing that stands out—something Glen always does and does well. Glen helps people. He did it as a state trooper, and he does it in our school, where he works on construction projects. Glen told me that he believes that our most powerful tools are writing and listening to others. I think those tools are important, too, but I also believe there are other tools to help solve many of our problems and create a better future: to be compassionate, to create caring relationships, and to help others. Just like Glen Tyrell does each and every day.

Isaac Ziemba is in seventh grade at the Odyssey Multiage Program on a small island called Bainbridge near Seattle, Washington. Isaac’s favorite subject in school is history because he has always been interested in how the past affects the future. In his spare time, you can find Isaac hunting for crab with his Dad, looking for artifacts around his house with his metal detector, and having fun with his younger cousin, Conner.     

Lily Hersch

 The Crest Academy, Salida, Colo.

The Phone Call

Dear Grandpa,

In my short span of life—12 years so far—you’ve taught me a lot of important life lessons that I’ll always have with me. Some of the values I talk about in this writing I’ve learned from you.

Dedicated to my Gramps.

In the YES! Magazine article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age,” author and photographer Nancy Hill asked people to name the three things that mattered most to them. After reading the essay prompt for the article, I immediately knew who I wanted to interview: my grandpa Gil.      

My grandpa was born on January 25, 1942. He lived in a minuscule tenement in The Bronx with his mother,

father, and brother. His father wasn’t around much, and, when he was, he was reticent and would snap occasionally, revealing his constrained mental pain. My grandpa says this happened because my great grandfather did not have a father figure in his life. His mother was a classy, sharp lady who was the head secretary at a local police district station. My grandpa and his brother Larry did not care for each other. Gramps said he was very close to his mother, and Larry wasn’t. Perhaps Larry was envious for what he didn’t have.

Decades after little to no communication with his brother, my grandpa decided to spontaneously visit him in Florida, where he resided with his wife. Larry was taken aback at the sudden reappearance of his brother and told him to leave. Since then, the two brothers have not been in contact. My grandpa doesn’t even know if Larry is alive.         

My grandpa is now a retired lawyer, married to my wonderful grandma, and living in a pretty house with an ugly dog named BoBo.

So, what’s important to you, Gramps?

He paused a second, then replied, “Family, kindness, and empathy.”

“Family, because it’s my family. It’s important to stay connected with your family. My brother, father, and I never connected in the way I wished, and sometimes I contemplated what could’ve happened.  But you can’t change the past. So, that’s why family’s important to me.”

Family will always be on my “Top Three Most Important Things” list, too. I can’t imagine not having my older brother, Zeke, or my grandma in my life. I wonder how other kids feel about their families? How do kids trapped and separated from their families at the U.S.-Mexico border feel?  What about orphans? Too many questions, too few answers.

“Kindness, because growing up and not seeing a lot of kindness made me realize how important it is to have that in the world. Kindness makes the world go round.”

What is kindness? Helping my brother, Eli, who has Down syndrome, get ready in the morning? Telling people what they need to hear, rather than what they want to hear? Maybe, for now, I’ll put wisdom, not kindness, on my list.

“Empathy, because of all the killings and shootings [in this country.] We also need to care for people—people who are not living in as good circumstances as I have. Donald Trump and other people I’ve met have no empathy. Empathy is very important.”

Empathy is something I’ve felt my whole life. It’ll always be important to me like it is important to my grandpa. My grandpa shows his empathy when he works with disabled children. Once he took a disabled child to a Christina Aguilera concert because that child was too young to go by himself. The moments I feel the most empathy are when Eli gets those looks from people. Seeing Eli wonder why people stare at him like he’s a freak makes me sad, and annoyed that they have the audacity to stare.

After this 2 minute and 36-second phone call, my grandpa has helped me define what’s most important to me at this time in my life: family, wisdom, and empathy. Although these things are important now, I realize they can change and most likely will.

When I’m an old woman, I envision myself scrambling through a stack of storage boxes and finding this paper. Perhaps after reading words from my 12-year-old self, I’ll ask myself “What’s important to me?”

Lily Hersch is a sixth-grader at Crest Academy in Salida, Colorado. Lily is an avid indoorsman, finding joy in competitive spelling, art, and of course, writing. She does not like Swiss cheese.

  “Tell It Like It Is” Interview Winner

Jonas Buckner

KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory, Gaston, N.C.

Lessons My Nana Taught Me

I walked into the house. In the other room, I heard my cousin screaming at his game. There were a lot of Pioneer Woman dishes everywhere. The room had the television on max volume. The fan in the other room was on. I didn’t know it yet, but I was about to learn something powerful.

I was in my Nana’s house, and when I walked in, she said, “Hey Monkey Butt.”

I said, “Hey Nana.”

Before the interview, I was talking to her about what I was gonna interview her on. Also, I had asked her why I might have wanted to interview her, and she responded with, “Because you love me, and I love you too.”

Now, it was time to start the interview. The first

question I asked was the main and most important question ever: “What three things matter most to you and you only?”

She thought of it very thoughtfully and responded with, “My grandchildren, my children, and my health.”

Then, I said, “OK, can you please tell me more about your health?”

She responded with, “My health is bad right now. I have heart problems, blood sugar, and that’s about it.” When she said it, she looked at me and smiled because she loved me and was happy I chose her to interview.

I replied with, “K um, why is it important to you?”

She smiled and said, “Why is it…Why is my health important? Well, because I want to live a long time and see my grandchildren grow up.”

I was scared when she said that, but she still smiled. I was so happy, and then I said, “Has your health always been important to you.”

She responded with “Nah.”

Then, I asked, “Do you happen to have a story to help me understand your reasoning?”

She said, “No, not really.”

Now we were getting into the next set of questions. I said, “Remember how you said that your grandchildren matter to you? Can you please tell me why they matter to you?”

Then, she responded with, “So I can spend time with them, play with them, and everything.”

Next, I asked the same question I did before: “Have you always loved your grandchildren?” 

She responded with, “Yes, they have always been important to me.”

Then, the next two questions I asked she had no response to at all. She was very happy until I asked, “Why do your children matter most to you?”

She had a frown on and responded, “My daughter Tammy died a long time ago.”

Then, at this point, the other questions were answered the same as the other ones. When I left to go home I was thinking about how her answers were similar to mine. She said health, and I care about my health a lot, and I didn’t say, but I wanted to. She also didn’t have answers for the last two questions on each thing, and I was like that too.

The lesson I learned was that no matter what, always keep pushing because even though my aunt or my Nana’s daughter died, she kept on pushing and loving everyone. I also learned that everything should matter to us. Once again, I chose to interview my Nana because she matters to me, and I know when she was younger she had a lot of things happen to her, so I wanted to know what she would say. The point I’m trying to make is that be grateful for what you have and what you have done in life.

Jonas Buckner is a sixth-grader at KIPP: Gaston College Preparatory in Gaston, North Carolina. Jonas’ favorite activities are drawing, writing, math, piano, and playing AltSpace VR. He found his passion for writing in fourth grade when he wrote a quick autobiography. Jonas hopes to become a horror writer someday.

From The Author: Responses to Student Winners

Dear Emily, Isaac, Antonia, Rory, Praethong, Amanda, Lily, and Jonas,

Your thought-provoking essays sent my head spinning. The more I read, the more impressed I was with the depth of thought, beauty of expression, and originality. It left me wondering just how to capture all of my reactions in a single letter. After multiple false starts, I’ve landed on this: I will stick to the theme of three most important things.

The three things I found most inspirational about your essays:

You listened.

You connected.

We live in troubled times. Tensions mount between countries, cultures, genders, religious beliefs, and generations. If we fail to find a way to understand each other, to see similarities between us, the future will be fraught with increased hostility.

You all took critical steps toward connecting with someone who might not value the same things you do by asking a person who is generations older than you what matters to them. Then, you listened to their answers. You saw connections between what is important to them and what is important to you. Many of you noted similarities, others wondered if your own list of the three most important things would change as you go through life. You all saw the validity of the responses you received and looked for reasons why your interviewees have come to value what they have.

It is through these things—asking, listening, and connecting—that we can begin to bridge the differences in experiences and beliefs that are currently dividing us.

Individual observations

Each one of you made observations that all of us, regardless of age or experience, would do well to keep in mind. I chose one quote from each person and trust those reading your essays will discover more valuable insights.

“Our priorities may seem different, but they come back to basic human needs. We all desire a purpose, strive to be happy, and work to make a positive impact.” 

“You can’t judge a person by what you think , you can only judge a person by what you know .”

Emily (referencing your interviewee, who is battling cancer):

“Master Chief Petty Officer James has shown me how to appreciate what I have around me.”

Lily (quoting your grandfather):

“Kindness makes the world go round.”

“Everything should matter to us.”

Praethong (quoting your interviewee, Sandra, on the importance of family):

“It’s important to always maintain that connection you have with each other, your family, not just next-door neighbors you talk to once a month.”

“I wonder if maybe we relearn what is most important when we grow older. That the pressure to be successful subsides and that valuing family, health, and happiness is what ends up saving the world.”

“Listen to what others have to say. Listen to the people who have already experienced hardship. You will learn from them and you can even make their day by giving them a chance to voice their thoughts.”

I end this letter to you with the hope that you never stop asking others what is most important to them and that you to continue to take time to reflect on what matters most to you…and why. May you never stop asking, listening, and connecting with others, especially those who may seem to be unlike you. Keep writing, and keep sharing your thoughts and observations with others, for your ideas are awe-inspiring.

I also want to thank the more than 1,000 students who submitted essays. Together, by sharing what’s important to us with others, especially those who may believe or act differently, we can fill the world with joy, peace, beauty, and love.

We received many outstanding essays for the Winter 2019 Student Writing Competition. Though not every participant can win the contest, we’d like to share some excerpts that caught our eye:

Whether it is a painting on a milky canvas with watercolors or pasting photos onto a scrapbook with her granddaughters, it is always a piece of artwork to her. She values the things in life that keep her in the moment, while still exploring things she may not have initially thought would bring her joy.

—Ondine Grant-Krasno, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif.

“Ganas”… It means “desire” in Spanish. My ganas is fueled by my family’s belief in me. I cannot and will not fail them. 

—Adan Rios, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I hope when I grow up I can have the love for my kids like my grandma has for her kids. She makes being a mother even more of a beautiful thing than it already is.

—Ashley Shaw, Columbus City Prep School for Girls, Grove City, Ohio

You become a collage of little pieces of your friends and family. They also encourage you to be the best you can be. They lift you up onto the seat of your bike, they give you the first push, and they don’t hesitate to remind you that everything will be alright when you fall off and scrape your knee.

— Cecilia Stanton, Bellafonte Area Middle School, Bellafonte, Pa.

Without good friends, I wouldn’t know what I would do to endure the brutal machine of public education.

—Kenneth Jenkins, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.

My dog, as ridiculous as it may seem, is a beautiful example of what we all should aspire to be. We should live in the moment, not stress, and make it our goal to lift someone’s spirits, even just a little.

—Kate Garland, Immaculate Heart Middle School, Los Angeles, Calif. 

I strongly hope that every child can spare more time to accompany their elderly parents when they are struggling, and moving forward, and give them more care and patience. so as to truly achieve the goal of “you accompany me to grow up, and I will accompany you to grow old.”

—Taiyi Li, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

I have three cats, and they are my brothers and sisters. We share a special bond that I think would not be possible if they were human. Since they do not speak English, we have to find other ways to connect, and I think that those other ways can be more powerful than language.

—Maya Dombroskie, Delta Program Middle School, Boulsburg, Pa.

We are made to love and be loved. To have joy and be relational. As a member of the loneliest generation in possibly all of history, I feel keenly aware of the need for relationships and authentic connection. That is why I decided to talk to my grandmother.

—Luke Steinkamp, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

After interviewing my grandma and writing my paper, I realized that as we grow older, the things that are important to us don’t change, what changes is why those things are important to us.

—Emily Giffer, Our Lady Star of the Sea, Grosse Pointe Woods, Mich.

The media works to marginalize elders, often isolating them and their stories, and the wealth of knowledge that comes with their additional years of lived experiences. It also undermines the depth of children’s curiosity and capacity to learn and understand. When the worlds of elders and children collide, a classroom opens.

—Cristina Reitano, City College of San Francisco, San Francisco, Calif.

My values, although similar to my dad, only looked the same in the sense that a shadow is similar to the object it was cast on.

—Timofey Lisenskiy, Santa Monica High School, Santa Monica, Calif.

I can release my anger through writing without having to take it out on someone. I can escape and be a different person; it feels good not to be myself for a while. I can make up my own characters, so I can be someone different every day, and I think that’s pretty cool.

—Jasua Carillo, Wellness, Business, and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

Notice how all the important things in his life are people: the people who he loves and who love him back. This is because “people are more important than things like money or possessions, and families are treasures,” says grandpa Pat. And I couldn’t agree more.

—Brody Hartley, Garrison Middle School, Walla Walla, Wash.  

Curiosity for other people’s stories could be what is needed to save the world.

—Noah Smith, Kent State University, Kent, Ohio

Peace to me is a calm lake without a ripple in sight. It’s a starry night with a gentle breeze that pillows upon your face. It’s the absence of arguments, fighting, or war. It’s when egos stop working against each other and finally begin working with each other. Peace is free from fear, anxiety, and depression. To me, peace is an important ingredient in the recipe of life.

—JP Bogan, Lane Community College, Eugene, Ore.

From A Teacher

Charles Sanderson

Wellness, Business and Sports School, Woodburn, Ore. 

The Birthday Gift

I’ve known Jodelle for years, watching her grow from a quiet and timid twelve-year-old to a young woman who just returned from India, where she played Kabaddi, a kind of rugby meets Red Rover.

One of my core beliefs as an educator is to show up for the things that matter to kids, so I go to their games, watch their plays, and eat the strawberry jam they make for the county fair. On this occasion, I met Jodelle at a robotics competition to watch her little sister Abby compete. Think Nerd Paradise: more hats made from traffic cones than Golden State Warrior ball caps, more unicorn capes than Nike swooshes, more fanny packs with Legos than clutches with eyeliner.

We started chatting as the crowd chanted and waved six-foot flags for teams like Mystic Biscuits, Shrek, and everyone’s nemesis The Mean Machine. Apparently, when it’s time for lunch at a robotics competition, they don’t mess around. The once-packed gym was left to Jodelle and me, and we kept talking and talking. I eventually asked her about the three things that matter to her most.

She told me about her mom, her sister, and her addiction—to horses. I’ve read enough of her writing to know that horses were her drug of choice and her mom and sister were her support network.

I learned about her desire to become a teacher and how hours at the barn with her horse, Heart, recharge her when she’s exhausted. At one point, our rambling conversation turned to a topic I’ve known far too well—her father.

Later that evening, I received an email from Jodelle, and she had a lot to say. One line really struck me: “In so many movies, I have seen a dad wanting to protect his daughter from the world, but I’ve only understood the scene cognitively. Yesterday, I felt it.”

Long ago, I decided that I would never be a dad. I had seen movies with fathers and daughters, and for me, those movies might as well have been Star Wars, ET, or Alien—worlds filled with creatures I’d never know. However, over the years, I’ve attended Jodelle’s parent-teacher conferences, gone to her graduation, and driven hours to watch her ride Heart at horse shows. Simply, I showed up. I listened. I supported.

Jodelle shared a series of dad poems, as well. I had read the first two poems in their original form when Jodelle was my student. The revised versions revealed new graphic details of her past. The third poem, however, was something entirely different.

She called the poems my early birthday present. When I read the lines “You are my father figure/Who I look up to/Without being looked down on,” I froze for an instant and had to reread the lines. After fifty years of consciously deciding not to be a dad, I was seen as one—and it felt incredible. Jodelle’s poem and recognition were two of the best presents I’ve ever received.

I  know that I was the language arts teacher that Jodelle needed at the time, but her poem revealed things I never knew I taught her: “My father figure/ Who taught me/ That listening is for observing the world/ That listening is for learning/Not obeying/Writing is for connecting/Healing with others.”

Teaching is often a thankless job, one that frequently brings more stress and anxiety than joy and hope. Stress erodes my patience. Anxiety curtails my ability to enter each interaction with every student with the grace they deserve. However, my time with Jodelle reminds me of the importance of leaning in and listening.

In the article “Three Things That Matter Most in Youth and Old Age” by Nancy Hill, she illuminates how we “live among such remarkable people, yet few know their stories.” For the last twenty years, I’ve had the privilege to work with countless of these “remarkable people,” and I’ve done my best to listen, and, in so doing, I hope my students will realize what I’ve known for a long time; their voices matter and deserve to be heard, but the voices of their tias and abuelitos and babushkas are equally important. When we take the time to listen, I believe we do more than affirm the humanity of others; we affirm our own as well.

Charles Sanderson has grounded his nineteen-year teaching career in a philosophy he describes as “Mirror, Window, Bridge.” Charles seeks to ensure all students see themselves, see others, and begin to learn the skills to build bridges of empathy, affinity, and understanding between communities and cultures that may seem vastly different. He proudly teaches at the Wellness, Business and Sports School in Woodburn, Oregon, a school and community that brings him joy and hope on a daily basis.

From   The Author: Response to Charles Sanderson

Dear Charles Sanderson,

Thank you for submitting an essay of your own in addition to encouraging your students to participate in YES! Magazine’s essay contest.

Your essay focused not on what is important to you, but rather on what is important to one of your students. You took what mattered to her to heart, acting upon it by going beyond the school day and creating a connection that has helped fill a huge gap in her life. Your efforts will affect her far beyond her years in school. It is clear that your involvement with this student is far from the only time you have gone beyond the classroom, and while you are not seeking personal acknowledgment, I cannot help but applaud you.

In an ideal world, every teacher, every adult, would show the same interest in our children and adolescents that you do. By taking the time to listen to what is important to our youth, we can help them grow into compassionate, caring adults, capable of making our world a better place.

Your concerted efforts to guide our youth to success not only as students but also as human beings is commendable. May others be inspired by your insights, concerns, and actions. You define excellence in teaching.

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The Ultimate List Of 145 Life Lessons You Must Learn

Do you ever look back on your life and think, “Gosh, I wish I'd learned that lesson a long time ago?”

You think you have a handle on how life works, only to discover after a few failed relationships, difficult challenges, and misguided assumptions that you've been missing something valuable.

As a result, much of life is wasted on worry, regret, pain, and heartache. Of course, some of this is inevitable and necessary.

But we end up spending too much time sweating over things unnecessarily instead of focusing on what is important in life.

It seems “life lessons” are called that for a reason.

The lessons learned in life are a byproduct of life itself.

But you can learn some of these lessons before life forces them on you in a painful way.

What Are Life Lessons?

What is the most important life lesson, 145 of the best life lessons ever, inspirational life lessons for kids, life lessons for young adults, life lessons for your career, life lessons for your relationships, moral lessons.

A life lesson is a powerful piece of wisdom, knowledge, insight, or self-awareness that you adopt to improve yourself , your relationships, and your life in general.

You often need to experience life in order to learn the lesson . And the more life you experience, the more lessons you accumulate.

But some extremely valuable life instruction can be learned from wise thinkers and experts as well as from friends and family.

Although some lessons must be learned through experience, you don't have to wait until you're old to become aware of what's truly meaningful and worthwhile. You simply need the curiosity and desire for self-awareness and personal growth.

Once you learn the lesson, you can apply it in your life at any age and enjoy the benefits that enhance your happiness and well-being .

All of these lessons are interconnected in many ways. Learning and embracing one often leads you to another. But we believe the most important and life-changing lesson is #1 — your life is now.

Since this moment is the only reality, be fully present with it, appreciate it, and try to live it to the fullest. Nothing else really matters except this moment.

Whether moral lessons, learning lessons, or deep life advice, our list covers a lifetime's worth of insights worth embracing.

As you reflect on each one, make notes in a journal or notebook about how you can make these great life lessons work for you.

1. Your life is now.

We keeping waiting for that amazing thing to happen in the future that will be the key to our happiness.

But this is it. Your life is right now. Life continues to be a series of right nows. So learn to love your life right now, and you'll have an amazing life.

2. Fear is an illusion (mostly).

Most of the things we fear never happen. Or if they do happen, they are rarely as bad as we fear they will be. For most of us, fear is the worst thing that will happen to us. Reality isn't as painful.

3. Relationships rule.

At the end of the day, what matters most in life are the people in our lives.

Put them first every single day. Before work. Before the computer. Before your hobbies. Treat them like they are your everything. Because they are.

4. Debt isn't worth it.

Nothing is more draining and humiliating than being in debt.

Buying things you can't afford might give you a short-term buzz, but in the long run, it's extremely stressful.

Spend below your means. Save money. Wait until you can afford it. Live a debt-free life.

5. Your kids aren't you.

You are the vessels to bring your children into the world and their caretakers until they can care for themselves.

You can teach them, love them, and support them, but you can't change them. They are unique individuals who must live their own lives and learn from their own mistakes. Let them.

6. Things gather dust.

Time and money spent accumulating material things will one day irritate you.

You have to clean, maintain, store, and move stuff. The less stuff you have in your life, the freer you are. Purchase mindfully. Simplify. Declutter your life.

7. Fun is underrated.

How much of your daily life is fun? Really fun?

Life is short. You should enjoy it. Don't make things serious that don't have to be.

Create more fun in your life. Don't worry about what other people think of your fun. Just enjoy it.

8. Failure is good.

We try so hard to avoid failure, but failure is the real evidence that we've had the courage to try.

If you avoid failure, you avoid taking action. Expect and accept that failure is part of the experience. Learn from it, grow from it, and move on.

9. Friendships need care.

One of the top five regrets of the dying is that they let their friendships fade away.

Friendships need time and attention. They need to be prioritized not just in word but in deed.

Nurture them like a prized garden. The payoff is so worth it.

10. Prioritize experiences.

The pleasure and positive memories afforded by great experiences far outweigh material things. If you're trying to decide between the new sofa or the family trip, take the trip every time.

Save and plan for new adventures and meaningful experiences. Don't just dream about them — make them happen.

11. Anger isn't worth it.

The feel-good release of anger lasts a few minutes. The repercussions last far longer.

Regret , stress, and unhappiness are the byproducts of angry outbursts. Learn healthier ways to communicate your feelings, and when anger arises, step away until it dissipates.

12. Kindness matters.

Small expressions of kindness have an enormous positive impact on other people and on your own happiness.

It doesn't take much to be kind. Practice it every day of your life, in every situation, until it's your natural way of being.

13. Age is a number.

When you're twenty you think fifty is old. When you're fifty, you feel thirty. When you're seventy, fifty looks like adolescence.

Our chronological age doesn't have to define us. Don't allow a number to hold you back or prevent you from being the person you are inside. Just be the person you are inside.

14. Vulnerability heals.

Being real, open, and vulnerable invites people in and allows them to relate to you on a much deeper and more intimate level.

Vulnerability, practiced with safe and loving people, can heal emotional pain and strengthen relationships .

Let down your walls and connect. It's surprisingly liberating.

15. Posturing builds walls.

Creating a persona to impress or shield yourself from pain diminishes intimacy and authenticity.

People generally see through this, and it pushes them away. And you look like a fool.

16. Exercise is power.

Exercise should be a daily priority for everyone. It makes you physically, mentally, and emotionally stronger.

It improves your health and your outlook. It is the panacea for just about everything.

17. Grudges cause pain.

Holding on to a grudge is like injecting poison into your body every day. Forgive and let go. There's no other way.

If your ego is preventing you from forgiving and letting something go, then tell your ego to take a hike. It's getting in the way of your happiness and well-being.

18. Passion upgrades life.

When you find that thing you love to do with all your heart, every day feels like a gift.

If you haven't found your life passion , make it your mission to find it. The joy it brings you spills over into all aspects of your life.

19. Travel expands you.

Travel makes you a more interesting, insightful, and accepting person.

It expands you, enlightens you, and teaches you about the variety of people, lifestyles, and cultures. It is a pursuit well worth saving for.

20. You aren't always right.

We think we have the answers and know what's right and wrong, good and bad, and best for ourselves and other people. But we aren't always right.

There's always more than one version. There are many perspectives that are valid. Always remember this life teaching and keep yourself open to that truth.

21. It will pass.

Whatever is causing you worry or pain right now won't cause you worry and pain forever. Time heals. Things change. It will pass.

22. You define meaning.

A meaningful life is what you define it to be.

If you neglect to define meaning for your life , you won't experience it. Decide what makes life worth living for you, and then design your life around that.

23. Risk expands you.

To make a positive change in your life, you often must take a risk. You must tolerate some level of uncertainty.

Taking thoughtful, calculated risk strengthens your “change muscle” and helps you grow.

24. Change is good.

Life is change. We shouldn't resist it.

Remaining stagnant is in opposition to the natural order of life. Flow with change. Embrace it and regard it as an adventure.

25. Thoughts aren't real.

Every moment of the day, we have random thoughts floating through our brains.

Many of the thoughts are negative and limiting. You don't have to believe them. They aren't the truth or the whole truth.

Thoughts can become our reality, but only if we let them.

26. You can't control others.

We want people to think and behave as we do. We want them to accommodate us and live the way we think they should live. We want to change them.

But with awareness, we realize we can't and shouldn't try to control others. Instead, embrace differences and honor the uniqueness of the people in your life.

27. Your body is a temple.

We all have something or many somethings we hate about our bodies. But your body houses your very essence.

Treat your body with respect and care for the efficient and wondrous way it takes care of you. Even if there are parts of your body you don't like, focus on your body with a sense of love and gratitude.

28. Touch heals.

Physical touch is healing and intimate. It bonds us to other people and relieves stress and anxiety .

It has a myriad of health benefits, such as lowering heart rate and improving the immune system.

Mindful, loving touch with those you love is a gift that should be shared.

29. You can handle it.

Whatever you think you can't handle, you actually can.

You have more strength, more resilience , and more inner wisdom than you give yourself credit for. You'll get through it and survive — and maybe even be better for it.

30. Gratitude multiplies happiness.

Consciously focusing on all you have rather than thinking about what you don't have is a far better use of brainpower. Gratitude fosters positivity and well-being.

31. Intuition counts.

Your judgment is important, but your intuition supercharges your judgment.

Intuition is data from your subconscious mind, based on your past experiences and patterns in life.

It can arise spontaneously when you are called on to make a decision or need information. 

32. Please yourself first.

Pleasing others for approval and acceptance might feel good in the short term, but eventually, you will lose yourself and feel resentful.

Please yourself first and give to others based on conscious choice, not the desire for approval or feelings of guilt.

33. Self-honesty is freedom.

When you are in denial about something, you are blinding yourself to the truth.

Even if the truth is temporarily painful, it will ultimately set you free. Be radically honest with yourself so you can live authentically.

34. Perfection is boring.

Perfection is unattainable, and the pursuit of it makes us boring.

It is our differences, our foibles, and our imperfections that connect us to humanity and make us real.

35. Serving creates meaning.

If you want fulfillment in your life, start with serving others. Find a way to make a difference, even a small difference, and your life will feel purposeful.

36. Little things matter.

It's not the big wins, the great accomplishments, or your status in life that really count.

It's the accumulation of little things — the quiet moments in nature, special time with our kids, seeing the smile on your spouse's face when you walk in the door. Pay attention to these things.

37. Learning is forever.

There is so much to learn and explore in our very short lifetimes. Take advantage of learning every single day.

Challenge yourself to acquire a new skill, read something different, take a class. Learning keeps our minds engaged and sharp, even into old age.

38. Aging happens.

Our bodies age. It is a truth we can't avoid. You can manage to age well by doing the best with what you've got.

Beyond that, do your best to let it go. Enjoying life is the best antidote to getting older.

39. Marriages change.

The person you married will change over time. You will change over time.

Hopefully, you will change in the same direction or come to love the changes in the other person. Don't let these changes take you by surprise.

If the changes start to pull you apart, take action as soon as possible to heal the rift.

40. Worry is worthless.

Worry is useful only if it leads directly to a solution. But the very nature of worry implies that it doesn't.

You worry about “what ifs” that aren't real, and the worry itself creates stress and physical symptoms that cause real reasons for angst. Learn how to manage your worried thoughts.

41. Heal your wounds.

Don't allow pain from your past (or present) to linger and cause you suffering.

Don't stuff it down or pretend it doesn't matter when it does.

Seek support from a professional trained to help you heal and renew your emotional health.

42. Simple is better.

A life full of complications, obligations, and an overwhelming schedule makes life more difficult and stressful. A simpler life, in all regards, gives you more space for joy, authenticity, and engagement.

43. Do the work.

If you want something in life, you must do the work to get it. There are rarely shortcuts.

But fortunately, the work is what affords the most sense of accomplishment. The process is more engaging than the outcome.

44. It's never too late.

This is an excuse for not trying. Great things can be accomplished at any age. Telling yourself otherwise is a sure way to remain stuck and frustrated.

45. Action beats angst.

Action is the cure for worry, procrastination, indecision, anxiety, and frustration.

Stop thinking and do something, and you will create momentum that leads to something valuable — or at the least heals your turmoil.

46. Creation beats reaction.

Be proactive in your life, designing exactly what you want rather than reacting to what life throws at you.

Creation empowers you and expands your opportunities. Reacting disempowers you and diminishes your choices.

47. Release attachments.

Don't become too attached to outcomes or beliefs. Remain open to all possibilities and ideas.

You will be surprised how much more there is to life when you don't cling to your beliefs, opinions, and things.

48. Words matter.

The words you speak have power. Consider your words carefully. Use them for good rather than harm. Once they are out, you can't take them back.

49. Make every day count.

If you live to age ninety, how many days do you have left?

It is a finite number, and one day you will reach that last day. Remain conscious of the value of every single day.

Ask yourself every morning, “What can I do to make today count?”

50. Love is the answer.

Love is why we are here. It is the force for good in this often random, painful, and harsh world. Share it freely. Express it daily. Use it as your lodestar.

51. You deserve respect.

Just because you're a child doesn't mean you shouldn't be treated with respect.

Respect means others show you kindness and care. They listen to you and value you for the person you are.

52. Sharing feels good.

Sometimes it's hard to share your things with other people.

You might fear that by sharing, you may lose something, or someone might take advantage of you.

But sharing feels good because you are showing the other person that you care and want them to enjoy what you are enjoying.

Being generous this way makes you like yourself even better.

53. Challenges are good things.

When something is hard and challenging, you may not want to do it. It's much easier to do something that is simple and fun.

But challenging things help your brain become stronger and teach you new skills.

The more challenges you tackle, the easier it becomes to take on the next one.

54. Growing up isn't so hard.

When you're a child, thinking about becoming a grown-up can be scary.

You might wonder how you'll ever be able to do what grown-ups do.

You might wish you never have to grow up because it looks so hard.

But growing up happens slowly with the help and support of your parents and other caring adults. You don't need to worry about it.

55. Manners matter.

Learning good manners makes a difference in how other people perceive you and helps you succeed in school and life.

Helping others, saying please and thank you, holding the door for someone, taking turns, and cleaning up after ourselves are examples of manners that other people notice and like.

56. Stand up for yourself.

It's hard to feel strong and brave when someone bullies you or gossips about you.

When other children are unkind or when you are left out, you may feel uncomfortable speaking up.

But you can stand up for yourself by letting others know how their words and behaviors make you feel and that you don't like being treated this way.

57. Do hard things first.

This is a hard life lesson for children and adults. We want to put off the things that are hard and do the easy, fun things first.

But the longer you delay the hard things, the harder they become.

When you put things off, you might not have enough time to complete them when you are supposed to.

Get the hard things (like homework and chores) out of the way first so you can enjoy the things you like to do without worry.

58. Think good things about yourself.

When you think of yourself as smart, strong, happy, and attractive you will become more of these things.

But if you think negative things about yourself, you will feel bad and unhappy.

Work on having positive thoughts, and speak positively about yourself, and you can change how you feel.

59. Have big dreams.

You can achieve just about anything you set your mind to.

Wake up every morning with an idea and think about how you want to make it happen.

Have some goals about what you want to do in school and once you become an adult.

Having life goals and dreams helps you make them real.

60. Practice honesty.

Telling the truth, even when you think you might get in trouble, is one of the most important life teachings to remember.

Your honesty shows others what kind of person you are.

You want others to trust you and believe you, but if you frequently tell lies or don't tell the entire truth, people begin to doubt you.

61. Be a good friend.

What does it mean to be a good friend? It’s easy to be a good friend when everything is fun and lighthearted.

But what about when your friend is upset or when other people say bad things about your friend. 

Being a good friend means being loyal, standing up for your friend, and forgiving them when they make mistakes. It also means saying you’re sorry when you hurt or offend your friend.

62. Play more. Plugin less.

Play is the most important thing you can do as a child. Playing outside or inside stimulates your creativity, helps you learn valuable life skills, and allows you to work off steam from school and other pressures. 

Playing outside makes you physically stronger, faster, and more coordinated. It also helps your brain develop in a healthy way — something that surfing your smartphone or computer all day doesn’t do.

63. Be yourself.

You may look at another friend and wish you could be more like him or her. Maybe they possess a quality you wish you had. But you are a unique and special person, and the best person you can be is yourself.

Starting today, look in the mirror and say, “I like myself. I am nice and fun to be around. I don’t need to be anyone different because I’m great just as I am.”

64. Keep trying.

Maybe you’ve had a hard time with homework or remembering things for a test. Or you haven’t done as well as you’d like in a sport or extracurricular activity.

When this happens, you may think you just can’t do it, or you don’t have what it takes. 

Don’t give up! When things get tough, you may feel like quitting, but push yourself a little harder and try again. You can improve anything if you keep trying.

65. Listen to your parents.

You may not like it when your parents don’t let you do things you want to do or punish you when you disobey.

But remember, your parents are the people who love you most in the world and who want you to stay safe, healthy, and happy. 

Your parents have a lot of life experience, and can guide you to make good choices and decisions that help you have a better life.

They give you a lot (their love, a home, clothes, toys, food), so show them your respect by listening and honoring them.

66. It’s okay to ask questions.

You may feel embarrassed or too shy to ask a question in school or with an adult.

Maybe you think asking questions means you aren’t smart or shows that you don’t know everything. But even adults don’t know everything, and asking questions is the best way to learn. 

Asking questions isn’t dumb but instead shows that you are curious and eager to learn. It shows how smart you are to want to know more. 

67. Talk about your fears and worries.

There’s a lot going on in the world that can be scary and upsetting. Sometimes things happen at school or with friends that are confusing or hurtful.

Or maybe you’ve done something you shouldn’t have done, and you feel guilty and bad. 

Holding these feelings inside can make things even worse. Worry and fear can even make you feel sick. But talking about your feelings with your parents or another safe adult makes you feel better and helps you understand your emotions .

Even if you’re worried your parents will get mad, it’s better to talk to them than to bottle up or hide what’s inside of you.

68. It’s okay to cry.

Crying is another way to release your negative feelings. It doesn’t mean you are weak or a baby. In fact, tears help you release stress chemicals in your body and make you feel calmer.

Boys especially need to accept that their tears are perfectly normal and acceptable.

69. Your grades aren’t as important as your character.

Of course, you and your parents are proud when you make good grades. Working hard in school is important and will help you with your future goals.

But your character is more important than your grades. You should never cheat to make good grades, and your grades are not as valuable to you or others as your honesty, kindness, and integrity. 

70. Life isn't always fair.

Life will hand you difficult and sometimes terrible circumstances.

You may feel like you've somehow been singled out for punishment or that the world is out to get you.

But over time, you'll discover that life isn't always fair for you or anyone.

The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be to move past difficult times and handle them more gracefully.

71. Your mom and dad know a few things.

As a young adult, you're working to establish your own identity, separate from your parent's identity.

Sometimes that shows up as pushing away their advice and believing your mom and dad don't have the answers.

They may not have all of the answers, but their many life experiences do provide them with wisdom and knowledge that can be extremely helpful to you.

72. Your happiness is your responsibility.

No one else is to blame for your problems, and no one else can make you happy.

It's completely up to you to figure out how to solve your problems and what you need in life to feel satisfied and content.

73. Be independent before you marry.

Before you get married or live with someone for the long term, be sure that you can stand on your own two feet emotionally and financially.

Don't depend on a love partner to fulfill you or take care of you.

Learn to be self-sufficient and independent before you settle down.

74. Take care of your body.

The investment you put into your health and fitness now will pay off in spades as you get older.

Don't take your health for granted, assuming it's fine to abuse your body (with drugs, alcohol, smoking, and being sedentary) because you're young.

Many older people look back with regret and wish they had taken better care of their bodies when they were your age.

75. Don't try to please everyone.

This is an impossible goal to achieve. Not everyone will approve of you, agree with you, or even like you.

Stay true to yourself, find your tribe, and accept that you can't please everyone. Trying to will only make you crazy.

76. It's not always about you.

When you encounter someone who is unpleasant, rude, or critical, quite often this person is dealing with their own issues and projecting them on to you.

Don't allow the bad behavior or negative temperament of someone else drag you down.

Remember that it's not always about you and isn't a reflection of your character or abilities.

77. Make your bed daily.

If you can develop this morning habit and do it every day when you get out of bed, you have set yourself up for success throughout the day.

It's a small accomplishment that sets the tone for the entire day, encouraging you to complete other tasks and goals you want to achieve.

78. Practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness is being present in the here and now and savoring the moment.

Rather than dwelling in the past or fretting about the future, you are focused on exactly what you are doing with full attention.

Mindfulness prevents anxiety and regret and gives you the mental and emotional bandwidth to enjoy life without mental distractions.

79. Character matters.

Having good character and living your life in alignment with your integrity sets you apart and gives you a foundation for making the best decisions and choices.

Good character traits like honesty, loyalty, responsibility, and perseverance should be an essential component of your identity if you want to feel good about yourself and gain the respect of others.

80. Tip well.

Whether or not you’ve worked in a restaurant, you know how hard servers work and how they rely on tips for much of their income. Never skip out on tipping a server or leave an insulting amount of money for a tip.

If the service is average, tip 15%. Tip 20% for service that is better than average. Tipping well communicates to your server that you appreciate their efforts.

81. Everything in moderation.

You don’t need to get drunk to enjoy social drinking or starve yourself in order to have the perfect body.

If your mental health is suffering because you’re pulling all-nighters to have a 4.0 GPA, then your life is out of balance. Or if you’re not studying because you’re on social media all the time, something’s amiss.

It’s easy to fall into habitual or even addictive patterns that are unhealthy. The old adage, “Everything in moderation,” can be your mantra to help you create boundaries to protect yourself from overdoing it in any area of your life.

82. Find your community.

As a young adult, this is the time you’re discovering yourself and who you are.

Look around you to see if the company you keep reflects the person you are or want to be. If not, find a community of like-minded people who support you and inspire you to be your best. 

83. The internet is forever.

If you put it out there, it stays out there. In five, ten, or twenty years, do you want that picture of you drunk at a party or the not-so-professional comments you shared in a weak moment to reflect your character?

As Viktor Frankl wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” Use the space before you hit “enter” to consider what you put online and how it might impact you in years to come. 

84. You are not entitled.

It doesn’t matter where you grew up, how successful your parents are, the color of your skin, or how attractive you may be — you aren’t entitled to anything special as a result.

You may have a leg up because of these things, but your response to this should be gratitude for the gifts you’ve been given rather than entitlement because you have them. 

Life has a way of showing us that the gifts we were born with don’t compare to the effort we expend and the gratitude we express along the way.

85. Be the change you want.

You are the future. You are in charge of building the world that you want. Don’t complain about what past generations have done or the legacy they have left. Get busy being the change you want to see. 

86. Save money. 

If you want to build wealth and live a comfortable life, save money every month.

Learn to delay gratification and prioritize putting money away before you spend on non-essentials.

If you start at age 25 saving $100 a month (at a 7% return rate), you’ll have a nest egg of $343,000 at age 70. If you save $200 a month, you’ll have $767,000 when you retire.

87. Your problems aren’t unique.

It’s true that young adults today suffer more anxiety and depression than the previous generation. And it may seem your problems are unique and more challenging than those faced by past generations. 

But each generation has faced turmoil, defeat, and calamities. What matters is not who has it the hardest but rather how can you learn to cope with the inevitable challenges of life.

Fortunately, you have more resources than ever available to you online and with counseling, coaching, and other helping professions. 

88. Pursue adventures now. 

If you long to travel or want to follow a career passion that isn’t as certain as that accounting job, do it now before you have family commitments or time restrictions that prevent you.

Use this adventure time to expand yourself and your interests. Meet new people and make valuable connections for the future. Take on a part-time gig to support your travels or your passion if need be.

89. Be prepared for opportunity.

If you want to move ahead in your career, you need to set yourself up for success.

That requires being prepared when opportunities arise.

Learn as much as you can about your career field and know what you want your next move to be. Learn additional skills that will make you more of an asset.

Keep your resume updated and your interview skills polished.

90. Prove your worth.

Show the people you work for that you are worth every penny they have invested in you.

Do more than is asked of you. Initiate new ideas that support your company’s mission.

Show up early and stay late at times. Be prepared and on time for meetings and events.

91. Stay professional.

There will always be conflict and difficult personalities in any job.

But rather than allowing these challenges to frustrate you and compel you to lose your cool, do your best to remain professional in these situations.

Be the steady and thoughtful anchor when others around you are behaving unprofessionally.

92. Have goals.

Know what you want in your career and have a vision for how you are going to get there.

Don’t allow the winds of fate to determine your professional future. Become the captain of your destiny and work toward achieving what you want.

93. Build connections.

You never know who can support, sponsor, and promote you along the way.

Build relationships with all sorts of people and show them that you value their work and contributions.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to those in higher positions to introduce yourself and see how you might add value to what they do.

94. Focus on results, not activity.

Being busy at work doesn’t necessarily mean you are being productive. Know what you are working toward and what your organization is trying to achieve.

Spent your time and energy where you’ll get the most results that benefit you and your company.

95. Find mentors.

Seek out someone who is doing what you want to do, who has more experience and insights. Study that person and learn as much about his or her career path as possible.

Find a way to support that person and if possible, spend time with them so you can learn from them.

96. Control digital temptations.

Just about every job involves time on a computer and smartphone. These valuable work tools can also be huge distractions.

Make it a priority to resist the temptations of social media, email checking, and news surfing so you don’t lose focus and time on the job.

97. Give credit to others. 

Look for opportunities to let others shine in the spotlight and give credit when credit is due.

Yes, you must promote yourself at times, but you will gain more respect when you honor and support the people around you as well.

98. Listen more than talk.

We all love the sound of our own voices, but you’ll learn more by listening than talking.

When you listen more, you prevent yourself from saying something dumb or not well-considered.

You also gain more knowledge and information. Then when you do speak, people will really listen.

99. Diversify your knowledge.

You don’t want to stagnate in your job because you are pigeonholed in one area or skill. Take the initiative to learn new skills or get more education or training to make you a more valuable and marketable employee. 

100. Remember, success doesn’t happen overnight.

In a world of instant gratification, it’s hard to wait for success in your career. But most people don’t find career success until they’ve put in many years of effort and hard work.

Rather than delaying your happiness until you’ve reach the pinnacle, find joy in achieving small wins and milestones along the way.

Find fulfillment in the process of success rather than just the culmination. 

101. Learn your boss’s job.

You’re not trying to get rid of your boss but rather to be prepared if the times comes for someone to replace him or her.

Observe what your boss does daily and how he or she does it. Ask to take on some of your boss’s responsibilities with supervision.

Find ways to make your supervisor’s work life easier and more productive. As you become more invaluable, others will see you as next in line.

102. Be a positive influence.

There may be parts of your job you hate, or you may find your co-workers or even your supervisor difficult or unpleasant.

But rather than complaining or joining others in kvetching about the work or your organization, be a positive and calm force who doesn’t complain or gossip. 

103. Dress for the job you want.

These days the office environment is more casual than in years past. Entry-level employees in particular, may get by wearing jeans and other informal attire. 

Pay attention to the person whose job you’d like to have. What are they wearing? You don’t need to dress like the CEO, but up your game by making your work wardrobe more polished and professional — even if your peers don’t.

104. Be smart but ethical.

If you are vying for that promotion or to lead the next project, your co-workers are likely doing the same thing.

Everyone is competing to rise to the top, so be smart about your opportunities and distinguish yourself from others. 

But don’t compromise your ethics to reach your goals. Your character speaks volumes to decision-makers.

105. Be willing to do the hard things.

Every job has its fair share of grunt work and difficult tasks. By avoiding them, they don’t get easier or make you look professional.

Tackle the tough stuff first and get it out of your mind so you have the bandwidth to work on more interesting things. 

106. Don’t always ask for permission.

You’re an adult and have a job that needs to be done. You don’t need to ask permission for everything decision or action you take.

Be a self-starter and try to find solutions on your own without first going to a supervisor. 

Get feedback from co-workers or other more senior staff if you need to. Show that you’re capable of figuring things out without handholding. 

107. Don’t hold grudges.

There may be people in your workplace who have offended or mistreated you. You may have been fired or not given a position you thought you deserved. 

Express your anger or resentment to your friends and family, but avoid holding grudges against those who’ve wronged you. You never know when you may meet up with this person again in your career.

And you don’t know if your negative comments might one day reach a future potential employer.

108. Learn to compromise.

You can’t be in a successful marriage or love relationship without compromising at times.

The power dynamic can’t be one-sided — you are partners who must learn the give and take required from being paired with someone.

109. Forgiveness is powerful.

Be quick to forgive and let go of minor issues. Try not to keep score or hang on to grudges.

Don’t allow resentment and anger to fester. It will destroy your relationship over time.

110. Love doesn’t heal everything.

The love between you is what brought you together and keeps your relationship alive.

But love alone isn’t enough to manage the challenges and issues you’ll face as a couple.

Good communication skills, patience, and kindness (among other things) are essential for a healthy relationship.

111. The relationship must come first.

Your relationship must be your priority — over your career, kids, extended family, or anything else.

It should be the centerpiece of your life if you want all of the other aspects of your life to be happy and healthy.

112. Emotional abuse destroys intimacy.

Immature behaviors , verbal attacks, passive-aggressiveness, and control will undermine your closeness and the trust and respect between you.

Avoid emotionally abuse behaviors at all costs so you don’t poison your love and intimacy.

113. Your identity doesn’t depend on your partner.

Your relationship is primary, but that doesn’t mean you can’t maintain your separate identities.

Look to your spouse or partner as a partner — not someone you depend on to define you and make you whole.

114. Honor your love languages.

Learn about the five love languages and how important they are to your relationship.

Honor your partner’s love language, and ask your partner to honor yours.

You both need to be loved in the way that feels loving to you.

115. Communication is critical.

You can’t ignore problems or stop talking because you are angry or frustrated. If you do, resentments build and create bigger problems.

Regular communication about conflict and difficult issues may be uncomfortable, but it ensures you clear the air and find solutions together. 

116. Alone time is important.

We all need time to ourselves even in the most connected and intimate relationship.

You both need time for self-reflection, reading, or just recharging.

Giving that time to one another is a gift, and it doesn't mean you aren't bonded as a couple. In fact, it allows your bond to be stronger when you come back together .

117. Keep the spark.

Romance and intimacy can diminish over time, so it's vital to your relationship that you work on keeping the spark alive.

Plan dates together and find mutual interests that you can enjoy as a couple.

Find ways to spice up your sex life so it doesn't become rote and boring.

118. Be present.

A relationship is all about relating, and you can’t relate if you are constantly distracted and disengaged. When you and your partner are together, be fully present for him or her. Put down your phone and turn off the TV. 

Take a walk together and talk about your day. Listen to your partner attentively and show him or her that you genuinely care about what they are sharing.

If your life is busy, schedule time every day to be present for one another so that you don’t drift into separate lives. 

119. Never show contempt.

Contempt is showing disdain, condescension, and disrespect toward your partner. It’s a way of telling your partner you are better or smarter than they are.

According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, contempt is the most destructive behavior between love partners.

It erodes intimacy and ultimately kills the relationship. Contempt is an attitude you should never, ever have toward your partner or express to them. 

120. Heal conflict quickly.

If you allow conflict and discord to simmer for days or weeks unresolved, it becomes much more difficult to address.

The problem grows in the minds of both of you, and what could have been resolved easily now takes more time and emotional energy. 

Or you may sweep a conflict under the rug, never addressing it at all, only to have resentment and anger undermine your closeness and trust.

Address conflict as soon as you are both calm and able to talk as a team, putting the health of the relationship first. 

121. Understand you won’t change him/her.

If you begin a relationship believing you can change the other person, you’ll be in for a sad surprise.

You may see qualities in your significant other you don’t like and believe you can inspire him or her to let them go. 

But real change occurs when people have internal motivation to change. If you try to strong-arm change, your partner will resent you and feel they are never enough.

Accept your lover as he or she is and focus on what you love rather than what’s missing. 

122. Be appreciative.

One of the most common relationship complaints is the feeling that one partner takes the other for granted. The best way to remedy this issue is by both partners showing daily appreciation for one another. 

Be appreciative of who your partner is, what they bring to the relationship, and how they positively impact your life.

Show gratitude for the small and large efforts your partner makes for you and your family.  

123. Recognize your partner’s not a mind reader.

Never assume your spouse or significant other knows what you are thinking or feeling. He or she can’t read your mind and shouldn’t be expected to intuit your feelings and needs.

Don’t use passive-aggressive behaviors to hint at what you want or how you feel, even if you’re uncomfortable expressing it.

Speak directly and plainly if you want your partner to know and understand you.

124. Change happens.

If you’re in a relationship for the long haul, expect that your spouse or partner will grow and evolve over time. So will you. Sometimes you grow together, and sometimes you don’t.

Preparing yourself for the inevitable changes you both experience can help you navigate them as a team and keep your relationship solid. 

125. Comparison creates animosity.

Does someone else’s husband or wife seem more successful, attractive, or attentive than yours? Do your neighbors live a more lavish lifestyle than you can afford? 

Comparing your situation or your spouse to another person’s is a recipe for constant dissatisfaction and animosity between you.

Spend your emotional energy on the positive aspects of your relationship and life, and you’ll find that you are both happier. 

126. Know when to let go.

Hanging on to a relationship out of boredom, fear, loneliness, or guilt is not the foundation for a loving and close connection.

If the relationship is broken, and you know it can’t be fixed, then the best thing you can do for both of you is to let it go.

Letting go doesn’t mean you or your partner are failures. It reveals self-awareness and courage to say goodbye to someone you once loved when the connection no longer works. 

127. Practice empathy.

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person's shoes and understand his or her feelings.

Empathy shows you aren't just self-interested but want to connect with other people in a kind and loving way.

128. Respect the property of others.

By definition, showing respect for people requires you to respect their possessions. You don't take things or “borrow” them without asking.

If you are using something that belongs to another person (with permission), you take care of it and return it in the same (or better) condition it was when you borrowed it.

129. Develop courage.

Courage is showing strength in the face of hardship, grief, or pain. It's also doing something difficult and necessary in spite of your fear or anxiety about it.

Being able to step out of your comfort zone for a greater good reflects character and self-confidence. It makes you stronger and more resilient.

130. Be loyal to others.

Being loyal with those you care about means sticking with them through good times and bad — even when it would be easier or less painful to cut them off.

Loyalty involves being honest even when it's hard. It means there are not “conditions” on your relationship or friendship. And it also means you have boundaries and respecting the boundaries of the other person.

131. Cultivate tolerance of others.

Tolerance means you acknowledge and accept the opinions, values, culture, and beliefs of others — even if they differ from your own.

You don't respond to these differences with negativity or anger but rather with curiosity and evenness.

132. Don't judge.

When you judge others, you reveal a smallness in yourself — a sense of self-righteousness that lacks compassion.

Being less judgmental involves practicing empathy. You seek to understand the other person and view the situation or decision through his or her perspective.

133. Be dependable.

You know how it feels when someone let's you down and fails to follow through on a promise.

Be someone that others can count on. Do what you say you'll do . Show up on time. Live up to your commitments.

134. Have a generous spirit.

Generosity doesn't always mean giving away money or possessions. Being generous with others involves giving your time, your emotional energy, and your kind words without expecting anything in return.

A generous person is able to celebrate the successes of others and give credit when credit is due. Generosity of spirit is a quality that draws others to you.

135. Practice patience.

You've seen impatient people who get angry and complain when they don't get what they want right away. It's an unattractive and off-putting quality that reflects selfishness and immaturity.

It is hard to be patient, especially in this age of instant gratification. When you feel impatience boiling over, practice deep breathing and bring yourself back to the present moment.

136. Prioritize your family.

In a hectic world, it’s easy to neglect your family members and assume they will always be there for you.

But you need to be there for them and continue to cultivate your relationship with them. Unless your family is toxic , they should be the most important people in your life.

Maintain your close connection with your parents, siblings, and extended family members. They give you a sense of belonging, pass on traditions, and provide an invaluable support system.

137. Honor the dignity of all people.

All people, no matter their race, religion, income, background, or age, should be treated with respect and dignity.

You are no better than others, and no one is better than you. People may be different in many ways, but everyone deserves courtesy and kindness.

138. Support social justice and human rights.

You may not be an activist, but you can support fairness in wealth, opportunities, and basic needs. You can speak out about equality, gender discrimination, racism, and educational opportunities. 

Begin by educating yourself on these matters, examining your own opinions and beliefs and using social media to educate others. If you want to take action, volunteer your time for a cause you support, or join a protest or demonstration.

As humans, it is our obligation to look out for one another and correct injustices in society.

139. Develop self-discipline.

Self-discipline or willpower is a learned practice that builds your inner strength and character.

It helps you overcome temptations that stand in the way of your goals or undermine your relationships. With self-discipline, you learn to tolerate emotional discomfort for a greater good. 

140. Practice discretion.

Discretion is the practice of keeping private or sensitive information to yourself. If someone shares a secret with you, you don’t talk about it with others.

If you are privy to information at work, you don’t show it to others or leave it where people can see.

Discretion is a way of showing respect for other people — weighing whether or not sharing would cause harm to them.

141. Be a role model. 

Set an example as a positive role model of good character, and you can help shape a future generation of young people.

When you demonstrate integrity, leadership, respect, positivity, and humility, you make others want to be better people. The added benefit is that you become a better person yourself.

142. Keep your composure. 

Are you able to remain calm and in control of yourself during stressful or upsetting situations?

Maintaining composure and keeping your emotions in check is one of the most difficult acts of self-discipline.

But practicing composure allows you to make thoughtful and clear decisions and prevents you from doing or saying something you’ll later regret. 

143. Return favors. 

If someone has gone out of their way for you or extended a kindness, find a way to do the same for them.

Don’t allow favors from others to pile up without extending yourself and showing your appreciation. 

144. Revere your reputation.

As Will Rogers famously admonished, “It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but you can lose it in a minute.”

You can damage your professional reputation by doing something unsavory in your personal life. You can ruin it by unethical or compromising actions in your professional life.

Guard your reputation with attentive care. You may be remembered for the one bad thing you do rather than all the good you've done in the past.

145. Stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves.

Throughout your life, you'll encounter people who don't have the ability, power, knowledge, or money to stand up for themselves.

Vulnerable people appear in all walks of life and can be victims of fate, circumstance, or people. If you see an injustice or an opportunity to help someone who can't help themselves, view it as a calling from your higher self to step up.

You help not just to help the other person but also because it is universally the right thing to do.

More Related Articles:

65 Tough Relationship Questions Every Couple Should Ask

The Ultimate List of Core Values

27 Green Flags That Signal A Definite Go With Your New Relationship 

Final Thoughts

What life lesson resonated most with you?

Was there a life lesson — or maybe several — that spoke to you?

Reading about these lessons is one thing, but it's hard to adopt these new ideas if you've developed different behaviors and habits over the years.

If you take the time now to work on new mindsets and behaviors, you won't experience regret years down the road when you realize how important these practices are.

Choose one or two to work on over the next few months. Write down a list of behaviors you need to change or mindsets you want to adjust, as well as action steps to help you make these changes.

Create a reminder and accountability system to help you stay on track with your goals. And be sure to celebrate your accomplishments as you adopt these life teachings as a permanent part of your character.

32 thoughts on “The Ultimate List Of 145 Life Lessons You Must Learn”

I agree with all of this – excellent

Here is a lesson I have learned. It is hard having the courage to find adversity but it is worthwhile.

Barrie, It’s so easy these days to see a list like this and feel a bit sceptical about the quality if the information it will contain. I read your list and it is spot on. It’s fantastic and not only am I going to take it and ponder it deeply for myself I also can tink of a number of people imediately that I want to send it to as I know it will get them thinking.

Thnak you for a real respurce with this post.

Monique Rhodes Founder

“Old saying”?? Give credit to George Bernard Shaw.

I believe this list is almost perfect. The only thing I would add to it is: Act, don’t react.

this is a wonderful list and guidelines to successful life. I appreciate all your words and wisdom.

Barrie, I haven’t even read this yet and I’m already ecstatic! I asked awhile ago if you’d do a post like this and was going to write you again, so thank you!!! You rock 🙂

Awesomeness good rules to follow!

51. Surround Yourself with People who lift you 52. Smile Everyday. 53. Don’t expect to change others until you have changed yourself. 54. There is a reason you putting off that difficult conversation. Have it now. 55. Haven’t found your passion? Keep looking (Passion changes and evolves).

You’ve learned a lot in your life, Barrie! I like the fact that thoughts aren’t real! I fully believe and support that. Best to let them float by than attach to them.

I love what Davis Nguyen had to add – excellent and helpful. My own: Time is precious – it is the stuff life is made of – use it wisely and well.

What is said is very true..what ever your age might be…you yourself will be experiencing the essence of all these 50 statements. For me at the age of 27, I have experienced more than half of these…everybody knows them..but what is difficult is how to put them into PRACTICE…experiencing is totally different from learning from your experiences..The latter is the one that will help you rather than just piling up all your experiences growing old…ONE THING I FELT MISSING IS…..one of the EASIEST AND BEST WAYS of PUTTING INTO PRACTICE ALL THESE 50 ….IS by SURRENDERANCE TO GOD ALMIGHTY….practice SPIRITUALITY, in any form it might be…which will help u achieve all these and generate POSITIVE ENERGY…51.TO include….MAKE PRAYER a part of your DAILY ROUTINE…just like exercise heals ur body…PRAYER heals you from inside…and results in PEACE…SURRENDER all your worries to god and ask him for STRENGTH..to handle your LIFE….properly by keeping in MIND all the above 50 statements..GOD BLESS US ALL

TEGA what a range of intuition youve got by adding/including the last MOST important rule which is by SURRENDERANCE TO GOD ..by that which you’ve insured and sure of a lifetime progress and by then makes it easier to put into practise the remaining motivational rules mentioned above in life ..nice tega! may God continue to broaden our understanding to life

Loved this blog post – very compelling list. Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙂

For some of us debt is unavoidable. I have crushing student debt and then in my last years of school became disabled and unable to work but still have all this debt expected to be paid back. I definetly live humbly because of it but I don’t think I did anything wrong to be ashamed of.

Excellent….here is one of the best novel by Turkish Writer Elif Shafak about 40 rules of love…..will impress and life changing for everyone…must read and thank you.

I appreciated this motivation and leasons about life . Thanks

This is great!. Life comes with natural laws which affect our decisions and actions. All I can Say is; indeed failure is good and fear is not real. You can be who you want to be. Life is simple so don’t complicate yourself.

This is a wonderful list and guidelines to successful life. I appreciate all your words and wisdom. Thanks

life isnt fair fake it till u make it

These are awesome lesson’s of life. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful article.

Thanks for the list….god bless you

nice lessons to follow. specially fear is an illusion and exercise is power. at least everyone should follow couple of them

I must say you bring up every part I learned so I guess I have become “Wiser than I give myself credit for”? I think as humans we all can be hard on ourselves and this was a great read. Recently, myself furthermore a bit of my experience leading me to your page. I did some major reevaluating after my father had become ill. I was never close to him I come to realize and accept not his fault, not judging because I understand but deep down I believe was not good for me, of influence and there are people out there that truly love and care about me. I had to learn from my mistakes to gain wisdom that I truly wasn’t not happy at the time (therefore figuring out how) but ended up being a care-taker. I didn’t realize it had stressed me out where I had become very judgemental and not trusting of people. But then figured out how to deal with autoimmune disease that affects my stress level through diet. So of dramatic irony, he had taught me to take care of myself.

I took the time off to take care of myself and reevaluate and then I didn’t realize until afterwards acquiring wisdom throughout an entire section of my library and taking some time for myself watching my favorite old shows as a child with hidden wisdom that not only made me realize wisdom but inspired me.

I realize, i am actually pretty lucky because not only with that wisdom I had learned how to drive but with that wisdom of dramatic irony again, not meaning to judge put me on the road for a better life and through the wisdom I found gave me a new hobby. I believe he brought the worst out in me but it was because I willing to learn from the wisdom I was greatful for the past experience even if at the time it “Felt” hard because like it says anything going through a hard time is temporary/past and I realize will get better and now I am safe, secure and can be truly happy.

Also, realized I have gotten better, not only learned how to drive but have acquired skills essential for a job. Basically, I like to think of it as Mrs Doubtfire role: Through optimism and creativity I didn’t realize I already had a job at the same time, find the joy in everyday-without leaving the house lol. I reevaluated further through wisdom really was a blessing in disguise because brought me closer to my mother.

Then, the air broke down so I had to sleep closer to her from then on but we actually had bought each other fans around the same time the air broke down Basically, seems through caring and compassion we give each other air which turns out we both have the same sign air lol

Also, realizing old subconcious negative habits I have had for about 5 past years. I started with my autoimmune disease and then being able to eat again the way I liked. Then, I read about “Grief” finding out I was in the acceptance part the same time I was caretaking so was going through alot, don’t like to put a label on it. But if it wasn’t for this, wouldnt’ve given me wisdom to be a happier better person. Then, I realized about the little things being greatful for what i truly love and love to do everyday. I would start going for bike rides and write down ideas that came to me when I came back. I also log my dreams too both as well as reading pretty theraputic. I started some bibliothrapy with what I discovered…

Also, including basically what I like to call negative expectations which includes and this is human nature I realize, had not been honest with, too hard on myself, learned about Optimism which I didn’t realize had in me all along but when I stopped believing in myself had given into pessimissm, I read about being too hard on self I call self-judgement or you may have heard the term resentment and then also what is refered to but I don’t being an Optimist lol as Self-Sabatoge including Negative Perfectionism which I realized what it comes down to is Optimism, Excellence and positive expectations, don’t stress don’t judge and don’t repress.

But basically I realize how much I learned and now it’s just a matter of letting go, thinking of remembering things that I believe in, truly remember and being happy. Personally I think 3/4 of the day I’m happy half of the week is not such a bad thing. It’s basically taking a little more time to learn more and have some fun. I also discovered a new hobby I enjoyed doing including shadowworkplay and I must say thinking about it there’s a lot of positive reinforcement wisdom compassion there that has helped me and realize not only will I feel better but will help me drive on with what i want and who I love in my life and look back and laugh in good humor with life lessons/morals and I came across your page doing so must say this is one of the most greatful parts of my day today. Thank you for the experience. May you help others as you have helped me!

Very wise thoughts. Here is one that I told many years ago by a very wise mentor. “Always make sure that you understand what you already have before you wish for more”. This applies to all things emotional and physical.

I agree, Great words.

Comments are closed.

16 Life Lessons

Refracting their own personal experiences through the lens of professional expertise, 16 behavioral scientists extract wisdom for living a satisfying life—from the need for spontaneity to guarding against regret..

By PT Staff published September 5, 2016 - last reviewed on June 13, 2017

At the heart of wisdom lies a paradox. On the one hand, our homegrown instincts about the world can be deeply flawed; the bias built into each of us is exactly what the methods of science are designed to overcome. At the same time, wisdom proceeds directly from personal, lived experience. With these two forces in mind, PT sought life lessons from leading behavioral scientists, those whose expertise encompasses both. In this article, you will likely glimpse something personal about each of the contributors—but also encounter valuable counsel for a meaningful life.

SHAPING YOUR LIFE

When Life Issues an Invitation, Accept

Spontaneity is the best antidote to fear and habit. by Joachim I. Krueger

Life offers opportunities to live spontaneously. Spontaneity, in my view, is the answer to fear and habit, both of which are part of our repertoire but should not dominate. Fear and habit hold us back and make us predictable. Spontaneity opens the door to creativity and happiness , in part because of the unpredictability it brings.

Spontaneity is not impulsivity, which reflects excess energy and poor judgment. Nor is it the same as randomness. Random behavior is not a response to an invitation by the environment appealing to some readiness within us. Spontaneity means that we say yes to an opportunity to act with a view toward an experiential gain, without worrying whether it might feel good.

Socialization and acculturation promote the interests of the group or society. Their interest is that we behave "well" and predictably. From the social perspective, spontaneity is a nuisance. In contrast, the organism (you and me) has an intrinsic interest in getting to know its own potential. This goal can be met only by exploration and experimentation. The organism has to forage for experience, as it were, enjoy it as much as possible, and learn from it.

A spontaneous (but not impulsive or randomly acting) person remains mindful of the interests of others and potential long-term dangers to his or her own well-being. Spontaneity is not unreasonable. That's why it is so surprising that many of us, after leaving childhood , fail to realize its full promise.

Spontaneity can be recovered and nurtured in small steps. Do not only take a different route when walking home, but also be ready to stop, smell the flowers, or talk to a stranger. The deepest knowledge is the realization that you don't know what good may come of it.

Don't Hold Back

Change demands full-on commitment. by Peter Kramer

When I came to skiing, in my mid-30s, the quality of instruction astounded me, at least at first. I am unathletic, and yet group lessons catapulted me to what skiers call "the intermediate plateau." I could make my way down most trails, albeit gracelessly.

Progressing further was no easy matter. The problem, instructors said, was that I was still "in the back seat," holding my weight up the mountain. I needed to commit, to trust my skis, to let them carve.

I understood the problem deeply, bodily. Fear made me cheat.

Getting out of the back seat became a central image for me. Discussing intimacy , I rely on skiing metaphors. Patients can contribute to a relationship in a dozen ways and still manage to frustrate their partner. Considering recovery from depression , in my new book, Ordinarily Well , I write of skiing and what it takes to get in balance. My model is a patient who aims to do everything right at once: "quit street drugs , stop hooking up with uncaring guys, wake with the lark, eat healthy foods, unplug the television, practice yoga, attend church, take the prescribed medicine regularly, and speak honestly with me."

Writing is another area where commitment matters. Editors red-pencil adjectives and circle long sentences. Making small changes is never enough. What's needed is to confront self-indulgence overall, embracing—willingly—the directive to "murder your darlings." The writer's commitment is to the whole project: pacing, voice, precision of meaning, the fictive dream.

For every attempt everyone makes at self-correction, we will fall short. But it helps, as skiing teaches, to try—to apply the will not just to this task but to the whole project, to facing the fear and letting go.

Value A Little Compulsion

The drive to discover brings deep satisfaction. by Joe Herbert

Call it that Monday morning feeling: Most others drag themselves to work—but we research scientists can't wait to get in.

Why do research? Our subject intrigues us so we want to know more about it, to fill in the obvious gaps in knowledge. When we have an opportunity to do some research, we find ourselves working all day and night. Not because anyone makes us but simply because we want to.

There are dangers. Scientists become obsessed with a subject: We need to be, because prolonged thinking is the way to discovery. This doesn't always make us good at being marriage partners or family people or interesting dinner guests. We won't admit it, but we'd rather be in the lab or writing that critical paper.

Most scientists don't become rich. In the West, most of us live reasonably enough, although there are rocky moments—a grant turned down, experiments that don't work; someone else publishing results first.

On balance, we live lives of deep satisfaction. And we understand the compulsion that drives musicians, artists, writers. They create, we discover.

Zig When the World Zags

If nobody is upset, you're doing something wrong. by Todd Kashdan

I devote my life to understanding and enhancing well-being in the world. Because I study multiple topics at the same time, ideas bleed into each other and creativity is maximized.

Our brains are designed to create, not hold onto, content. It is essential to extract information and file it away into easily retrievable documents. I keep an electronic diary on my computer plus a physical notebook in every cranny of my house. When possible, I also "outsource" tasks that require self-control , tying daily activities to environmental triggers. Automated routines increase my efficiency—paradoxically offering the greatest space for serendipity.

My list of failures in all life domains is endless. The first year I applied to graduate school, I was rejected by 16 out of 17. (But the second year, I received a $30,000 fellowship.) When my manuscripts are rejected, I reflect on the feedback for a few hours, then integrate what is useful. It is easier to bounce back from adversity when you are doing work that is profoundly meaningful.

When it comes to the work, if nobody is upset, you are doing something wrong. I search for the areas that nobody else is looking at—which sometimes leads to creative contributions, sometimes to dead ends. If you zig when nearly everyone else zags, you are going to upset somebody. This is the currency of rebelliousness.

FACING ADVERSITY

Expect the Unexpected—and Make Peace with It

Life is unpredictable. by Toni Bernhard

Expect the unexpected. And when that unexpected is not to your liking but you cannot change it, make peace with it.

Fifteen years ago, the unexpected happened to me. A seemingly acute viral infection turned into a chronic illness . At the time, I was on the faculty at the University of California Davis School of Law and was active in my community.

This unexpected turn forced me to trade the classroom and the world outside for life inside my house, often in bed. I was angry and filled with self-blame. It took me years to realize that the battle I was waging against what I could not change was only adding mental anguish to the physical suffering.

This realization encouraged me to take a realistic look at the human condition, including the unpredictable nature of life and the lack of control over much that happens. It wasn't easy to confront these facts head-on, but in the end, it was liberating: It changed the focus of my attention from what my life had once been to how it was now, and this enabled me to build a new life.

I started by cultivating self-compassion . Instead of using my mental energy to fight my new situation, I learned to speak kindly to myself—the way I'd speak to a loved one in need of comfort. And so I might say, "It's hard to miss so many special occasions."

When I began to treat myself kindly, something surprising happened. Not only did my mental suffering ease, but I was able to see possibilities in the life I did have. From my bed, I began to study classical music. I started growing bonsai trees indoors. And I began to write about chronic pain and illness to try to help others in my situation. It gave my life purpose again.

A verse from the Tao Te Ching reads: "A tree that cannot bend will crack in the wind." Expecting the unexpected allows you to weather life's storms without breaking.

Practice the Art of Under-Reacting

A zen perspective helps balance the bad and the best. by Douglas Kenrick

At a conference on culture and psychology 20 years ago, a cultural psychologist from China told a story that she thought captured the zen perspective on life. It's worth hearing if you have ever confronted experiences in which it seemed that the worst of luck had befallen you.

There was a farmer who woke up one morning to find that a wild horse had wandered onto his farm. He captured the horse, and his neighbors came over to congratulate him on his amazing good luck. He simply shrugged his shoulders. The next day, his son tried to ride the horse but was violently thrown and broke his leg in several places. The neighbors came by to offer their condolences on this stroke of bad luck. The farmer simply shrugged his shoulders. The next day, the army marched through and conscripted all the young men to go off to fight a war in a distant province. Because his son had been injured, he was spared. The farmer's neighbors came by to congratulate him on his good fortune. He again shrugged.

The lesson is, of course, not to over-react—to either the bad or the good things that happen to you. If your lover jilts you, or you lose a job, is that insufferably bad? Do you really want to stay where you are not wanted? Maybe you'll find a relationship or a job that is a better fit for you. But when you find a great new relationship or a great new job, avoid thinking that all your troubles are over. Every relationship involves costs. Every job has costs as well.

Stop. Worrying. Now.

Worry is not only futile, it poisons the present. by Karl Andrew Pillemer

Confession: I am a world-class worrier. Give me some free mental space and I can fill it easily with concerns large and small.

But I learned a lesson that has made it much easier to achieve a fret-free state (at least some of the time). Over the past 10 years, I've been interviewing hundreds of older people about the advice they would like to pass on to younger people. One question I've asked is, "What can young people do to avoid having regrets in later years?"

I expected to hear about big-ticket items like affairs and shady business deals. I did not expect that our elders would have this recommendation: Stop worrying.

Over and over as they reflected on their lives, I heard versions of "I wish I'd spent less time worrying" and "I regret that I worried so much about everything." Indeed, from the vantage point of late life, many people felt that if given a do-over, they would like to have all the time back they spent poisoning the present moment with fruitless rumination about the future.

Older people are fine with planning. What they want us to stop is the repetitive, pointless rumination about things we can't change. In their view, life is just too short to waste it by worrying about events we can't control. Marie, 82, made the point clearly: "I learned that there were going to be layoffs in my company. I ruined the next three months worrying about my job, even though I could do nothing about it." She paused. "At this point in my life, I wish I had those three months back!"

Now when I start down the rabbit hole of mindless rumination about problems big and small, I think of the elders' advice. I imagine 1,500 grandparents yelling at me: "Worry wastes your precious lifetime, so stop it!"

I now sometimes succeed in turning off the mind-churning worry. And if I can do it, anyone can!

Always Carry a Sense of Humor

Wit takes you from victim to victor over Life's Ugliness. by Regina Barreca

Keep a sense of humor on you at all times. Using humor leads to recuperation, restoration, and redemption; often the worst moments can transform themselves into the funniest stories. Humor allows you to get your spiritual deposit back from periods of tragedy, betrayal, loss, and fear. It is emotional recycling at its best. Once you make an event into a story, it's no longer just something that happened to you. You control it. If you hone it to a fine point, humor can be the instrument you use to pick the lock of pretty much anything that's trying to keep you out.

TAKE CHARGE OF TIME

Do It While You Can

Every moment is the right moment for anything. by Tim Pychyl

On April 3, 1968, at the Mason Temple in Memphis, Tennessee, Martin Luther King delivered what is known as the "Mountaintop Speech." I had no idea that King's message went far beyond the civil rights for which, the day after, he made the ultimate sacrifice.

My colleague, James Crooks, a philosopher at Bishop's University in Quebec, uses the Mountaintop Speech to contrast two ways of thinking about time: Aristotle's thinking on the ancient Greek notion of chronos (time in the abstract, time as process or sequence) and kairos (the right moment, the point of crisis or opportunity) as revealed in Heidegger. The difference profoundly affects how we live our lives.

When we conceive of time in the abstract, objectifying time, one moment seems as good as the next. This perspective allows us to play a shell game of procrastination , where the promise of a future time quells the anxiety of the present, so we move our intention to act to tomorrow.

Kairos speaks to an embodiment of time in our lives, not some abstraction. It can be seen in the alcoholic who, after years of denial , finally stands up in an AA meeting and looks her past and its consequences squarely in the face. Or in the initiative of the middle-age man who resolves to subject himself to the discipline of exercise and dietary reform after years of having let such things slide.

Resolve, reconciliation, uniting past and future in the present moment: No shell game here.

King knew there was danger ahead as he spoke at the Mason Temple, but as he said so simply, "We are going on!" It was the right moment.

My father, now 87 and acquainted with the temporality of life, recently offered me this advice: "Do it while you can." There is no abstract conception of time in this—only the time that we have. Every moment is a moment in which both future and past are at stake; every moment is the decisive moment, the right moment.

Consider the Opportunities You Will One Day Kick Yourself for Missing

Time travel can enrich your life now . by Art Markman

Reading psychology research about regret has ushered many transcendent moments into my life. Studies by Tom Gilovich and colleagues demonstrate that there are big differences between what older and younger people regret. Younger people often regret actions they have taken that were embarrassing or got them into trouble— cheating on tests, asking out a romantic interest and being turned down.

In contrast, the biggest regrets of adults in their 70s and 80s are the actions they did not take—never learning to swing dance or not switching careers when they had a chance.

When young, people are prone to avoid risks and potential failures in the belief that they will rue any bad outcomes. As a result, they miss out on opportunities that, as an older adult, they will regret not having pursued.

It is helpful for younger adults to deploy the mental capacity to travel in time. Imagine yourself at an advanced age and think back on your life. Consider the experiences that the older you will likely regret not having had. Then, work toward having those experiences while you are still young enough to do so.

In my 30s, I realized that I would regret not learning to play the saxophone. I started lessons, hoping to be a decent player in 10 years. Fifteen years on, I play in a band and have had many transcendent experiences I would never have had if I had not learned what people come to regret.

Take the Long View

Present identities are shaped by whom we hope to become . by Susan Krause Whitbourne

At some point you will be formulating a narrative of your past life. Project it outward to the future you, perhaps age 45 or 50.

What story will you tell about yourself at that time? Will you wish that you'd left your partner when you had the first inkling that something wasn't right? If you've put off having children, and then never did, will you feel that your life is missing an important piece when you could have become a grandparent?

Our identity in the present is shaped in part by our view of the person we hope to become. By checking in on that future perspective, especially when big decisions come your way, your hoped-for self can become the self you achieve.

Respect Your Future Self

Setbacks are no reason to jettison belief in yourself. by Glenn Geher

When you look back, you'll find out that much of your life turned out differently from your plan. Random encounters shape your life a bit. And there are always setbacks.

You need to be open to the fact that, when it comes to your future, anything can happen. So don't sell yourself short. And realize that failure is part of the deal in life.

Regardless of what's happened in the past, expect that you'll be able to succeed in the future. Give your future self (the person that you'll turn into) the benefit of the doubt.

Overcoming failure and genuinely believing in yourself is a winning combination.

In teaching university students—who often do not do well with failure—I have found that my own story can be pretty instructive. I started out a very ho-hum undergraduate at the University of Connecticut, then the

No. 6 party school in the country, a ranking I felt obligated to uphold. I saw my share of failure. But at some point, I realized I was at school for a different reason and hit the books. I graduated with a 3.22 GPA, good enough to have some doors open for me.

Armed with a Ph.D., I'm now chair of a great academic department, have an amazing team of research students, and regularly publish our work. I'm writing my seventh book.

Still, I can count far more failures than successes—jobs I didn't get (still waiting for that call, Harvard!), research projects that didn't make it, grant applications that got roasted. I've truly come to thrive on failure. Expect failure, learn from it, smile at it—and move forward anyway.

EMBRACE EXPERIENCE

Don't Just Look—Observe

Words are not necessarily enough for understanding . by Joe Navarro

When Fidel Castro took over Cuba in 1959, my family fled as refugees. Not émigrés, for we always wanted to go back. Fortunately the United States welcomed us as exiles. For me, a child, not knowing English was a hindrance, but also a blessing, because it taught me to observe.

Not just to look but to observe. How do people talk? At what distance? What do I need to do to make and keep friends? Who likes me? Who portends ill? Whom did I have to avoid? How do you make friends out of enemies? What is too close when talking? What is too loud?

What do I do when I don't understand the rules of basketball, volleyball, kickball, or tennis? Whom should I hang around with and whom should I avoid? When they sing "Mary had a little lamb," what should I do: I don't know who this Mary is, and what is the point of the song? I had much curiosity and many questions.

I learned to rely on a universal language, one I had encountered before, in Cuba— body language .

No matter what people said, I knew I could rely on nonverbal communications to guide me. You quickly learn who likes you and who tolerates you, but more important, who doesn't like you and may cause you harm. You learn whom you can relax with and who you must guard against because they don't like new kids, or maybe, just maybe, they don't like this foreigner, who can't speak English.

Life instructs and catastrophes instruct with permanence. Early on, I began to observe and catalog what people felt, thought, intended, or desired through their nonverbal communication . It allowed me to deal with my new American reality and to help my parents . It also helped later in my career as an FBI Special Agent (a job that is primarily people-watching).

Lived Experience Is a Fine Teacher

There's only one way to learn how to be a parent . by Jonathan Wai

Creating something from nothing, going from 0 to 1, is fresh, unfamiliar, and hard to do. For me, becoming a father, in the sense of learning to take care of my son, was like a new creation.

Poor Richard's Almanack claims that "Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other." As a person who has spent much of his life trying to gather wisdom from the minds and words of others, from the day my first son was born I've felt like a lost fool, resorting to trial and error to stumble my way through fatherhood.

At the start, my son seemed to need his mom, and I didn't know how to connect with him. But my wife was working crazy hours in a medical residency. I took parental leave, and for two years, my son and I spent a lot of face-to-face time together. Little by little, we found our way. To this day he still seeks me for comfort. We share a deep bond formed in the crucible of those long hours. He may not remember those moments when he grows up, but I will cherish how he took me from 0 to 1 and taught me to be a father.

Only when I became a parent did I understand my own parents —and especially why my mother kept seeing me as a child and telling me what to do. When a parent sees a grown child, they also experience an emotional time continuum—all the years and memories that came before.

Comfort Is Overrated

Prioritizing feelings can foreclose major accomplishments. by Jean Twenge

Not long ago, I asked a graduate teaching assistant to give a guest lecture. "But I'm not comfortable talking in front of that many people," she said.

At first, I was flabbergasted. What was she doing in a program that often leads to a teaching job? Then I remembered: She is part of a generation reared to believe that feelings are paramount and that life requires trigger warnings.

Like many things, these ideas grew from good intentions—combating prejudice . But they came to mean that no one should ever feel uncomfortable.

This is a counterproductive, even dangerous, notion. We cannot be protected from every risk and challenge. If we were, we'd never learn anything. The best way to get comfortable—and good—at something is to do it, even in the presence of severe phobias. Research shows that immediate exposure to a feared experience is the best treatment.

As a graduate student, I was devastated when my papers were rejected by academic journals. It seemed like a condemnation of my choice of a profession. I thought it wouldn't happen once I'd "made it." I've now published more than 120 papers, and most still get rejected on the first try. I'm no longer devastated by rejections—but I am not comfortable when they arrive. Nor was I comfortable writing my first book. It was a struggle.

But if my papers sailed through the review process, they would be worse. If I had decided to quit while writing the book, or not start it at all, I would have been more comfortable in the moment—but missed the opportunities it opened.

If you are comfortable, you are not learning. Feeling uncomfortable is not a reason to reject an opportunity. It's a reason to embrace it.

Set Goals That Can Be Met

We never outgrow the need to sharpen our game. by Ronald Riggio

Those of us who study psychology as a profession run the risk of not putting the lessons of psychology into practice. I plead guilty , although at some point, I stopped being a hypocrite.

First, to counter my habit of settling for good enough, I applied the research on goal-setting to my life and career . I set goals that were specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound. For example, I decided that I wanted to gain tenure at a specific age and laid out the tasks needed to achieve it.

I also used cognitive psychology to tackle my insomnia . Rather than lying in bed ruminating, I got up and worked until I was tired. My expectation that eight uninterrupted hours of sleep is required was a big part of the problem.

To curb my social anxiety , I marshaled a combination of cognitive strategies and communication skills I was studying—how to express or control emotions properly, how to make small talk, how to actively listen, and more.

I had the inside track on psychological knowledge. But it can be understood—and applied—by anyone.

Submit your response to this story to [email protected] . If you would like us to consider your letter for publication, please include your name, city, and state. Letters may be edited for length and clarity.

For more stories like this one, subscribe to Psychology Today , where this piece originally appeared.

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Essay on Life for Students and Children

500+ words essay on life.

First of all, Life refers to an aspect of existence. This aspect processes acts, evaluates, and evolves through growth. Life is what distinguishes humans from inorganic matter. Some individuals certainly enjoy free will in Life. Others like slaves and prisoners don’t have that privilege. However, Life isn’t just about living independently in society. It is certainly much more than that. Hence, quality of Life carries huge importance. Above all, the ultimate purpose should be to live a meaningful life. A meaningful life is one which allows us to connect with our deeper self.

Why is Life Important?

One important aspect of Life is that it keeps going forward. This means nothing is permanent. Hence, there should be a reason to stay in dejection. A happy occasion will come to pass, just like a sad one. Above all, one must be optimistic no matter how bad things get. This is because nothing will stay forever. Every situation, occasion, and event shall pass. This is certainly a beauty of Life.

Many people become very sad because of failures . However, these people certainly fail to see the bright side. The bright side is that there is a reason for every failure. Therefore, every failure teaches us a valuable lesson. This means every failure builds experience. This experience is what improves the skills and efficiency of humans.

Probably a huge number of individuals complain that Life is a pain. Many people believe that the word pain is a synonym for Life. However, it is pain that makes us stronger. Pain is certainly an excellent way of increasing mental resilience. Above all, pain enriches the mind.

The uncertainty of death is what makes life so precious. No one knows the hour of one’s death. This probably is the most important reason to live life to the fullest. Staying in depression or being a workaholic is an utter wastage of Life. One must certainly enjoy the beautiful blessings of Life before death overtakes.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

How to Improve Quality of Life?

Most noteworthy, optimism is the ultimate way of enriching life. Optimism increases job performance, self-confidence, creativity, and skills. An optimistic person certainly can overcome huge hurdles.

Meditation is another useful way of improving Life quality. Meditation probably allows a person to dwell upon his past. This way one can avoid past mistakes. It also gives peace of mind to an individual. Furthermore, meditation reduces stress and tension.

Pursuing a hobby is a perfect way to bring meaning to life. Without a passion or interest, an individual’s life would probably be dull. Following a hobby certainly brings new energy to life. It provides new hope to live and experience Life.

In conclusion, Life is not something that one should take for granted. It’s certainly a shame to see individuals waste away their lives. We should be very thankful for experiencing our lives. Above all, everyone should try to make their life more meaningful.

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Home / Essay Samples / Life / Experience / Life Lesson

Life Lesson Essay Examples

Lessons from history: reflecting on what i've learned.

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Remember that Actions Speak Louder than Words

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Trust Vs Mistrust: Example to Discuss the Topic

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Personal Failure: Example of the Art of Failing Well

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Building Better Habits: a Guide to Improving Study Skills

Learning is paramount in this life. Whether it’s studying for an upcoming exam, improving knowledge or for fun. But one can find themselves in a situation where they don’t retain any information that they read. This could be due to poor study methods. In how...

Important Life Lessons I've Learnt Recently

Apart from the covid-19 pandemic that shut down activities all over the world, people also experienced a lot of things that probably would change how they see the world. I have been fortunate to have been able to find my way into the circle of...

Finding Your True Self - is the Biggest Life Solution

Everyone has that one experience that makes them look at life with a new set of eyes. Some changing us for the better, others for the worse. Both ways happen for a reason, to help prepare you for the future. Good and bad experiences can...

Life Lessons in Book Make Your Bed

My mom always told me that starting your day by making your bed was the first step to bettering yourself. She said this because after completing one habit, you will continue to create more. See, it is proven that it takes 21 days to create...

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